posted February 29, 2012 01:48 AM            

I am keenly self aware, and I know that I possess a lot of depth. The thing is though, at times I feel like I possess too much depth, for several reasons. The first (and a discussion for later), is it can make it very difficult for me to connect to people. I either scare them off, or they simply can't keep up and I lose them. The second, is it leaves me with this eternal sense of longing, and at times it can be indirectly sore.

In side of my mind, I feel like I can go in many places and never find the ends of them. My environment around me often acts as a catalyst to explore regions I have never contacted before. The thing is though, expressing it is very difficult. I wish to share it but often I don't know how. Even when I can though, it's not quite enough. I long to merge with these ideas, feelings, and sceneries I see and feel with my minds eye. How would I be able to "merge" with the story that plays out when I hear a song that touches my emotional body? That can't be done. It's as if I am trying to turn the dial up to 11, when 10 is as high as it can go.

I wish to transcend everything physical, everything emotional, everything that simply is. It's beyond my capacity to rationalize, visualize and conceptualize to others what this is to me. I myself barely understand. The limits that exist are there because reality is the line. We are here and that's that.

That in turn can cause pain. More commonly though, it can cause this strong built up of energy. Energy that simply begs to be released. A stress, an anxious pressure that just folds onto itself to try and remain contained within what it is; energy.

I feel like I have come to no sort of conclusion, nor properly articulated what I am explaining as I gave no direct concrete example of what this experience is like, or rather can be like. That is difficult to be done because it is so varied though.

Anyway, the point here is, for me the vast majority of this comes from all of the scorpio energy I possess, and having it coupled with gemini energy. The depth I have and the depth and intensity is seek is emotional and mental at the same time. Two fold. In recent years it's even starting to include the physical. Outletting it is difficult and hard. It is, as if I possess too much depth. I often have to tell myself to back off from things or I start to implode on myself

What I want to hear, is others experiences with their own depth (or there lack of) and what it is like for them. What signs, placements, and aspects do you feel drive this? How do you deal with it, and what do you do outlet it. What I have I do believe can never be truly merged with (and perhaps you might see why hallucinogenic drugs can have a strong appeal to me, but I am aware of the dangers and avoid them).

Explain, share, and discuss!

p.s. sorry if there is poor grammar/spelling/typos, I chose to write this in a steam of consciousness to impart as much accuracy, and reduce second thinking.

posted February 29, 2012 07:24 AM            

Sagittarius Sun conjunct Neptune, ruled by Jupiter in Cancer, and located in a Scorpio ruled 8th House feels a bit like having a water trine instead of a Sun. My Sun and Neptune are part of a grand fire trine with Leo Mars and Aries ASC though, so fire and water feel complementary within me. I feel like there is one thought, one feeling, one self, etc.. and we are all describing it from different vantage points, while believing our experiences are individual, private, and contained in our bodies.

Neptune is also sextile Pluto in Libra (Venus in Scorpio 8H) and both are semi-sextile Uranus in Scorpio

SN is in the 12th, and combined with sun in the 8th House, I feel like I am emerging out of a cosmic ocean. Sadly the majority of things I experience are completely indescribable or just sound crazy.

Here's a few:
I started seeing auras in high school, and practiced often (especially on acid). Eventually I got to a point where I could see unique patterns in people's energy. Now the patterns actually move and change color while people think and feel. If a person thinks about the area to the left of them, their pattern will flow over to their left.

I can take a feeling and spread it to others via energy pattern. When I hear music that gives me chills and there are people around, I like to send the tingles out in a wave around me. I actually had a person call me out for doing it.

I talk to animals plants, rocks, and sometimes objects like chairs.

Lots of people walk around with nasty alien looking, energy pockets, and constructs attached to their bodies. The objects are grown out of personal issues (like sorrow or shame) and they have devices which feed on the energy of people around them.

Inside people there are conceptual puzzle boxes and it is possible to help a person completely release an issue if you locate the energetic/emotional knot and solve the puzzle/untie the knot.

When I think about concepts like politics, I see massive memetic entities, like "the republican monster" and "the democrat monster" or the "coke monster" and the "pepsi monster" using human imaginations and efforts of humans to procreate and grow. One day the coke monster will span from earth all the way to the Moon and Mars (along with the McDonalds monster".

