posted July 14, 2011 06:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by esheep123:
Took the cowards way out...

Went back to him. Hate myself.

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I get being stuck. You have to have been there to get it ,maybe.

posted July 14, 2011 09:01 PM            

Well maybe there isn't much to explain.

He made an effort. Got us an apartment that's pretty decent, took a day off (really tough for him--internally) to buy some furniture. He's been "trying" not to disrespect me. I understand trying and doing are two different things...

My parents bullied me into leaving. And they see me sad, and I know they feel guilty.

I'm back at my mom's house today. I spent two days with him, and it's almost the same as before, with those tiny changes I've mentioned. I came back because I got overwhelmed. The Full moon in Capricorn is making me so depressed.

Also, I haven't spoken to Scorpio since the eclipse, where we dissolved our relationship. But I miss him so bad. Everything reminds me of him. I feel him all around me all the time, even when I'm engrossed in another activity, like preparing a new apartment. I see his lips on that guy there, and his voice in the distance as boys play basketball.

I've been trying really hard to forget him, so that I could focus on myself and my kids, and ended up going back to my husband.

I can't say I feel defeated. I feel there's more about myself I need to get together. And being in a shelter, or even at my moms house, would not help me.

posted October 10, 2011 08:44 PM            

For one thing, he's now in Jordan, and will be for a couple of weeks. I'm still in USofA, and in the new apartment he's set up for me.

He believes he hasn't changed, but I see it clearly. No more abusive talk, no more hitting, no more using words like divorce. He really is more respectful towards me.

He knows he was wrong, and it feels good to know that I'm valuable to him.

Going to prison scared him I think. He admitted that even the men in jail acted like his crime ws the worst of all. lol.

I still think daily about my Scorpio ex-neighbor, but it's been three months and we haven't contacted each other at all. But it's best this way, as there is no reason to continue a relationship of any kind. I had found a heart traced on my car windshield one morning in the early dew, hearts being his trademark, and have decided to consider it the artwork of a passerby. He's not mine, and I've succumbed to that conclusion.

My husband is going to return some of my stuff in this Jordan trip, whatever he can carry in the plane. He has dreams of us retiring in Jordan, but agrees that now isn't the best time.

although he isn't a good "little kid" dad, I believe he'd be a great "teenager" dad. I think he would be there for his sons when they are old enough to work, date, be exposed to the scary world of high school, peer pressure and rebelling. Softhearted me needs him then.

He's being kinder to me, holding my hand more, making me laugh more, looking at me through the corner of his eye when I look sad (as I've grown accustomed to in these rocky five months.) and not insulting me with the recent million pound weight gain (Jupiter Taurus Moon 4th house--eating my feelings in Large doses)...

He's human, he deserves a second chance, I believe. He's proven it. He's gotten me flowers, candy, a new iPhone...But nothing beats being treated fairly, and i'm glad he's decided to fix the problem instead of running away.

I'm glad my mom and dad were there at my worst, it hurt that they sent me back to him. But they saw something i didn't is suppose, because he did make efforts and he is showing it.

I hope his family members in Jordan don't undo his progress with their cultural thinking, and old fashioned approaches.