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Author
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Topic: Pisces with Scorpio Moon Teenager
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VioletFlyer
Knowflake Posts: 14
From: Adelaide, Australia
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 06, 2010 08:41 PM
 
Hey ya'll...I'm new here, but a long time fan of Linda's work. Wanted to get some astro advice. I'm a Scorpio with Aquarius rising and Cap Moon. I have been living with my bf (Taurus with Aquarius moon- but we don't know his rising) for 4 years, and later this year we are getting married.
His 15 yr old daughter is a Pisces with a Scorpio moon (we don't know her rising either!) and after several months of saying she would come to our wedding, has sent an email saying she won't come because she will not pretend to be happy about it all day when she isn't. She said she is shocked we are getting married (we've been engaged over a year!) doesn't support the marriage and won't be attending. Oh, and by the way, she needs a lift to a party this weekend and wants to remind us about the $1,000 camera she expects to get for Christmas.
We are totally devastated. We have been very dedicated to his daughter over the past 4 years, and made many sacrifices so that she could live with her mom but see us on weekends (not taking jobs in other cities to stay close) paid for a good school and expensive ski trips for her and her friends, etc. She has a Leo mother who is very unhealthy...and her attitude is awfully "unhealthy Leo" to me. However, that Scorpio moon of hers...it is definitely playing a role here I think. My Taurus bf, who adores family is so depressed he's taken to his bed! And of course I am really having to fight some serious gray lizard desires to ring her up and tell her not to bother to come this weekend, or any weekend if that is the way that she feels...
Any advice here? I know that there is no point trying to twist the arm of a scorpio moon, especially a 15 yr old girl! But I wish there was some way to get her to understand that you can't just walk all over people's feelings and then expect them to just roll over and do whatever you like. Her father replied that he's deeply saddened by her choice, but respects it and if she changes her mind, to let him know. Her reply was simply "Thank you".
Seriously bummed out in Australia...IP: Logged |
vapor-lash
Knowflake Posts: 1868
From:
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted September 06, 2010 09:01 PM
Hey - I was replying to this but the forum is having some problems at the moment so I lost my post.In brief - I was saying you should post her chart! You can get this at astro.com I was also saying - it's possible that she is more emotional/sensitive/watery than you and your husband are. For this reasons - maybe she misinterpreted something. Perhaps she overheard an argument(s) and made this out to be more significant than it was - so she is under the impression you are not well matched.
Also, it may be that because both you and your fiancee are earthy/airy people - she does not understand the dynamic in your relationship. It could seem cold to her.
Does she have a lack of either air or earth (or both) in her own chart? I am assuming she is a kind hearted Piscean girl (as opposed to an emotionally manipulative one) who wants what is best for everyone and for whatever reason she believes your relationship is toxic and hurting you both. This is only an assumption based on what I know astrologically about the sign of Pisces (plus having a water moon). Obviously I don't know much about the situation and I am not in her head - so it could be many things. Children/teens often hope their parents will get back together after a divorce. So maybe that's more likely? IP: Logged |
amowls*
Knowflake Posts: 1490
From: richmond va
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 06, 2010 09:13 PM
Don't pressure her, don't yell at her. Just be kind to her, even if she has hurt you. You have to realize that she's 15, and 15 year olds are generally not good at handling complex emotions. If you are kind to her now, she'll eventually realize how her actions have hurt you and hopefully she'll make amends.IP: Logged |
VioletFlyer
Knowflake Posts: 14
From: Adelaide, Australia
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 06, 2010 10:44 PM
Vapor- I didn't know that some Pisces could be emotionally manipulative? Because that is her to a "T". She will play whoever she can against whoever is available to get what she wants. It's a trait she has had for some time, not just since she turned into a teen. We wish we could teach her or help her to understand how destructive this behavior is, but if you ever try to talk to her about anything, even quietly and kindly, she shuts down completely and becomes like stone. There seems to be no reaching her.We'd never be unkind to her, yell, etc. It's not our style. We can be heated with each other in an argument, but neither of us has EVER raised our voice with her in her life. We have always just said "it's your choice, but it's not one that makes us very happy" when she does naughty or hurtful things. It's funny- because she is extremely needful of our approval, but when we quietly say "that wasn't very nice kiddo" she just doesn't seem to care or get it. I'm not sure how to post a chart? Is this acceptable? She has a considerable amount of earth and air in her chart. Sun Pisces 2.26
