posted December 12, 2011 06:01 PM            

I think you shouldn't wait around for people to respond... it sounds very needy. People are busy whether you believe this or not. they have other obligations etc. If they are worth it they may respond.

I'm introverted, intj, people text me a lot, even email me and sometimes I'll log into Facebook 3 weeks later and have all these notices from people LOL! Thing is.. I get bored very easily, I'm always on some pursuit of knowing everything around me personal relationships are not my kind in a traditional sense cause it seems you need to be interactive with people everyday 24/7 which isn't my style. I don't respond ASAP either because I dont see the point in providing a long diagloge if someone just asks "how are you?" I also get annoyed by "how are you?" from most people because its disingenuous, and basic small talk I'm not interested in. I respond usually within a few hours sometimes even up to a week. it also depends who the person is, if I naturally have good flow with that person they are intellectually stimulating etc than I'll reply. I do not respond to personal questions or lame small talk. "how are you?" "what's up?" = no response for me. re-reading this I sound like a b*tch. wow

but op don't wait around.. it's needy, I know it's hard when you really need to talk to someone etc and it feels like they are ignoring you, but they may be busy. it sucks but become more emotionally sufficient. people suck sometimes! don't take it personal.....

posted December 12, 2011 06:26 PM            

I think it means you might have to turn to yourself for answers. I'm the person everyone goes to for advice or encouragement however when I need it, alas, everyone's disappeared. I've learned to look to myself for answers and to let the Universe reveal anything that I'm having trouble seeing with my anxiety and visible unrest. It's great if people are there for you but it might be beneficial to you in the long run to find ways to look within for support and encouragement.

posted December 12, 2011 06:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by athenegoddess:
There is beauty in going within and never having to depend on others. Learn this.

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That's pretty phrase you just turned there but it's unrealistic and impractical, because everyone - you included, at times needs to turn to someone else and have a shoulder to cry on or needs to vent to someone or confide in someone. No one ever goes it totally alone. None of us are superhuman.

I love the way people on these boards try to BS about stuff sometimes. It's hilarious.

To the OP - if it isn't a regular trait of theirs, I wouldn't worry about it, it's probably that stuff is going on and they just really are that pressed for time and can't talk.

If it's a regular habit of theirs, then you need new friends. Especially if, when they're down, they expect you to drop everything and be their wet nurse.

posted December 12, 2011 07:07 PM            

quote:

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People are busy whether you believe this or not.

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RegardesPlatero - There have been three times in my life when I cared a lot about a person and I felt like I reached my limit and had to end all contact - simply because they reacted to things the way you seem to be reacting here.

I had to be honest and tell you this ^ Maybe it's not what you need to hear.

This is really a frustrating situation to be in on both sides.. because one person (the person in your shoes) thinks they are being rejected.. while the other person simply has other things do to and does not like being pressured into replying.

I need space.. When someone pressures me... (someone is doing this right now) - I feel like I have to distance myself... because I have my own life to live and I can't get close to a person who is emotionally hectic and who cannot *love* him/herself.
I can't *love* someone to supplement their own lack of self-love or self-esteem. That would be unfair to both of us... and very draining.

posted December 12, 2011 07:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by BelligerentPygmy:
That's pretty phrase you just turned there but it's unrealistic and impractical, because everyone - you included, at times needs to turn to someone else and have a shoulder to cry on or needs to vent to someone or confide in someone. No one ever goes it totally alone. None of us are superhuman.

I love the way people on these boards try to BS about stuff sometimes. It's hilarious.

To the OP - if it isn't a regular trait of theirs, I wouldn't worry about it, it's probably that stuff is going on and they just really are that pressed for time and can't talk.

If it's a regular habit of theirs, then you need new friends. Especially if, when they're down, they expect you to drop everything and be their wet nurse.

All relationships are about give and take. If all they do is take, then there's a problem.

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What I find funny is that you don't know me or what I have been through..

If you walked in my shoes, you would understand that I am someone who has learned to never depend on another person for my own happiness.

Do your self a favor and never make assumptions about another person.

posted December 12, 2011 07:38 PM            

I think you tool what Athena said in the wrong context. You seemed to have misconstrued his/hers message. What she simply means is -

in the ops situation, she comes off being very needy, almost like she needs a response even a "..." to validate her worth, she needs a response from those she decided to reach out to. and she's reacting... very intensely to the situation of people she reached out to and with them not responding as in whatever time frame she expects. That's very unrealistic, and to be honest it makes me sad. Because she needs others. a response anything even if and surely these people are busy with something. or maybe not maybe they don't want to reply.

regardless Athena simply suggests when one becomes emotionally sufficient/efficient, meaning they can count on themselves to go about various/vital points in their lives. instead of waiting/sitting around for someone to give or do it for us.

what she means also, is that in this example, how emotional sufficiency would not promote what the op is currently feeling. in an example of this, one would reason, contemplate their feelings the intensity of it find why they are feeling how they are feeling. what are productive ways to resolve such said feelings, going out to so what eases anxieties, or just get over it.

posted December 12, 2011 07:42 PM            

really, me myself and I. I grew up never relying on people emotionally. had to be self-sufficient to survive.

posted December 13, 2011 06:27 AM            

I was like you too in the past. For some reason I always felt so insecure, dependant on others, insignificant and I *needed* to be kind to others all the time. I felt hated, a burden and a true waste of oxygen. It's like I constantly needed to pardon myself for existing.
For some reason I really hoped that all the love and kindness I give to others, someday I'd receive it back in return. It's like it'd give me reason to exist, like a fire from within.

