posted October 25, 2010 11:22 PM         

Page 1 and page 8 are lost here.
I am going to try and re-create those two pages.
However I will have to post using my name for everyone and post who posted.

PlutoSquared
iQ
DiandraReborn25
DD
jane
bunnies
GypseeWind

And everyone whom I have yet to reply to on your posts on the previous pages
My apologies for not replying in full yet.
I will reply asap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not a good body day today.
However.....psychologically/emotionally/optimistically a good day!
Except for the bad body day and my thread going wonky.

posted October 25, 2010 11:41 PM         

Suicide
I find myself thinking about it too often.
No, I am not going to.
(or at least I don't think I will?)
However I find myself researching ways to do it.

I am tired of silently crying myself to sleep, or going in another room and biting on something until the urge to cry/scream passes, (cracked a tooth doing that) or claiming my eyes are red from allergies, or my contact lenses are bothering me, or whatever.
It is probably just the last several years of one hardship after another, with still no sign of things getting better.
I do feel like I am only living for the sake of others...people and my cats.
I do enjoy my own company, but frankly all I want to do is sleep until things get better.
But I can't do that either because I am needed.
I want someone to just hold me, let me cry it out and tell me it will all get better.
There is no one however,
and I'd be too shy, and feel too emotionally naked to let go like that probably.
It seems that I am always the one holding and letting other(s) let it all out in my offline life.
So I talk throughout the days and nights, with my good discarnate friends/lovers, and they do their best to comfort me.
I love them all so much.
I find myself going off on OBEs more and more these days to hang out with them.
I am rambling I know...and will most likely feel incredibly stupid for writing all of this later.
Its just where I am at now.
On that note...
call me nutters, but I am
going to trance out and hang out with the "dead" people.

posted October 26, 2010 12:42 AM         

_____________________
ScorpioSMR said:
Hi Lexx,
When I was 13 I was brought back to life after a severe suicide attempt. Though I kicked and screamed and was angry at the doctors for bringing me back, I can say now that I am so very happy that they saved me..and suicide is not worth it.
It's better to let the tears flow out, talk about how you feel , be gentle with yourself, and do things to elevate your mood and lift your energy. Surround yourself around positive loving people and energies. Spend time outdoors in nature, the earth energies are very cleansing. For myself I drew master Reiki symbols a lot on my heart chakra and it helped tremendously. Besides, it is such an honor to bless and serve those around you!
You are Loved.~
Angel
__________________
seeleah said:
You sweetie, when i read your post, I felt like I was reading my own story I am so sorry you are in pain, I can see it, I can hear it...I can feel it...I wished to god I could take it away.
It's hard isn't it? I currently working on a piece of mine that has to do with escaping..that I find myself wanting to escape, and well, yeah...or waiting for someone to come rescue me, then I realized, no one can and no one will... After that realization, I knew it was time to dust my ass off and get moving. hang in there little warrior...
can you post that with transits? I have a seeking suscipions and I want to know if I am right. I know chiron and neptune might be playing with your moon...not sure but if I saw your natal with transits, it would help..and a progress chart with transits might help too.
I know I am not half the astologer that some pple are on here, but I will do whatever I can to help, cause that's what I need and I know that what you need too. love to you honey..love you to.
___________________

Ami Anne said:

quote:

---

It's hard isn't it? I currently working on a piece of mine that has to do with escaping..that I find myself wanting to escape, and well, yeah...or waiting for someone to come rescue me, then I realized, no one can and no one will..

---

I can relate
__________________

posted October 26, 2010 12:42 AM         

Ami Anne

quote:

---

There is just SO much a person can take, isn't there?

---

Yes, and I know you understand that too well.{{{hugs}}}

quote:

---

I wish I could talk to you. I am ALWAYS available ,if you need to talk, night or day.

---

I know. And thank you.
But its so complicated.
_______________________

posted October 26, 2010 12:54 AM         

quote:

---

Hi Lexx,
When I was 13 I was brought back to life after a severe suicide attempt.

---

I can relate to that, born sickly, and intersex(hermaphrodite), and very depressed growing up in an abusive home.

quote:

---

Though I kicked and screamed and was angry at the doctors for bringing me back, I can say now that I am so very happy that they saved me..and suicide is not worth it.