So ya, I also don't talk much about this stuff because I generally sound insane

posted February 29, 2012 07:54 AM            

You make me wonder how I come across to people like you. 'Hope I never have any energy sucking devices sticking out of my aura or whatnot. If so, I'm workin' on it.

tautomer,

I looked at your chart, you're born at the end of Taurus. Have you ever looked at Gary Goldschneider's Secret Language astrology books? According to him, this is the Cusp of Energy and people born at this time tend to be uncommonly brilliant and restless.

How you described your tremendous energy seems typical of people born around your time, but of course, you might have an extreme situation.

posted February 29, 2012 10:49 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted February 29, 2012 11:00 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Tautomer
What does your Pholus do?

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It's apparently in gemini in my 8th house at 15deg conjunct my jupiter and trine my ascendent. I do not know what it does.

posted February 29, 2012 11:12 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted February 29, 2012 11:13 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted February 29, 2012 11:18 AM            

Saturn and chiron do not interact with pholus. I do not see any other asteroids there.

posted February 29, 2012 11:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tautomer4314:
Pholus only conjuncts jupiter with an orb of 2deg, and trines my ascendent with 2 degrees.

Saturn and chiron do not interact with pholus. I do not see any other asteroids there.

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Ok Pholus conj Jupiter may make you feel as if you want to explode. What house is it in

if it trines your ASC--you HOLD it in. THAT may be your problem!! You want to expolde but the trine allows you to hold it in.I will put on some info.

Tell me Pholus house?

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted February 29, 2012 11:26 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted February 29, 2012 11:27 AM            

I have named Pholus the “Ape in the China Shop” Asteroid. Pholus explodes on the scene. He can explode with whatever emotion is bothering him. He emotes, with little sensitivity to his environment. After he explodes with emotion, he does not have a sense of the havoc he has wreaked. Then, he, usually, blames someone else. Pholus is not manipulative, as much as childlike. If he wants to emote, you can be sure he will: the devil may care.

A woman had a man’s Pholus conjunct her NN. Indeed, it was an explosive relationship. It was not violent, per se, but high drama.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted February 29, 2012 02:13 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted February 29, 2012 02:19 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by tautomer4314:
I'll respond to things later when I have more free time and am not in a rush.

It's apparently in gemini in my 8th house at 15deg conjunct my jupiter and trine my ascendent. I do not know what it does.

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can you post your chart please?
Scorpio and gemini are quincunx signs 150'

Gemini is air and mutable sign. All air signs want to talk and Gemini is real chatterbox, tends to know a little about a lot but not in great depth. Gemini like Libra can really procrastinate and be indecisive and are usually attracted to strong partners who want to make the decisions for the relationship, like Leo or Scorpio. Likes variety, witty and quick and clever with their minds and tongues, but unreliable and very restless.

ALL mutuable signs, Gemini, Sagittarius, Pisces and Virgo are restless and I have found the reason. They are all somehow looking for the divine answers to the meaning of life and somehow just think its always around the next corner or out of reach. Some are perpetual students thinking that if they have enough information, they will have all the answers that everyone else wants to know about.

Scorpio, there is nothing restless here but grimly determined and wanting the control and power in any relationship and wont understand their restlessness and need for variety and stimulus and why they don’t like or want to make any decisions. Gemini wont understand for Scorpio need to control everything and possible use sex and method of controlling. You find an awful lot of Gemini in service industry, shops, stores where they don’t have to deal with anyone on a deep and meaningful level (scorpio always wants deep and meaningful but wont get it with Gemini) just superficial. Gemini will probably find the digging and delving rather draining.

posted February 29, 2012 03:02 PM            

Saggi- my chart link is in my signature. Here is a link to it though, and I included pholus in it since ami wanted to know about it.

