posted October 27, 2011 03:40 PM            

Relationships of any sort are incredibly hard for me. I have an instant wall up, everyone in my family, all my friends - they say I'm hard to read. I'm social and likeable, but come off as aloof and distant...though I talk a lot, and have good manners. I'm not shy, unhappy or impolite but I'm just not the girl that flirts, and hugs and stuff.

I'm turning 29, and have never been in a long term committed relationship. I've never said "I love you" romantically to a man. It really makes me uneasy to think about being that vulnerable to anyone.

I do want to have a family - husband, kids, etc. and the ideal would be to fall in love, get married, get pregnant. BUT if there's something in my chart that says I'm destined to be alone, then I would like to start exploring other options for children - freezing eggs, sperm donors, adoption, etc.

I know this sounds crazy but I go on so many dates and socialize a lot, but everytime I get close to a guy, and he starts to get serious, I sort of pull away and sabotage it. I don't think any of those men were "the one" - in fact, I know they were wrong for me all together.

Planetary positions
planet sign degree motion
Sun Aquarius 5°03'35 in house 11 direct
Moon Gemini 18°28'20 in house 3 direct
Mercury Capricorn 16°44'21 in house 10 retrograde
Venus Aquarius 24°51'37 in house 12 direct
Mars Pisces 6°19'39 in house 12 direct
Jupiter Sagittarius 5°34'45 in house 8 direct
Saturn Scorpio 4°09'25 in house 7 direct
Uranus Sagittarius 8°06'27 end of house 8 direct
Neptune Sagittarius 28°06'15 end of house 9 direct
Pluto Libra 29°30'58 in house 7 direct
True Node Cancer 3°58'10 in house 4 direct
Planets at the end of a house are interpreted in the next house.

House positions (Placidus)
Ascendant Aries 1°06'35
2nd House Taurus 12°20'29
3rd House Gemini 9°04'24
Imum Coeli Cancer 0°35'04
5th House Cancer 22°11'31
6th House Leo 19°16'20
Descendant Libra 1°06'35
8th House Scorpio 12°20'29
9th House Sagittarius 9°04'24
Medium Coeli Capricorn 0°35'04
11th House Capricorn 22°11'31
12th House Aquarius 19°16'20

Major aspects
Sun Sextile Jupiter 0°31
Sun Square Saturn 0°54
Sun Sextile Uranus 3°03
Sun Square Pluto 5°33
Sun Sextile Ascendant 3°57
Moon Quincunx Mercury 1°44
Moon Trine Venus 6°23
Venus Sextile Neptune 3°15
Venus Trine Pluto 4°39
Mars Square Jupiter 0°45
Mars Trine Saturn 2°10
Mars Square Uranus 1°47
Jupiter Conjunction Uranus 2°32
Jupiter Trine Ascendant 4°28
Saturn Conjunction Pluto 4°38
Neptune Sextile Pluto 1°25
Neptune Square Ascendant 3°00
Pluto Quincunx Ascendant 1°36
Numbers indicate orb (deviation from the exact aspect angle).

Not sure if the above info is helpful at all. I guess I'm just wondering if there's anything in this chart that should be a "red flag" on what I need to work on or just accept about myself and my love life? It's awful to worry about this, but I feel like all my friends are getting married & having kids and I'm just so... unsure of my future, I want to come to terms with being a single mother if I'm not cut out for a relationship.

posted October 30, 2011 06:25 AM            

Saturn in 7th house

There may be the tendency to attract older, more serious partners.
Partnerships may involve much duty, responsibility and hard work.
There may be a karmic tie from the past to the partners in this life.
Whatever the case, there may be a feeling of restriction, bondage,
depression and anxiety in your relationships. They certainly can be
enduring, though.

Saturn here indicates you need to learn to cooperate with and to
develop empathy for others. You are perhaps cautious about marriage,
but, when committed, may find it very difficult to leave your marriage
partner, even if you are unhappy. You may marry for security rather
than love. Discipline is needed in relationships.

There may be a very self-controlled and sometimes calculating attitude
towards all forms of partnership. You are inclined to seek a partner
who will awaken your sense of responsibility and give you a greater
sense of purpose and will to succeed. For a woman there may be a
subconscious desire to marry a "father figure" and the partner may
well feel an urge to organize your life on a more effective basis.

The responsibilities of marriage or the fear of marriage may delay
marriage. If Saturn is well aspected in your natal chart, then this
position usually indicates that one loyally abides by marriage vows
and faithfully carries out marital duties. With a well placed and
well aspected natal Saturn, the partner is likely to be a person of
integrity, faithful, steady, reliable, industrious, persevering and
economical, perhaps not over-demonstrative and preferring deeds to
words, and providing a real anchor for the partnership.

