posted May 02, 2012 10:25 AM            

I just had a very interesting dream.
Amongst so many other segments, this is what I remember most clearly.

I was in a movie I think, playing the love interest in some Ryan Gosling film (BTW, I have never seen him in any of his romantic roles except "Lars and the Real Girl" about a sex doll). He played a guy that was fine around everyone else, but when we were alone together he would have rage fits and break and smash all kinds of stuff. Then I realized that if I was going to be "with" this man, then I was going to have to start releasing some of that rage for him, so I went to his house while he wasn't there and started smashing his stuff. I was crushing things through walls, and bashing other stuff with chairs, it was madness. Then he came home and found me, and he was just so happy about it.

So this relates to my life. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 5 yrs now, and the number one and two things that I really can't stand about our relationship are 1) Lack of reciprocity of open affection, and 2) caged rage.
I have a lot of anxiety around him often because I never know what is going to set him off. I'll say one thing and BLAM, the TV remote goes through the window -glass everywhere- chaos ensues. I've never officially broken up with anyone before, but I've told him that I don't want to be with him anymore, I told him to pack his stuff I'm done, and he just stayed anyway. I don't think this guy would take a hint without the cops involved, and I'm just not ready to go to those lengths.

Anyways, I had read some stuff by Liz Green a while back, and I was really intrigued by "the other" represented by the 7th house in our natal charts. He's told me his birth time, but I haven't seen his birth certificate so I don't know for sure, but when I checked our synastry (if it's right), his Moon is smack conjunct my Gemini descendant. So, according to Carl Jung and Liz Green and such, his emotions reflect the masculine "other" in me that I am not able to express for myself.

Does this mean that I was trying to talk myself into throwing more rage fits last night? Was I proposing that I would be a more fulfilled and whole person if I smashed things to bits when I took a notion to? Sheesh...
I think this goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway! I would really love to hear what anyone thinks about this, it would help greatly, even just to say "you're weird" or whatever.
Thanks!!