posted April 26, 2010 12:32 PM         

I have given up all hope on the relationship front, I feel as if I can trust no-one. I only ever seem to attract losers, often psychotic and with deep-seated psychological problems. I accept that this is to some degree because I am fairly tolerant of some weirdness in spite of the fact I don't like it, whereas most women would just not give these guys a second chance. I was thinking about my 7-year marriage the other day and weeping about the fact that I had been so in love with him and it didn't work out - and then I thought of how he rubbished my creative endeavours, was cruel to animals, was practically married to his (subservient)mother, and I realized exactly why I divorced him and was right not to enter into a mortgage and having kids with him.

To be frank, when I look around me, most men, whether attached or otherwise, don't seem to be of very high quality, because they all seem to be wishing they were with someone else anyway - all they seem to want is kids, and when the woman actually HAS the kids, they don't seem to want her anymore either - I'm glad I'm not in that situation but still - every relationship is doomed to end sooner or later anyway, whether by death or divorce or whatever. I feel useless as a woman - men just want someone to have kids with and play house with and be unfaithful to when that gets boring, and bicker with, and I can't give them that - it's too old, and I have better things to do. I am torn - on the one hand I feel that I will never succeed on the relationship front, yet on the other hand I wonder why so much importance is placed on it anyway. I was thinking about dating, but again, I just can't be bothered: "What do you do?" Etc. etc. It does my head in.

Careerwise, I have had a few small breaks, but nothing fantastic, and I am completely fed up with so many talentless nothings getting accolades. People all keep saying there are big changes coming my way in June - whether positive or negative, I have no idea.

I am so worn out and done with caring about anything or anybody. The jabbering of daily news and talking heads all wanting to have something to say melts together in an unintelligible burble on the fringe of my consciousness. I feel about 90 years old and I have a psychic feeling in my bones that the time between June and April next year will be crucial for me. Either I will be doing much better than I am already, or I will be dead. I frequently have visions of driving my car to the beach, downing a bottle of booze, and walking into the sea, letting it take me away, calm me and soothe me...I feel it's where I belong. When Saturn was in Libra I felt quite positive, quite all right. Now Saturn has backtracked into Virgo, suddenly I feel like hell again, am reading Sylvia Plath on a regular basis, I am up one minute and down the next, craving alcohol (which I NEVER used to do before!!!).

I am used to no-one helping me in my career, as Saturn in Virgo over the last 2 years has taught me. I am also able to spot insincere people, on both a personal and professional level. The ones that are more scratchy at first meeting, more honest about what they can and can't do, are the best to work with. The ones who promise you the world, and go on about all the wonderful things *we* can do *together* with their *help* (HA!) are the ones who MOST DEFINETELY can't deliver. I am learning to find this out very quickly (and probably a good thing too, as my time is precious and I don't intend to waste it on any relationships that aren't going anywhere).

There has been potential career stuff that has been dangled in front of me like a carrot on a stick ever since the beginning of the year, but it just doesn't seem to be going anywhere, or it only seems to be creeping along very slowly. I feel as though I am going to be stuck in tedious jobs for forever and a day. I try to read Stoical philosophers to help with this, but when I'm really depressed, it doesn't always help.

People keep saying I should market myself more, but I ask myself how? Just how? The Internet is crammed with loads of people all doing the same thing. What works for them may not necessarily work for me, and at the end of the day people all want your money, and that is money I haven't got. So I dig in my heels and do things MY way, do as much free stuff as I can, with no help from anybody else, I do not care about pleasing anybody else with my work, I do stuff I believe in, I don't ask anyone's opinion, I am selfish in this way.

I am also finding it hard to make new friends during this time. Everyone seems to be going through a state of change and limbo, not just myself. I also had to get rid of friends who had too many problems/ were causing too many problems, and with whom a co-dependent relationship was being created (me usually being the "saviour"). At the end of the day I retained those friends with whom I could have a relatively healthy relationship (which weren't many). I can't be bothered to have to get to know new people all over again, it is too exhausting for me at this time. I know I desperately need to do it, but I just can't do it.

There is such a depressing inaction in society right now. People don't want to take any risks (particularly not on good stuff - only ever the bad stuff, it seems), they just don't want to move forward with anything. I wonder when it will ever end.

Can you tell me what the next 12 months will bring for me, astrologically speaking, in terms of career/ money/ relationships? Do you see any dramatic endings and beginnings, or just the same old humdrum boringness?

posted April 26, 2010 12:55 PM         

Well i feel your pain. I have saturn in my first right now too. Low energy and depression is normal around now and to make things a bit more difficult for you transit saturn is square your natal saturn the ruler of your 5th so your not really having any fun are you?