---

Again I can personally relate. And suicide is not worth it, but when in that state of mind, well.....

quote:

---

It's better to let the tears flow out,

---

I cried like two times before age 18, and after a severe breakdown then, I can cry.

quote:

---

talk about how you feel ,

---

I try to do that here...really have no one else offline to really talk to...my husband has been having his own problems (suicide thread at LLC2)

quote:

---

be gentle with yourself, and do things to elevate your mood and lift your energy.

---

I try, but its not always that simple being that I am disabled and still recovering from a mini stroke and my husband's near suicide since August, and several years of pure hell preceeding.

quote:

---

Surround yourself around positive loving people and energies.

---

The energies I can find, but the people offline....very very unlikely. There are several reasons why that is nigh on to impossible.

quote:

---

Spend time outdoors in nature, the earth energies are very cleansing.

---

As I said, I am disabled. I do not get out much and am bed bound too often to boot.

quote: For myself I drew master Reiki symbols a lot on my heart chakra and it helped tremendously.

I shall try that! Thank you!

quote:

---

Besides, it is such an honor to bless and serve those around you!

---

It is, but it seems all I do is serve others offline. But when I need...no one is there usually.

quote:

---

You are Loved.~
Angel

---

I know. I must not forget that.
______________________

posted October 26, 2010 01:04 AM         

quote:

---

You sweetie, when i read your post, I felt like I was reading my own story

---

Omg! I am sorry, sorry to go on about my woes, when others are feeling the same. But maybe the sharing will help all of us?

quote:

---

I am so sorry you are in pain, I can see it, I can hear it...I can feel it...I wished to god I could take it away.

---

I wish I could do the same for you and all in such pain.

quote:

---

It's hard isn't it?

---

Yes, extremely so. I am beyond exhausted, I am sure you understand. Like it takes extra effort just to breathe and blink one's eyes.

quote:

---

I currently working on a piece of mine that has to do with escaping..that I find myself wanting to escape, and well, yeah...or waiting for someone to come rescue me, then I realized, no one can and no one will...

---

I would very much like to read it.

quote:

---

After that realization, I knew it was time to dust my ass off and get moving. hang in there little warrior...

---

I have dusted my ass off so many many times...
Things got better and then wham, literally often in a day or so...all goes to hell again.
LOL...little warrior? Sigh, not so little but have lost over 100 pounds...much more to go...
sigh, used to be a power lifter, could squat 600 pounds ans one arm curl 120 pounds...sigh...long ago...

quote:

---

can you post that with transits? I have a seeking suscipions and I want to know if I am right.

---

I will post 2 charts...not sure if they are what you want.

quote:

---

I know chiron and neptune might be playing with your moon...not sure but if I saw your natal with transits, it would help..and a progress chart with transits might help too.

---

I really appreciate all your hard work reading for me.
I could pay you back by Lexigramming your name?

quote:

---

I know I am not half the astologer that some pple are on here, but I will do whatever I can to help, cause that's what I need and I know that what you need too. love to you honey..love you to.

---

Your skills as an astrologer well exceed my novice attempts. I really do appreciate your helping, I really do!
Love to you too dear one, and many blessings!

posted October 26, 2010 01:21 AM         

quote:

---

Lexx, astrologically speaking, I think this Venus Rx in Scorpio is making lots of people want to off themselves. It's bringing up deep, hard Scorpio issues that hit some charts harder than others.

---

Yes, I think so too...
seems to be an increase in the gloom and doom factor for many folks.

quote:

---

Venus Rx is at 10 Scorpio right now. Right on your Sun-Saturn!! (And that cardinal T-square business would've hit you and your Cap-Cancer AC-DC....aaand that New Moon at 0 Aries on September 23 was definitely a challenge for those of us with early Cappie Ascendents. It was squaring Pluto, and Pluto was conjunct our AC/DCs.

---

That certainly fits.

quote:

---

In my case, a man I love who I guess doesn't love me broke up with me. We both have early Cap Ascendents. I have taken it really, really hard and thought about suicide over the past three weeks, though I wouldn't do it. There is of course all sorts of other really hard stuff going on with me.)

---

Omg! Again, as I told seeleah above, I feel so wrong for going on about my woes when so many like you two are going through it all too.
But maybe the sharing will help us all?

quote:

---

My thought is that things will get a wee bit better and clearer when Venus Rx stations and goes direct over the Scorpio bits of our charts. By that time, the sky won't be fire-less.

---

When will thst be?
Is this a thing affecting mostly Scorpios?

quote:

---

I think that the Scorpio Venus Rx WANTS all of us to go to a deep, deep, dark, dark place--our personal underworld--so that we can transform and be reborn.