If natal Saturn is badly aspected, then there is a tendency to endure
an unhappy marriage rather than to lose face by breaking up. If you
neglect to make your partner happy, your own happiness will be
affected in the same proportion. This position can also mean a second
choice marriage, which endures in spite of boredom, unhappiness and a
lack of love. In other words you may have wanted to marry someone else
but settled on a second choice instead. The partner may act in such a
way as to become a burden, and may be uncommunicative, narrow in
outlook, cold, and over-critical. In some cases the spouse may be
much loved, but prone to ill health. Marriage to a widow or widower
is possible.

Good news is that your saturn appears to be well aspected so in your case saturn in the 7th will perhaps delay marrige but not deny it and I am thinking you will probebly marry a capricorn or someone with sun conjunct saturn or ascendent conjunct saturn or with a strong saturn influence in his chart one way or another and he will be faithful to you, dependable and reliable. No divorce for you I would guess too.

posted November 01, 2011 12:01 PM            

From what I can tell on my extended chart, it looks like I have Juno in Aquarius:

Juno 9 Aqua 57'11"

Ha...more aqua... I certainly consider myself to be "different" when it comes to my personality but not necessarily what I want from my future.

I think marriage is great and all, but I guess children are my main concern. While I think having 2 parents is great, I wouldn't be opposed to going at it alone.

My fear is that my issues and hurdles in terms of a relationship/love/marriage would result in me being too old to bear children. I'm just shy of 29, and I do want to be a mother sooner rather than later.

Where in your chart do you look at children/child bearing/family?

posted November 02, 2011 10:58 AM            

You have your Sun in Aquarius and in my experience, yI have found two types-the types that go all out to fit into some kind of "group" or follow a "group mentality" complex as they want to feel a part of something OR those who simply rebel to any kind of conforming ideology(either social, spiritual or whatever).

So far, correct me if I am wrong, you may lean toward the second kind and are wondering if you would have been better off being the first.

You also have you Sun forming a conjunction with Venus(I know its wide but I consider the fact that they have the same energy(Aquarius) potent enough), so you are likely to expect this kind of non-conforming to set ideas from those you meet too.

But als, everyone just likes to be in neat ,safe, labeled boxes and it is all so boring!

Interestingly Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune conjuct in Sagittarius also emphasises those issues connected with [personal freedom and growth, especially since they oppose your moon in Gemini.

So the conflict here may be in which direction you want to grow in or where you'd like to be. It doesn't bode well for someone who wants to be tied down and guarantees restlessness.And you are wondering whether you are wasting precious time with all this scattered energy.

But I suspect there is something going on with Libra and the 7th house cusp for you to feel so drawn to marriage, kids etc. Saturn's influence(squaring your sun) may be pushing you to make decisions about your life that follow a consistent pattern(like everyone else).

Before you may have felt "absolutely no way am I doing that!" because Saturn in Scorpio and 7th house made you believe that commitment was a heavy emotional(Scorpio) burden(Saturn). Something that your Sun(individuality) doesn't agree with,especailly in Aquarius(freedom to choose).

I don't think that you should anic so much. But if you want, you can get the ball rolling by researching on the idae of having your family in a less "conventional" way.

posted November 02, 2011 12:55 PM            

I have always been uber independent. So much to the point that I never wanted a relationship. Even when I was monogamously dating someone for months, I rarely used the title "boyfriend" or "dating" or "relationship". I've casually dated men but things usually get dicey for me around 3 months - it's kind of the "get serious or get out" point for me, so I usually ditch because I know it's not Mr. Right, so why waste my time and freedom with the Wrong person. Now I realize I'm hesitant to settle down more b/c it's the wrong person, not the wrong time.

I sorta started out when I was young thinking "I'm going to focus on my studies...career...social life until I'm ready to settle down". Now I'm at the point where I'm done: been a workaholic, been the social butterfly, I've travelled, made great friends...I'm ready to settle down, and I do feel like there's another chapter I'm waiting for!

