posted May 27, 2012 01:05 PM            

My boyfriend and I have hit a rough patch (courtesy of Venus Rx, no doubt), but we still love each other just the same and are committed to working things out.

There's just one caveat.

Through mutual friends, I became friends with this Libra. We'd been playing "Words with Friends" via cell phone app with each other for a few weeks. I am always happy to make new friends and so when he invited me to a poetry slam, I thought sure, why not? And invited out some friends of mine to join us. (One weird thing we have in common is an odd obsession with language and words, which I think is a manifestation of both of us being air-dominant.) When we met, I didn't think there was anything threatening at all about becoming friends with him because physically speaking, he is not my "type." I didn't find him very good-looking, to tell the truth. And what could be more conducive to striking up a platonic relationship than that?
Trouble is, now, in spite of the initial lack of physical attraction on my part (not his), the chemistry between us is palpable and overwhelming and it threatens to drown me. I'm not sure this is a friendship I should even be participating in (and true to Aqua form, I do have many guy friends, none of whom attraction has ever been a problem with). I can tell he really, really likes me and wants to pursue a relationship with me.

Today I did our synastry in an effort to figure out why there is this intoxicating instant understanding between us and I cannot believe what I am seeing. Cafeastrology's simple synastry tool gives us a rating of 1646. There is not a single square between our charts, it's all conjunctions, trines and sextiles. Our suns are trine, our moons are trine (his is Scorpio, mine Pisces), our Mercury's are trine (his is Libra, mine Aquarius), our Venus' are trine (his is Libra, mine Aquarius), and our Mars' are conjunct (both Sagittarius). Our Jupiters are square by sign, but not by aspect. We have a Venus-Saturn trine, as well as a Venus-Pluto trine, a Sun-Jupiter trine, as well as a Sun-Venus trine. We also have a Sun-Mars sextile. Finally, we also have a Jupiter-Saturn trine. All of our aspects are harmonious.

I guess the question I am asking is... could this be my twin flame? And if so, should I keep my distance? I don't know what to do. This is very worrisome and EXTREMELY ill-timed.

posted May 27, 2012 01:34 PM            

Venus retro is tricky, I'd wait for it to go direct to make any kind of decision.
It is possible that your attraction/feelings will fade.

But you do have a very "nice" synastry.
Maybe too nice actually.
It may be better to stay friends with him, unless the feelings really grow and you feel like it is meant to be. But still, take your time, especially since you're not single.

posted May 27, 2012 06:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
(...) but we still love each other just the same and are committed to working things out.

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posted May 27, 2012 06:27 PM            

I can't speak for the Libra guy but for me, integrity & loyalty is a huge thing. If anyone would want to take it further with me, I want to be sure that all previous ties are settled out, I really don't appreciate doubts or wishy washy-ness, though I'm a Libra. So whathever you'd decide, just be 100% sure that this is what you want.

posted May 27, 2012 06:53 PM            

I think Doux Reve is right. I would wait and see how things unfold. From a purely astro pov the synastry could perhaps make you feel bored(?) or not challenged enough after a while.

The other pov of course is that you have to consider your own bf with whom you want to work things out. If you haven't finally made a decision about him and settled things with him, then considering things with someone else may not be the best idea at this point. What I'm saying is that if/when you do walk away from guy #1, you should, for your own sake, be able to look back and know deep inside that yeah you tried everything in your power to make it work and it didn't.

Till you've reached that point, any other involvement would result in guilt for you later on, imo.

Plus you don't know if your attraction to guy #2 is the result of the difficulties you're facing with guy #1.

Also, I would look for aspects with transit Neptune too, with your personal planets, just to make sure that you have absolute clarity of thought.

posted May 27, 2012 07:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Also these types of situations are why I don't do male female Platonic friendships, as these situations get sticky more often than not.

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What can I say Aquaguy, you're just soooo wise. No one can beat your Saturn wisdom

posted May 27, 2012 08:05 PM            

I'm going to take this piece by piece, and forgive my immediate gut-reaction here. I'm rather emotional, and a bit more forward than usual, thanks to Mars transiting my Venus-ASC.

quote:

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There's just one caveat.

