posted September 25, 2010 02:37 PM         

Of course I fell in love with him and of course I met him secretly. (This was the second dream actually).

A little time later you married an older, quite powerful man.
I think you fell instantly in love with him, and though he didn`t love you at first, he started to care a great deal about you. Of course I have no idea what happened behind closed doors.
He was having a wandering eye, and sometimes not only an eye though.
But the tragedy was that you never wanted to see that. You were so innocent and you trusted him wholeheartedly, believing in his fidelity.
Well, he might have loved you, but as far as I remember, fidelity wasn`t one of his strength.
Yet, when I tried to tell you that, we had a huge argument.
Maybe it wasn`t my place to tell you that, or you just didn`t want to hear, I don`t know.
It`s not like I was a saint myself.

I married one of your husband`s business-partners (I think so at least).
It was a highly volatile marriage, not happy. Though not devoid of passion.
I will spare you any details.
But though he was my husband and shared my bed, I didn`t love him.

I still was in love with that "unsuitable" guy, and yes, we`ve continued to meet secretly.

At one point, I don`t know how, my husband found out about this, and this was the end of the affair.
Well, this was almost the end of my life back then.
Anyway, when this affair ended, my heart was broken.
I don`t remember anything anymore after this. It`s like my life really had ended, when my love had been taken from me.
I actually think I chased him away, pretending to not care about him anymore (little did he know that I was carrying his child), and he went into some of the wars that were taking place everywhere.
I needed him to believe I didn`t love him anymore, to make him leave, cause I feared for his wellbeing, should my husband ever find out who he was. And he would have. He was pretty intelligent and influential, not to mention merciless, unforgiving and violent.

Enough drama for one night?

posted September 26, 2010 05:26 PM         

So perhaps, in a past life, we fought over a man? Or more than one? Perhaps there was a man that I wanted, that you persued to spite me, or vice versa. Perhaps I stole and married your lover just to coax you, and then ended up very unhappy, or vice versa? I have no clue, honestly, but I definitely feel tension there.

posted September 27, 2010 01:19 AM         

yes, I remember you saying you sense some rivalry / tension between us, but that is something that I cannot really relate to.
I donīt feel threatened by you and I just donīt have any idea why you think that way?

Hmm, I don`t feel like we ever had the same "type" in men to be honest.
so I don`t know, must be one of the unexplainable things in life.

posted September 27, 2010 12:46 PM         

I just wonder what makes you feel or think there is/ was tension between us.
Something must have given you the idea this time around?
Does it stem back from the time of our joking discussions about who has the better synastry with certain actors?
If that is the reason, donīt feel that way. I think we might just have a total different kind of humour.
Even if I *seem* to be completely worked up about something (like a "synastry competition"), I don`t *really* take it all that serious.
I like the mental drama. That`s all. But there is no competition or tension that goes into depth. At least not for me.
I just like to play different roles. Always have done so. Imagination is my playfield.

"Specifically what resonated with me was that you were my cousin, but for one reason or another you had to live with me/I had to live with you. I think there was some money somewhere-- whether it came from my family or yours I do not know. I just don't feel like we were poor. We were a decent family that attended social events and knew other wealthy people."
I absolutely agree with you on that That is exactly how I see it.
AS I remembered / felt it you were actually considerably wealthy.
I was not "poor" in the sense of a person living on the streets. Actually I think we might have been middle-upper class, but I didnīt have direct family (which is why I was living with you), and so my financial background was not so secure.

At least that is what I feel.
But to be honest that what is standing out to me about mthis past life feeling is the excruciating pain of losing this man, the love of my (past) life, and even having to BE the one to *chase* him away - for his own good of course, and I feel that he never realized that I had never stopped loving him, and this thought alone makes my heart ache for him even today.
Maybe that is the reason that on some level I am still feeling so attached to him, though there is no *real* connection at all.
Anything else is somehow blurry, only this "story" between him and me is really clear / vivid.
Of course it may be because I dreamed of it.

posted September 27, 2010 02:35 PM         

Whatever changes you need to make in yourself first (whether you have problems within yourself that you haven't dealt with yet) you should take care of first. Maybe you haven't found him yet because of barriers inside of you that are blocking him. You're not ready to find him yet. Change what you dislike, about yourself, your life, your environment, etc. Release your inhibitions and be open to whatever the Universe throws you. You will receive him, it's just a matter of time and growth.

posted September 27, 2010 02:48 PM         

"Perhaps then the point of our interaction in this lifetime is for me to remind you of this person."
I honestly think that your purpose in my life or the point of our interaction was to remind me of another person. Myself.
The girl I have been in 1990. Funnily this period coincided with your birth. So you are literally the "walking transits" of that time for me.

