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Author Topic:   Venus Rx, neptune and pluto playing with me; return of the ex..HELP!
seeleah
Knowflake

Posts: 313
From: kokomo, IN, USA
Registered: Dec 2009

posted October 17, 2010 03:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for seeleah     Edit/Delete Message
Okay, here is the situations.

After my separation between my ex husband and I, I went straight into a hot and passionate relationship with a friend from high school. It was intense, the most intense relationship I have ever been in, and it was long distance. This story has everything in it that honestly could make for a good novel.
I thought I was head over heals in love with this man, the ex bf...call him cliff (no not real name). I did everything possible to be with this man, even to thinking of relocating myself and two children away from my ex husband (boys away from him) to be with him because jobs are horrible in the states and him moving to were I am..well there are really no jobs. I didn't want to do this because I think the boys having a close relationship with their father is super important since my relationship with mine was horrible!
Anyways, long story short, we had a horrible ending to our relationship...there was his ignoring me while in public and paying more attention to other women when he got drunk and yes, he had drinking problems. I would catch him in little white lies, and he was and still communicates in a very vague ways that appear very shady to me.
This man neptune and plutos me constantly to the point that I am not really sure what is reality and what is not. I ended our relationship after I found suscpious evidence that suggested he was hooking up with other women for NSA sex, or atleast having netsex. He denies all of it of course, but it's his words against all his other actions and what I found. He swears it was his roomate.
So we broke up in Aug. I thought that was it, and I started to move on with my life, or so I thought. I started seeing other men, which ended horribly with sexual assault by, guess who..none other than a cop. So, after that happened, actually the day before the assault happened, my "cliff" gets back in touch with me begging to just be a part of my life, friend or whatever.
Needless to say, men really confuse and scare the crap out of me. he has come up to visit me and he has taken alot of time and effort to convey his feelings and spending alot of his energy and attention on me.
Of course, this happens happens around the last new moon in sept..around the 7th. And then came to visit me not this past weekend but the last, around the 9th. It was intense, healing and yet very very confusing. I was left with the feeling that perhaps some of the things I "thought" happened in the relationship really was of my own thinking/making/creation...I have gone through alot lately, a divorce, a possible foreclosure/bankruptcy and a rape not to mention the bad breakup. So, having a misunderstanding of reality is, well, understandable.
I am so confused on this situation. I would love to trust but not sure if I can. I am trying to move on and focus on things that I can control and work on like my kids and money situation and just see how the cards fall on him..since I don't need to be seeing other men right now anyways, and his distance helps a bit...I see him but he isn't in my face all the time.
Our charts don't look the greatest together...alot of intense sexual stuff going on, which makes sense and yes it is true...but the other stuff not sure on. he has a twin sister who is 3 mins apart from him and I find her to be extremely trustworthy and of course, they SHARE the sme chart. So I am trying to figure out, how much of what I percieved of what happened was really a projection on my part and how much of it was reality. And what might venus rx have to share with me about this situation. The breakup was almost the end of me...it really was..I am just scared to start caring again you know? I know I will servive is it doesn't work out, but i have been through hell this year on all levels, I am not sure if I can handle more. Help..insights needed. I will post anything that you think will help chartwise, just ask. I can post our natals, synastry, progress, davidson, our first relationship chart with our current one...just let me know

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Diana
Knowflake

Posts: 2152
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted October 17, 2010 04:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Diana     Edit/Delete Message
I hope you reported the sexual assault by the cop. Go straight to internal affairs. It may be too late unless you got a rape kit done, unfortunately.

You should seek services from a rape crisis or counselor. WOAR is a free hotline. They or another advocacy group can set you up with free counseling. Check online for rape crisis services.


You shouldn't date until you deal with this or you'll attract the same. You also won't be able to have a healthy relationship until you deal with it.

Dump the current guy. He sounds like a piece of you-know-what.


What happened was most likely real, but you are most likely still too traumatized to deal right now, so you are in a daze.


Sorry this is all so blunt, but I just had surgery so I am not in the best place right now.

Post your chart with transits and your progressed chart.

*I* don't need his chart, because it's obvious he's a scum without it.

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seeleah
Knowflake

Posts: 313
From: kokomo, IN, USA
Registered: Dec 2009

posted October 17, 2010 07:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for seeleah     Edit/Delete Message
Diana,

Thank you so much for responding especially with you being sick and all it is sooo kind of you, again thank you.

Anyways, yeah I am a kind of a mess on ALL fronts if you put all my posts together. As with the rape, it's why I asked about aggressive men, even men now approach me are pretty aggressive, blurting things out that are pretty forward and stuff like that all the time. I have been avoiding most of them by telling them I am a hot mess and would only bring them drama, which is totally true. I would think seriously about going to internal affairs about the cop, but he knew what he was doing and there was NO evidence at all. With me being a teacher and him being a cop in a small town, that is just too much for me to emotionally handle. My divorce was super public and it hasn't even been a year yet, I couldn't handle being out in public with that too..honestly that would be my breaking point, there would be no me left. Yes, I am therapy for this and have been talking to rape specialist too. Im working through it the best I can, needless to say not a real trusting person of males in general.