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Yeah, no sh*t.

quote:

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Trouble is, now, in spite of the initial lack of physical attraction on my part (not his), the chemistry between us is palpable and overwhelming and it threatens to drown me.

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Huh. This part ... kinda gets me. With mine, it was pretty instantaneous. Okay, it WAS instantaneous. I saw a video he did, and then one of his taped shows, and ... it was his smile. Wow. It knocked me over. Y'know that whole butterflies and failed sentence construction thing? Yeah. It was like that. I was ... pretty gone. Denied it, of course. Doesn't mean it wasn't there.

As to the chemistry you're feeling NOW ... yeah, buddy. That's the hardest, most troublesome part.

quote:

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I can tell he really, really likes me and wants to pursue a relationship with me.

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Really, truly? Don't assume. 'He really likes you' is VERY DIFFERENT from he 'wants to pursue a relationship with you'. BUT, again, I'd have to see the charts. Still, I can tell you THIS. Right now, you have a 'sure thing'. I.E., you're in a relationship. BEAR IN MIND, if he IS your twinflame, that the CHANCE of your ACTUALLY having the whole happily ever after scenario is very, VERY slim. Why, I'm not sure, but that's how the karmic fortune cookie seems to crumble.

quote:

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Cafeastrology's simple synastry tool gives us a rating of 1646.

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1646%? Yeah, that's pretty unbelievable, considering I'm rather sure it's on a 1-100% scale. Either way, I really, REALLY wouldn't put any stock in that rating calculator thingummy. Looks like a waste of time.

quote:

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There is not a single square between our charts, it's all conjunctions, trines and sextiles.

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Ooh. Danger, Will Robinson. I've studied mostly TF composites, but in the case of synastry, you'll very, VERY rarely find something THAT 'harmonious'. Perhaps a karmic reward relationship - in which case, you're looking at a companion soul, which is ACTUALLY a GOOD thing, given that TF's are so rarely of the happily-ever-after-off-we-go-into-the-sunset variety.

quote:

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Our suns are trine, our moons are trine (his is Scorpio, mine Pisces), our Mercury's are trine (his is Libra, mine Aquarius), our Venus' are trine (his is Libra, mine Aquarius), and our Mars' are conjunct (both Sagittarius).

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More of the same. Pretty high likelihood this is a companion soul, given a few stronger nodal ties and Saturn connections.

quote:

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We have a Venus-Saturn trine, as well as a Venus-Pluto trine.

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I like that. More evidence of a CS. Pluto-Venus is nice. Definitely easier than the conjunction or square, which, again, would be more indicative of TF.

quote:

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I guess the question I am asking is... could this be my twin flame?

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In short, no. Not from that.

quote:

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And if so, should I keep my distance?

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That actually got me the most, and confirms my previous statement. IF this was your TF, there's no QUESTION. You HAVE to be with this person, and ONLY the most damning circumstances will honestly keep you apart. And even those? You'll fight them. Nonstop. Until you're depleted and sick. And even then, you'll STILL be fighting them.

You said you and your boyfriend have decided to work things out, or you're working on them, or some-such. That's great! Consider the following.

- What do you want? What does he want? Really, and truly? Is there a real future there? What's your potential regarding staying together for the long haul? Do you want to? Does he?

- How do you really feel about your friend? Are you starting to 'wander' because of your dissatisfaction with your primary relationship? Is he an easy place to 'wander' towards, because you feel genuine chemistry and compatibility with so much ease and harmony?

Where's the REAL issue here? Consider that first before you make ANY bold moves. Ask what you really want, and then figure out if it's in your relationship now (or it could be) and if not, what's preventing you from being happy in the current situation.

Is it REALLY fixable? If it isn't, you need to be prepared to face that. And, look at the bright side. You're not married. There are no kids involved. Unless he makes you feel special and 'home' in a way that no other man has, you might figure that what this Venus RX is REALLY telling you is that it's time to move on.