---

Indeed! I have been there before and oddly once one opens their eyes and looks up, from that deep abysmal abyss of dark despair...even of its still dark...things begin to make more sense...

quote:

---

There is no quick-fix exit route from a coccoon. The caterpillar in there trying to turn into a butterfly, if you open the coccoon, is just goo. It dies. It's neither the being it was before, nor the new being. So it actually does die, in a way, in order to be transformed!

---

I agree! A recent intense dream of mine involved a chrysalis
experience of myself in metamorphosis.
I hope it comes true.

quote:

---

After Venus completes its back-and-forth Scorpio journey, we will be finished forming into new creatures that can fly.

---

I look forward to that!

quote:

---

For those of us with Pluto moving back and forth over our Ascendants, we have not had a choice about visiting the underworld.

---

That is quite evident!
Seems we must ride out these terrible soul shredding and heart rending storms.

quote:

---

I think you should wait till Venus turns around, goes forward over your Scorpio stellium, and gets off of there and moves into Sag.

---

When will that be?
It is easier to hold on when one has time frames for when things will change.

quote:

---

Saturn, Pluto, Neptune transits get a bad rap, but Venus transits can actually be very stressful, especially Rx--it brings up Venus's shadow side.

---

Oh yes, I have been seeing/feeling all that rather intensely.

quote:

---

I wish you great happiness, health, and love.

---

I wish for you the same, and thank you so much!

posted October 26, 2010 08:35 AM         

quote:

---

Lexx,
I think the crashing of the thread is perhaps a sign of turnaround in your fortunes ?

---

posted October 26, 2010 08:40 AM         

DiandraReborn25

quote:

---

well im sure that all our posts were dearly saved in your heart.

like we did with yours too.

---

These pages still work, BUT PLEASE DO NOT POST DIRECTLY FROM THEM!:

http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/205830-2.html
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/205830-3.html
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/205830-4.html
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/205830-5.html
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/205830-6.html
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/205830-7.html

Page 1 and page 8 are lost here.
I am going to try and re-create those two pages.
However I will have to post using my name for everyone and post who posted.
I have above, already restored/rescued part of page 1 which does not have a direct link any longer, just as page 8 does not.
The links go directly to the rescued pages of 2,3,4,5,6,7 though.

posted October 26, 2010 08:10 PM         

I wish for you better days. I can't comment astrologically, but I am here for you if you need to vent.

I did, after all, remember my email password.

And Yes, YOU ARE LOVED!!!

__________________________
LEXX said:
Ami Anne

quote:

---

There is just SO much a person can take, isn't there?

---

Yes, and I know you understand that too well.{{{hugs}}}

quote:

---

I wish I could talk to you. I am ALWAYS available ,if you need to talk, night or day.

---

I know. And thank you.
But its so complicated.

________________________
LEXX to ScorpioSMR:
ScorpioSMR

quote:

---

Hi Lexx,
When I was 13 I was brought back to life after a severe suicide attempt.

---

I can relate to that, born sickly, and intersex(hermaphrodite), and very depressed growing up in an abusive home.

quote:

---

Though I kicked and screamed and was angry at the doctors for bringing me back, I can say now that I am so very happy that they saved me..and suicide is not worth it.

---

Again I can personally relate. And suicide is not worth it, but when in that state of mind, well.....

quote:

---

It's better to let the tears flow out,

---

I cried like two times before age 18, and after a severe breakdown then, I can cry.

quote:

---

talk about how you feel ,

---

I try to do that here...really have no one else offline to really talk to...my husband has been having his own problems (suicide thread at LLC2)

quote:

---

be gentle with yourself, and do things to elevate your mood and lift your energy.

---

I try, but its not always that simple being that I am disabled and still recovering from a mini stroke and my husband's near suicide since August, and several years of pure hell preceeding.

quote:

---

Surround yourself around positive loving people and energies.

---

The energies I can find, but the people offline....very very unlikely. There are several reasons why that is nigh on to impossible.

quote:

---

Spend time outdoors in nature, the earth energies are very cleansing.

---

As I said, I am disabled. I do not get out much and am bed bound too often to boot.

quote:

---

For myself I drew master Reiki symbols a lot on my heart chakra and it helped tremendously.

---

I shall try that! Thank you!

quote:

---

Besides, it is such an honor to bless and serve those around you!

