posted February 02, 2011 08:36 PM            

I have had this experience a few times but mainly with those two relationships that were most important to me. Why are other people constantly getting involved?

I am having some problems with a man I've mentioned here a few times, a man I am in love with --- NOT - because of anything I have done... But because of something my friends have done. And THIS is not the first time this kind of thing happens. Does this happen to everyone or is it just me?

Basically the man in question has received two emails which have made him take a step back and feel awkward about our relationship.
And do you know the catch?
The emails were NOT sent by me. They were sent from my email address BUT -- NOT by me. A friend of mine sent these emails and I know she had the best intentions, but it was still a very very STUPID thing to do. I'd given her my password last week because she needed to print something out (it seemed like the easiest thing to do at the time) and I forgot to change my password. I mean I TRUST this friend - I've known her for years.

It's not so much that I am blaming her.. BUT It's such a stuffed up situation.

I can't admit what happened and tell *Him* that it wasn't me who sent the emails... because that way he would know that another person (my friend) is aware of our relationship and reading my emails with him - and getting involved.
He would be SOOOOOOO upset about this because he doesn't think *anyone* knows.. since it would affect his career very badly if it got out.

Anyway - I am writing this because this is not the first time I have been in this kind of situation... and in the past my hands were tied as much as they are now.

So here I am now trying to explain an email to this guy - that I never even sent... grrrrrrrr

I mean it's so ironic he said that "I didn't sound like myself".. WELL DOH!

WHY does this happen to me?

My only conclusion is that I should zip it and never talk to anyone about my relationships -- but this is so difficult. I need to *talk*. I'm a woman. I need at least ONE friend to talk to. I can't keep absolutely everything to myself. My head would explode.
But it seems every time I open up - the person gets *involved*.

posted February 02, 2011 08:52 PM            

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:

My only conclusion is that I should zip it and never talk to anyone about my relationships -- but this is so difficult. I need to *talk*. I'm a woman. I need at least ONE friend to talk to. I can't keep absolutely everything to myself. My head would explode.
But it seems every time I open up - the person gets *involved*.

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posted February 03, 2011 12:28 AM            

IDK about your friend sending him a message, I agree that doesnt make much sense on why she would do that.. Especially if she knows the situation..

I know as women, we need to talk and get things out.. I use LL for that... My friends dont know anything about pisces...

posted February 03, 2011 01:00 AM            

I understand not wanting other people to know about the relationship, but assuming at some point it becomes 'something more' other people will find out anyway, if they haven't already guessed. (It's been my experience that people usually KNOW before anyone says anything anyway, even when you are trying really hard to hide it).

...And consider doing a better job of screening your friends in the future.

posted February 03, 2011 01:09 AM            

Obviously it's also time to change your email password.

I've never had a friend do anything quite that intrusive, but I've noticed that even though I have an idea in my head that confiding in female friends about my relationship and getting comfort, support, and advice will help, actually it doesn't help at all! Lots of times it encourages my worst tendencies--like turning things into a story instead of letting them unfold naturally...obsessing about the guy...looking for validation from the guy.

After my most recent relationship ended, one of the things I'd wished is that I'd been much more private about it...kept things just between myself and him.

posted February 03, 2011 03:17 AM            

Ay, lady, you have your H12 ruler of your downfall, Venus, in the 11th house of friends, opposite Pluto in the 5th house of love affairs.
(Oh there ya go, Pluto rules the 6th, is he a co-worker or a person above you at work??)
Please, don't get the friends involved in the future.
Or do they get all Plutonian on you and have to know what's up in your love life at all times?
Plus you have Mars conj Neptune on Dsc blurring boundaries, and Mars is the ruler of the 11th house of friends, and Mars also is one indicator of the males in your life.

Why don't you and the gals do Tarot or some other Scorpionic activity to plug into that energy, instead of letting them in on everything. JMO.

"My only conclusion is that I should zip it and never talk to anyone about my relationships -- but this is so difficult. I need to *talk*. I'm a woman. I need at least ONE friend to talk to. I can't keep absolutely everything to myself. My head would explode.
But it seems every time I open up - the person gets *involved*.

Am I cursed with some natal aspects that show very nosy friends who can't mind their own business? "

I read this part only now, lol.