Saturn is affecting all 5th house matters now whether it be boyfriends or children or like i said having fun etc..

Its square your mars as well which is natally conjunct saturn..

In regards to men I think you will fall in love with someone sometime in 2012 and fall pregnant that year and give birth in 2013.

When you feel depressed just remember it passes and try not to let yourself get down and upset. Also it sounds like you talked yourself a bit into it maybe thinking it might be transits and though no doubt i believe more than alot of people on here that planets do have a negative impact on our emotions sometimes but you can get through it, stay strong

posted April 26, 2010 04:55 PM         

Thanks for the interpretation! What you mention about love in 2012...which of my transits show this?

Love

Lyra

posted April 27, 2010 10:39 AM         

uranus and saturn are not buddies .. they don't get along together ..
they are opposites in values for the most part ..

along with that setup is transiting neptune and chiron .. both sextiling natal sun ..
and .. bm.lillith .. about to sextile and trine the sun and mars-saturn bits :-)

t's uranus and saturn might be felt as mega frustration and fed-upness ..

posted April 27, 2010 04:44 PM         

Maybe you could start with being happy with everything that you do have?

Peace ~

posted April 27, 2010 05:39 PM         

This seems to be due to my lack of a social life. I need more rest than most from people and spend most of my time at home with earplugs firmly stuffed in my ears because the slightest noise disturbs me and I can't think straight. This is another reason why I find having partners very difficult, because they exhaust me completely after just a few hours

Another awful trait I have is that I can't lie, however I am feeling...for example, when someone introduces me to one of their best friends, and try as I may, I mistrust them on a number of levels...and they know how I feel, no matter how nice I try to be or gloss it over...it's awful...I'm sure it's ruined a good few potential *work* or business deals...I just can't lie very well!

I also have feelings of apprehension regarding my parents, an awareness that they may not last the next 10 years as they are both practically in their 70s now. (I am an only child) Still, I think that if I had a husband and/ or children, that would hardly be a guarantee of *connection* either.

posted April 27, 2010 06:07 PM         

I hear you, and I'm in limbo too. one hour alright, the next down, so down!

there is sometimes no easy fix, some issues are here to stay, but in the meantime, I'll get the rest sorted. the rest is sometimes to get through the day. getting through it IS an achievement for me too many days. so far I'm good.

I don't want to flood you with messages though.

you know what you've got to do, I'd rather give you some strength to do it!

I won't be here to celebrate with you, but in spirit

posted April 27, 2010 09:11 PM         

quote:

---

I also have feelings of apprehension regarding my parents, an awareness that they may not last the next 10 years as they are both practically in their 70s now. (I am an only child) Still, I think that if I had a husband and/ or children, that would hardly be a guarantee of *connection* either.

---

posted April 27, 2010 10:10 PM         

It has a Yod of Saturn quincunx Sun-Neptune sextile with corresponding midpoint picture of Saturn oppose Sun/Neptune midpoint. That can reflect the depression and problems with men. There can be possible health issues that can come up. Saturn-Neptune configurations are known for health problems and the quincunx is known as the health aspect.

Uranus is in opposition to Saturn, semisextile the the Sun-Neptune sextile with corresponding midpoint picture of Uranus conjunct Sun/Neptune midpoint.

so Uranus = Saturn = Sun/Neptune

Therefore, you actually have a boomerang in your Solar Return

"The Boomerang is one of the newer aspect patterns. I believe that it was named by Marion March. Essentially, the Boomerang is a Yod with a planet at the release point, Opposing the apex planet, and forming two Semi-sextiles with the base planets. Much as is the case with the Opposition that makes a Grand Trine a Kite, the Opposition in the Boomerang helps provide a much-needed sense of perspective and balance to the Aspect Pattern. The difference here, is that while the Opposition in the Kite doesn't necessarily change the overall feel of the aspect pattern, the Opposition in the Boomerang does.

The extra planet in the Boomerang helps to take a lot of the guess-work out of the Yod. The Quinxunxes still create the feeling that some adjustment is needed, and they still create the feeling that there should be a point of balance between the two planets when in fact there is none. The difference here, is that in addition to receiving two Quincunxes, in a Boomerang, the Apex planet also receives an Opposition which does have a true point of balance. As long as the individual is able to stay focused on and aware of the opposition, they are far less likely to suffer the problems of bad timing and missed opportunities that are so prevalent with the Yod.