I feel that one of my lessons in that revolved around "letting go without forgetting / denyin", if that makes any sense.

" To set a spark under you to go out and reunite with said gentleman."
This is not possible.
I don`t even know if I would want that now.
Cause as intensely I may feel about that past life, the point is, it is in the past. And that`s where it belongs.

" Release your inhibitions and be open to whatever the Universe throws you."
THAT I think is the crucial point.
I have been working towards it for the last 3 years, and I am proud at how far I`ve already come.
I honestly never felt so much at peace with myself before in all my life. I am very happy at where I am and how my life is developing.
And truth is I don`t even want that man anymore. I think.
Not in THIS life.

"You know what you're looking for."
Interestingly I am not even looking for anything anymore.

Well, that is not entirely true. I have set my mind on enjoying my life for a change. Why not try out the strange concept of being happy the way I am?

What do you think is in there for you in our interaction?

posted September 28, 2010 09:54 AM         

What do I think I am supposed to take from our interaction? I don't know- spiritual knowledge, maybe? You are no doubt more advanced than I in the ways of astrology. You also have a sharp knowledge of Greek and Roman mythology, which I envy. It fascinates me, and enthralls me. I look at you as having great knowledge, and I never doubt your insight. If you say something is so, I believe you.

But i don't know other than that why I need to know you? Maybe I should find that out!

posted September 28, 2010 10:14 AM         

DD

your past life recalls are awesomely descriptive.

im loving to see the story.

posted September 28, 2010 03:15 PM         

"Hmm... how do I remind you of yourself?"
It was the first post I read about you on here, about that man, remember?
That unconditional and uncompromising surrendering to your feelings even though it brought pain (but also much growth), definitely reminded me of myself back in the days.
I thought you were having a very rare amount of raw uncompromising honesty, a great emotional courage without "losing your mind", losing yourself in illusions about where you were standing.
I found that very admirable (I still find it to be that way).

In my case I was maybe not just as courageous, and maybe a bit more delusive, but the seed was there.
I sometimes miss that raw unconditional uncompromising emotionality I had then and explored, regardless of the cost.
I also had the ability to be free.

I can`t really describe it:
This song describes it pretty good for me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8GUG6PwNc8

*sniffs* I love this song so much!

Anyway one of the keywords here was: "fearless".
That is what I perceive(d) in you. This emotional fearleassness that I have clearly been lacking.

Having said that, I have reclaimed A LOT of the good parts of my old Self.

Partly this has to do with that guy. A singer of course, I only met him a few times. But somehow whenever he is around, I have that feeling again, this carefreeness, this emotionality, this "being myself".
Strange that a stranger should reawaken that in me.

Maybe what I have been misisng so muich was that "living in a moment", to find eternity in a single moment, tasted to completeness. I don`t know. It is not easy to describe.

"But i don't know other than that why I need to know you? Maybe I should find that out!"
Maybe just because I am such a loveable person?

"I hope i didn't offend you about the "you should find this person" thing."
No, not at all. I know that you were just being caring, and for quite some time I THOUGHT the same way as you do.
But for some reason that has changed, I am actually floating from moment to moment, without thinking all too much about what might come, just enjoying life.

"I just want you to find great love and be happy."
Thanks. I do want that for you, too, and for me.
I am pretty happy though right now. Feels like I have arrived in myself.

posted September 28, 2010 04:19 PM         

Also to me it is a very liberating feeling to see that death is not really an end...it is just a "see you later"

posted September 30, 2010 12:08 PM         

Thank you for your complements and honesty. When I first posted here I was in a very crucial point in my life (a BIG lesson to be learned). I remember that thread, and I believe you were one of the people who didn't crucify me for my sensitive situation. I see now that perhaps it was because you sympathized with me, since my energy reminded you of that time in YOUR life. So thanks. Those things you think of me mean a lot to me.