Posts: 205
From: Europe
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 03, 2010 05:06 PM         

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I feel unresasonably frustrated, extremely tired, lame, old and definitely sad today/tonight. I even skipped an invitaton I had for a probably nice outdoor-summer-art-party (all easy going, nice people there - but I just felt overhwelmingly sad and weak and went home instead). I skipped that party "last minute", texted "won't come over, sorry" to a bunch of friends who waited for me there and switched off my phone afterwards, went home, shed some tears. Feel exhausted and all. I am AWARE that my super negative feelings of today/tonight are not justified ... it is just that ... somehow my subconscious has declared it as crying day. I sort of "allow" myself to be really a "wet blanket", to "suffer", especially due to my lonely love life. Well - at least for today I feel incredibly miserable. I am quite a social animal, normally - but I have no one to l.o.v.e. on a more intimate (I mean: closer, emotional) level. Just this week I got disappointed by someone I had set some shy and tender hopes in. Hm. Again: emotional futility, Hmpf. Besides, my job situation is (and will be) draining currently, and that will last at least bis Octobre, no lucky break forseeable till then. I didn't expect that summer to get so ... grey and exhausting and ... well ... lonely. IT'S A SAD DAY AND I ALLOWED IT TO BE - and I'm gonna go to bed early now. Just took a quick look on current transits ... I have:

Tight orbs 0-3 dg. - and I'll only list the ones I see "responsible" for my miserable state today:

t. SUN (wandering through my 7th house)
sq. my Vesta
sq. my Pallas (ex.)
opp. my Circe
opp. my Actor (ex.)

t. MOON (through my 3rd house)
cj. my N.N.
cj. my Pholus
opp. my Venus

t. MERCURY (through my 6th house)
cj. my Saturn (ex.)
cj. my Hades
trine my MC
opp. my Leviathan

t. VENUS (through my 8th)
cj. my Fanatica
cj. my Sisyphus ("struggle in vain", similar to Don Quixote)
trine my IC
sq. my Amor

t. MARS (through my 9th)
sq. my ASC
sq. my Neptune

t. NEPTUNE (through my 3rd)
sq. my ASC/DSC
sq. my Neptune

t. PLUTO (through my 2nd)
sq. my Uranus

t. B.M. LILITH (through my 3rd)
sq. my ASC/DSC
sq. my Neptune

So: My ASC-DSC-axis (with my natal Neptune included, which is 1dg cj. my ASC/opp. my DSC natally) - the whole axis-thing is stuck in several nasty squares - and tonight I DO FEEL IT! I hope this will be ending, soon. Sigh.

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Posts: 699
From:
Registered: Jul 2009

posted June 03, 2010 05:21 PM         

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Hard transits and a hard experience.

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Posts: 4442
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 03, 2010 05:34 PM         

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I am sorry to hear that, Alvarella. So these Neptune transits really were a big ballon of hot air?

But all transits will fade one day, and you will be happier soon.

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Posts: 585
From: nevada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 03, 2010 06:50 PM         

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T. Mercury conjunct N.Saturn
can be a wet blanket,
Hope you feel better,
sending you a hug

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Posts: 1873
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted June 03, 2010 07:56 PM         

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t. mars square ac and neptune seems the most likely.

t. moon opp venus is another one.

t, merc conj sat.

All of these, except the mars will be gone soon. Mars will probably be a few more days or so.

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Posts: 205
From: Europe
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 05, 2010 06:29 AM         

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Thanks for your compassion. Oh my - what a "weepy" thread, I feel a bit ashamed. Actually, I do feel slightly better today. T. Mars is still suaring my ASC/DSC and Neptune - but. T. Mercury has moved on already, left my Saturn ... That's very typical for me: If I feel bad, I always try NOT to "cry", but to find some sort of "logical explanation" for my feelings. Somehow, I rather fight my sadness and mourning by "researching" it - either by means of psychology or astrology or politics - rather than letting myself fall into a dark hole of depression. Hm. Somehow ... it always works in a way. This time with your help.

DD: The guy ... yes. You're so incredibly attentive, DD. You reminded that one from about 10 days ago.... thank you! Actually, we had some contact again ... and all turned out less fantastic than I had hoped. He obviously is still involved in some, well, "business" with another woman. I don't know the details (we don't know each other well enough for me to ask him about all the details). But I've learned enough to know: This man is not "free". He's still entangled with a long running (ex-)relationship, in a way. Hm. What a pity. I don't blame him for anything - I mean: That's life. I got evidence of that very quickly, he didn't "hide the truth" or anything. It's just that ... well, yes. Our super small "story" unfortunately has to end here. This man is not "free". So I have to get away from there. Which is not sooo hard to do, since I haven't fell for him until now. I admit, I was about to develop a crush on him, maybe on the verge of feeling some infatuation. But: It won't break my heart or something. The major "disappointment" factor is just .... that is is so rare for me to meet a man whom I am sort of "interested in" at all! Now I met this one ... the first one who caught my eye in about 14 months ... and he seems to be vaguely curious about me as well. And - BINGO - he's clearly "not available", which becomes obvious pretty quickly ... aaaarrrgh - NASTY!

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