posted August 05, 2010 09:10 PM         

its not normal for me to be so emotional but i just couldnt seem to stop crying today.

my mom thinks i need counseling so that sparked some tears today and it made me think of everything she and my dad has put me through.

not just those two but my bro and sis too.

i had pretty much grew up as an only child. and with my mom telling me i should go to counseling just made me think of everything SHE put me through, from separating from my dad, to NEVER keeping her promises, to being in one bad relationship after another.

i had watched ALL of this first hand, and she thinks I need counseling, UGH.

posted August 05, 2010 10:03 PM         

I've noticed the effects of the transiting T-square with pretty much everyone this week and within the last two weeks or so. Seems like things have been building to a breaking point.

I've been jokingly calling this week "The week that no one shows up." I've had meetings of various kinds with people all week, and I've had them all cancel or simply just not show up. I'm thinking everyone has been feeling emotional or introspective and so everyone just wants to stay home!

posted August 05, 2010 10:14 PM         

but the thing that is most frusterating about my mom is she doesnt want me to do anything i want to do and wants me to do what she wants to do.

everytime i had a dream she told me to get a more 'realistic' dream, constantly putting me down, saying things like "being a movie director is too unrealistic", never wanting me to hang out with friends or have a boyfriend, she was always afraid i'd turn out like my older bro and sis, thinking i would get pregnant before i got married or drop out of school, not that she ever said that out loud but i could feel it for every time she compared me to them.

from all of the negative energy and influence she has constantly pounded on me, she actually wonders why i'm depressed and somehow thinks i'm bipolar, but she has failed time and time again to see its all because of her and if i were to ever bring it up she would think i'm a horrible daughter and shes a horrible mother.

posted August 06, 2010 03:55 PM         

i wanted to go to the store i applied to today to see if the manager was in or when he/she will be in.

my mom says i should call first, saying things like "i know what i'm talking about, they prefer you to call in first" and other crap like that.

i have a friend who says its best if you personally show up because the manager likes that, they like to know the face of the person they're hiring.

someone please help me figure this out and please give me advice on how i should handle this with my extremely moody aquarius of a mother. yea sure, based on the fact that shes moody you'd think shes a cancer, but trust me, shes not, she just has a lot of health problems that makes her moody.

posted August 06, 2010 04:20 PM         

why 4 Capricorn? Was that the ecclipse point=
Well, that would explain some things.
My Venus is on 6 Capricorn.
No I haven`t been crying today.

Monday night I was ultra emotional, crying like there was no tomorrow, mostly about the past.

Tuesday night I was just feeling tired, exhausted and disillusioned, like I had lost my raison d`etre. Nothing would ever make sense again.

Wednesday all day I was SOO angry, so mad, I could have smashed something!

Thursday I was in deep reflection mode, recalling some old dreams, shattered dreams, making an "evaluation" of a long gone past, reaching back into 1990 actually.

Today I was like a "placid sea". Completely devoid of any kind of anger or rager or frustration or depression, and could hardly grasp that and why I had been so angry just two days ago.

Now I am a little bit melancholic, but a happy form of melancholy, if that makes sense.
Emotional yes, but jsut because I am sentimental. Very calm.

Oh during the afternoon I had some "physical" oddities. First my left hand suddenly felt like there was electricity surrounding it, stornger than usual. And then my head started buzzing wildly, also much electricity, but smooth electricity. I have that sometimes I think it has to do with the crownchakra, but it was more intense than usual.

And then I wrote your "past-life Dad" (you know who I am talking about?) a feedback, hardly knowing THAT I did.
I couldnīt give him the feedback personally, so I did it online.

I was behaving uncharacteristically towards my family though, and I am not proud of it. For example when I came home from my trip I forgot to call them and tell them that I had arrived healthy. They even called the hotel because they were worried. It is not like me, I ALWAYS call them first, but this time I completely forgot. It was like noone else but me even existed, like I was in my own bubble.
I am deeply sorry for having caused them such distress; I don`t know why it happened.

posted August 06, 2010 04:47 PM         

Breathe, meditate, take long baths, journal, this too shall pass. Your mother has her own path to walk, as you do. Be brave What is life without a little adventure?

posted August 06, 2010 04:55 PM         

i almost cant wait until my fiance and i finalize our marriage cuz then, i feel, she wont be able to control me anymore.

i try to stay as far as i can from her, give her as much space as i can but she just sees it as me being depressed...not that its too far from the truth, but she doesnt realize shes the one making me depressed.

posted August 06, 2010 05:14 PM         

What is in the past, is past, no matter how horrible it was. It`s time to look forward and move on.
No you can`t change what she thinks or sais.
But you can detach from her opinion. It is just an opinion. You have the right to have your own, and YOU will decide what you are going to do.

In the end you will have to accept that you canīt (always) please her; endure the conflicting views!
You are your own person, and YOU live your life, donīt live it through her eyes.

posted August 06, 2010 05:31 PM         

so probably best to stop living in the past, remember you are grownup and let her suffer her own shite and don't YOU make it yours...there is a great book called "emotional blackmail" which helped me at one point when someone in my life was trying to control my behaviour because they were frantic about their own...it is a little judgmental for my taste, pointing the finger and making out that the "abusers" are TRYING to make you miserable. i don't generally agree with this, i think people are often unconscious of how their behaviour is affecting the "other" and said behaviour is really a cry of pain. that doesn't mean it's okay to take it on yourself. there are lots of ways you can deflect this and live your life...

as to being emotional yesterday, i had a once-in-a-blue moon depression yesterday afternoon...why? well i am caught in this t-square with my cancer uranus (chart ruler). mars (conjunct uranus in my natal) is squaring it, along with jup/uranus, saturn is almost there, and pluto in the other corner, so much fun!! also my daughter, early aries sun, is having scary and as yet undiagnosed health issues which leave her weak and shaky a huge amount of the time. her son, early aries rising, is not able to go out and enjoy the summer much because she can't do much, so she is kicking herself for that and he is bored.

meanwhile my cat is sick and needs constant feeding (now he is over the worst of it). at least i don't have to force feed him or give him subcutaneous fluids right now but i do have to drive back and forth to my house from whatever i'm doing, meanwhile this week was tons of bureaucratic DMV stuff, time consumed sitting around waiting to spend money on my car which needs brakes and more, dropped $300 at the vet's over the weekend and another $100 just making sure my daughter has some healthy foods in the house to keep her strength up...

and at work my partner's mother-in-law is in hospital so i am covering the store solo and getting requests for evening housecalls i really don't have time for. why the hell would i be depressed?

posted August 06, 2010 08:40 PM         

Anne Ortelee said that all the difficult energy from the T-square is emptying out into our Cancer house at 1-3 Cancer. So whatever planets you have there, they are really feeling it. And you know what else is sitting at 0 Cancer? Hades and Kronos! The energy from the T-square is hitting Hades and Kronos!

posted August 06, 2010 09:01 PM         

the book i mentioned "emotional blackmail" gave me some great little responses that i actually hardly had to use. sometimes it is enough to put your emotional foot down ONCE...and when the world doesn't crumble around you the power you feel will be amazing. not power over anyone else but over your life...

and please don't wait till you get married or whatever the "finalize" means re your fiance. no OTHER person is really going to be able to get you out of the hole you find yourself in. sometimes it really just needs YOU to realize you are no longer responsible to her for your actions, you're your own person.

posted August 07, 2010 02:20 AM         

that is indeed one GRAND grand cross!