posted July 31, 2010 08:16 PM         

But I died laughing when I read this, and just wanted to share with my LL family.

For those of you not in the US, this was all the news today. Just shows you the kind of stuff that overshadows the War in Afghanistan, and oh...I think there was also an earthquake in Iran.

Extraordinary Security Measures for Clinton Wedding

Area Braces for Impact; Young Virgins Prepared for Big Night

HYDE PARK, NY (AP) — The Hudson Valley is under a general curfew starting at 6 pm Saturday, as part of extraordinary security measures being taken for the wedding of Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky, a broker of residential mortgage backed securities (RMBS).

The Clinton wedding, which was prophecized by Nostradamus in the famous Quatrain LMXVIII, is taking place at the Astor estate in Rhinebeck. Mr. Astor was last seen boarding the Titanic in April 1912 and is not expected to be in attendance. Gov. Patterson was not invited, either.

Through the weekend, it will be illegal for residents or visitors in Dutchess, Sullivan and Ulster counties to step outside their homes. And as of last night, no vehicular or air traffic was allowed without direct consent of the Secret Service. All flights in and out of Kingston International Airport were diverted to other parts of the region. A squadron of C5-A jets was on alert at nearby Stewart Air Force Base, in case additional provisions or support were needed.

“Those are the rules and we’re going to enforce them,” said Ulster County Sheriff Morgan Van Der Luftborgenstein IV. “They apply to people, pets and the police equally. We’re not even allowed to drive. All road patrols will be on a gumshoe basis. That’s what community policing is all about.”

In addition, all dogs must be on 24-inch leads maximum, cats are barred from hunting and parrots must be muzzled. “We’re taking this very seriously,” said Van Der Luft Borgenstine. “We’ve already impounded a six stray cats and a macaw,” he said. “Please, keep your cat indoors and tell your bird to shut up,” he added.

The Hudson River is closed to all but private, pre-authorized traffic from the George Washington Bridge as far north as Fort Edward. General Electric removed all PCBs from the river for the weekend as a courtesy, but will restore the Hudson to is natural condition Monday after the last guests have sobered up and gone home.
The Hudson is being used as a transport route for the New York hoi polloi who will be attending. Steamboats were taken out of retirement in museums for the occasion, and will race up and down the Hudson, over-stressing their boilers and side swiping one another and potentially bursting into flames, threatening the lives of their wealthy, influential passengers, just as in more traditional times.

A spokesperson for the family said the vessels would be powered only by organic, clean coal that is being flown in from Oregon for the occasion.

“We love the charm of the Hudson Valley,” said Hillary Clinton, in a news conference Thursday. The Arkansas native is the former senator from New York State. She is currently Barack Obama’s secretary.

By Thursday, paparazzi had overrun the area and were being contained en masse by riot police on horseback in Rhinebeck, where the wedding will take place. Troops of motorcycles were roaring through the streets as the police pursued them, scavenging for anything they could find. Some photographers desperate for a shot were reduced to photographing local newspapers and even produce.

Everyone seemed to want a piece of the story. “We’re providing pot for the wedding,” said one man who spoke on the condition of anonymity, but who is reputed to get good stuff. He said that a Secret Service helicopter would be stopping by his front yard later in the afternoon to pick up four ounces of cush, six ounces of sour diesel and two pounds of organic cannabis goat butter, for those who don’t inhale.

The Clintons strictly adhere to their locally-grown weed policy.

Some were excited that the royal couple would lose its virginity right in our region. “How exciting,” said one passer-by.
Sherri Winston, Kingston native and world-famous tantra expert, was hired to guide the couple through the potentially awkward experience. “I’ll be there and I’ll help them figure out what to do,” said Winston, who will spend the day at the Astor estate preparing in a special trailer. She is one of the 876,091 Americans who currently hold security clearance.

“We’re very happy to have Sherri’s help,” said Miss Clinton. “I don’t know what we would do without her. This is all so new to me.” She said she has an abstinence until married pact with her father, and will give him back his ring tonight. Book of Blue photography, a local studio, will be on hand to document the event for posterity. Mirror nymphs worked through the night at the studio, polishing antique mirrors.

