posted April 25, 2012 08:26 PM            

This seems like a good place to come and get some additional help in my quest to get my Cancer man back.

I’m a Taurus, we were together for almost 3 years. A few days ago, he ended the relationship because I wasn’t making him important enough and that I was hot and cold. At first, the reason didn’t make sense and I was distraught at the break up. We took a day to “talk” more in texts and I finally began to understand what I wasn’t doing to show him how much he means and that he’s my priority. I had a tendency to assume he was okay with doing certain things, and he felt like he was along for the ride in a lot of cases.

He acknowledged that he let the resentment build up, and basically exploded. When he broke up with me, he was very cold although he cried a lot. He said he was very in love with me, but resentment built up, but is still in love with me in some ways.

We live two hours apart from each other, so that played a lot into him not feeling important because my life would take over at times.

He said that he felt loved, just invisible.

I realized that he needs to see that I’m committed to changing my interactions with him. I apologized, but I felt that he needed to see more.

Yesterday, I drove the 2 hours to his house and surprised him. I brought him some favorites chocolates, brownies, and other snack items. I also printed out pictures of us and wrote on the back of them expressing that I finally “get”, I apologized for hurting him, told him how much I need him and love him.

I was nervous about the response, but it was actually positive. He was very surprised that I went out of my way on a weekday to come see him. I apologized for forgetting how sensitive he is, I apologized for taking him for granted, and that I hoped that little piece of him that still loves me can forgive me and learn to trust me again.

When I said all this, he looked happy. He had a slight smile on his face, he looked into my eyes. He felt connected. When he opened to gift back with the goodies, his face lit up even more. He expressed how surprised to see me. Upon leaving, he was still very warm and he initiated physical contact in the form of a long, loving hug.

I realize I have a long road ahead of me in building back his trust. My question now is, what should my next steps be? Should I send non committal text messages saying I hope his day is good or good night? Should I completely go absent and let him initiate any new contact? Because he felt unimportant, I’m afraid that he’ll think I have changed at all and became cold and uncaring.

posted April 25, 2012 11:23 PM            

Anyway if he liked you driving to see him, why NOT keep up the contact? I get the impression that his complaint is, he wanted more of you. And was happy when he got that.

posted April 25, 2012 11:53 PM            

Cancer needs taurus to show their affection and to show their -emotions- which is very ultra important to us.

If you don't, we tend to feel unloved and rejected with time.

posted April 26, 2012 04:36 AM            

Chart;
Sun - Taurus 16*48 in house XI
Moon - Leo 17*11 in House III
Rising Cancer 8*55
Pluto - Libra 9*24 in House V
Uranus - Scorpio 4*37 in House V
Mars - Cancer 24*55 in House II
Venus - Taurus 5*33 in House Xi

I don't quite now what synestry is yet, still learning.

He is a July 15, 1978 Cancer. I don't have his birth time. All I know is that he was born in Wisconsin.

I don't know how much more is too much. I know these Cancers don't like to feel pushed

I just want my wonderful man back

posted April 26, 2012 11:11 PM            

Figured I'd shed some light on my personal experiences considering our birthdays are so close in date (July 19, 1982).

First of all, thank you for sharing your story. I've had similar experiences when it comes to relationships but can say that for me, I was always the person to go above and beyond for my partner similar to what you've done recently when you went to go see him.

Not sure exactly how your BF is but can tell you I am beyond sensitive when it comes to how much I feel and care for others. We also HATE when people say, "oh you're just being sensitive" or "stop being so sensitive". AHHHHH! So if you find yourself saying that, I'd probably try to stop doing that as again, it can get pretty annoying.

Loyalty, respect and care take on a very different meaning to most Cancer people I know and definitely for myself. The little things (surprises, notes, letters, cards, impromptu trips, anything deeply emotional, etc.) are all HIGHLY valued in my book. On some level it almost exhibits to me how much someone actually cares. I have dated other people in the past that simply could not grasp this concept and honestly those relationships did not last very long. Not because I ever expect anything when I give to someone in that way, but more so because I've always felt like this is how I could equate our level of connectedness - which tends to be extremely important to Cancers in general (aka "I Feel").

A good example of this would be if your boyfriend bought you a sweater for your birthday. Most people would be thrilled if obviously it was something you liked. I would too, but on another level we're always looking for a deeper meaning behind everything. i.e. Why that sweater? The fact that you went out of your way to drive there, get his favorite candy, write endearing notes, etc. is HUGE, because again, it creates an emotional connectivity which is what we seek most for a long term partner. Going back to the sweater scenario, I'd rather get a sweater I pointed out in a storefront 4 months earlier because it, "reminded me of the one my mom used to wear growing up when we played tennis together," than just a generic present with no thought or meaning put into it.

