posted August 01, 2011 06:02 PM            

in parentheses because i already have a "boyfriend".

but it's been dead for over 1 year. we are a couple thoroughly except the physical intimacy part. we have a tremendous mental bond. we just have been having an extremely taxing period psychologically and at one point sex and romance was just NOT important. surviving was.

he developed an "allergy" for intimacy for it is representative of restriction and suffocation. he doesn't even touch my shoulder. he cringes when i say "i love you", and oh yes he's a prick! however he knows it and feels guilty too. it's psychological and temporary, even if long-term, i can understand why it's scary. and he's a Virgo. what can i say.

i watched out for transits. i "prepared" myself when Venus Mars and all those planets were going over his 8th house, conjunct trine sextile whatever aspects to planets, blah blah... it did not do anything. NOTHING. i tried to "seduce" him, only to make him annoyed and myself embarrassed.

posted August 02, 2011 04:26 PM            

beside transits, what are the indications i can look for in charts that someone can be sexually activated? OR, what can be causing someone to stop being sexually and/or romantically interested, not particularly IN someone but in general.

posted August 03, 2011 08:16 AM            

anyone else experienced with Pluto on AC?

Swift Freeze, i knew that would come from someone. well, say you are a shepherd and your sheep dog you've come together with all the way along in your work and life broke his leg. would you just drive him out to the middle of nowhere and toss him out of the car and leave him to his fate? knowing that it's a matter of time for the leg to heal up? he cannot work, but does that mean he does not love you and have the will to stay your partner anymore?

posted August 03, 2011 08:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
something is definitely wrong

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oh yes i know.

posted August 03, 2011 08:24 PM            

Love is incredibly complicated and I personally feel that you either love someone or you don't. I don't understand how you could want to be with someone yet not necessarily love them I feel that its just plain fear of not wanting to be alone or pure manipulation. I'm not saying that is what your situation is, this is only how I feel about love and relationships. However, his aversion to your professed love, aversion to physical intimacy in the form of touching a shoulder and the fact that you said he is a prick and he knows it concerns me greatly. You said he feels guilty yet you haven't offered many more details and I do not mean to pry but if he is acting like a prick and he knows it is he doing anything to change, is he talking through his issues with you or letting you know he loves you in other ways. I'd like to emphasise the point that you said "its been dead for over a year". Thats a pretty damn long time for a relationship to be dead. Having a mental bond just seems more like a friendship to me. To me, an emotional bond forms a relationship and takes just a friendship beyond.

I'm only concerned that you may not be getting what you need from this relationship.

With regards to transits, sure they will cause trouble, but as with all troublesome things in Astrology its possible to work through them in one way or another. No one has ever looked at an aspect, synastry or otherwise, or a transit and said. Well there is no way I can overcome that i'll just sit and take whatever it throws at me. People always find a way to incorporate that energy and use it positively.

posted August 05, 2011 05:36 PM            

however let's just put it that i will never be able to explain a complicated situation such as this to anyone so they'd ever understand.

he cannot stand intimacy, not ME. he cannot stand the concept of "others", boundaries, spaces etc. it has nothing to do with me, but unfortunately includes me in a big picture, but not in a personal scale. it's a psychological state, not about preference. we do have a friendship, and more. as i said, long-term relationships are long-term because the involved parties go through hardships together and not just choose to go separate ways just because it doesn't have "everything".

i'm not 18 and i've had a handful of relationships where i experienced the sort of situations whether i should leave or stay, and after over 1 year of struggle with him (who i've been with several years before), i peacefully declare that we are staying together. i'm not afraid of anything, actually we are well beyond the place of fear. we know each other well, we trust each other well, and whatever happens, we don't fear things easily.

it really doesn't matter if we have intimacy or not. we are soulmates. i've never met other soulmates. we'll stay soulmates whether we are intimate or together or apart, we actually aren't that concerned what we are. i DO have an option, if i was desperate, to take a lover. but i'm not dying, and i'm just curious when we may go back to being intimate again, because why not?

posted August 05, 2011 05:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
There is a difference between your analogy and your situation. The sheep dog's leg being broken has no impact on whether he loves you or not. However, lets say that when he breaks his leg he stops loving me. I wouldn't toss him out, i'd find him a better home.

