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Author Topic:   Do Cancer placements just have a problem with being honest and direct?
lindisfarne
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From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Oct 2011

posted November 29, 2011 01:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lindisfarne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Im curious here. Noticed a pattern with my boyfriend. He knows something will upset me and won't tell me about it. I have dig to find out which annoys me even more. I would prefer someone just come out with it yes even if it will hurt my feelings.. he does it with the most odd things. For example, he has been working a lot which I understand and we were supposed to spend time with each other but then he spent time with his dad -he's close to his dad - which I understood too, but last night he goes to a friends party and doesn't even tell me, so makes me wait and when I ask what is going on he still hides the truth which was quite obvious to me "Im at a friends party i thought i could leave early but im too scared to tell you because you will get upset and I dont like you upset so I will just continue to produce bullsh*t" thats what he does, he says "Oh I will call you in a bit" that turned into 12 am me still wanting to understand why he can't just say "Something came up" instead of him side-stepping around the issue. He ****** me off last night I dont like it when people do things like this, just be upfront you know?

Has anyone experienced this with anyone with a Venus merc or moon in cancer person? They just dont like confrontation (i dont either, but not to this extent) its just pointless drama when he does things like this. I wouldn't have been as upset if he just came out with it instead of making me wait for A DIRECT response, he had to dance around it. This is something he will do

me: do you like this kind of pizza?
him: hmm... whats the question again?
me: do you like this kind of pizza?
him: well... it was nice of you to make it
me: ok but do you like the kind of pizza..
him: its really great that you made it
me: thats not my question, my question is do you like this kind of pizza
him: one sec
me: *pulls hair out* its a yes or no question
him: i agree with you, one sec though
me:what is so difficult about answering this question?
him: i hear you babe but i like that you made it
me: thats not what i am asking you, great if you like that i made it for you, im asking if you like the kind of pizza

conclusion - a day later i will ask and then he will finally say "no i dont like that kind of pizza" all because he thinks it would hurt my feelings, clearly it wouldn't if i would ask in the first place. thats a typical scenario of this entire point of my question, the being indirect which makes no sense to me.. can anyone relate wtf do you do?
i am already impatient enough as it is, i dont have time to waste, and when i ask someone a question and ask someone to do something i do expect to get a reply not suddenly but with these situations i expect something a little more.

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Capriquarius
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From: So. Cal
Registered: Dec 2010

posted November 29, 2011 01:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Capriquarius     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well Linda Goodman pointed out in "Sun Signs" that crabs walk sideways, not forward.

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britterfly
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posted November 29, 2011 01:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for britterfly     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
that would annoy the poop out of me.

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lalalinda
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From: nevada
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posted November 29, 2011 01:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Do you think he acts that way because of the way you respond to him?

One thing I got from the back and forth banter was that
He was trying to be tactful and appreciative of your effort but you kept badgering.

With Cancer you have to watch what they do.
Actions speak louder than words and they expect (hope) you to know that. The fact that he tried to avoid a yes or no answer
was his way of being tactful and he was probably trying to avoid a silly argument.

Personally, I'd be more concerned that he goes to parties without you.

Actions speak louder than words.

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lindisfarne
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From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Oct 2011

posted November 29, 2011 01:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lindisfarne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lalalinda:
Do you think he acts that way because of the way you respond to him?

One thing I got from the back and forth banter was that
He was trying to be tactful and appreciative of your effort but you kept badgering.

With Cancer you have to watch what they do.
Actions speak louder than words and they expect (hope) you to know that. The fact that he tried to avoid a yes or no answer
was his way of being tactful and he was probably trying to avoiding a silly argument.

Personally, I be more concerned that he goes to parties without you.

Actions speak louder than words.



Um this is not a real scenario. Its an example of how he acts. For example I last night I asked what time I should be over, all he kept saying was "ill call you/text you" that never happened. So i asked what was going on, he was never direct, always side-stepped until i finally clued in that he was too busy with is friends. I would preferred him to just come out with it and say "Im sorry, I got caught up in so and so" Instead of doing the whole "ill call/text" because hes too afraid. Thats kind of pathetic and annoys me. Hes not pathetic but that behavior annoys me i dont really like this indirectness.