The two semi-sextiles formed by the Opposition are also invaluable in helping to integrate the different energies of the Quinxunxes. The opposing planet creates a more concrete awareness of the balance point in the configuration.

On a higher level, the division of the triangle by the opposition splits the isosceles triangle of the Yod (which operates entirely on the mental/emotional plane) into four separate triangles. The result is that a Boomerang not only operates on the mental/emotional plane where a Yod exists, but also in the physical and material realm (enabling more concrete action) and on the level of what the Greeks called "Nous", which is where we encounter our Higher Self and higher guidance. The sacred geometry of the Boomerang offers assistance in integrating the conflicting elements, and can lend support in getting the most out of the lessons presented by the aspect pattern."
http://www.therealastrology.com/HTML/FAQS/AspectPatterns.html

It seems like there can be unexpected delays that might discourage you and get you down. It also could indicate wanting to make changes and get away from doing the same old thing.

You are very strong in Uranian energy by not just your Sun-Uranus opposition but also the Geoocentric North Uranus Node in 11'49 Gemini
that square your Moon-Venus and conjunct/oppose your Midheaven/Imum Coeli axis,and sextile your Mercury. The heliocentric Uranus Nodes in 12'52 Gemini/Sagittarius are exactly conjunct your Midheaven/Imum Coeli axis. Therefore,you're very strong in Collective Uranian Energy. Independence is a major thing for you whether it comes to career,domestic environment,and love/relationships,and communications.

Your transneptunian dwarf planet,Haumea is in 11'39 Virgo oppose your Moon and Venus with 54 and 44 minutes of arc respectively. It also squares your Midheaven/Imum Coeli axis with 2'14 orb.

This could indicate evolutionary intensified energy that effects your emotional world,lovelife, career,and domestic environment. Haumea could be about fertility,creativity, but also dealing with head on collisions, and being minority in some way. It's very unique and nonconformist. With it orbiting well beyond Neptune and beyond Pluto, ultrasensitive.

Your Geocentric South Venus Node is in 12'04 Pisces and conjuncts your Moon and Venus. This could be about love associations connected to the past.

Your Geocentric North Venus Node is in 18'06 Taurus and trine/sextile your Ascendant/Descendant axis which can indicate an attractive,sociable,and charming in relating to others.

Your Geocentric South Saturn Node in 29'10 Capricorn squares your Sun, and that can indicate past collective associations that include possible restrictions,limitations involving ego,self expression,vitality,and important men in your life.

Your Sun happens to oppose and conjunct the Geocentric Chiron Nodes in 29'10 Libra and 29'00 Aries and oppose/conjunct the Heliocentric Chiron Nodes in 29'03 Libra/Aries. This indicate collective associations that involves woundedness,healing involving ego,self expression,vitality,and important men in your life.

------------------
Raymond

Supporting the Neurodiversity Movement

posted April 28, 2010 07:59 AM         

quote:

---

To be frank, when I look around me, most men, whether attached or otherwise, don't seem to be of very high quality, because they all seem to be wishing they were with someone else anyway - all they seem to want is kids, and when the woman actually HAS the kids, they don't seem to want her anymore either - I'm glad I'm not in that situation but still - every relationship is doomed to end sooner or later anyway, whether by death or divorce or whatever. I feel useless as a woman - men just want someone to have kids with and play house with and be unfaithful to when that gets boring, and bicker with, and I can't give them that - it's too old, and I have better things to do. I am torn - on the one hand I feel that I will never succeed on the relationship front, yet on the other hand I wonder why so much importance is placed on it anyway. I was thinking about dating, but again, I just can't be bothered: "What do you do?" Etc. etc. It does my head in.

---

This is another of the feelings that I've been dealing with for the past year. It seems as though so many men out there fit the above description, that I'd given up on the idea of a good, healthy relationship ever happening for me. I'm open to it if someone shows up (and it feels right), but I'm no longer expecting it.

One thing that I have been doing (just in case), is focusing on those people that I know are happy - even if there's the chance that things may not be as rosy as they appear. On the internet alone, I know of several couples who met through one website, and are now happily married (one couple in particular seem to be over the moon that they've found each other, and he thought that he wouldn't marry a second time).

*edit.

posted April 28, 2010 08:37 AM         

quote:

---

Either I will be doing much better than I am already, or I will be dead. I frequently have visions of driving my car to the beach, downing a bottle of booze, and walking into the sea, letting it take me away, calm me and soothe me...I feel it's where I belong.

---

I know someone born four days after you, who has had similar feelings, but he was also dealing with them last year. I talked him through several bad nights - he was worrying me terribly. He also pared down his belongings, partly because he wants to travel.