I used to be scared a real relationship would challenge my social life, my career, freedom to relocate - however, with my lifestyle more calm, I do long for a stable and long term relationship. Before I was involved in so much and doing so many things that I was constantly around people, friends, colleagues... but I'm done with the scene so I find myself alone alot. Maybe this is b/c most people in my life are getting married, having kids, moving away... but I do envy those that are able to stay home on a Friday night with their significant other. Two years ago you couldn't PAY me to do that, but now I'm suddenly longing for it.

posted November 02, 2011 02:25 PM            

Neptune is conjunct your MC. MC is at the Sag/Cap cusp, and Saturn is a natural ruler there. Saturn-Neptune energies are not mixing well. Saturn, an older male figure. Neptune, the idealist, the dreamer. I suspected your view of males is too romantic to withstand criticism. Lo and behold you have NN in Cancer and Cancer also rules your 5th house. Not only that but also the Moon opposes your Nept/MC. So, you tend to idealize men and have high expectations of them (perhaps due to physical or emotional absence of the father figure in your life?).
This of course affects your choice of men and the way you "feel" (Moon) about your partners (they can't compare to the "ideal" you have in your mind = Nept opp).

Any of this rings true?

posted November 02, 2011 04:48 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by anongrl10:
OK, sorry if I repeat something already said above. I just noticed something in your chart that screams to me lol. I mean it makes sense that you can't find "Mr. Right" as you say.

Neptune is conjunct your MC. MC is at the Sag/Cap cusp, and Saturn is a natural ruler there. Saturn-Neptune energies are not mixing well. Saturn, an older male figure. Neptune, the idealist, the dreamer. I suspected your view of males is too romantic to withstand criticism. Lo and behold you have NN in Cancer and Cancer also rules your 5th house. Not only that but also the Moon opposes your Nept/MC. So, you tend to idealize men and have high expectations of them (perhaps due to physical or emotional absence of the father figure in your life?).
This of course affects your choice of men and the way you "feel" (Moon) about your partners (they can't compare to the "ideal" you have in your mind = Nept opp).

Any of this rings true?

---

Afraid so. Not that my father was absent by any means... he's very present, possibly a reason I idealize men - he's old school, manners, chivalry, etc. A real gentleman.

However, he was an orphan and is not able to show his emotions/love very well. It wasn't until my brother passed away this past Jan that I saw my father cry for the first time. He is not big on hugs and saying "love" - but he'll write it in a card on various holidays, birthdays, milestones. I've inherited the "don't say it, just write it" curse as well when it comes to telling people my feelings.

Wonder what the solution is? I don't have any "daddy issues" (he wasn't abusive, absent, hurtful, etc) b/c I've been the apple of my dad's eye, so I don't look for male attention or affection or approval.... but there's a disconnect on what I think I want and the men I find myself with..

posted November 02, 2011 04:53 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by bluegreyeyes:
Thanks to all for your input.

From what I can tell on my extended chart, it looks like I have Juno in Aquarius:

Juno 9 Aqua 57'11"

Ha...more aqua... I certainly consider myself to be "different" when it comes to my personality but not necessarily what I want from my future.

I think marriage is great and all, but I guess children are my main concern. While I think having 2 parents is great, I wouldn't be opposed to going at it alone.

My fear is that my issues and hurdles in terms of a relationship/love/marriage would result in me being too old to bear children. I'm just shy of 29, and I do want to be a mother sooner rather than later.

Where in your chart do you look at children/child bearing/family?

---

Juno in Aquarius:

You require a relationship that honors your need for personal freedom and individuality. You may experiment with unconventional forms of relating, such as open marriage or role reversals. Or you may choose to remain unattached, making friendship the basis for your close relationships, even if they include a sexual dimension.

I have draconic juno in aqua and I am attracted to the concept of open relationship a lot.....unfortunately husband is not but maybe when he is older..

The aspects your Juno makes is really important too. You are not married yet bc of juno in aqua and saturn in the 7th...you need a relationship that is light, based on friendship and very open...maybe even an open relationship. Or a relationship were you or him have to travel a lot because of business.

I think Juno in aqua is bad ass....revolutionizes concept of marriage.

Embrace your juno in aqua!

posted November 02, 2011 07:36 PM            

My mom is a cap with moon in gemini like you and venus and mars in aqua. She is married to my dad who is cap with venus in aqua. There relationship is combination of saturnic (since both are caps) and uranian. My mom is a doctor and my dad a psychologist. He works from home now and when he didn't he would travel back and forth for about 11 years bc his business was in another country. I believe that bc they both have venus in aqua they were able to have a long distance relationship for 11 years. For that time my dad basically spent more time in the other country than he did in Miami.

My dad was always supportive of my mom and her career aspirations. My mom was the one that would get home super late from work and my dad was always home at a reasonable time and would help by preparing dinner for the family. My mom has the strong personality, my dad has libra in mars (more mellow), great psychologist and very understanding.