Moon Scorpio 19.18
Mercury Aquarius 7.07
Venus Capricorn 19.03
Mars Leo 19.15 R
Jupiter Sagittarius 13.07
Saturn Pisces 13.29
Uranus Capricorn 28.25
Neptune Capricorn 24.27
Pluto Sagittarius 0.35
Lilith Gemini 5.37
Asc node Scorpio 7.59 And this is mine:
Sun Scorpio 9.17 Ascendant Aquarius 28.04
Moon Capricorn 3.04 II Aries 13.12
Mercury Libra 20.45 III Taurus 16.19
Venus Sagittarius 26.06 IV Gemini 11.07
Mars Virgo 6.46 V Cancer 3.03
Jupiter Libra 24.47 VI Cancer 26.36
Saturn Libra 16.03 VII Leo 28.04
Uranus Scorpio 29.07 VIII Libra 13.12
Neptune Sagittarius 23.01 IX Scorpio 16.19
Pluto Libra 24.53 Midheaven Sagittarius 11.07
Lilith Sagittarius 4.13 XI Capricorn 3.03
Asc node Cancer 25.38 XII Capricorn 26.36 And this is her father's:
Sun Taurus 24.59
Moon Aquarius 25.09
Mercury Taurus 27.22 R
Venus Aries 27.02
Mars Leo 21.38
Jupiter Aries 9.32
Saturn Aquarius 22.51
Uranus Virgo 1.10
Neptune Scorpio 14.00 R
Pluto Virgo 9.33 R
Lilith Scorpio 2.54
Asc node Cancer 22.12 Try as I might, I have just never been able to communicate with her on any level really. It's quite a painful thing. IP: Logged |
vapor-lash
Knowflake Posts: 1868
From:
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted September 06, 2010 11:39 PM
Violet - I'll reply later in more depth but to answer your question - Yes Pisces can be much more manipulative than the other two water signs. They are very aware of emotional underrcurents and what makes people tick. Being the last sign they have a wealth of karmic and psychological experiences to draw insights from. However it's rare for a Pisces person to behave in this manner because usually they're too interested in the well being of others to cause anyone emotional distress.Some Pisces have issues though. Often they stem from a feeling of having been betrayed, having received the short end of the stick unfairly, having been subjected to emotional pain unfairly and so forth. IP: Logged |
Nine
Knowflake Posts: 565
From: The Cusp of Love
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 07, 2010 12:53 AM
Ouch, you're caught between a rock and a hard place. Unfortunately I believe the stepparent/stepchild relationship is rigged to self destruct no matter how hard you try. I only have experience in the stepchild side of this dynamic. Despite the effort I put into being "the good one" I still got all the crap. The bottom line, she has a mom and ain't looking for another. Your care would be better received, imo, if you place it on you and your fiance. Why stress over people and situations you can't control. But that's just me and what I've learned. IP: Logged |
VioletFlyer
Knowflake Posts: 14
From: Adelaide, Australia
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 07, 2010 01:26 AM
Hmmm, yeah, I think she does think she got the short end of the stick in the divorce, because she is always trying to guilt all of us about it and demand expensive toys/trips/money to "make up for it".
Interestingly, at 15, she works every week at an aged care facility, in the high care ward, changing diapers and spoon feeding very advanced dementia and alzheimer's patients. So, y'know, I know that the drive to be caring is there.
I think you are right in that the love and attention would be best spent on the relationship with my fiance with a "we're leaving the door open for whenever you're ready" attitude towards my step-daughter. We are both such gentle people it shocked us deeply and made us feel like "should we even be getting married? Maybe we're making a mistake". I think we'll get over it, but we both really do wish we had a better understanding of how to communicate with the kid!IP: Logged |
lalalinda
Moderator Posts: 771
From: nevada
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 07, 2010 03:06 AM
Hello VioletFlyer! welcome to LL  I wouldn't play this game, nor would I let her see how disappointed you are.
Let her know you were hoping she would attend but you are fine with her decision and you understand.
(make sure you smile when you talk to her) There is nothing so frustrating as indifference when you're looking for a fight. Good Luck IP: Logged |
Taurean_Scorpion
Knowflake Posts: 137
From: Santa Monica, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 07, 2010 03:49 AM
If I were the teenager, I might have done the same thing. I don't know entirely of your situation, how she is and everything, but scorpio moons are very possessive of their loved ones.