Sad thing is that I didn't (always) and my world would fall apart.

Some people told me that I shouldn't sweat so much for others. It makes people take you for granted and they can see you as a doormat. My Capricorn Sun brother once told me that smiling was a weakness, so is showing kindness too often. It's makes one look weak because they know you need their confirmation and this gives opportunists power to abuse you. This gives them reason to not respect you fully because they know you'll always want to prove yourself worthy. Let them prove to you they're good enough before you let them in. Let others sweat for you.

It took me a very long time, but when I was content and in peace with myself, good and bad altogether, this need for approval and expectation to receive back what I gave away gradually went away. I'm not saying I'm perfect and all that, I still sometimes fall back into the pit of loneliness and misery. It's just that now that I'm more in peace with myself I don't feel the need to reach for others as much. Like what the other posters said, there really is some truth about finding strength from within, it's something greater than words could explain, like an inner sunshine, the source of life, hehe.

posted December 13, 2011 03:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Pandacake, you've been so kind to me on here before, and I just want to let you know how much I appreciate it.

To be honest, I think that I've just always felt this way. I was always excluded at school when I was little. I always felt like that at home too. It's just never really stopped.

To be honest, I do feel like I have to justify why I exist--I related to that COMPLETELY. I do often feel unworthy and undeserving. I feel like I have to prove my worth to others. I do want people to be proud of me, think well of me, want to be around me, and so often nothing that I do feels like enough.

I want to get to the sort of place that you mentioned, but I'm just not sure of how to get there in my own life. But, after reading what you wrote, I really want to try.

I wish that I had something better, more meaningful to say, but I just feel so humbled and grateful for your response; all that I can say is "thank you" from the bottom of my heart.

I think that what you say about "finding peace within yourself" is important and I'm trying to think about that: how can I find peace inside? I always get a little scared when I'm completely by myself (emotionally, not always *literally) because I don't quite trust myself. I feel like I fall short of other people's expectations. So, I'm trying to ask myself today: what would cause me to feel like I'm OK no matter what? I feel like that when I pray sometimes, and when I feel really in-touch with the spiritual. I feel like that when I read and contemplate the writings of certain people. But how can I feel like that *all* of the time, even when I feel spiritually lazy or tired or frustrated or scared? That's something to think about.

However, I also had a talk with my mother today. As I mentioned, she and I have a difficult relationship. She told me that mistakes are how we learn, that it's not a mistake if you learn from it, and that she's not ashamed of me. That means a lot coming from her.

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Aww you're welcome!

I really relate to you, I was excluded from kids at school and from my family as well, often feeling lost and lonely. I'm sorry you had to go through this as well.

I feel really silly saying this but I actually don't know how I exactly found "peace within myself". I made many mistakes in the past -I'm still making them- but I try to learn from it. Don't be afraid or ashamed to make mistakes, we wouldn't be here if we didn't need to learn. This state of mind gradually manifested as time went by. I guess in a way I became more detached of my own intense emotions and realized there's something greater "out there" that I could perhaps never comprehend, and that I am never on my own because we are all inherently connected to that same source, it's that source you can also find within yourself. I felt really peaceful knowing that there's something more to life than what scientists claim. I know it sounds silly but that's how I feel ...

Just always remember that you are a beautiful soul and that you are always deserving of true love. But you must look for it in the right places.

The feeling you have when you are praying or reading, that's such a beautiful thing! Try to hold on to it as best as you can. When you feel loved/happy, don't let that feeling slip away. Try to bring back these positive thoughts and feelings in dark times eventhough it might seem almost impossible. I know it's impossible to feel strong and in peace all the time, feelings of sadness and loneliness will always occur, just don't let them be the boss over you and try to step out when you want/need to.

I read a quote once: "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."

I think it's cute because it holds true, especially for us Libras.

posted December 13, 2011 04:26 PM            

why do you sound like a victim? no offense with
some posting your context wreaks "woe is me".

posted December 13, 2011 04:29 PM            

I'm very sorry that you believe all of this. but now it explains your behavior.

prepare to live a life of the utmost disappoint
net. because not everyone will like you, appreciate you. You're busy living life to impress others, when you should be busy living life to impress yourself.