I would not be surprised if you end up with a Capricorn since you have saturn in the 7th who has venus in aqua since you have juno in aqua. Saturn in the 7th will delay marriage for you, not deny it is my feeling. Its good since you have saturn in the seventh for you to wait until your first saturn return happens ideally before you get married anyways which happens around the age of 29 years old.

posted November 03, 2011 10:48 AM            

Let me ask a question:

- How much does your life experiences/history influence/dominate your chart?

The reason I ask is b/c while I can see where a lot of these observations stem from, I can't help feel like I'm either a) a freak Aqua, or b) denying something.

#1 - I deplore cheating of any sort. Maybe b/c someone I cared about strayed, but before that, if I had friends who cheated, it really hurt our relationship. I was just turned off by that behavior....so the idea of an "open relationship" is very strange to me. I also tend to be a little territorial/jealous about people... it's like I'm overly loyal. I don't have a super high sex drive, so I don't find myself being impulsive or caught up in passion when it comes to sex (I'm a prude, frankly)...I just don't see where an open relationship would apply to me? My instinct here is "whoa, um, no way".

#2 - While I march to the beat of my own drummer in every other aspect of my life, like a real Aqua, I tend to be quite traditional when it comes to the desire to have a house, a kid, etc. When I was in college, I had this idea that I would make a great housewife. But since going out on my own, working and making my own money, I don't think I could ever completely give up that freedom of being self sufficient. While I love to cook & clean & bake, I certainly would feel trapped and resentful if I couldn't go out and work!

Is there a good beginner book or something that explains the relationship between life events v. astrology? I guess kinda like nature v. nuture... how much does one override the other? How do I deal with things that don't "add up" between my personality and my chart?

posted November 03, 2011 11:45 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by bluegreyeyes:
Thanks for all your Replies, you guys Rock! Always amazes me how spot on this stuff is.

Let me ask a question:

- How much does your life experiences/history influence/dominate your chart?

The reason I ask is b/c while I can see where a lot of these observations stem from, I can't help feel like I'm either a) a freak Aqua, or b) denying something.

#1 - I deplore cheating of any sort. Maybe b/c someone I cared about strayed, but before that, if I had friends who cheated, it really hurt our relationship. I was just turned off by that behavior....so the idea of an "open relationship" is very strange to me. I also tend to be a little territorial/jealous about people... it's like I'm overly loyal. I don't have a super high sex drive, so I don't find myself being impulsive or caught up in passion when it comes to sex (I'm a prude, frankly)...I just don't see where an open relationship would apply to me? My instinct here is "whoa, um, no way".

#2 - While I march to the beat of my own drummer in every other aspect of my life, like a real Aqua, I tend to be quite traditional when it comes to the desire to have a house, a kid, etc. When I was in college, I had this idea that I would make a great housewife. But since going out on my own, working and making my own money, I don't think I could ever completely give up that freedom of being self sufficient. While I love to cook & clean & bake, I certainly would feel trapped and resentful if I couldn't go out and work!

Is there a good beginner book or something that explains the relationship between life events v. astrology? I guess kinda like nature v. nuture... how much does one override the other? How do I deal with things that don't "add up" between my personality and my chart?

---

posted November 03, 2011 11:53 AM            

I think your saturn in the 7th turns you off to the idea of an open relationship but your Juno in aqua will express itself somehow. I mentioned that it can express itself through role reversals in a relationship or through long distance marriage that involves partner been out of town a lot bc of work or both simultaneously.

posted November 04, 2011 03:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by amelia28:
I gave you a beautiful example of a saturnic relationship with Uranian influence that my parents who have been married for close to 40 years share and you got hanged up the whole open relationship thing which was part of many scenarios I mentioned.

In my opinion your upbringing makes a difference but children are suppose to grow up and look past this and make their own personalities and come to their own conclusion on how to approach life or view life. This is healthy! really healthy!

---

Amelia, you're right. I think the "open relationship" (the term, more than the concept) kinda freaked me out. Like I said, I am somewhat conservative sexually, so that could be the reason for that. I don't mean any disrespect to how others live their lives! As for disliking cheating, that's also more to do with my history...and I guess I assume the being faithful is synonymous with being loyal - perhaps there's a difference...I'm certainly no expert when it comes to those matters due to limited experience. I see everything you're saying, and I'm not discounting the possibility of any of it in the future.

For me, it's hard to deny what I feel I want right now. I've been single forever (aside from a few 6 month casual long distance sorta college romances) so right now, I do want to explore companionship, love, partnership, etc. That's something I haven't allowed myself to "want" because I put social life, career, freedom as priority. After my brother died, I thought, wow - would I have any regrets if I died today? And I would - because I've never been in love, I've never been vulnerable to anyone. For me, that's a huge hurdle or obstacle that I want to overcome. Almost like running a marathon, I feel like it's a gaol.