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Voix_de_la_Mer
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posted November 29, 2011 01:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Voix_de_la_Mer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I had conversations like this with my Cancer Sun ex constantly, and it annoyed the hell out of me. I hate dancing around and dragging out a subject - who has all that time?? =Jesus, life goes in the blink of an eye - and he had a first class degree in drawing something out to the point of oblivion!

My interpretation of it is FEAR.
It's a way to avoid criticism, even if there is actually none on the horizon.
My ex seemed to go to considerable lengths to avoid any kind of confrontation, even if it was for the benefit of the relationship to clear the air.

I am very vocal, and I need to talk everything out. And he needed to stick his head in the sand and be coaxed out over days before he feels safe enough to talk about anything, by which point I was actually ready to kill him for being so selfish (in my mind at the time), and therefore, by that point, it would probably have been safer for him to just stay put in the sand!

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lindisfarne
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From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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posted November 29, 2011 01:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lindisfarne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And then he calls me this morning and explains what really happened, I of course was still annoyed, still am to be honest. All of this could have be shortened if he just was direct right then and there. No side-stepping its so unnecessary.

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lindisfarne
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From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Oct 2011

posted November 29, 2011 01:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lindisfarne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
I had conversations like this with my Cancer Sun ex constantly, and it annoyed the hell out of me. I hate dancing around and dragging out a subject - who has all that time?? =Jesus, life goes in the blink of an eye - and he had a first class degree in drawing something out to the point of oblivion!

My interpretation of it is FEAR.
It's a way to avoid criticism, even if there is actually none on the horizon.
My ex seemed to go to considerable lengths to avoid any kind of confrontation, even if it was for the benefit of the relationship to clear the air.

I am very vocal, and I need to talk everything out. And he needs to stick his head in the sand and be coaxed out over days before he feels safe enough to talk about anything, by which point I was actually ready to kill him for being so selfish (in my mind at the time), and therefore, by that point, it would probably have been better for him to just stay put in the sand!


Ya.. I hear you. Its frustrating.. what are they so afraid of? Its not like im gonna go on some rage. Well I kind of did only because of what he did, hes been doing that for awhile with the most pointless things..... maybe its their sensitivity? But it just creates pointless drama, it really made me upset/****** me off because I got all these different conclusions like "you're a liar" stuff like that. I even told him stuff like that was making me want out of the relationship which is true. Its not that we didnt spend time together -thats a little part of the puzzle - its that he has a hard time being direct with things especially things like this. It makes me angrier when things have to be carried along for unnecessary amounts of time. Im serious it all could have been avoided, I wouldn't have to freak out on him sort of if he just said "Sorry Im busy lets rescheduel" none of this "ohhhhhhh dance around questions/waste time blah blah blah"

Im still p/o from now on i wont plan anything, he will do the planning. Im like you too, prefer to just get everything out in the open and resolved than let things fester.

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amowls**
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posted November 29, 2011 01:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for amowls**     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Idk, my boyfriend's a Cancer and is pretty direct, whereas I dance around issues (I'm an Aqua). He has Sun, Merc, Chiron in Cancer.

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Voix_de_la_Mer
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posted November 29, 2011 02:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Voix_de_la_Mer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by amowls**:
Idk, my boyfriend's a Cancer and is pretty direct, whereas I dance around issues (I'm an Aqua). He has Sun, Merc, Chiron in Cancer.

omg, that is super weird!
I am Aquarius, and said ex was Cancer, and we have the opposite dynamics from you guys. All I have in Cancer is NN, he had Asc as well as sun.

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bellesoul
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From: london
Registered: Aug 2011

posted November 29, 2011 02:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bellesoul     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I understand what your saying. It may come from his cancer moon. What's his Mars? This reminds me of sometimes how my bf gets irritated and snappy with me for answering his question with a question, its not out of fear but kind of like i think maybe his questions are deeper than they actually are so i probe myself> i'm a cancer moon, mars in pisces.

At the same time i'm a contradiction coz my sun/ merc's sag so i can be very forthright and blunt. Depends on different factors.

Leave him too it, he'll soon know your serious about ur needs from the relationship when you stop making plans and he'll be forced to compromise, if the relationship is what he wants. I should know being a sag and cancer and i have had to learn the art of compromise throughout my relationship.

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lindisfarne
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From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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posted November 29, 2011 02:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lindisfarne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@ bel
he has a cappy mars in house 1

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Xiiro
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From: San Diego CA, USA
Registered: Jun 2011

posted November 29, 2011 03:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Xiiro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have no personal problem with how your Cancer communicates, but I was raised by a Cancer so I speak Cancerese.

