posted November 02, 2011 05:54 PM            

I was very depressed at first, but later realized, I was happier with him not in the home, sad but true..

Then as T. Saturn was going through my 7th (virgo and libra) I have been hit with one lesson, and weird relationship after another…
My relationships with other people and myself have been tested time and time again…
Even past relationships have come back and haunted me.
I have really been tested in the relationship department..

I reunited with an ex of 13 years, we worked through issues we have had, and realized we both held on to some hurt from the other, neither knowing we caused hurt with the other, only knowing that this person hurt me…
That’s awesome to have the closure, and even though we didn’t end up together we do maintain a friendship, and will probably have a life long friendship..

As for Pisces, that’s a lesson Im still working on, Its odd because it was one of those things of what comes around goes around type of things… Its very hard to explain, but I do see the bigger picture here… honestly he will probably be a part of my life for a long time also..
Hopefully I want go crazy! This one was really really tough.. I hope I got it!

But I guess it makes sense, to maintain these platonic friendships, since my NN is in Cap in H11… These type of friendships are part of my growth.. SN in H5 pull away from the romance and pull towards the friendship..
I can do this!! I think I can!!! I think I can!!!

Well my 8th cusp is at 27Lib, so Soon Saturn will be leaving my 7th, and a new set of lessons will appear..
But Saturn’s not done with me just YET!!

One of my closets friends just ran into an ex of mine from 20 years ago.. He recognized her, he approached her and said aren’t you ------ Im _____ … I use to go out with Lioness..
He’s been calling her, and they have been talking.. (shes married, not like that) she said she is going to invite him to her parties (she has a lot of parties..lol)
So I have not seen him, nor spoken to him, but I already know that’s just around the corner…
No telling what’s in store there… He was a NICE/ Great guy back then, but I was young and naïve and I wanted the bad boy type.. So he didn’t get anywhere… LOL..
Guess its time for me to see, what I left behind (long story)

Anyways that’s a part of it…. The thing that’s bothering me now… where I JUST know another lesson is coming…

I met the Aries, he’s WAY to young for me.. But he just gave me this magical evening.. He made me feel appreciated and “younger” lol
I never meet men like that, that make me feel like I had this wonder magical evening… I was really wowed here..
I figured he’s young I will dance the night away with him, and then be done with it… Well we did exchange numbers, and we have been talking…

Ive been honest with him, and I told him he cant expect anything from me, and I cant give him anything but a friendship… He said that’s cool, I understand.. So we continued to talk…
Last night he called me drunk, asking me how I feel about him, and I told him I already told you, that you cant expect anything from me..
He said but we have a strong connection, the connection is so strong. He said I just want to be with you, tell me how you feel about me.. I said again we can only be friends, I cant give you anything but that...

He kept insisting on what a connection we have.... sighhhhh...

Yes I do feel the connection, but I have to be realistic here, and let this go...
To me, it just seems like not the right thing to do, but yet at the same time, I do feel the connection....

So I guess my lesson here is do I use my feelings or my logic???

Do I get involved with something I dont think its right, because of feelings of a bond, or do I just let the bond stay as a friendship.. But if I do, do that will I be able to maintain just a friendship???
Sighhhh.... Ohh the test..

Well anyways… I feel bad… IDK what to do.. I like him, but at the same time he’s just way to young for me.... IT just really bothers me...
But at the same time, he's just great, that Aries Sun is aggressive, yet at the same time he's aloof and dreamy with the aqua/pisces...
He comes on strong and then backs off, just at the right time..
I like that, its how I am also... I wanna talk and talk, then I need a break and space.. So its cool you know..

Here is the synastry of the person, that is meant to test me....

As you can see, some pretty heavy aspects here...
sun conjunct chiron
his moon on my dsc
saturn conjunct nn
venus conjunct jupiter/ceres (wow)
my Sun,moon.merc on his SN..
my mars on his anti vertex
boy does that scream karma or what???

With the SN and Chiron connections I think no matter what I do, Im just going to hurt him

posted November 02, 2011 06:43 PM            

Obviously you are both attracted to each other.