Which leads me to the ex. He admits he has huge intimacy issues, and the most someone means to him, the most he backs away. Hence the treatment of how he treated me. He still swears he was "framed" for the evidence I found on his computer about his online hookups and hasn't wavered on that period. he has been texting me everyday telling me how much he loves me, how much I mean to him blah blah blah blah blah..he knows about the rape and has been extremely gentle and kind about it and my feelings. Honestly I have put him through emotional hell and have said some real painful and nasty things to him, some he might of deserved but some probably not and is a result of all that I have gone through. he is trying so hard. We are just scared I will never be able to trust him period, and honestly, I don't know if I can!
He did things wrong, but so have I. I certainly didn't help with the "crazy making" bit to our relationship, just to be fair. Last night was a perfect example, He spent all day texting me wonderful things, and then my youngest gets a fever and while I am waiting for the tylenol to kick in (he has horrible abnormal seizures with fevers sometimes so it is stressful), I wanted to talk to him to help calm me down. I called once, got voicemail...I kept blowing up his phone, on the second time, it went blank like it does when someone pushes the "ignore" button on his phone..then I call right back because I am ****** at this point and am like, oh no he didn't! and then before I even talk, he says, "can I call you back in 4 mins, talking to my roomate" (who was supposed to be out of town the entire weekend btw) and I heard talking in teh background but it sounded female. I was ****** and was like, don't even freaking bother....
and that led to a really long fight. It ended with him texting a pic of his roomate and having his roomate call me to talk to me personally. Needless to say I was extremely embarassed to say the least, still am.
He understands why I acted that way and isn't mad even though i did say some really hurtful things to him, he knows why I did what I did and still wants to work things out with me and knows that things like this will happen until I can trust him again. I am not sure if understands how hard it is for me to trust me period right now. But he is soooo persistant. So in all fairness, I diffinately jump to conclusions on what he is and isn't doing often...and that doesn't help. I add to the craziness too! I just wanted to give you more of a fair view of what is going on, I only think it right. anyways, here is what you asked for...if you want to see our synastry later that's cool..just let me know hon..again, you are truly a saint for even LOOKING at this, especially when you are sick sweetie. Thank you...so much.

natal with transits

prog. with transits

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Ami Anne
Knowflake

Posts: 1635
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 19, 2010 01:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message
Dear Seelah
I wanted to answer and got waylaid
I don't know how to do transits so this is an intuition answer.
I don't feel good about the guy.
That being said, we all have to do what we need to.
Other people may feel things but usually we go where our own heart tells us.
I think your own heart IS with this guy.
Am I right?

------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

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seeleah
Knowflake

Posts: 313
From: kokomo, IN, USA
Registered: Dec 2009

posted October 19, 2010 05:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for seeleah     Edit/Delete Message
yeah, I hate to admit it but it is...

what feelings to you get? he is so confusing to me, it's hard to get at. There have been so many things that happen that I think one thing is going on..and when the dust settles and everything comes to light...yeah, I am the one that looks like the fool....

I would appreciate your thoughts, in more depth if you can...

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Ami Anne
Knowflake

Posts: 1635
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 19, 2010 05:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message
Sure, Seelah
I would be happy to. Throw out what does not fit. Also, I understand what I am saying cuz I have been there

I think you are addicted to him.You have some kind of blind need/want that is driving you.

You are trying to rationalize it in some way so it makes sense to your rational mind but you are losing the battle.

Your rational mind says 'No". Some primal part is gonna go forward no matter what anyone says lol


PS Keep talking either on here and/or with real life friends.
You should not be alone with your own mind,now, cuz it is not clear.
This is my feeling about the whole situation,mainly.
Your mind is not clear so try to find some people whose minds can be clear and objective right now.

------------------
Pluto conjunct Dejanira, Girlfriend.

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seeleah
Knowflake

Posts: 313
From: kokomo, IN, USA
Registered: Dec 2009

posted October 19, 2010 06:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for seeleah     Edit/Delete Message
Ami,

You are completely right, I was very addicted to him. In all honesty, I am very addicted to any guy that I fall in love with. Astrologically I blame venus oppose neptune! but psychologically it is that I am co dependant and just got out of a long marriage.
Here's the thing that is so odd with him this time around. I don't feel that same "addictive" feeling that I had with him before..it's weird. The "urgency" isn't as strong as it used to be. My fear is that it will return, and I can't live like that. I do love him, but I won't live like that. I wonder if it was the shamanic healing I did of release the cords that bind him and I together. My "need" for him started to disappear and then pop, back his here.
He is trying his little butt off to win me back. All the crap and man, things I have said to him... I would of said,"see ya". but he is still here so what is up with that?
Right now my goal is not to focus too much on him, but to really focus on my boys and my money situation which is more important and pressing than my love life. My fear is that I will start to fall heavily back in love with him, and then find out I was a fool Anyways, gonna post the synastry anyways. Just encase. Obviously Venus rx is trying to teach me something, and I better pay attention when teh goddess of love speaks.

synastry.

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