His answers are focusing on the positive rather than the negative aspects of your question. He didn't like the pizza, but he appreciated that you made it. I guess he could have said, "Eww, this pizza is crap!", but what good would that have done? Instead, he respectfully ate what you placed before him, because you went through the effort to make it.

I agree with lalalinda about this possibly being due to how you respond to him. Cancers can be defensive and tend to put up walls when information comes directly at them. My suggestion is to just take him at his word. If he says "I liked that you cooked it", but not "I love this kind of pizza" then make another kind of pizza. If he misses the old pizza, he will ask for it again (or not care cause it's just pizza). If he says "I'll text you", cool, go out with your friends. He will text you when he is in the mood to hang out. It doesn't mean you have to wait around for him or be in the mood at the same time.

It is just as much your responsibility to address your issue with his communication as it is for him to resolve it while communicating with you. He may have been getting by just fine with communicating this way until now. I believe you said his Mars was in Cap, so make sure to deal with him calmly and rationally, without placing blame or suggesting failure. Otherwise he may just rationalize his way out of seeing the problem.

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bellesoul
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posted November 29, 2011 03:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for bellesoul     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My bf has mars in cap house 11. He's very direct though, maybe ur bf's mars being in h1 is making him more about himself, so when he does these things he's thinking about 'me, me, me' coz his energy is directed in the house of oneself or the like.. no offence meant here! and his cancer moon then side steps directness. So when he goes out, its coz he wants to please himself, h1 and then when he don't no how to tell u bout it; avoids confrontation its his cancer moon perhaps. What house is his moon in?

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lindisfarne
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From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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posted November 29, 2011 05:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lindisfarne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by bellesoul:
My bf has mars in cap house 11. He's very direct though, maybe ur bf's mars being in h1 is making him more about himself, so when he does these things he's thinking about 'me, me, me' coz his energy is directed in the house of oneself or the like.. no offence meant here! and his cancer moon then side steps directness. So when he goes out, its coz he wants to please himself, h1 and then when he don't no how to tell u bout it; avoids confrontation its his cancer moon perhaps. What house is his moon in?

Moon and Mercury are in cancer house 6 his Venus is in house 7 in Cancer.

You make a good point about the Mars thing also he is having a rough week that's what he told me a few minutes ago. I do know he doesn't really like to be around me not because he doesn't like me but when he's in that "mood" of having a rough week he just wants a little space... to get back to being his normal self.

But ya know all of this confusion could've been avoided if he naturally just said "I'm having a rough week with work. Stressed rn"

The way I work is I need to know things directly. In order to get it or understand. I am intuitive and I do sense things but Thats just not always enough I don't feel comfortable basing my actions and decisions on sensing and what I feel might be happening or not... as an Aquarius that makes me uncomfortable and when I get into that habit I feel like a huge mess..

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Malena
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posted November 29, 2011 06:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Malena     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lindisfarne:
Um this is not a real scenario. Its an example of how he acts. For example I last night I asked what time I should be over, all he kept saying was "ill call you/text you" that never happened. So i asked what was going on, he was never direct, always side-stepped until i finally clued in that he was too busy with is friends. I would preferred him to just come out with it and say "Im sorry, I got caught up in so and so" Instead of doing the whole "ill call/text" because hes too afraid. Thats kind of pathetic and annoys me. Hes not pathetic but that behavior annoys me i dont really like this indirectness.

Well that's in a different ballpark from the pizza scenario. In the pizza scenario, he's trying to spare your feelings. In the "I'll call/text" scenario, he's flaking out and wasting your time. That's disrespectful regardless of placements. Frankly it's a disrespectful thing to do to a stranger, let alone a girlfriend.

Have you told him this issue? What's his reaction?

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BelligerentPygmy
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posted November 29, 2011 06:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BelligerentPygmy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Nah, the ones I've known are pretty direct actually. It's probably just something else in that guy's chart that makes him that way.

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Jounia
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posted November 29, 2011 06:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jounia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
looool Lindisfarne, your post made me crack up!

That would drive me insane. Infact my Merc in pisces hubby is the same. I'm merc in gem and have no time for indirectness. I need straight anwsers to the very simple, clear questions that I ask BTW, I'm Cancer sun....

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