Yes please stay away, if you have to share, just be cryptic about it.
Be VERY venus/pluto about it.
Or share with strangers, lol.
Strangers who can't access your computer or your address book!
Yes there are things in your chart that relate to this.

ETA,
Oh I see now..........
Your H3 ruler is the Sun in the 11th.
I can see now why it would be difficult to not share these things..
plus it's also square your Moon in Cap in the 8th..so you're getting some emotional repercussions from this.
Moon in Cap in the 8th also says to keep your mouth shut, just like venus/pluto..
Well it would be hard to do both,
So final analysis:
Share what you like, but be sure to do it very selectively.
your Moon in the 8th should be intuitive enough to ferret out people's motives, and if the information would not do good in their hands. Just think of these things as lessons learned.

Whether you want to tell him or not is up to you.
My bet is he has his own lil bag of things he's hiding from you, as well.
So unless you really see this going somewhere long term-ish, then just lay low to avoid any $hit-storm.

posted February 03, 2011 10:08 AM            

I guess that maybe you need to ask that people not "help" when you talk about your relationships.

I don't know. It would just make me really angry to have someone meddling. You hesitate to tell him what happened, because your friend apparently said something legitimate that you want to address, but you would have preferred to have control of the timing.

I don't know. It's bad. I don't think your friends view you as helpless (know you too well to think that). Perhaps they feel like you don't have a plan to deal with the issues you're telling them. Maybe you should hold back from elaborating too much. Maybe the case you present them is so overwhelming, they feel the need to make it right for you. Don't let them feel your pain so much. If you're going to handle things, or if you're alternatively going to accept them as they are, that should maybe be part of your conversations with your friends.

posted February 05, 2011 03:24 AM            

We have been giving each other the silent treatment the past couple of days. He wanted to talk about the email and I was trying to dodge the conversation so he told me he had nothing else to say – if I refuse to discuss the email. I’m giving him time to cool off.

I’m not sure whether I seem helpless because I can’t see myself from a 3rd person perspective. But I have never explicitly asked for help nor did I want help. I simply wanted someone to listen. Often things build up because I don’t open up – and eventually it’s too much – so I just need spill.

For those of you who encouraged me to tell him the truth – I would really like honesty to be the best policy here. But, knowing him, I really think – the reality of my friend getting my password, reading his prior emails to me and replying – would upset him more – than the actual emails he received. I am still thinking about it though, so I might tell him –sigh-

Enchantress – What you said makes so much sense. This situation is a bit complicated though. If you were in my shoes I think you’d understand. I can’t really explain it in so many words.

Lonake - Thanks so much for the really interesting astrological insights!

quote:

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That's what comes to mind for me.
So did she send them all of a sudden without thinking?

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Not really – She thought about it and spent some time composing the emails, but she was under pain killers.. Is that also Uranian? She said she wouldn’t have gone through with it, if it wasn’t for the amount of codeine she took that day.

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Oh there ya go, Pluto rules the 6th, is he a co-worker or a person above you at work?[/quote[

You are spot on. He was above me (past tense).

[quote] Please, don't get the friends involved in the future.
Or do they get all Plutonian on you and have to know what's up in your love life at all times?

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Actually – That is spot on again.
I generally attract people – Not just friends but even acquaintances who ask a million questions about my life. Normally I avoid answering. But those rare times when I do give answers – It always ends up in a really stuffed up situation. And I kick myself for it.

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Why don't you and the gals do Tarot or some other Scorpionic activity to plug into that energy

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Interesting… I didn’t realize my friends are Scorpionic in nature – but that’s true. Good idea ☺

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Yes please stay away, if you have to share, just be cryptic about it.
Be VERY venus/pluto about it.
Or share with strangers, lol.
Strangers who can't access your computer or your address book!
Yes there are things in your chart that relate to this.

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As much as I wanted to stay away myself… I actually needed someone to say that to me.

I’ll just come back and read this paragraph when I feel like talking again… lol And I’ll picture you screaming “ PLEASE STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Sharing with strangers ….. hmmmmmmmph
The thing is I feel awkward about that. I feel like they can’t really give me advice because they don’t know me well enough.

