posted September 01, 2010 01:03 AM         

popcorn - Ooooh dear. My SA Karma is exactly on the 8th house cusp. Oh dear. That doesn't sound promising.

posted September 05, 2010 04:52 PM         

My lovely friend, I understand how you feel. Fellow Scorpio Rising here.

I have to things for you, love:
http://www.californiapsychics.com/articles/Love/5067/Do_You_Attract_the_Wrong_Type.aspx
http://blog.californiapsychics.com/blog/2010/08/attract-love.html/

The latter is an exercise that I began and completed this past month. I am now confident that I shall attain exactly what and who I want.

I think the real key is 1) figure out WHY you're attracted to the men you are and 2) get right with yourself before you jump into anything with anyone else.

There is a reason you keep developing feelings for men who are not available to you. Perhaps you're secretly searching for rejection. Perhaps you feel unlovable in some small place inside, and therefore want a partner who will validate these feelings. Who will MAKE you feel unloved. You need to develop confidence. Whatever you don't like about yourself CHANGE. You have the power. Believe it. You have to love yourself, and be proud of yourself. If you find someone, and he doesn't reciprocate your feelings, that's too bad for HIM! HE is missing out. HE cannot handle you. Why would you want someone who can't handle your strength, power, and beauty? The answer is, you don't. Plain and simple.

posted September 05, 2010 05:37 PM         

Meta

Thank you for providing me with those links. I have read them. I have been doing the list exercise since 2005. I have been updating it ever since. I still have not found him, therefore I think that maybe this time I am getting to myself is to fix myself before he comes into my life.

The self-esteem thing is very true. I have great confidence, but I also have moments of doubt in myself and these are the times when my self-esteem dips to a low.

Here is the thing...

I have been with a few guys who loved me to death, but as I said on the first page, I have never quite felt the same about them. The thing is that, they don't fit into the "mould" I desire for my mate to be. Therefore, sexual attraction has always lacked (from my side) in these relationships, even though these men thought I was the most beautiful thing they have ever encountered.

I have never attracted someone who abuses me, who treats me badly, or who doesn't hold me in high esteem. Never. Whenever I sensed that there was a bit of "violence" in a person, whether platonic or romantic, I have always distanced myself from such people. I have always attracted good men. BUT, I have never found them sexually attractive. I have always felt a platonic vibe with them than a romantic one, hence I also said that I have never been with someone who I find sexually attractive.

With that said, maybe deep down inside of me, due to my past experiences, I am sending out to the universe that I do not deserve or want, a sexual relationship. Maybe, just maybe, I still hold a bit of shame when it comes to things of the flesh. It is no secret here on LL because I have spoken about this openly, but I was raped by 5 men when I was 15 going on 16. So, I think that I keep attracting men I do not find attractive to avoid venturing into the sexual realm. I realize this, but I am tired of it now. I want a fulfilling sexual relationship now.

As for why I am attracted to men who do not find me attractive, I can't figure that out yet. I do not take their lack of attraction for me personally. I have lacked attraction to many people too. So, I understand where they are coming from. Still, though, I see a pattern that whenever I feel really deeply for someone, it usually turns out to be not mutual. I have only felt deeply for someone that deeply only twice in my life.

I know that I am ready to be with someone who stimulates me sexually now. I realize that before this, I wasn't ready. I viewed sex and things thereof as somewhat "dangerous". Basically, sex had a negative connotation to me, as should be expected. But I have had enough of that now. Seriously. So, I guess, I just have to wait and see what life brings me.