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posted August 06, 2011 10:09 AM            

But a little history just for comparison –
For the sake of continuity I’ll use the word ‘allergy’ as well.
We met 10 years ago and he admitted his previous relationship had left him with ‘allergy’ problems which he attributed to a lack of commitment (he’s a Cap Asc/Sun). In 2004 he asked me to marry him (Hoop #1). Still no cure. Fast forward many years and much more hoop jumping the ‘allergy’ remained and now he was becoming hostile towards me. By 2009 the blame for the ‘allergy’ has now been transferred from the ex girlfriend to me and in his eyes I was now the reason for it.

When Pluto first contacted his ascendant he put another hoop in front of me and I refused, futile hoop jumping gets tiresome after 8 years. He was furious as he was convinced this last request WOULD work so now his ‘allergy’ still lives because I obviously don’t love him enough. He asked me to let him go and I realised as long as I stayed he would continue to blame me for something that he refuses to own and transit Neptune was starting to square my mars and there was no way I was going to win this one so I let him go at his request – my last hoop.

I know your situation isn't quite the same, I would have hung in there longer if he could see his part in this but that wasn't going to happen.

posted August 06, 2011 12:36 PM            

i was too young when transiting Pluto was in my 12th house, but i just finished a major transit to my 1st house. i agree, it's a HUGE transformation. i really feel different before and after, and i realise all the events that changed me and i learnt from.

posted August 06, 2011 01:26 PM            

I have Pluto closing in on my Asc, but trining my Venus and Mars. I've noticed a lot of competitive people have somehow popped up in my life. They aren't very welcome only because they want people to feel inferior about everything they accomplish. By the time this is over I know I will be rid of clingy people who don't understand that I need space and just can't see or talk to them every day. My advice is to give him space and respect his boundaries. I'm not sure if it's the same with him, but even someone walking too close to me annoys the hell out of me. Pluto can't understand that these people he thinks are clingy actually care for him.

posted August 06, 2011 04:31 PM            

i'm planning to move out, and him too, because we used to take another person to live in this flat for our big room, and these people happened to be the sources of the worst troubles unfortunately. this was part of the disasters and it got in between our peaceful relationship. we just want to get out of this place of terrible memories...

i think when i let him have his total freedom once again and give him plenty of space, he'll go back to normal. it's been proving a bit hard because we've been looking for our own places and we haven't had a luck with it so far! it's been quite frustrating to both of us, because while we really appreciate each others' company and it's very comfortable and happy to live together, we do need a period where we can *breathe*. feels like it's taking forever for things to recover...

i checked out the transiting Neptune... it's square his Progressed Venus. so that's probably one aspect of it too...

posted August 07, 2011 06:29 AM            

One thing that I appreciated from one of my friends is that she's been giving me space for the last month and just called to check up on me last week. I was actually happy to talk to her. So, if you can somehow figure out how to dance around each other without being too close he'll be grateful. I can't say that this is the end of your relationship. If Uranus plays a role between either of you personal planets in synastry then you'll definitely need breaks from each other, depending on the aspect. It doesn't mean a break up, just that you need to be apart and when you come back together you'll have more to talk and laugh about.

posted August 07, 2011 07:38 AM            

unfortunately he lost all of his friends during this phase, and i just have a few i barely keep in touch too. he's really devastated about it but he also cannot go out and reconnect with these people. i also have fears that my friends criticise me for not being a good friend, but i think that's just my guilt playing with me. real friends will stick through it.

posted August 07, 2011 07:42 AM            

for me, it's been hovering over my 4th house and was squaring my 1st house Stellium. it's also moving on, but currently it's squaring the last planet of my Stellium Mercury, which is the ruler of my DC.

eta: btw, tr. Uranus was ON my IC when i moved into this flat. it's my guy's flat of 15 years. we briefly lived together before but this time i really kind of settled here. but when i came, he was already going through a terrible luck with house mates. it was a disaster from the very start. he had officially a hippie girl, who brought her BF to move in without my guy's permission, and he refused to pay rent and they smoked pot all day and night, sold drugs and perpetually had all sorts of strange customers coming in and out, had orgies with their doors open, let alone being a pot-heads and making everything im-freakin/-possible, and trashed, i mean completely TRASHED the whole flat to the point of being unusable. we had to stay in our own room and couldn't use the bathroom or the kitchen. and how naive were we, we thought things couldn't get worse...