As strange as it may sound, and as difficult as it is for me to articulate, I embody both sides of what you described. I am both restless, constantly seeking information, learning, the answer if you will. Yet, I constantly need control, to need to have everything nailed down, and to put a lot of focus into anything I do. Yet I burn out if I keep up too long with that, and get stressed if I don't focus enough. I am a perpetual student as I am in grad school going for a PhD, love the teaching aspect as I want to be of service and want to be of use. I long for deep connections and seek them very often, but I am very good at keeping it light. I MUST dig deep, with everything, at all times. If I do it for too long though I get too much inside of my head. It's finding the in between of those two that is very difficult for me.

posted February 29, 2012 03:10 PM            

Faith - oh... the power of now. I have an interesting relationship with that book. When I read it a few years back, I felt like it was telling me to stop doing EVERYTHING that makes up me, invert it, and go backwards. What it sought was violating every thing to my core and disregarded it. In depression though, I felt as if I were a failure as a person because, while I knew it was right, it was also deeply "wrong" for me. I had long discussions about it with my mother. It turns out, that I actually am working within some of the guiding principals that the book explains and shows. The thing is, I got their in my own way with my own methods. Convoluted as it may be (a common theme with me). It's ever a work in progress though. Once I realized this, I remember something signifigant my mom told me "the book might not be for you, and that's ok. If you truly want to get there, you can find your way there in your own way." and that's what I am doing .

posted February 29, 2012 03:15 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted February 29, 2012 04:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Well---Does the Pholus thing fit with you? I would say you have deep repressed emotions and they are bigger cuz of Jupiter but also mitigated due to Jupiter but you deal with them not to let them disturb your life but perhaps this is what you are feeling?

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Oh yes it does, big time. I definitely feel like I feel pent up because I don't know how to release these emotions in such a way that it is 100% fulfilling. I can release it somewhat, but it's never 100% (and I am a perfectionist).

Thank you

posted February 29, 2012 04:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Xiiro:
Here's a few:
I started seeing auras in high school, and practiced often (especially on acid). Eventually I got to a point where I could see unique patterns in people's energy. Now the patterns actually move and change color while people think and feel. If a person thinks about the area to the left of them, their pattern will flow over to their left.

I can take a feeling and spread it to others via energy pattern. When I hear music that gives me chills and there are people around, I like to send the tingles out in a wave around me. I actually had a person call me out for doing it.

I talk to animals, plants, rocks, and sometimes objects like chairs.

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Omg awesome. Auras...I see auras around people when I dream, though I doubt that really means anything, ahahaha (they're inconsistent in colour and in texture). And that music thing...that's just awkward. But a good kinda awkward! Do the animals, plants, rocks, and sometimes object like chairs ever talk back? Gee, I'm like, fascinated or something!

Ahehehem.

Now, to answer your thread-liness, tautomer: I feel like I don't even have any depth.

I live in sensations - thinking, deep or nervous, and feelings, such as emotions, are not my particular natural mode. The past and the future are not really what I navigate in, it's the immediate. So, because I don't often ponder the past or the future or anything sooper cosmic like that, I suppose I lack depth.

I'm just another fish swimming in the sea, not some astral alien who tripped out on acid, took off my face, and saw grapes covered with masks, that are themselves perspectives of the people around me. *cough* XIIRO *cough*.

posted February 29, 2012 05:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:
Omg awesome. Auras...I see auras around people when I dream, though I doubt that really means anything, ahahaha (they're inconsistent in colour and in texture). And that music thing...that's just awkward. But a good kinda awkward! Do the animals, plants, rocks, and sometimes object like chairs ever talk back? Gee, I'm like, fascinated or something!

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I think seeing auras in dreams is a cool concept. I imagine it highlights people's presence in the story, makes things a bit vivid and cartoony. I actually attribute the aura sensitivity perception to my Venus in Scorpio/ Mars in Leo, so hearing that from you isn't a shocker.

The music thing is more funny. I get a chuckle out of seeing people shiver in unison LOL. I don't use the invasive facilities of Neptune sextile Pluto, both semi-sextile Uranus (Moon square Neptune, sextile Uranus, semi-sextile Pluto) often. I feel people's personal space should be left personal, even if the idea is an illusion. The shiver thing is a remnant of my days of discovering the validity of personal space. When I was awakened to the energies of the outer planets it was by a schizophrenic Pisces who got off traumatizing people. The moment I noticed the veil was thin between us, he tore a hole in the veil and basically shouted HELLO! I knew I didn't like the experience, but having no other comparable basis, had to develop my own understandings out of that experience. Needless to say...people were f**ked with.