---

It is, but it seems all I do is serve others offline. But when I need...no one is there usually.

quote:

---

You are Loved.~
Angel

---

I know. I must not forget that.

restoring page 1 continued......
________________________________

posted October 26, 2010 08:24 PM         

quote:

---

You sweetie, when i read your post, I felt like I was reading my own story

---

quote:

---

I am so sorry you are in pain, I can see it, I can hear it...I can feel it...I wished to god I could take it away.

---

quote:

---

It's hard isn't it?

---

quote:

---

I currently working on a piece of mine that has to do with escaping..that I find myself wanting to escape, and well, yeah...or waiting for someone to come rescue me, then I realized, no one can and no one will...

---

quote:

---

After that realization, I knew it was time to dust my ass off and get moving. hang in there little warrior...

---

quote:

---

can you post that with transits? I have a seeking suscipions and I want to know if I am right.

---

quote:

---

I know chiron and neptune might be playing with your moon...not sure but if I saw your natal with transits, it would help..and a progress chart with transits might help too.

---

quote:

---

I know I am not half the astologer that some pple are on here, but I will do whatever I can to help, cause that's what I need and I know that what you need too. love to you honey..love you to.

---

posted October 26, 2010 10:46 PM         

quote:

---

Lexx, astrologically speaking, I think this Venus Rx in Scorpio is making lots of people want to off themselves. It's bringing up deep, hard Scorpio issues that hit some charts harder than others.

---

quote:

---

Venus Rx is at 10 Scorpio right now. Right on your Sun-Saturn!! (And that cardinal T-square business would've hit you and your Cap-Cancer AC-DC....aaand that New Moon at 0 Aries on September 23 was definitely a challenge for those of us with early Cappie Ascendents. It was squaring Pluto, and Pluto was conjunct our AC/DCs.

---

quote:

---

In my case, a man I love who I guess doesn't love me broke up with me. We both have early Cap Ascendents. I have taken it really, really hard and thought about suicide over the past three weeks, though I wouldn't do it. There is of course all sorts of other really hard stuff going on with me.)

---

quote:

---

My thought is that things will get a wee bit better and clearer when Venus Rx stations and goes direct over the Scorpio bits of our charts. By that time, the sky won't be fire-less.

---

quote:

---

I think that the Scorpio Venus Rx WANTS all of us to go to a deep, deep, dark, dark place--our personal underworld--so that we can transform and be reborn.

---

quote:

---

There is no quick-fix exit route from a coccoon. The caterpillar in there trying to turn into a butterfly, if you open the coccoon, is just goo. It dies. It's neither the being it was before, nor the new being. So it actually does die, in a way, in order to be transformed!

---

quote:

---

After Venus completes its back-and-forth Scorpio journey, we will be finished forming into new creatures that can fly.

---

quote:

---

For those of us with Pluto moving back and forth over our Ascendants, we have not had a choice about visiting the underworld.

---

quote:

---

I think you should wait till Venus turns around, goes forward over your Scorpio stellium, and gets off of there and moves into Sag.

---

quote:

---

Saturn, Pluto, Neptune transits get a bad rap, but Venus transits can actually be very stressful, especially Rx--it brings up Venus's shadow side.

---

quote:

---

I wish you great happiness, health, and love.

---

posted October 26, 2010 10:51 PM         

quote:

---

The world would be a much grayer place without you Lexx.

---

quote:

---

I wish for you better days. I can't comment astrologically, but I am here for you if you need to vent.

---

quote:

---

I did, after all, remember my email password.

---

quote:

---

And Yes, YOU ARE LOVED!!!

---

posted October 26, 2010 10:52 PM         

I read a little of your thread about your husband, and it's terrible what you're having to endure. I am very sorry.

Have you thought of trying to take medication, just to take the edge off of what you're going through?

One can only take so much, and a good anti-depressant (especially the correct medication, and starting low working up with dose) might really help you...

I used Lexapro to help me through a very bad year, and I'm glad I did.

Just offering my measly advice. I don't have much else to give, other than that.
_____________________________
LEXX to
PlutoSquared

quote:

---

LEXX,

I read a little of your thread about your husband, and it's terrible what you're having to endure. I am very sorry.

---

quote:

---

Have you thought of trying to take medication, just to take the edge off of what you're going through?

---

quote:

---

One can only take so much, and a good anti-depressant (especially the correct medication, and starting low working up with dose) might really help you...

---

quote:

---

I used Lexapro to help me through a very bad year, and I'm glad I did.

---

quote:

---

Just offering my measly advice. I don't have much else to give, other than that.

---