From your description it sounds like he wants you to be more consciously aware of him, his feelings, what he needs/wants/expects and be more reciprocating by ways of both tangible and intangible aspects. It is definitely possible to feel loved but not connected if that makes sense. Push yourself to the limit emotionally without sounding fake (if that makes sense). Gaze into his eyes, randomly tell him while you're watching TV how you love when he does "X". Most Cancers I know are very passionate individuals, as am I. So again, anything emotionally tied to a situation where we can genuinely feel as if someone deeply cares and is thinking about us, will help. Our flaw is we tend to "live for love" so to speak and would drop everything at a moments notice if that meant 5 minutes wrapped in the arms of the one person who makes us feel safe, secure and above all else truly loved.

Last thing you should be aware of is that many of us "put up a wall" in the sense that everything may appear ok when really it's not. Sometimes I catch myself waiting to see if the people who are supposed to "know me best" will call me out on the fact that I'm not ok or even recognize or take note that something is off. Not sure how your BF is but for me this is a big thing I've tried to work on the past 10 years because I forget at times most people aren't as intuitive as I am when it comes to knowing and feeling your significant other. That alone can build up a lot of resentment so I totally get where he's coming from if that tends to be the case.

Overall Taurus and Cancer are a good match if you can push yourself to be more emotionally connected to him. It sounds like he is a truly deep person, which on a positive note is definitely admirable because that can often be very misconstrued, overlooked and/or taken for granted by many women. It sounds like you are on the right track so far- try to stay within the mindset of what you're doing without suffocating him too much either. You have to remember in all of this that if it's meant to be it will. He may just need some time to take it all in and appreciate what he has in the first place, which is also quite common of us "crabbies" lol.

posted April 27, 2012 12:35 AM            

And beautifully written!

I am a cancer and I agree with all of that definitely

posted April 27, 2012 02:10 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireDragon:
He acknowledged that he let the resentment build up, and basically exploded. When he broke up with me, he was very cold although he cried a lot. He said he was very in love with me, but resentment built up, but is still in love with me in some ways.

He said that he felt loved, just invisible.

I realized that he needs to see that I’m committed to changing my interactions with him. I apologized, but I felt that he needed to see more.

---

I felt that way too. I'm still going through it. At least you have the courage and smarts to admit when you need to work on something.

Just be consistent, he wants to know that he's "safe" with you. Also he wants to be sure that he can give you all his heart. Nothing is more frustrating than having so much love to give but having no one to give it to. lol It does create resentment. It's kinda like this: "I'll make your world rock so long as you give me 10% in return."
Btw, I think he seems like he's enjoying the pampering... lol Who wouldn't?

posted April 27, 2012 10:03 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
FireDragon, what's your birth place? Need it for the comaptibility thanks

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Warsaw, Poland

Thank you!!!

posted April 27, 2012 10:13 AM            

I'm glad that you were able to share your view, and I think that as you, he is also very very sensitive.

Actually, I KNEW he was sensitive, I just briefly forgot how much. One of my parents became disabled last July and it consumed most of me.

I'm relieved that you agree that the trip was a good idea. I was scared that he would either think I'm insane or turn me away. I knew in my heart it was the right thing, but it felt like a big gamble for me.

I feel terrible not just for the break up, but mostly for hurting him for so long.

I'm also having a bit of as struggle trying to find the right balance of attention. Are daily texts okay? Something non invasive, just maybe something amusing I thought of or saw?

posted April 27, 2012 10:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
Awww..Lioness (number two?) That was beautiful

And beautifully written!

I am a cancer and I agree with all of that definitely

FireDragon, I'll look at your compatiblity in a sec! I feel your hurt <3

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posted April 28, 2012 03:28 AM            

Boo ya for the Cancer peeps. Thanks again y'all

posted April 30, 2012 10:08 AM            

He told me a lot of reasons,and tried to understand, but it still doesn't make sense to me. Mostly because for 3 years he was acting one way, and then all of the sudden pulled a 360.

We were planning on moving in together (in my city which required him leaving his current job of 10 years), and he was making all the steps to move.

Looking back a month ago, he did confess to me that he was nervous about the job switching and moving I thought we smoothed things over, especially since he started to make actual steps to establish residency in my area and terminate the relationship with his accountant. He told him that he would be living in Chicago soon, and won't need him for the filing taxes next year.

He turned bitter cold toward me and said that he's not in love with me anymore, that he allowed frustrations to over take him, and that we need time apart to grow. We can then see in the future where our life paths will take us and if they lead us back together.

I feel like I've been deceived, and I'm hurt and angry.

I'm more afraid that I will never trust anyone with my heart again.

If anyone can/wants to shed any words of wisdom/advice, I will gladly listen