Yes animals, plants, rocks and chairs talk back, but they all speak dynamically different languages. Animals are the most like us (us being animals), but like plants, they communicate a lot more with energy. Plants are similar to rocks in the effect that their communication is based more on the pattern of energy and less about swinging the energy around them, but like animals, they certainly do "swing". Rocks and minerals communicate mostly through steady expressions of patterns, the patterns change over time in relationship to the changes in the rock's environment. The pattern is translated very strongly to me via flavor and smell. I used to smell crystals before buying them and pop them in my mouth after paying for them (HAHA I have no shame). Chairs communicate through simply being. They wait to do chair stuff and while they are being sat on, they generally radiate that they are being a chair. Turning a chair into a footstool or a table is interesting to watch, because it is like chair enlightenment. The chair kinda repeats "I'm a ... more than I have been".

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:
I'm just another fish swimming in the sea, not some astral alien who tripped out on acid, took off my face, and saw grapes covered with masks, that are themselves perspectives of the people around me. *cough* XIIRO *cough*.

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posted March 01, 2012 01:04 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:

I live in sensations - thinking, deep or nervous, and feelings, such as emotions, are not my particular natural mode. The past and the future are not really what I navigate in, it's the immediate. So, because I don't often ponder the past or the future or anything sooper cosmic like that, I suppose I lack depth.

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I'm the opposite. I'm constantly either living in the past or the future. I need to learn to stop and smell the roses.

posted March 01, 2012 10:39 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by tautomer4314:
Ami- My pholus and jupiter are both in the 8th house.

Saggi- my chart link is in my signature. Here is a link to it though, and I included pholus in it since ami wanted to know about it.

As strange as it may sound, and as difficult as it is for me to articulate, I embody both sides of what you described. I am both restless, constantly seeking information, learning, the answer if you will. Yet, I constantly need control, to need to have everything nailed down, and to put a lot of focus into anything I do. Yet I burn out if I keep up too long with that, and get stressed if I don't focus enough. I am a perpetual student as I am in grad school going for a PhD, love the teaching aspect as I want to be of service and want to be of use. I long for deep connections and seek them very often, but I am very good at keeping it light. I MUST dig deep, with everything, at all times. If I do it for too long though I get too much inside of my head. It's finding the in between of those two that is very difficult for me.

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I MUST dig deep, with everything, at all times
How apt for pluto conj moon?

stellium in 8th house of scorpio. I too have jupiter here and this suggests where and how you expand and with venus conj, it should give you a lot of pleasure (venus) to research and expand into hidden depths of life's mysteries.

have you researched this yet?
The Mysteries of the 8th House: House of Death & Transformation
by Carmen Turner-Schott http://www.ofspirit.com/carmenturnerschott1.htm http://mysticmedusa.com/2009/03/the-eerie-8th-house/ http://mystarworld.com/content/planets_in_8th_house.asp

the problem with your communications is mercury quincunx uranus AND an outer stellium in 3rd house of communications.
Mars opp netpune can suggest questionable relationships and actions on occasions.

Mars in 9th is where you put action in cancer (emotions) into 9th house matters,like philsophy, religion, travel, The law, police etc...

Now as you progres/age/evolve we refer to 'secondary progressions' and your gemini stellium will move into cancer (which is a worrier along with virgo) and more focus on 9th house matters and family (cancer). So maybe family will be helpful or connected to 9th house issues...

you may *apppear* to other Asc with libra and gemini traits, very chatty at least on superficial things, but underneath, taurus sun is highly romantic, sensual, affectionate and demonstrative and practical but moon/pluto really only wants deep and meaningful....

We are ALL multifaceted human beings and what astrology does is break down and compartmentalise facets of our psyche and personality. It's a journey, but enjoy the journey, there is no end point or destination, you may always be learning..

Basic astrology forum, Which charts to use and when http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum12/private-jjLYZw161/HTML/000682.html

Basic astrology forum, All About Moons http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum12/private-jjLYZw161/HTML/000681.html

posted March 01, 2012 11:12 AM            

I can relate, I have Scorpio/Gemini energy and it makes perfect sense to me, tautomer.

I feel like I cannot express the depth and intensity of my actual feelings/thoughts/sensations but I don't really know why. As soon as I try to let it out, it all goes the wrong way - sometimes I come across as too cerebral (Gemini), or on the contrary, people get scared of my intensity or simply don't "get" it (too much drama I guess).

posted March 01, 2012 10:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Xiiro:
LOL Red, you rock!

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