posted March 19, 2010 07:51 PM            

I have been reading these forums for a long time, and am truly amazed at how kind and matter of fact everyone is here and that no one is made to feel like a bother so I decided to seek some help on a recent situation.

Please forgive me if I become long winded... I am still trying to work out everything in my head. I am a cancer on the cusp of Gemini, I do not know my rising sign bc I don't know my time of birth. The man in which I am about to tell you about is a cancer as well birthday July 14th...

I just recently got out of a 6 year relationship with a Leo, it was extremely volatile and tumultuous and I had just had enough so several months ago I ended it. I was doing okay for a while there but then became every lonely. I am shy and shy by nature, typical cancer with a wall the size of the universe, but when I am interested in someone I let the walls crack and become totally blinded which is what I am guilty of here. I don't get out much, I work full time and I am in school... I hate meeting people at bars, mainly bc I don’t really drink, I just have a very hard time meeting people.

My friend had suggested online dating, and I realized I didn’t really have anything to lose except perhaps my dignity haha but I didn't care because I expected nothing out of it which always become the best situations for me. If I expect nothing or the worst things seem to be okay, otherwise it's just a huge mess. It had been a few weeks, I had talked to some people, didn't meet anyone though and decided it was just whatever... entertaining if anything and then Cancer showed up. I should have ignored him and run but I didn't, he seemed very eager to talk to me so we chatted on messenger for a while and it seemed like we had a lot in common, mainly about tastes in music, our love for travel, food etc... he gave me his # but I thought nothing of it wrote it down but never called. This all begin around the 4th of March. Every time I signed onto messenger within seconds he would message me and want to do something but I always had to work or something else was going on, not only that but I was very apprehensive. We seemed to get along so well, I gave him my # and we started texting each other and he was really wanting to hang out so he invited me to dinner. We went to dinner and the moment I saw him I just was overwhelmed, I was so attracted to him, but I was doing my vest to keep my thoughts in check. We talked the entire dinner about all kinds of things nothing personal though ever which I was fine with considering Leo had just put me through the ringer I wanted to pretend like none of it happened. He invited me back to his place, and normally I would NEVER go but I did... He lived in alone in a very nice apt had a very good job and we were just watching DVDs of our favorite bands shows and just talked about random stuff, he never asked anything personal and neither did I. I had been there several hours hanging out from about 10 pm till 2am and then he turned to me and started kissing me. We were intimate that night, and he said it had been a while which I thought was a lie until a moments later, but wasn’t really sure what a while was since I’m sure it’s different for guys… and I assumed that was all he wanted to I gathered my things and was on my way out when he told me I could stay, that he didn't have to work till the afternoon and it was fine... I still said I was just going to head out but he wouldn't let it go so against my better judgment I just stayed. He said he didn't like to be touched in bed and I later realized why, I think he has tourettes and he has a lot of involuntary movements... All the signs were there but it didn't bother me , and it didn't seem to affect him doing anything. I left the next day , no weirdness at all and I expected nothing, I never expected to hear from him or see him again and as I was leaving out the door he reached in to kiss me. I didn't really kiss back bc I was thinking with? I went on my way I was going to a concert that nite so I was hoping he would call but "knowing" he wouldn't until he texted at about midnight telling me to be safe. The next day in the evening he texted me said he would be getting off early and he was getting Chinese food did I want to come over for dinner or did I want anything... I thought this was strange but didn't have anything to do so I thought why not, and went over there we ate watched a movie were intimate and he asked me to stay again in spite of the fact he had to wake up very early to work, I didn’t mind though. So the next day for sure I figured I wouldn’t hear from him and did, and his texts always had such urgency like “ we should hang out, come over ASAP” the next 2 days I stayed with him but one night we weren’t intimate and I was thinking with bc I figured that was all he wanted so I was very confused. I was working late the next night so I wasn’t planning on seeing him even though when I woke up I had texts from him @ 2am asking me if I wanted to come over… the next day I apologized for not responding and he said it was fine I should come over… at this point I had a little red flag but I pretended like it wasn’t there…typical me. In all this time we still had NEVER talked about anything personal. I knew nothing about his previous relationships, if there were any, I knew little to nothing about his family. We saw each other for the next 3 days in a row, he cooked for me took me to a movie, made me breakfast in the morning the whole thing was very strange to me. One of the nights after we had been intimate I told him that I really liked spending time with him and he said “ you can’t say things like that you don’t even know me” and I said “ well I don’t dislike you so therefore I like you, and if you didn’t like me you wouldn’t keep asking me over” after that I figured he wouldn’t call again, but he did and there was no mention of it and when I told him I enjoyed being intimate with him he would say “ oh it’s fine “ or “oh that’s good” ???????? Everyone was moving at that pace till this past weekend. Friday was the last time I saw him, I had been out with a friend and he asked me if I was going home and I said yes and he said you should come over if you are up to it, so I went over and he was extremely affectionate and very touchy and said he wanted to be intimate but was too tired and said if we waited it would be better. I didn’t really care either way and I told him I was going to head home bc I had to get up early. He insisted I stay and so I did, I made sure to be every quiet leaving I didn’t want to wake him and I wanted him to take note that I made an effort to be quiet. Very little contact that day and none the next day. When I caught him on messenger he was very cold, one word responses but still asked how my day was and I asked him if he had plans and he said he just wanted to be alone tonight which I understood and then he went on about feeling sick or whatever. Then later that night he instant messaged me and we were just talking about a stupid movie and that was all. I told him I was leaving this weekend to go see my sister and asked if I would see him before I left or was he already sick of me. And his response was well it’s only Monday, and we have spoken since that. He probably blocked me on messenger so I can’t see when he is on who knows. Even when we were seeing each other everyday, he was still signing into his account on the online dating. Which made me wonder why he was wasting his time with me then. Every night before we went to sleep he would kiss me goodnight and every time I left he kissed me goodbye. I thanked him for the dinners and told him how good they were because they were and the last time we spoke I thanked him for it all again and he said “ oh its fine your welcome”… I’m assuming that was that, I don’t know why it bothers me so much, I guess I am wondering what I did, or if something I did set him off, or if he simply lost interest met someone else who knows. I’m just very confused. I want very much to send him a message and be honest with him and in a nice way ask him with is wrong. Not only that I have clothes and DVDs over there that I want back. He was extremely private, blinds always drawn, he would always joke “ just don’t rob me” and it was clear he had his entire life online. He would check it all in front of me all these different email addresses, forums, messengers, social networking sites… I did some investigating bc I was just kind of curious he continuously signs on to the dating site, so I cant imagine he met someone else unless he just like serial dating which he doesn’t seem like he would be that type or he lost interest in me, or I did something… or he was started to feel some way about me and realized it was too much to soon and withdrew. Who knows. I found his face book this morning and apparently his last status on Tuesday was “ I am an ******* … girls love it” So I can’t help feeling bothered by the whole thing. I want to contact him and lay it all out on the table but I don’t even know if it’s worth it.

