Author
|
Topic: How to deal with Clingy Cancers ?
|
swirl-kitt Knowflake Posts: 271 From: Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted March 04, 2011 08:50 PM
I met this guy a week ago and we made out for 4 days straight lolThere is alot of chemistry but he is too clingy ! I'm a scorpio so I love intensity but he is whining all the time, he says he wants to see me all the time, sends me texts non-stop during the day, and the night, and when he calls he just goes on and on and on.. He seems to resent it way too much when I say I need a day off.. anyone has any idea how to deal with this ? do they change over time ? I feel so tired ! and he is so cute IP: Logged |
swirl-kitt Knowflake Posts: 271 From: Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted March 04, 2011 08:51 PM
he is a uni student so he has a lot of free time, which doesn't help at all IP: Logged |
Lucia23 Knowflake Posts: 2395 From: Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted March 04, 2011 08:58 PM
In my experience (my own, with Pisces guys; lots and lots of my friends, with Cancer guys), some of these cardinal or mutable water guys come on soooo clingy and mushy and over-the-top in the first few weeks of dating...then they swimmyfish or crabwalk in the other direction! They start acting all weird and squirrely and it's not clear what's going on.I say, if you like him, enjoy this clingy period...the harder one to ride out is the weird, mixed-message period that comes next. During the cling, if you want to get him to back off without hurting him, just always give a specific next time you will see him, and reasons for the blow-off: "I want some one-on-one time with my friend tonight, I can't wait to see you at 3 tomorrow." IP: Logged |
mochai Knowflake Posts: 1168 From: Charon Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted March 04, 2011 09:30 PM
My sag style relationship approach.Do what's called a compliment sandwich. Say I really really really like you. Making out is absolutely fabulous, and it's so nice to finally meet someone whose depth and passion, their intensity, I can truly vibe with. I really value what I've found in you so far. The only thing that really worries me, is as much as I like to spend time with you, I need some independent time now and again (insert personal example like for me I have to recharge my batteries and reorient myself to feel safe.. sometimes things just hit my trauma button and I have to calm down even though the person is perfect). I can appreciate if you need someone to be with more often than not, but I know I can't last in a relationship with the requirements and time commitments that I've seen so far between us. I'll be really saddened if that means we can't be together and don't work out, but I'll respect the right thing for you just as I know what the right thing for me is. Again, the chemistry is amazing and I have loved so much the time I have spent with you, but I don't know how I can continue like this when I know I need the space requirements that seem to make that hard. Just how I work, but it is long winded. Two people in my family are cancers but closer to the cusp of leo and they can be very cold and detached not to mention secretive and independent. One has a gemini moon, the other aries. I think it depends some on the cancer and chart (the other cancer sun I know seems kosher with more space). I did something similar with a pisces friend I had really enjoyed spending time with, but I ended up taking 3 months to text him again and now he doesn't talk to me (I'm too sag/uranus lol). That's prolly a sign I'll never work with IP: Logged |
swirl-kitt Knowflake Posts: 271 From: Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted March 04, 2011 09:52 PM
Lucia- I'll definitely keep that in mind ! I don't think he will be this clingy forever ! You're right, maybe I should appreciate it a little :P I admit noone ever paid so much attention to me. MOchai- I'll try to memorize some of the lines that you've suggested I had to hang up the phone while he was still talking last night ,lol. We said good night for at least 5 times !! I told him I needed sleep terribly and he still didn't get it. He was a bit drunk though. IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming Moderator Posts: 7833 From: Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted March 05, 2011 05:31 AM
Lol i think this thread's funny )As a cancer, I'm definitely clingy when a relationship is starting. It's because I feel insecure and need to have that reassurance all the time that I am liked just as much. I will do a lot of pursuing for that person to give me their time and attention. Then when i'm convinced they like me just as much, i grow distant. Lol. Then i expect them to chase me. I am kinda like aries in that way. I just become absorbed in my own matters and ignore the other person, expecting them to lead and do all the work. Even if we live together, i would just be in my own little world doing my own thing and expect them to start the conversations with me. So, i'm telling you, if ur cancer is anything like me, SerioUsly....enjoy this period of pure and total bliss in comparison to the arid desert environment that's soon to come. Lol. Seriously. Just warnin ya. Very lazy and introverted signs, we cancers. It is not in our habit to take the initiative, and we usualky fall back into that state of laziness i was talking about earlier. but we feel the best when we DO take initiative obviously, so a great relationship is one where we feel comfortable enough to take the initiative because that means we feel comfortable enough to be ourselves and not be afraid. so at least be happy that he is pursuing you right now. Oh, and also, gotta warn ya, be ready to deal with lots of fears and defense mechanisms. Cancers are all about fears, we have so much fear. And usually you will have to assuage our fears for us. But we get over it quickly with a few words of practical advice. We're like virgo in that way ....not so much worry-warts tho, just lots of inexperience and need reassurance. But if u take the time to be nice, friendly, and very very kind with us, and most of all friendly and happy and talkative you will have a fun cancer at ur disposal always showring u with attention. IP: Logged |