*after several months of saying she would come to our wedding, has sent an email saying she won't come because she will not pretend to be happy about it all day when she isn't. She said she is shocked we are getting married (we've been engaged over a year!) doesn't support the marriage and won't be attending*This actually sounds like something I would do. She is just being honest... I wouldn't want to go to a wedding that I don't support or won't be happy at.
You should have an honest talk with her and ask her how she feels about you. She may not be over with her parents being divorced and dislikes her dad getting married again. IP: Logged |
VioletFlyer
Knowflake Posts: 14
From: Adelaide, Australia
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 07, 2010 08:15 AM
Yes, I am sure that is right- she is not over the divorce (even though it was over 5 years ago and we have been living together for 4 years) and is unhappy about her dad getting remarried. We've tried to talk to her, let her know that her feelings count to. But she won't talk. She just has these sort of hate-filled outbursts that are so painful to be on the receiving end of.
I mean, honestly, when I was her age, I probably would have acted the same way. Maybe this is Karma... and if she doesn't want to go, I accept that. I just find the way that it is communicated to be so hurtful. She doesn't seem to "get" that at all.
Her father had a talk with her where he said how sad he was at her method of delivery, but that he still respected her decision. but He told her that he has feelings too, and right now they are hurting. She was just like "whatevs, didn't expect you to 'get it' anyway".
I pointed out that this was also sending her a message that her words have power to make us upset and that it would have probably been best as mentioned above to just say nothing, smile, etc, let her work it out in her own time. too late. My Taurus guy turns into a blubbering bub when it comes to family matters! IP: Logged |
Benedict Moon*
Knowflake Posts: 1171
From: Avendesora
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 07, 2010 08:55 AM
I don't think it has much to do with her sign placement but her age. I have a 15 year old brother (Cap/Gem/Taurus) who is almost unable to see anything from the other person's POV. And when I was an adolescent, I was pretty much in this girl's shoes too. My issue was much deeper than dad getting remarried though. My issue was the changes that I was being forced to adjust with, with no consideration for me or my feelings. So I just took off to mom's house until I was an adult. IP: Logged |
VioletFlyer
Knowflake Posts: 14
From: Adelaide, Australia
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 07, 2010 09:23 AM
yeah I think you are right that her age has a lot to do with it... I've never raised any of my own kids before, so it's all new to me. I still think her Scorpio moon ads to it though because she will pull these extreme emotions and statement out of nowhere...and lash out with these very unwaivering statements. I mean, we got engaged in 2008, gave her plenty of opportunities to express herself, not go to the wedding etc. She never did, and then 2 months before the wedding it's like "bombshell". Being a scorpio myself, I know that i can harbor things until...I don't. And because she's a teen on top of it, there is just no way of having a chat about it or trying to have some general mediation. I respect her opinion and feelings, I really do. It's just the way they are communicated that is so ouchy. IP: Logged |
MysticMelody
Moderator Posts: 866
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 07, 2010 09:39 AM
I had a female Pisces with Scorp moon friend so I can understand this. This woman liked being mean and her Pisces soft self had been hurt often enough for her to decide that her black Scorpio moon should take over whenever any shadow passed by... this of course has her blindly and passionately stinging at every shadow that passes, benign or not.
We went out to sing karaoke one night and she had decided to fight with me (as she does often with her husband, an old Taurus friend of mine who puts up with her... Taurus opposite Scorpio I assume) and of course, I would not fight with her and the evening ended with her punching her teenage daughter in the nose because Scorpio moon's loud mouth woke her up and poor daughter came out to tell her mother, the drunk, to calm down and go to sleep. I don't speak to her anymore and I'm quite sure that in her mind SHE is the one who was "done wrong to"/hurt and in her mind she is a victim. Your step-daughter, by description, sounds quite similar in the self-absorbed, self-centered department (the only difference being the step daughter is actually still a child BECOMING a woman) and she obviously wants to hurt her Dad and ruin your day to "prove" that she is still more important than you... a feeling which is understandable in a child - needing that recognition by Dad - so the best thing would be for Dad to sit down with her and TALK to her and explain to her that Daddy still loves his little girl and that just because he loves you, doesn't take away from the love he has for her and she will always have (arguably) the most special place in his heart and Mommy is special too because little girl came from Mommy but Mommy and Daddy didn't get along so now Daddy has a new important girl in his life and it just wouldn't be the same without her (daughter) there blessing and participating (she IS participating, right? is this the problem or is it a small wedding?) but this woman (you) means so much to him and he wants to be joined in a union of love with her. Will she please come? It will be so sad to look back and know she missed this special time with Dad. Have him write it in a letter if he can't say it. If this doesn't work, then you and "Dad" will at least know, looking back, that you did everything possible and it was her immature and unwise choice. ♥
IP: Logged |
VioletFlyer
Knowflake Posts: 14
From: Adelaide, Australia
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 07, 2010 09:44 AM
thank you Mystic. He's done all of that and then some... she was given the choice to participate in the wedding. We said "we'd love it if you do, but it's totally your choice, no pressure" and she said no. No to a new dress, no to a family beach vacation afterwards that includes her and all her cousins and extended family. No. No. No. When he tries to talk to her, she shuts down completely. Like, leaves her body or something. it's like, her mind is already made up about not only her own feelings but what she projects all of ours to be as well, so she will NOT listen to a word.