Why are you holding back? Just because he is younger? (how much younger is he?).
Or are there any other fears at play, like being hurt again for example?
Or are there other people involved? Does he have a girlfriend? Do you have a boyfriend?
is he treating other people in a nasty way?

Maybe the test here is to let go of old rather rigids ideas aobut how a relationship or even partner SHOULD be, and instead following your heart?

Uoh, I just realize I could have said the same thing, standing in front of a mirror. It`s so easy to tell that to someone else, but acting on it myself, feels very different.
But I still feel I have a point here.
sometimes it seems we are just so caught up in the "SHOULD" and "SHOULD NOT" thinking that we place these thoughts over our feelings.

BTW he is not a minor, is he?

posted November 02, 2011 07:02 PM            

What I really fear from him, is him wanting me to mother him...
He doesnt have a relationship with his mother, as a matter of fact his mother gave birth to him, while she was in prison, so he was then born in a prison..
He's father is disabled so he takes care of him..
I dont think anyone has ever taken care of him..
I feel like thats what he wants, and I cant do that...

posted November 02, 2011 07:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lioness:
Its not the age gap that bothers me, its him being so young that bothers me...
Meaning he's just starting out, and I need security and I some one that is stable, not someone that is just starting out in the adult world..
Thats what bothers me..

---

Yes, I can understand that.

Did you talk to him about your fear?

posted November 03, 2011 05:47 AM            

i definitely wanted to be more honest with them than i have with a lot of anyone before even to the point of exposing most all of my everything..

definitely, what i wanted to do was role-play a lot.. i wanted to be their fantasy whatever that fantasy was and was ok with feeding into it if i could easily fit the mold.. it made me happy and i think that it made them happy to have that something to believe in because we both knew what it was; fantasy.

as for letting them down, that's something i tried very hard to not do by laying all the cards down right away to let em know most everything up front.. i wanted to take care of them, yes, provide for them, yes, basically, i wanted to be most everything that i found ideal in a partner for them and it gave me a reason to dream again.

i think it was delightful but it got to a point where the role playing was just a bunch of b.s. because it's as if then the neptune person is expected to only be there to be of service and not as a human and i didn't like it.

it's annoying.

there's someone who has their neptune square my venus and they have other aspects such as their saturn squaring my mars and that person has been probably nurturing, only thing is that they're nurturing so long as it benefits them.. i know that they use me for my looks and they exploit me for it by bringing me around their friends who are to assume that we're together when we're not...

took me a while to figure that out.

but i found that their advice isn't always in my best interest as it mostly depends on their keeping me in a subordinate position when they know that i can do much much more so that they can be the one to come and remedy and give advice and all of that b.s.

it'll only last for so long because i've already wanted to send em to hell plenty of times.. i've maintained my composure.

they've gone as far as being verbally degrading somewhat just to see how far they can go and they seem to be testing their limits... as a rule, i'm trying not to snap right away because i'd snap and really destroy that relationship COMPLETELY!

not to mention that i'd destroy them as well but not before a few good words for being such fools... good thing is that my mars falls in their twelfth house.. i don't think they're even remotely aware of how ****** off they make me as i can hide it quite well and i don't think they're aware of just how furious of a wrath i actually have in me

they're playing with fire, lol.

i know that they do it out of insecurity as their saturn opposes their sun.. it's funny to see em feel all insecure as soon as they see i'm not that flimsy crap they think i am.

posted November 03, 2011 05:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lonake:
^ I put Lioness now, I was lazy and didn't even think to write a name

---

posted November 03, 2011 05:57 AM            

one lady i knew went from being in several situations within a very short amt of time.. she was living with someone to going from in a relationship, to then engaged, to then all of a sudden single and moving to atlanta.

posted November 03, 2011 12:09 PM            

I do like to talk to him..

Having Saturn in H7 has been one crazy experience after another..
I have gone through every emotion, and odd situation that I would think isnt even possible.
Its definitely been an experience, but in the long run I wouldnt change it.