When I try to be cryptic – people get extra curious. Does that happen to you? lol

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Share what you like, but be sure to do it very selectively.
your Moon in the 8th should be intuitive enough to ferret out people's motives, and if the information would not do good in their hands.

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Lonake – Basically even when I am extremely selective and careful - I STILL get a slap in the face. So I think I’ll go with saying nothing.

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Whether you want to tell him or not is up to you.
My bet is he has his own lil bag of things he's hiding from you, as well.
So unless you really see this going somewhere long term-ish, then just lay low to avoid any $hit-storm.

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My Pisces side has two little fish swimming happily and doing flips in a pond right now because they feel very understood!

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BTW what about the guy who proposed. did that go anywhere?

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He still wants us to get married. Usually when we go out, he introduces me as his gf. Both of our parents think we are engaged… so….
Make of that what you will lol
I do like him, I’m just not really sure if I can be as serious as he is… If Leo guy wasn’t in the picture I would be more sure.

Venus di Sirius – This friend is not envious or malicious in any way. But I know what you mean about attracting envy for my exalted Sun and Mars vibes. It’s a good thing I have Neptune conjunct Mars. It mellows this down.

AG – I think you’re developing psychic abilities.

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You hesitate to tell him what happened, because your friend apparently said something legitimate that you want to address, but you would have preferred to have control of the timing.

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That is exactly how I felt – I could not have put it better.
It wasn’t the right timing.. and it also wasn’t the right tone. I have my own way of writing and speaking which is not very emotive. This girl tends to exaggerate emotionally – saying things like “HOW could you?” – which I would never normally say in an email to him.

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Maybe the case you present them is so overwhelming, they feel the need to make it right for you. Don't let them feel your pain so much

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This is true. It could be that because of my AC I seem more emotional about a situation than I actually am deep down.

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If you're going to handle things, or if you're alternatively going to accept them as they are, that should maybe be part of your conversations with your friends.

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posted February 05, 2011 04:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
She said she wouldn’t have gone through with it, if it wasn’t for the amount of codeine she took that day.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
I generally attract people – Not just friends but even acquaintances who ask a million questions about my life.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
I feel like they can’t really give me advice because they don’t know me well enough.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
When I try to be cryptic – people get extra curious. Does that happen to you? lol

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quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
Basically even when I am extremely selective and careful - I STILL get a slap in the face.

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posted February 05, 2011 09:58 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
Thank you all for taking the time to read this and for your advice!

We have been giving each other the silent treatment the past couple of days. He wanted to talk about the email and I was trying to dodge the conversation so he told me he had nothing else to say – if I refuse to discuss the email. I’m giving him time to cool off.

I have ever been amazed at how men and women both seem to believe things will get better if they just don't talk about them for a while...

I’m not sure whether I seem helpless because I can’t see myself from a 3rd person perspective. But I have never explicitly asked for help nor did I want help. I simply wanted someone to listen. Often things build up because I don’t open up – and eventually it’s too much – so I just need spill.

For those of you who encouraged me to tell him the truth – I would really like honesty to be the best policy here. But, knowing him, I really think – the reality of my friend getting my password, reading his prior emails to me and replying – would upset him more – than the actual emails he received. I am still thinking about it though, so I might tell him –sigh-

This sounds very much like you want to control his reactions by determining what information he is and isn't capable of handling. Maybe that's a misperception on my part, and if so, my apologies. But (charts aside) this does not seem like a healthy dynamic to incorporate into a significant relationship. Just my two cents.

Enchantress – What you said makes so much sense. This situation is a bit complicated though. If you were in my shoes I think you’d understand. I can’t really explain it in so many words.

Lonake - Thanks so much for the really interesting astrological insights!

Yes, you’re right about this. I wasn’t clear about the fact that I was happy to wait and resolve this problem in my own time. I didn’t really tell my friend that I accepted the situation.
Hmmm I wonder why… Pisces Mercury is strange. Sometimes I will feel something so strongly or think it so intently that I end up under the impression that the other person – knows how I feel, or that it should be obvious to them – when actually, since I never said it – It probably was not at all obvious.

