posted September 16, 2011 06:35 PM            

i have a transit through my sixth that of course has led me to research and think of things dealing with the sixth, particularly, work... i was trying to understand it the other day, and just the word itself makes me cringe!

i was raised around a woman who was more or less bent on pushing me to work at all costs.. i couldn't just hang around the house when a repair man came over or the cable man stopped by, i had to hear nagging at how i should pay attention and watch him so that i'd know how to do things and fix things.. (repair man never came.. more or less, the cable guy did but i never care to watch).

anyway, i remember being screamed at and her telling me she couldn't wait til i was of age so that i'd get the hell out of the house.. as far back as i could remember, more prominently as i reached 11, 12, or 13, she was trying to find me a job so that i could maintain her.. even now, she's trying to do it and for some reason i'm just bucking the bullet and don't want it as i don't fudging want to! it's not my responsibility to provide for them! it's somewhat turned into a blind spot because out of not wanting to do it for them, i'm refusing to also do it for myself because, well, they're vultures. has anyone gone through something similar and worked through it and found a way around that?

i've found that even when trying to take a step forward, in the past, they've gone about doing things they know good and well i don't appreciate (such as sorting through my stuff.. i've mentioned it to them time and time again) and it totally disorients me and i'm not sure if they do it on purpose.

posted September 16, 2011 08:23 PM            

quote:

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i've found that even when trying to take a step forward, in the past, they've gone about doing things they know good and well i don't appreciate (such as sorting through my stuff.. i've mentioned it to them time and time again) and it totally disorients me and i'm not sure if they do it on purpose.

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posted September 16, 2011 08:29 PM            

we've also had quite the history of moving around... a LOT!!!!! probably as many times as the number of years that i've been alive!

it's been disorienting and i've talked to them, been mature about it, let em know that even if it is something small, it's important to me and to not do it.. they nod their head, say, yeah, they understand, etc..

a few days pass, and they've gone ahead and done exactly what i asked them not to do.

posted September 17, 2011 01:45 AM            

I'm so sorry to hear you are facing this kind of struggle. You basically described my younger years with my mother. In my scenario, my mother is a Sun Cancer with an Aries Moon, and I'm pretty sure an Aries Rising. Her Mars is in Gemini, so she has that strong drive to be a mother, but only when she is interested in investing the energy.

I was fortunate enough to have a very caring and involved mother until I was about 9 years old. At that time my parents got divorced and she married a Gemini who was only 10 years my senior and very competitive for her attention. She learned pretty quickly that being nice to me made my step father jealous, but being cruel, ignorant, or neglectful resulted in him being happy. This was a very difficult transition for her, because though the overwhelming superficial aspects of her were happy keeping her husband appeased, she was forced to destroy the Cancer side of her which just wanted to comfort and nurture her neglected child.

This internal struggle manifested in my mother by a desire to have me close, but a need to push me away for the sake of her relationship. She achieved this by stunting my success whenever possible. She kicked me out of the house before I was able to finish high school and I lived on the streets for about a year. I eventually called her and asked if I could stay in her house until I could make enough money to move out. She would then kick me out right before I had enough to support myself (and sadly, because I am the son of a Scorpio and a Cancer I was raised to be intuitive. My sense of her Cancer side struggling to be a mother made me a bit too trusting), that happened repeatedly. Through this entire process, she would always try to get me into jobs that she knew would make me miserable. The more depressed I was, the harder it was for me to wake up every morning and focus on my being independent and successful. Even when I had jobs, she would constantly tell me about other horrible jobs I could be doing.

After I realized she was keeping me crippled because she knew I would never need her if I was able to be successful on my own, I left. I put my self through school and eventually realized that work wasn't my issue, it was working in an environment that I hated which I was just incapable of doing. I got a job working in video game design and never had a second thought about going to work. I loved the work, the environment, and my co-workers.

Here's where it gets a bit deep. I have a pretty active and emotional 6th house (Moon, Pluto conj DSC, and NN), and I always thought that I was weird or broken because holding a job was never my strong suit. Part of my struggle came from the fact that I felt such a need to serve others in a transformative way, that having a useless-crap-job felt like I was wasting my life. My mother is not a person capable of understanding that, because she has given most of her energies over to her selfish and superficial sides. The problem was, part of me (Chiron in Taurus) kept coming back to that poisonous environment because 1. It was the only way I could feel like I was connecting with a woman who loved me so closely when I was little, and 2. Making her responsible for me was my way of resenting her, “Okay, you want to push me away, fine, be responsible for me then. Your Cancerian side will not let you kick me out for long.”