Because Chelsea Clinton is gluten-intolerant, the wedding cake and all food served will be free from flour. All bakeries in the region were shut down as a precaution.

Eric Francis, a local stargazer, was contacted in his field office at Dominick’s Cafe. His mafia-based security detail at first refused to let us speak to him until we flashed our counterfeit press cards.

“They’re getting married with Mars and Saturn in Libra,” said Mr. Francis, who helps plan royal weddings in his native Great Britain. “That’s really interesting. I wish them the best on their adventure.”

posted August 01, 2010 01:16 PM         

“We love the charm of the Hudson Valley,” said Hillary Clinton, in a news conference Thursday. The Arkansas native is the former senator from New York State. She is currently Barack Obama’s secretary..

lol...

posted August 01, 2010 03:04 PM         

LOl, had to adjust british ££ to american $$

posted August 04, 2010 07:46 AM         

Chelsea Clinton weds Marc Mezvinsky in Rhinebeck

Chelsea Clinton has married her longtime boyfriend at an exclusive estate along New York's Hudson River.

Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham Clinton announced in a statement that their daughter wed investment banker Marc Mezvinsky on Saturday after weeks of secrecy and buildup that had celebrity watchers flocking to the small village for the evening nuptials.

More than 400 guests were expected at the historic estate, and some of the celebrities spotted in Rhinebeck for the event included actors Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen, fashion designer Vera Wang and Madeleine Albright, who was secretary of state during Bill Clinton's second term as president.

While people gathered in the Village of Rhinebeck earlier in the day, around 4:30 p.m.the action shifted from the village to the intersection of Rhinecliff and River roads, the latter of which was closed to traffic at 2 p.m.

Residents sat in folding chairs watching the limos and buses go up River Road, off of which is access to Astor Courts.

News crews interviewed people about the festivities, while numerous police cars idling with their lights flashing.

State police confirmed the mother of the bride, Hillary Rodham Clinton, was traveling down River Road in a conversion van about 5:30 p.m.

At 5 p.m., charter buses, including ones from MTC Limousine, Peter Pan and Coxsackie Transport, loaded with people in formal attire, were seen heading to Astor Courts from River Road.

A bus taking guests to the ceremonies was scheduled to leave The Belvedere Mansion, an inn off Route 9 just south of the village of Rhinebeck, at 4:45 p.m., an employee said.

Belvedere Mansion is housing some of the guests, an employee confirmed.The restaurant at the inn was closed to the public.

Deputies from the Dutchess County Sheriff’s Office guarded the entrances to the Delamater Inn in the village.

Hundreds of people crowded the two points through which buses and limos entered and exited.

At one point a crew from the entertainment news television "Extra" was urging the crowed to shout “Congratulations, Chelsea and Marc,” with the promise that the footage would be broadcast.

posted August 04, 2010 08:10 AM         

Chelsea Clinton-Marc Mezvinsky wedding ceremomy in Rhinebeck has occurred, the Clinton family announced this evening.

Chelsea's parents, Bill and Hillary Clinton, released the following statement at 7:23 p.m., : “Today, we watched with great pride and overwhelming emotion as Chelsea and Marc wed in a beautiful ceremony at Astor Courts, surrounded by family and their close friends. We could not have asked for a more perfect day to celebrate the beginning of their life together, and we are so happy to welcome Marc into our family. On behalf of the newlyweds, we want to give special thanks to the people of Rhinebeck for welcoming us and to everyone for their well-wishes on this special day.”

It’s estimated that hundreds of guests gathered at the historic estate near the end of a near-perfect summer day of warm temperatures, blue skies and cottony clouds. The ceremony was conducted by a rabbi and a reverend as Chelsea is Methodist and Mezvinsky is Jewish. The couple read a poem by Leo Marks titled, “The Life I Have,” according to the family.

Consistent with Chelsea’s desire for privacy, the family had released no details of the wedding beyond the date. But the scope of the event became apparent when more than a half-dozen busloads of wedding guests — men in black tie, women in dresses — were transported from inns in the village to the riverside ceremony as gawkers looked on.