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As for the actual chart-related stuff, the disposits tell the story IMHO. Jupiter and a weakened Mercury under an empowered Neptune in 7th house (who is leaching energy off a weakened Mars as well) - Neptune under obliging Saturn, and Saturn under Jupiter - this sets up a circular rationalization for you when it comes to friends in general, most likely because you think you somehow
"owe" them.

Pluto takes a dominant role as well. Domiciled and functionally trining AC & MC (Jupiter under Saturn's control) Pluto pulls extra strength from the opportunistic relationship with Neptune while Saturn draws from the generous trine with Aries Sun, who is weakend as well (despite the exaltation and noble intentions of the second decante) by falling under the debilitated Mars.

posted February 05, 2011 02:09 PM            

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AG – I think you’re developing psychic abilities.

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posted February 05, 2011 08:40 PM            

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Omg I literally lol'ed at that one.
Nah I'm gonna put that ALL on Neptune.
I would be driven insane.

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LOL Lonake – Well she is a Pisces…

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Is this you polarizing to the Venus equation in that opposition, I wonder?
Act Plutonian and see what happens.

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Yes, that’s possible. I’ll try asking more intrusive questions myself – although it really isn’t my style lol
But I’ll see if I can.

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you can't wait until they ask THE DREADED QUESTION, you gotta take the bull by the horns from the get-go. Be a smooth operator.

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Hehehehe LOL

Ok gotcha.. Smooth operator!
I’m a smoooooooth operator…

Totally!

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even if you're 100% up front you're still gonna be viewed through a filtered lens which is the other person's past experience & their idea of you (however they wanna see you)

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Yes - That’s true. I get what you’re saying. But sometimes I need the connection of actually talking, rather than just typing. Maybe I could ‘talk’ to strangers? Lol I’m not paying for a psychologist though. I could always start raving like a maniac to people on the bus or something…

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No point of entry, no smiles, practically no emotion, just a short cryptic phrase and a sign in the window that says 'don't go there

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I make them uncomfortable on purpose.

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It takes me some time to get to a point where I am cold towards someone and make them uncomfortable intentionally.
That’s all great advice! I agree that you have to set boundaries and enforce them. I do actually do this – but I have a high threshold with people. Maybe I should lower it lol

Thank you Lonake

StJake – Welcome to LL and Thank You for taking the time to study my chart and give me your astrological opinions.
I take it you are saying Saturn and Pluto are stronger in my chart than my Sun and Mars. That’s an interesting interpretation. I’ll have to think on it.

I must say though – that I disagree with those astrologers who claim Neptune to be a debilitating influence. I’m in the positive/happy astrologer club. You can recognize this club by the huge signs on the doorway saying:

“For the last time – Liz Greene – Go Away! Your membership has been denied. Build a bridge. Get over it!”

I’ve decided to join this club upon having read some seriously misguided interpretations about:

- My mother being a cold-hearted cow (which she is NOT), courtesy of my Capricorn Moon;

- My mind being weak and academically doomed (which is about as far from reality as one could get) – courtesy of my so-called “debilitated” Pisces Mercury, the same debilitated Mercury that worked his butt off and helped me get both an H1 Hons and currently a PhD;

- My inability to decide on a career (when I actually knew what I wanted to do since I was 6 years old and I stood by it to this day) – courtesy of my Pisces MC;

And finally about…

- My aimless drifting through life and the Neptunian fog surrounding my actions courtesy of my debilitated Mars – a Mars that can definitely pack a punch when needed, in its own very particular and Neptunian style.

So you can see why I am not all that ‘into’ the debilitated placement story. It’s not what you have – or how big it is – it’s the way you use it!

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Pluto, on the other hand, loosely conjuncts your SNode, opposite Venus, while pulling a loose grand trine to both critical angles. This, plus a progressed AC opposite your moon (and the T-Square with Chiron @ 10 degrees-ish of Geminii) may make it very easy to use your natural beauty and charm to help things go your way. But it will be important to learn the bonding lessons of true intimacy, or there is a danger of falling into a pattern of using sex to get your way.

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This is very true. I try to use my sexuality in a very controlled manner though, which seems morally ok to me.

I have learnt so much about true intimacy and love from the man I mention in this thread. He has a Venus/Pluto conjunction. People with this conjunction have taught me a LOT.

Thanks again Jake!