posted November 02, 2011 07:31 PM            

I was originally supposed to see my guy this Saturday but, since I have consideration for him, I really need to study for exams next week so I told him last night if we could reschedule, he said tonight would be fine. I explained to him I was going to be busy and couldn't plan whatever activities we had for Saturday. SO he said Tonight. So here I am, *actually* wanting to go out of my way to plan a nice meal for him since the last time I didn't he sulked and was upset. And since I read some of you guy's responses about Cancer placements loving food etc. I got excited and planned the evening out. So, 15 minutes ago i call him and ask him what time he wants to get ready etc. Than he gets quiet and tells me,
"Im sorry, Babe. But a situation just happened" I said, "Oh what situation?" he said "My friend, Alex, well he has family problems and his dad is very upset with him and he got kicked out, so I offered that he could stay at my place tonight." This was me: "................................ . . . . . ................................................................ . . . ." He asked, "babe?" I said "............. . . ." You know trying to take in the bullsh*t LOL. I said, ".............." he asked again "babe?" I said in my most chipper voice, "Okay! Okay great! Thats fine. Okay, I need to go now." and he interrupted with, "Babe wait. Im sorry, he just needed my help. But why can't we go with our original plans for Saturday?" I said "Its cool, I gotta go Don't worry." And he said "What do you mean? I asked you a question why can't we go back to Saturday?"
1. I was furious that he probably wouldn't have called me UNTIL I did...
2. In that moment I felt really annoyed that he put his friend over me. (yeah maybe thats a little self-centered..)
3. Instead of being angry i kind of lost all feeling. And it still continues. RIght now I don't even want to speak to him. I don't know why, I don't know if I am personally being selfish or what...

I am more upset of the fact that relationships are hard for me, I do not put others before me, and with this guy I kind of am, I mean I am trying to understand his ways, I am trying you know? And the fact that I cooked for him.. that really upsets me. I don't cook for just anyone.. I am taking his needs in and wanting to accommodate them. So I don't know, it just upset me. Now all the food is going to waste. And apart of me feels like closing off from him. I most likely will just not speak to him for a week or two, thats how upset I am. I also prefer not to speak to people when they've upset me.

posted November 02, 2011 07:46 PM            

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Originally posted by mintgirl123:
Yeah I can understand why you're annoyed. Cos you made effort and it seemed like he wasn't even planning to tell you until later on today which was slack of him. It IS slightly selfish of you to get so worked up now, since the frd prob did need help and all, but I can understand why you're not jumping with joy either.

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posted November 02, 2011 07:53 PM            

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Originally posted by maira:
Completely non astrological advice, but this reminded me of something I read in "Why men love bitches": "Never ever cook for a guy".
Might be a good read

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HAHAHAHAH, I like the title of the book already!! Actually I can be a total ***** , but it's true, especially the "hunt"-type men like it. My boyfriend said to me once "Ya, you're a ***** ...AND an @$$hole at the same time!!!" Jokingly of course, but I know he likes it

Back to seriousness.

First of all, (and sorry if I didn't catch this if you had mentioned it in your post) did you tell him you were gonna cook for him tonight?

You have the right to be upset. It's normal...however, I personally don't think you should give him the silent treatment for so long. For a short period of time now, you can just avoid talking to him, just so you can let out some steam and not blow up in his face (and be the better person). After a few days, you should talk to him and tell him why you were so upset (those 3 reasons you told us). Truth is, he probably knows you're upset cuz he had to cancel plans, but he doesn't really know the REAL details (some men are just dense like that).

And, I can understand you giving your best to your guy cuz you really care for him (and you took the time to plan it). But sometimes it's best to step back and OBSERVE him (the things he do, the things he say) to better understand him (rather than to do all these things FOR HIM to understand him and judge by his reactions).

Am I making any sense at all?

It's ok, let off some steam, put your logical and rational thinking cap back on and talk to him!

posted November 02, 2011 08:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by malicefey:
HAHAHAHAH, I like the title of the book already!! Actually I can be a total ***** , but it's true, especially the "hunt"-type men like it. My boyfriend said to me once "Ya, you're a ***** ...AND an @$$hole at the same time!!!" Jokingly of course, but I know he likes it

Back to seriousness.

First of all, (and sorry if I didn't catch this if you had mentioned it in your post) did you tell him you were gonna cook for him tonight?

You have the right to be upset. It's normal...however, I personally don't think you should give him the silent treatment for so long. For a short period of time now, you can just avoid talking to him, just so you can let out some steam and not blow up in his face (and be the better person). After a few days, you should talk to him and tell him why you were so upset (those 3 reasons you told us). Truth is, he probably knows you're upset cuz he had to cancel plans, but he doesn't really know the REAL details (some men are just dense like that).

And, I can understand you giving your best to your guy cuz you really care for him (and you took the time to plan it). But sometimes it's best to step back and OBSERVE him (the things he does, the things he says) to better understand him (rather than to do all these things FOR HIM to understand him and judge by his reactions).

Am I making any sense at all?

