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Author
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Topic: Finding a good friend
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RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 378
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 24, 2011 04:25 PM
  
After hearing others' experiences as well, I think it doesn't matter how strong the connection between two people...some people just can't be a good friend to anyone. It is more the kind of person you befriend than the connection you have, that makes a good friend.I'm a cancer, so I'm here to teach that love is devotion. And learn that love is freedom. But, are my standards of devotion too high? I don't think so. IP: Logged |
Doux Rêve
Knowflake Posts: 120
From: Everywhere :)
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted January 24, 2011 04:58 PM
I've always felt so attracted to Cancers. Unfortunately, to me, they are too changing and unreliable. I don't know whether they can really be as "loving" and "caring" as they are so often described. I like them a lot and get attached really fast but always end up being hurt and feel rejected. You guys can be some of the most inconsiderate people ever.What is it that you guys need ?! friendship or love, doesn't matter. They always hurt me. 
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blonderiverkat
Moderator Posts: 633
From: Tri-Sate Area, USA
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted January 24, 2011 05:26 PM
RAS...in my book, you nailed it...Love is devotion AND freedom...as well as patience, selflessness, and acceptance...
I am not sure about the Cancer thing Doux...my youngest is a Cancer, and although...yes...moodswings...he gets very attached to people, and adores his gf...dotes on her...and tells me he loves me all the time! People love him, he makes friends easily, and will do pretty much anything for those he is close to, animals love him as well, and he them...he is only 16 too...he is very hard headed however, although that is subsiding a bit...  ------------------
'Anything and Everything is possible with Anything and Everything' IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 5560
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 24, 2011 05:31 PM
I think you have to have a good synastry with a friend in the same way you need one with a partner.------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune.
Me IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 5560
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted January 24, 2011 05:31 PM
I think you have to have a good synastry with a friend in the same way you need one with a partner.------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
You must face,touch and feel the dregs of Nessus before you can grasp the pristine beauty of Neptune.
Me IP: Logged |
Moons Of Jupiter
Knowflake Posts: 138
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2010
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posted January 24, 2011 07:23 PM
There are times where you try and try, but you can't honestly meet someone's needs, something is just OFF. Problem with Cancers is that they keep trying, because they hate to let anyone down, and there is an insecurity about being a disappointment to someone. This is the whole lesson about learning to 'let go'. Being a perfect friend takes TWO, believe it or not. IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 3104
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 24, 2011 07:49 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I think you have to have a good synastry with a friend in the same way you need one with a partner.
So true.
All the same. IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 378
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 02:50 AM
No. Synastry doesnt matter when the person's natal chart shows they wouldnt make a good friend, in my opinion.IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 378
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 02:54 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
I've always felt so attracted to Cancers. Unfortunately, to me, they are too changing and unreliable. I don't know whether they can really be as "loving" and "caring" as they are so often described. I like them a lot and get attached really fast but always end up being hurt and feel rejected. You guys can be some of the most inconsiderate people ever.What is it that you guys need ?! friendship or love, doesn't matter. They always hurt me.
I am so sorry to hear that. I've recently been very hurt by someone and realized that people are (almost everyone is, i guess) much more emotionally shallow than I am.
Care to tell me about some of your experiences with them being inconsiderate? Maybe i can help :/ By the way, I dont think cancers fear letting others down inasmuch as they're just loyal and cant stop loving. We think that we can forgive anything the person does because we see past that to the person we once said we care about IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 378
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 02:59 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Moons Of Jupiter:
There are times where you try and try, but you can't honestly meet someone's needs, something is just OFF. Problem with Cancers is that they keep trying, because they hate to let anyone down, and there is an insecurity about being a disappointment to someone. This is the whole lesson about learning to 'let go'. Being a perfect friend takes TWO, believe it or not.
But something is always going to be "off" in a relationship. It's only about knowing that you are two people who care about each other, and trusting that you both care...the rest can be worked out. UnLESS they show themselves to be complete scum in some way. Then it's over.
A good relationship is one that SPECIALIZES IN FORGIVENESS. If you dont learn that..ur never gonna be happy with someone.
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RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 378
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 03:14 AM
Trust me, I've had great synastry with some people. Sun-venus-mercury stelliums in the composite. And some people are just bad people. Shallow and selfish.IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 3104
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 25, 2011 03:24 AM
quote:
Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
No. Synastry doesnt matter when the person's natal chart shows they wouldnt make a good friend, in my opinion.
It's a relative opinion.
We're not all constructed with the same needs/desires.
Just because you may feel burned by someone does not mean another would not find worth in them.