As for kids, that's something that I've longed for since I can remember... I'm not completely opposed to adopting/sperm donor and raising a child alone, I know for a fact that I could do it (I do everything alone) by myself - so if I got to the age where I was still single and scared about fertility, I would explore those options. It's kind of been the only "thing" keeping me going.... I'm not miserable or depressed but I certainly don't love my life everyday. I keep just hoping that I'll fall in love and have a kid and things will get better. There's no other vision I have for my future... no passion, no career goals, no aspirations, no bucket list... I just want a kid. I got a dog 7 years ago instead, and treat it like a kid...or so I've been criticized for using my dog as a pretend baby.

Do you have a career or active social life or cause that you're super passionate about? I find myself passionate about NOTHING. I have likes, interests, hobbies, but nothing really that inspires or motivates me. My career is very empty and I feel like a corporate robot... but it pays my student loan bills so I'm hanging in here until those are paid off. Unlike a lot of the aquas out there, I'm not exactly humanitarian, not tied to any crazy charities or efforts. I'm very UN-political.

I guess after hearing what you have to say and you're reasoning, I feel really confused b/c I don't necessarily see a lot of that in myself -- not to say that it won't DEVELOP... but I don't know what to do in the meantime? You say that you realized you didn't want children -- but how did you realize that? I've always wanted them, so how do I analyze if that's something I've been taught by society or a biological need or legitimate desire? I don't know what else I would do with my future if I didn't have a child... I keep looking forward to it.

I'm basically treading water and biding time until this Juno happens at 29?

posted November 04, 2011 03:40 PM            

It sounds like you could benefit from some counseling. It sounds likes you need help finding yourself. Like perhaps you did everything your parents wanted you to do which is sweet but now you feel empty bc you have spent your time achieving things that you felt in some level obligated to achieve instead of finding yourself and once you did that deciding what path to take. It sounds like you skipped a step somewhere along your personal development and this is why you are were you are right now. The need to have a baby is a beautiful desire you have (I like you am also open in my desire to have to adopting). I use to be just like you in my desire to have children and I still will probably have a baby in my 30s before I turn 35. Kids have always liked me and the truth is that I would be a great mom but its a lifetime commitment and I want to make sure I am ready. Also with the state of the economy and all this uncertainty going on right now in the world I have mixed feelings about bringing a soul to this world. Like you before I met my husband I told myself that if by 34 years old I was still single I was going to go ahead and have a baby on my own and raise it alone. I dont see anything wrong with been a single mom but I fill you first need to feel this void by finding yourself and then embarking a new path before you decide to have a baby alone or with someone else.

I respect that you do not want an open relationship, I feel this concept is ahead of its time and most people are not ready for it and is not for everyone anyways. But your marriage will be saturnic with some uraniun. Is very possible that getting married will get you in touch with your humanitarian side (forget open marriage, been humanitarian is also uranian). Is possible that your husband will get you in touch with politics. I use to not be into politics at all until I met my husband. You get me? Uranian energy can be expressed in many different ways and I feel this energy is going to be brought to the surface by whoever you marry.

I think you need to focus now on your journey of refinding yourself and while you are on this journey is possible you will find your husband and he will play a role on this journey and then when you are getting close to 35 you can have a baby if you are still not married by then. My landlord had her first child at 38 and both of her kids are bright and beautiful.

-refind yourself and get rid of void

-then you will attract soulmate and get married.

posted November 04, 2011 03:49 PM            

I am also passionate about metaphysics, mysticism, astrology, politics, higher learning and education.

posted November 04, 2011 05:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by amelia28:
I very much feel instinctively that you are meant to get married and have kids but you need to find yourself and take chances in life. You need to to get rid of this void in order to attract him.

---

Great feedback. I was going to ask earlier, are you a counselor of sorts -- you give off that vibe in your writing.

I think there really was pressure to go to college, graduate, go to law school, become a lawyer. I luckily stopped before law school, I knew it was not a passion and too expensive to waste. My job now has nothing to do with my college studies, but it's a job that's secure, steady & not too stressful. Ya know? I can pay my bills, work & have personal time...so that's sorta where I'm at - I'm not overly satisfied w/anything in my life right now, but I've got nothing to complain about either.

Loads of people have encouraged me to go to counseling (recent loss of brother, mother's recent heart attack, some legal issues) so I will take your advice and explore that. Not sure how to "find myself", though I do admit it sounds easier said than done.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond

posted November 04, 2011 07:11 PM            

I am getting my masters in psychology and have 4 more classes to go! so thanks for saying I sound like a counselor, it means I am paying attention.