It's ok, let off some steam, put your logical and rational thinking cap back on and talk to him!

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I will let HIM come to me, not the other way around. I don't understand my own feelings, i dont understand why I got upset in the first place to be honest. Right now i feel a bit better.. Ill let him do whatever he needs to do for his friend etc. And I'll let him come to me, meanwhile focus on my midterms/exams and other things I have going on. But when I see him i will definitely tell him why I was a little upset hence the long period of silence on the phone.. I hung up quickly because I preferred to let steam cool off instead of letting emotions get the best of me.

posted November 02, 2011 08:07 PM            

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Well see, the 'silent treatment' aka a week of not speaking to him has little to do with him, I have a lot of other personal things going on that I have to resolve, i just would like to deal with everything before i go back to my relationship.

I will let HIM come to me, not the other way around. I don't understand my own feelings, i dont understand why I got upset in the first place to be honest. Right now i feel a bit better.. Ill let him do whatever he needs to do for his friend etc. And I'll let him come to me, meanwhile focus on my midterms/exams and other things I have going on. But when I see him i will definitely tell him why I was a little upset hence the long period of silence on the phone.. I hung up quickly because I preferred to let steam cool off instead of letting emotions get the best of me.

[/B]

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Hmm...are you EXPECTING him to come to you (and apologize and all that)? Would it definitely be a deal breaker if he doesn't? Or maybe he will and act like nothing happened? (Would that get you even more upset?)

Sorry I'm asking so many questions, I've dealt with alot of girls before and their problems ~__~

posted November 02, 2011 08:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by maira:
Completely non astrological advice, but this reminded me of something I read in "Why men love bitches": "Never ever cook for a guy".
Might be a good read

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posted November 02, 2011 08:15 PM            

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Originally posted by malicefey:

Hmm...are you EXPECTING him to come to you (and apologize and all that)? Would it definitely be a deal breaker if he doesn't? Or maybe he will and act like nothing happened? (Would that get you even more upset?)

Sorry I'm asking so many questions, I've dealt with alot of girls before and their problems ~__~

Its good to have personal space, get your stuff back on track first before having to deal with this - I like that!

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posted November 02, 2011 08:25 PM            

Might be other things happening around your life that's bogging you down. Best to clear up the air in that first

By the way, I'm curious, what is your sign?

And, I really DON'T mean to be offensive or anything (just trying to better understand) but if he says "Whenever you want to hangout see each other, its all up to you, and your schedule I am here whenever you are." wouldn't that mean that he expects YOU to be the one taking initiative to do things with him, and him being "I am here whenever you are" meaning he's taking the back seat?

I don't know, perhaps my mental thought process is perverted..hahahahaha

But yes, the ball is certainly in his court (that I do agree with you). Even a brick can sense you are upset, and it's up to him to come to you and reconcile. (But the dude might be a bit in the dark - it's okay, you will tell him about this anyways)

posted November 02, 2011 08:30 PM            

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Originally posted by malicefey:
Yes most certainly

Might be other things happening around your life that's bogging you down. Best to clear up the air in that first

By the way, I'm curious, what is your sign?

And, I really DON'T mean to be offensive or anything (just trying to better understand) but if he says "Whenever you want to hangout see each other, its all up to you, and your schedule I am here whenever you are." wouldn't that mean that he expects YOU to be the one taking initiative to do things with him, and him being "I am here whenever you are" meaning he's taking the back seat?

I don't know, perhaps my mental thought process is perverted..hahahahaha

But yes, the ball is certainly in his court (that I do agree with you). Even a brick can sense you are upset, and it's up to him to come to you and reconcile. (But the dude might be a bit in the dark - it's okay, you will tell him about this anyways)

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posted November 02, 2011 08:40 PM            

I am the same when a guy puts his friend first over me it reallly rubs me the wrong way bc when I am in a relationship with a guy I approach relationship like a friendship so I think to myself that I am his best friend and even if we break up will continue to be there for him so I feel he should make me priority. Its unfortunate that his friend ended up needing him the same night that you cooked for him but try to forgive him, relationships are hard not just for you but for a lot of people so do not feel discouraged.

Let him know that you have exams next week to study for and bc of this you cannot meet on Sunday and instead planned on meeting with him today and even prepared a meal for him to show him you care about the relationship.

posted November 02, 2011 08:44 PM            

Your Mars in his venus/merc/moon :P

How about this...next time you guys re-kindle..instead of JUST YOU cooking for him alone..why don't you guys cook together? He can go...chop stuff (hopefully he's atleast good with the knife..) and you can be the pots-n-pans lady.

That way, both of you are contributing and it wouldn't be the fact that ONE OF YOU is just doing all the work while the other is sitting on the couch reading playboy. (Not that THAT is all you do when you're on the couch anyways..)

Maybe once you feel he is more understanding of you, THEN you can perhaps reward him with a free meal, all made (with lots of lovin' and care) by you.

...and by that time he better not have another "bad situation".

"Oh babe I'm so sorry, I have to go tend the garden, the plants and trees got into a fight and I need to take out the weeds."