posted May 30, 2011 01:11 PM            

But that's not all. The situation with my ex is still a stressful influence on me, and then there's the whole situation with my friend: previously friends with benefits but for numerous reasons we dropped the benefits, and I'm getting the feeling more increasingly every time that I don't think I can deal with us being "just" friends again... or friends with benefits for that matter.

And then there's the added (slightly more positive) stress of doing a French course which is pretty intense (20 hours of French a week) but will be beneficial in the end, so I can't fail it.

With all of the above going on at the same time, you'd think that I'm a nervous wreck at the moment, and inside I really do feel like one... But I just can't get myself to break down and cry, no matter how hard I try. I just keep on building up the stress that I have, but nothing comes pouring out. Instead, I just make my stress sound relative and laugh it away, well knowing that that is only going to make this stress and frustration worse! I just don't understand why... If this was me 5 years ago, I'd have been crying every night, but now I just can't seem to let it all go at all, but I feel I need to before I explode

Here's my natal chart with transits for today, not sure how that is going to help, but here it is. The feeling of not being able to be emotional, or emotionally open to myself (because I do admit, to others I tend to hide my emotions, but I never had any problems crying by myself to let my emotions out... ) has been lingering for around about a month or so...

posted May 30, 2011 01:19 PM            

Currently, 1st (JUPITER) and 4th (NEPTUNE) rulers have some kind of aspect. JUPITER trine to natal NEPTUNE, which says all is fine for finding a house.

posted May 30, 2011 01:36 PM            

Idea's:

Crying 'sounds' like a Cancer word, so maybe 4th house (as well as 1st ruler)

Tears come from the eye ducts, so maybe 3rd.

posted May 30, 2011 02:43 PM            

Bunnies, thank you for your input, but I have to say I'm afraid I disagree on that subject. Firstly, my mind really isn't set on doing any kind of leisurely activities because I would feel guilty for not thinking about such pressing matters, even if it is only 20 minutes per week. That being said, I also don't have a lot of time to do something like that since my days are already filled and my evenings spent with my son.

I feel I need to cry to get some of this stress out of my system. If anything, not showing "weakness" to your children only makes them grow up believing that it is bad to cry every once in a while and that showing emotions is a weakness. My mother already did that to us, and thanks to it, I've been through a lot of trouble trying to convince people that I'm not a cold hearted b****, because I already hide my emotions for everyone else... I just don't want my son to think that he can't come and cry to his mother when something is bothering him because he never saw his mother cry and thus thinks crying is something that people just don't do.

Also, I don't think that crying is necessarily a sign of breaking down. I strangely become kind of emotionally catatonic as a sign that I'm breaking down... Which is pretty much what is happening now, come to think of it.