so, I guess you're right- we've tried and tried, and what else can you do? That moon of hers will teach her some powerful lessons- in this lifetime or the next!IP: Logged |
Benedict Moon*
Knowflake Posts: 1171
From: Avendesora
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 07, 2010 01:45 PM
Oh, I don't disagree that she is acting out her scorpio moon. A good friend of mine has that exact same sun/moon combo (with a Virgo Ascendant) and I have always sensed that her emotions are on the extreme, but they don't usually surface unless you have REALLY offended her. I myself don't have the sign placement, but I do have the 8th house moon and a Cancer Sun and my moods/emotions swing on the same extremes too. .IP: Logged |
Nine
Knowflake Posts: 565
From: The Cusp of Love
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 07, 2010 02:56 PM
quote:
so, I guess you're right- we've tried and tried, and what else can you do?
Someone has to take control of the situation, and it shouldn't be the 15 year old. IP: Logged |
Geocosmic* Valentine
Knowflake Posts: 874
From: New York, NY
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 07, 2010 03:50 PM
There is a strong lesson that every human being learns in life. We make choices and we live with the consequences, whether they are positive or negative.She may not like the circumstances that her life development has lead to so far, she may not like the choices that are presented to her, but she still has choices. If she chooses not to go to the wedding, she is also making the choice to express her dislike. She's expressing that she dislikes the idea of her father moving on with his life and his own development path. In the process she is expressing her disdain for him. She's doing it in a nasty way. She should not be rewarded for nasty behavior. She needs to learn that life moves on without waiting for her to like everything that happening. Her being rewarded for purposely behaving in a way that expresses disdain for her father doesn't teach her compromise. She needs to learn that her actions have consequences. Don't let this tail wag the dog. IP: Logged |
Peri
Knowflake Posts: 1423
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 07, 2010 03:53 PM
I agree with Nine and Geo  You've been good and caring to her and if she does not appreciate it, it is not your fault! She needs to learn that her actions have consequences.
Don't let this tail wag the dog indeed. IP: Logged |
Diana
Knowflake Posts: 2056
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 07, 2010 07:23 PM
Why do you both not call her out on her nasty behavior and keep catering to her with gifts? She is TOTALLY manipulating her father's guilt about the divorce. I understand you both feel bad for her, but encouraging bad behavior is not in her best interests. IP: Logged |
VioletFlyer
Knowflake Posts: 14
From: Adelaide, Australia
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 07, 2010 09:01 PM
Well, I am glad to hear the affirmations about not letting the tail wag the dog, as that is how I feel at this point as well. But have you guys ever tried and succeeded to tell a Taurus to do or act in a way that you want them to, or before they are ready? If so, let me know!!!
Her dad is slowly starting to come around to this, but it's been in his own time. He actually told her that she won't be coming to our house this weekend, because we need time to process our feelings and a break from her and her behavior. She said "whatever" but I know in her heart she will be super angry, but then also sad at what she's done. He also said "that's it, no more expensive gifts for christmas this year, no more waiting on her hand and foot, no more letting her do whatever she wants."
So, I am hopeful that the switch has been flipped and he will now try to teach her (not in a mean way of course) that this nasty stuff has a consequence- even if she doesn't appreciate it until later in life.
I am feeling much better about it all. Thank you to everyone who posted. I myself had been feeling so guilty (I was even feeling like we shouldn't get married!) for being a source of pain to this kid. But...I realize now that moving on with my life in a healthy and loving relationship isn't something to feel guilt about and to just detach myself for a bit from the hurt/guilt about my step-daughter.IP: Logged | |
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