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RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 378
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 03:26 AM
Actually, that's true. Yeah. Hmm. I guess two shallow selfish people could easily find substance in each other...yeah. IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 3104
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 25, 2011 03:36 AM
There are a lot of shallow/selfish people who find friends in each other, that's how I know this 
Like attracts like, imo.
Your friend may not be a carbon copy of you, but they represent some portion of you, cos that's the level where you 2 clicked. But there comes a time in relationships where you realize that whatever held you together in the beginning isn't as strong because you're growing in different directions, and you can't stand by it because it's not in agreement with your principles/needs/desires in some form or another. So either you talk it over and compromise, take a break, or break up. Sad but it happens in almost all relationships, I'll say 98% of them, there's that rare match who say they always blend splendidly (may be lying, who knows..).It's hard sometimes to know when to pull the plug, and hard to do cos you wish the good times you had before were still there..
I had to end a friendship last yr over something (our principles in big conflict). Technically a good decision, but it still hurt. IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 378
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 03:54 AM
But friendships end when one of the two people gives up. Don't give up!! Fight for understanding!Me and my cappy best friend always argue...but after each argument we come out feeling like we have taught each other something and seen something from a different perspective. Sometimes the most fulfilling way is NOT to give up. IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 3104
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 25, 2011 04:10 AM
Well I pushed for an open ear and a willingness to admit fault, and it was not forthcoming, which was interesting when I laid my mistakes out on the table and admitted mine.
I expect the other to admit their wrongdoings in return.
I don't really know how I am supposed to work with that? When there's nothing to work with.
There was something that needed to be untangled, but both people need to participate in the process.
To me this shows that both people care about the relationship surviving.
That was the 1st and only big misunderstanding/argument.
I was surprised. I thought they were capable of more than that.IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 378
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 12:45 PM
Maybe they were very hurt by what you were criticizing about them, and felt rejected....so they rejected you.Did you perhaps need to forgive them or be more accepting of their faults? Sometimes it takes losing someone temporarily for a person to realize that they need to change their ways. Depends on how much they missed you while you were gone But, love needs two things 1. trust that the other person cares. And if u dont trust it...try believing it for a while, and see if it works out.
2. commitment--both of the people understand that any relationship takes work. if the other person doesnt see this..try to explain it to them my 2 cents
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Doux Rêve
Knowflake Posts: 120
From: Everywhere :)
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 03:22 PM
RunAroundScreaming, I understand that I may be taking things too personally, and that sometimes people are just in a bad mood and don't care about how they treat you. But I have 4 Cancer friends and they're all the same way. They often act like they don't give a **** about me when I talk to them. They don't ignore me, but they seem aloof/annoyed. And then the next day they tell me how much they love me, miss me. I don't understand. I am pretty constant in my behaviour, so I can't stand it when people are so changing. It may not be just because they are Cancers of course, but I think the moodiness plays a big part. IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 3104
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted January 25, 2011 03:23 PM
Yea it's a no-go. It's fine since really I'm better off without their influence since it was throwing me off track .IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 378
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 04:44 PM
Doux Reve, what sign are you?IP: Logged |
Doux Rêve
Knowflake Posts: 120
From: Everywhere :)
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 04:49 PM
I almost wrote "Guess it".
But no.
I'm a Scorpio.
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RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 378
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 07:27 PM
lol, is this a typical feeling of scorpios toward cancers, or summin.How would i have known? IP: Logged |
Moons Of Jupiter
Knowflake Posts: 138
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2010
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posted January 25, 2011 08:06 PM
I agree, Scorpio towards Cancer can never seem to get enough. None of my other friends give me the feedback that my Scorpio Moon & Asc friend gives me - and it's messed with me over the years. Like no matter how much time I spend with her, how there I am for her, I'm still no good. Pretty much all her other friends have abandoned her, I am the only one left still hanging around, but it's still not good enough unless I give her my complete attention 24/7 and talk about the same issues over and over and over again, all day and night. At least this is from my perspective. I think what she needs is a soul mate and a life partner, but since it hasn't happened yet, the need is transferred onto friendships. I think it's a thing lonely and hurt people do, so I try to understand... ...but from a Cancer's perspective, to be perfectly honest, I find her draining, dramatic, repetitive, self-absorbed and way too 'high and mighty'. I know all about dwelling on things, and I thought Scorpio was in some ways a lot tougher than Cancer, but actually, when it comes down to moving on from destructive behavioral patterns, they're not. But we're stuck with each other, for better or worse. To be fair, she is intelligent, insightful, and one of a kind.
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