Sorry for being so long winded. Any light you could shed, or any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.

posted March 20, 2010 04:02 AM            

i don't see it as his fault coz it was mutual & he didn't promise to build u a castle where both of u'ld live happily ever after...i agree that he shouldn't hve left abruptly.

posted March 20, 2010 04:18 AM            

You also got red flags up about him, so why did you stay with him?
You hardly knew him...at all, and then were intimate. It seems you weren't even sure if you wanted to BE intimate with him, but you ignored your inner voice. I think this is what is hurting you more.

I can't really see how all of this would be astrological except if we were to look at your chart, regardless of time. Maybe just get a look at the whole thing.

It seems like the relationship you came out of has left you feeling wounded and you wanted to reconnect to someone and it sounds like it's fine to reconnect but knowing how vulnerable you are right now, Sarahve, do yourself a favor and don't sleep with someone unless you feel comfortable and right about it. You need to regain trust in yourself and in others, period.

There's nothing wrong with online dating. Talk to the person awhile and see if you LIKE them first. Then meet them in person and see if you like them. There's no need to rush and go home with them, especially if you're not emotionally ready, which sounds like you are not.

posted March 20, 2010 05:37 AM            

Ami

posted March 20, 2010 12:26 PM            

he sounds like a loser living his life through the computer. Im a cancer male and I never have sex on the first date or the second for that matter. the longer its delayed the better .. but dont wait to long. thats a big rule in developing foundations for a relationship.

posted March 20, 2010 12:37 PM            

Just cut him off. Once bitten, twice shy.

posted March 20, 2010 02:02 PM            

Diablo - excellent idea, I have since deleted him off my phone, messenger everything,… it has made things much easier. You don’t sound like you are lecturing me at all, if I didn’t want others ideas and opinions I wouldn’t have posted. I truly appreciate your words. Thank you.

Depth - thank you for your thoughts, at this point I don’t think its even worth my time to contact him. He knows how to get in touch with me if he wanted and judging by his face book status that one day, he seem to take pride in doing something like this.

MyVirgoMask - I was in no way trying to bad mouth him, even people who have hurt me terribly I rarely bad mouth because I hate projecting negative energy into the atmosphere I was really just looking for some incite… which I got from you. After writing it all out I gained a lot of perspective from it. I was focusing too much on little aspects instead of looking at it as a whole. You are right, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted anything from it, and ignored my inner voice, because normally when I go with my feelings I end up second guessing myself, so maybe I thought I was outsmarting myself… stupid I know… Thank you so much for sharing your POV with me. You have no idea how much it helps

posted March 22, 2010 07:56 AM            

he sounds like a loser living his life through the computer. Im a cancer male and I never have sex on the first date or the second for that matter. the longer its delayed the better .. but dont wait to long. thats a big rule in developing foundations for a relationship.
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Aptly said!