I'm not sure if my story will help, but I hope it does. The most important lessons I learned from such a insane mother were some of the most helpful in transforming me into an awesome person. The first important rule was 1. Having a title (Mother, Brother, Teacher, Hero), does not automatically qualify someone to live up to that title. My “Idea of Mother” Is not my mother, my mother is some girl who grew up and had kids, she is just another human, capable of being as great or horrible as anyone else. Ultimately it's her decision and she will have to deal with the results of the decisions she has made. 2. Just because work is psychotically important to someone like my mother, it's not for someone like me. What was important to me was enjoying what I get paid to do. Don't settle for work that makes you miserable, especially if it feeds a depressed perspective of life for you. Figure out what you love to do and find a way to make money doing it. If you get bored of doing that, there are countless other things you can do. And 3. (This is my favorite) a Buddhist phrase I enjoy is very appropriate to this situation, “ Holding on to hatred/anger/sorrow with the intent to harm someone, is like holding on to a hot coal with the intent to throw it at someone”.

When it comes down to it, work is likely not your problem. Your mother's obsession with her own view of work and her refusal to support you in being successful on your terms, sounds like the problem. Sit with your self for an hour, day, week, or however long it takes (the 6th house is not only about work, but the feeling of self worth, or your ability to provide your self as something of worth to the world. It's important to anyone's wholeness), be honest about the negativity built around the concept of work, realize you have never had the opportunity to meet the 6th house face to face, but always viewed it through negative filters. Be willing to build your own relationship with the 6th house on your own terms. When I was struggling with the concept of work I went through jobs like tissue. There were some cases where I would walk into a job on my first day and walk out an hour later. I just needed an environment and culture which felt right, and it rarely ever did. Even after 7 years of working in video games my mother was telling me about jobs driving a trash truck. And though I enjoyed that industry, I eventually outgrew it and quit two years ago. I have been tossing around the idea of becoming a Buddhist monk, or launching an astrology website which I have been designing for over 8 years.

posted September 17, 2011 03:37 AM            

i tried enrolling into college as soon as i got a car after having had a car accident two years earlier where a drunk driver smashed into me when i got off of a miserable restaurant job, and hadn't been able to get a new one since.. 2008 came and woe is the world, i wasn't able to get one and neither was anyone willing to help me get one til i had a scare and thought i was dying from cancer which then quicker than i thought it would (really was not even thinking of anything along those lines) resulted in them getting me a car...

once i started the enrollment process to get into college, they found out and dropped the car payments on me. i had barely had it for a month.

before the semester was up, a transit of planets huddled up in my twelfth house and i ended up in the hospital, as soon as i get out, (no one knew where i was for about 2 days), i get to the house and i'm getting kicked out... the timing was the WORST!!!!

i didn't finish the smester because i started to pack.. my gpa dropped to a 1 or 2 because i missed finals.

job wise, i found a job that was paying twice as much as what said person is making now, and i didn't have the experience.. they did.. they refused to get the job and yet pestered me for money as if the money was just going to come out of thin air..

the rest of the family? completely unsupportive.

i've got pluto also in my sixth house, natally, three degrees away from my descendant.

i've talked to myself out loud trying to figure out how i could not let what they were pushing me into be hated as an entity that represents them, and it seems to work somewhat it's just now that the getting used to it is a little challenging because as u, i do not understand or even begin to comprehend how working a meaningless job would provide anyone with any sense of well being especially if the job only pays enough for them to get to work and back without allowing them to grow!

and it seems that that's what they're trying to force and beg me to go with. i do not like it.

it seems like a rock and a hard place situation, though because of what i believe things to be like economically and my history with employment... the holding a job for a day thing? yeah, been there, too!

literally, a day!

i have sun conjunct black moon lilith and mars opposing my mercury so you can expect that it'd be VERY dificult for me to not say something when things or certain situations are out of line and one is expected to abide with weak power hungry superiors.

natally, my mars squares neptune.

the fact that we've moved so much, hasn't really helped me develop any of the things one grows up developing to be able to plan things out in a long-term fashion.

it's always been 'pick up and go' and it's really weird because it's almost as if i'm now responsible for it and completely alone when i basically had no choice or say in the matter at the time.

unfortunately, the family refuses to grow and i'm not sure of where to turn.

i'm not sure i hold on to the hate as i just forget about em and focus on something else and i've pretty much severed that relationship to the point that we don't even talk and they're right next door but i can say that even if i don't hold on to it, for some reason it manages to grow back mighty quickly before i toss it out of my mind again and focus on something else.

think i need to work through that.

don't know where to begin!