Stawr Moderator Posts: 2721 From: N. America Registered: Nov 2010
|
posted March 05, 2011 12:55 PM
My advice is RUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!!! LOL Guys that do that are crazy! After what I went through with my tripple Cancer ex (moon, mars, mercury) My ex use to call me like every 20 minutes. It really didn't get old after a few weeks. Yes my ex had lots of time on his hands. The only thing he did back then was work under the table.I also liked the attention at first. But then you realize damn I can never just read a magazine anymore, or get anything done around the house. After everything I've been through with that guy...I now run from guys like that. But if it goes any farther for you I hope he isn't crazy. IP: Logged |
Stawr Moderator Posts: 2721 From: N. America Registered: Nov 2010
|
posted March 05, 2011 01:26 PM
"Say I really really really like you. Making out is absolutely fabulous, and it's so nice to finally meet someone whose depth and passion, their intensity, I can truly vibe with. I really value what I've found in you so far. The only thing that really worries me, is as much as I like to spend time with you, I need some independent time now and again (insert personal example like for me I have to recharge my batteries and reorient myself to feel safe.. sometimes things just hit my trauma button and I have to calm down even though the person is perfect). I can appreciate if you need someone to be with more often than not, but I know I can't last in a relationship with the requirements and time commitments that I've seen so far between us. I'll be really saddened if that means we can't be together and don't work out, but I'll respect the right thing for you just as I know what the right thing for me is. Again, the chemistry is amazing and I have loved so much the time I have spent with you, but I don't know how I can continue like this when I know I need the space requirements that seem to make that hard."I am not good at talking like this lol. I'm sure my life would be easier if I did. I can do it sometimes though. But people that know how to talk like this are talented and smart, I must say. IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming Moderator Posts: 7833 From: Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted March 05, 2011 02:04 PM
? How can you can not do that? How is that even possible *scratches head* you can talk, can't you? LolRead it off this page if u have to, for god's sake woman! . You can do it. It's not that hard lol. Just dont be afraid to hurt him. (Any normal person wouldnt be hurt) IP: Logged |
blugrey Knowflake Posts: 1006 From: Nowhere Registered: Nov 2010
|
posted March 05, 2011 02:30 PM
-IP: Logged |
Benedict Moon* Knowflake Posts: 2791 From: Avendesora Registered: May 2009
|
posted March 05, 2011 02:36 PM
In my experience with people like that, you either put up with or move on. A 'compromise' will just hurt their feelings. I was once with a Scorpio Sun/Pisces Moon/Libra Venus who was of a very similar manner, and it was difficult to put up with having a 12th house stellium and Virgo Moon...I need 'me' time to clear my head/think/regenerate. Though if he's a Cancer, sooner or later he'll need 'me' time to recharge his batteries too. I'm thinking maybe he's just in the honeymoon loveydovey phase right now, actually. Eventually he'll want to go back into his shell to release all the energy he's picked up. As a Cancer stellium (but female) I think the only time I ever came off clingy was back in highschool when the aforementioned person above was sending me mixed messages. Nowadays I'm way reserved and too much into my inner world to care if someone doesn't feel like hanging out today. IP: Logged |
EverEvolvingSpirit Knowflake Posts: 954 From: A Place of Pure Love <3 Registered: Feb 2011
|
posted March 05, 2011 03:58 PM
quote: Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming: Lol i think this thread's funny )As a cancer, I'm definitely clingy when a relationship is starting. It's because I feel insecure and need to have that reassurance all the time that I am liked just as much. I will do a lot of pursuing for that person to give me their time and attention. Then when i'm convinced they like me just as much, i grow distant. Lol. Then i expect them to chase me. I am kinda like aries in that way. I just become absorbed in my own matters and ignore the other person, expecting them to lead and do all the work. Even if we live together, i would just be in my own little world doing my own thing and expect them to start the conversations with me. So, i'm telling you, if ur cancer is anything like me, SerioUsly....enjoy this period of pure and total bliss in comparison to the arid desert environment that's soon to come. Lol. Seriously. Just warnin ya. Very lazy and introverted signs, we cancers. It is not in our habit to take the initiative, and we usualky fall back into that state of laziness i was talking about earlier. but we feel the best when we DO take initiative obviously, so a great relationship is one where we feel comfortable enough to take the initiative because that means we feel comfortable enough to be ourselves and not be afraid. so at least be happy that he is pursuing you right now. Oh, and also, gotta warn ya, be ready to deal with lots of fears and defense mechanisms. Cancers are all about fears, we have so much fear. And usually you will have to assuage our fears for us. But we get over it quickly with a few words of practical advice. We're like virgo in that way ....not so much worry-warts tho, just lots of inexperience and need reassurance. But if u take the time to be nice, friendly, and very very kind with us, and most of all friendly and happy and talkative you will have a fun cancer at ur disposal always showring u with attention.
