posted February 11, 2012 04:48 AM            

In my eyes, my current boyfriend (?!?!) acts like a Capricorn. Not a Gemini. He has Cap rising and Mars in house 1. Point is I cant take his controlling behavior. It was subtle in the beginning. But now it's overblown. He doesnt seem to think it's a problem. I've confronted him.. he doesn't think its an issue. 

Its always gotta be done in his way on his time in his own terms. If I ask for something he will agree but it will be done in his own little way on his own little time. It got so bad, that very recently I ended things. It was hard to do but it wasn't as hard as he made it. I asked for my things back.. he decided to be unwilling and difficult, delaying things and playing games. I called him that day to ask what was going on, and he acted fine as if nothing happened, and said we were not breaking up, that we still together etc and that he loves me and doesn't get why I am trying to break up. Went as far to accuse me of finding someone else when that wasn't the case.

I love him, would like this to work out but Christ.. he is a control freak. There are other things that have occurred in the relationship to confirm this. I want to know what to do, how to get him to change his controlling ways. He always wants to make decisions. It's "cute" if I have ideas but he seems to believe he calls the shots. He is highly dominant, and there are times where I have been afraid of him. I don't know what else to do. How can I handle this? He will do anything to control the situation and he has a hard time accepting rejection of any kind from me..

posted February 11, 2012 05:26 AM            

The fact that he is telling you that you're not breaking up and that you are still together even though you broke up with him tells me that he is very controlling, he will turn abusive, and he has something wrong with him. He sounds like an obsessed stalker. Run, don't look back, and don't give him ANY indication whatsoever that you will go back to him. Be ruthless and cold.

Do NOT stay with him. Abuse is inevitable here.

I'm noticing this pattern with Cancer-influenced guys in different stories from different people on this forum. It seems to disproportionately happen with them.

He has NO RIGHT to control you. Get out now, before it's too late and you're stuck there forever.

I don't mean to be bossy, but this guy clearly has problems and he is sending alarm bells ringing.

He's manipulating you. Don't take your feelings of love seriously. He's using that to control you and get you to do what he wants.

posted February 11, 2012 05:31 AM            

In all honesty, he is giving you VERY clear red flags and warning signs. Don't let emotions lead you down a dangerous path.

A healthy relationship would be one in which both partners respected each other's decisions and choices (within reason--obviously I'm not referring to unhealthy decisions). A healthy relationship has people sharing leadership and, while people may take the lead in different areas, ultimately it all evens out and the power is balanced between the two people.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you are free to be yourself and when your individual rights are respected and honored.

posted February 11, 2012 09:24 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
It's not an astrology thing. He has serious problems. Leave. Don't ever stay in a controlling relationship.

The fact that he is telling you that you're not breaking up and that you are still together even though you broke up with him tells me that he is very controlling, he will turn abusive, and he has something wrong with him. He sounds like an obsessed stalker. Run, don't look back, and don't give him ANY indication whatsoever that you will go back to him. Be ruthless and cold.

Do NOT stay with him. Abuse is inevitable here.

I'm noticing this pattern with Cancer-influenced guys in different stories from different people on this forum. It seems to disproportionately happen with them.

He has NO RIGHT to control you. Get out now, before it's too late and you're stuck there forever.

I don't mean to be bossy, but this guy clearly has problems and he is sending alarm bells ringing.

He's manipulating you. Don't take your feelings of love seriously. He's using that to control you and get you to do what he wants.

And, like anon said, don't respond to his calls, don't answer him. Her advice was good here.

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You are noticing this pattern with cancer influenced people? Do you have any links? It would be helpful.

posted February 11, 2012 11:31 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lindisfarne:
You are noticing this pattern with cancer influenced people? Do you have any links? It would be helpful.

Yeah you are right.. that's why I broke up or tried to in the first time

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I don't have links, but it's just something that I noticed from other posts on the forum. Mainly with men.

I would say that to be fair, a HEALTHY Cancer-influenced person would be able to tame the negative influences or wouldn't feel them as strongly. My pastor, while I certainly have had disagreements with him, is not a controlling type and he is very sweet with his family and wife. If I were to find out he is controlling, I honestly would be shocked. (He has Venus in Cancer, in the 10th house). My guess is that he's one of the healthier types.

I would also wonder if a first-house Mars would make someone more aggressive. I seem to recall someone mentioning that idea, but offhand I can't remember the thread.

Also, does he have a lot of squares to Mars in his chart? (I'm thinking maybe this could indicate anger/control issues)? Or Pluto?

posted February 11, 2012 11:36 AM            

I myself have a Cancer moon, in the 8th. In whole signs, his moon would be in the 7th. (I don't use Placidus, so I'm not sure where his Moon would be in your system).

I notice that I tend to want control over 8th-house issues.

I'm wondering, though: is it the 8th house that speaks of where a person wants control?