I can relate to you 100%
IP: Logged |
EverEvolvingSpirit Knowflake Posts: 954 From: A Place of Pure Love <3 Registered: Feb 2011
|
posted March 05, 2011 04:01 PM
quote: Originally posted by blugrey: Cancers are only clinging when they are unsure of where they stand with someone and they need lots of regular reassurance. If you can just let them know regularly that you care and are going to be there for them, they don't get clingy. I've never had any Cancer be clingy to me because I'm always there for them ASAP and I reassure them. You don't have to be around them tons, but just send little messages to let him know you are thinking about him and pay attention to what he says he likes and give him little things that fit that to let him know you are listening and want to make him feel good. Later when he's comfortable, Cancers need their space a lot too. So don't worry. I'm a Gemini and I need SPACE! haha But Cancers are definitely good at giving it! They just need reassurance from time to time.
Good advice, I (Cancer moon, Mercury and Venus) would feel good with this treatment and for the most part won't get clingy IP: Logged |
Cynnared Knowflake Posts: 1073 From: Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted March 06, 2011 12:53 AM
quote: Originally posted by Stawr: My advice is RUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!!! LOL Guys that do that are crazy! After what I went through with my tripple Cancer ex (moon, mars, mercury) My ex use to call me like every 20 minutes. It really didn't get old after a few weeks. Yes my ex had lots of time on his hands. The only thing he did back then was work under the table.I also liked the attention at first. But then you realize damn I can never just read a magazine anymore, or get anything done around the house. After everything I've been through with that guy...I now run from guys like that. But if it goes any farther for you I hope he isn't crazy.
Best answer I have seen....Run, run like hell and stay half a globe away from them. Once upon a time, I dated a man with a cancer moon. I have a cancer moon too but being with this guy was sheer hell. He wanted me over at his place every single night and shortly after we met he was talking about me moving in and wanting me to help him renovate his place. If I ever mentioned that I wanted alone time, he would get paranoid and upset thinking I didn't love him any more and that some other guy was around. After 8 weeks of dating him - we split up. And then very quickly he found another woman - well a week before we broke up he asked this woman out and voila. His sun is in aqua and jupiter in gemini in the 7th.....I guess he is supposed to have multiples of relationships.... NOT ALL Cancers are clingy. There are some really good down to earth supportive Cancers who will give you your space. I have a dear Cancer friend who gives me my space and is a wonderful friend. She is there to listen to me when needed and is wonderful at helping me make sense of the world. IP: Logged |
blugrey Knowflake Posts: 1006 From: Nowhere Registered: Nov 2010
|
posted March 06, 2011 01:22 AM
-IP: Logged |
jacque Knowflake Posts: 285 From: Registered: Dec 2009
|
posted March 06, 2011 04:01 AM
I'm a clingy Cancer Moon. All I need to know is that the person I'm going out with is not blowing me off. It's not about lust, but about the emotional attachment & I guess seeking emotional stability. It's about making us feel secure and confident in the relationship. I know a lot of people will say that Cancer Moons should deal with their own insecurity and it's their problem but if you make em feel secure and put in that little effort, you'll be rewarded with a depth of emotion, nurturing, loyalty & intensity that is hard to find. Probably an open, honest, gentle conversation on boundaries (while reinforcing how deeply you care abt your cancer moon guy) will reduce the clinginess. Give it a try.And I agree with what blugrey said above, Cancer moons r only clingy when we don't know where we stand. If that happens, I guess we can become unbearable. But it's usually the other person that has given us a *genuine* reason to feel insecure. IP: Logged |
Benedict Moon* Knowflake Posts: 2791 From: Avendesora Registered: May 2009
|
posted March 06, 2011 11:21 AM
What blugrey said sounds about right to me. I'm definitely moody, but I'm way more lost in my own head than in reality most of the time. Shocking surprise #1: my family annoys me. I don't even like dining out with them because we always end up going to crappy restaurants (yes, I am a very prissy virgo moon there). #2 If you haven't called me in 3 days, chances are I'll be to wrapped up in my own world to notice, so its kind of on you. However, if I make a promise, commitment, to go somehwere next week...I'll be there. I rarely ever break that unless other matters are *that* pressing. If you are dealing with a clingy cancer, 99$ of the time just being straighfoward about where they stand with you does the trick. IP: Logged | |