It's known for that, too.

Good luck to you.

posted May 28, 2012 08:49 AM            

"You can't make your heart feel something it won't." That includes ambivalence.

I'm with Aquaguy, platonic friendships tend to get sticky.

The guy with whom I had only trines, sextiles and conjunctions...sometimes I still wonder if he is my twin flame, half a lifetime after our relationship has ended. I don't see how I could have ever married him (due to our particular circumstances), but I'll just say that what we had was something.

posted May 28, 2012 09:16 AM            

@Aquaguy91 - Keep in mind that I've never had these problems with the guy friends I had pre-existing before I met my boyfriend. Those friendships have never interfered with my relationship. This is a really unique situation. I mean, I sort of make a conscious decision to only have guy friends whom I'm not physically attracted to and would never in a million years date - a policy that's kept me safe so far - and this is no exception, so it's kind of surprising that in spite of me not thinking he's good-looking, I find myself still considering it. It's unprecedented.

Faith - That really hit a nerve. I will really have to keep what you're saying about your experience with someone who shared similar synastry with you in mind. Perhaps it's best I cool my heels on hanging with him for awhile, especially when things at home are vulnerable.

Doux & Linda - You know, I realized that that is precisely what I need to do, just wait and see what happens and wait out this rx period. Even if I wanted to break up right now, our circumstances are such that I just couldn't do it right away (we live together), and we're sort of "stuck" together for awhile, as foreshadowed by a strong Saturn in our composite (it said it may keep the couple together even when they don't want to be). I think you guys may have a valid point. Ever since the Venus rx started, my boyfriend has been picking fights with me and refusing to let up and criticizing me and lecturing me with commitmentphobic crap and I'm just so sick of it and turned off by it that I think it is fuelling a desire to escape. I mean, it's just so easy when the guy behind you is telling you you wear too much makeup and you don't need it and you don't even put it on right and it's making you look like a mime to just go and engage in banter with someone who gets you and whose company you enjoy immensely and who makes you feel sexy and desirable, etc. you know? So Indigo, I think you're right in that sense. I also have to be mindful of my Venus/Mars square... I have read that it's a placement that tends to seek escape or dissolution when the pressure is on in a relationship, and it can be affair-prone, so I don't know how much of it is genuine longing to be with this person, and how much of it is pure escapism.

I have taken so many solo walks in the past week-and-a-half just to get away from my boyfriend and his persistent and relentless BS that my legs are looking really toned! And the worst part is the way that he can dish out unromantic, excessively honest crap but can't take it back AT ALL. If I say something excessively honest or that reeks of commitmentphobia (and that sucks the romance and hopefulness out of the relationship like he tends to do), he loses it. But yet he does it to me. I mean, he always has sporadically as a Sagittarius male, but it's constantly of late. It's just so hypocritical and I'm just so sick of it. Lately I love him and hate him in just about equal amounts. I feel like the Venus Rx is making the incompatible moon issues we have faced since day 1 THAT MUCH more evident/prominent, like they're just overwhelming us right now. A lot of hurtful things have been said and I read about Venus rx when it's in Gemini in particular that it can cause harsh, regretful words to come out.

posted May 28, 2012 01:02 PM            

Thanks for clarifying on the synastry tool. Yeah, I'm like negative 500-something with both of them. Heh.

Perhaps one of the reasons why I felt so inclined to respond so thoroughly is that I'd hate - and I mean HATE - for you to end up in my situation. (Not saying this man IS your TF - I haven't seen the composite yet.) Married to a companion soul with whom you have a lot of family-related karma, RIGHT BEFORE your twinsoul decides to come clean about everything, allowing you to have an ACTUAL relationship.

It's ... hell. Pure, unadulterated, 'there are days, I wonder if this is what hell is' type of thing. And it ALL just changed practically overnight. We married for ill-thought, practical reasons after being together for a few years, and having been friends and coworkers before that. But here's the REAL kicker (and makes me want to punch Adele in the face. No, really.)

The 'kicker', by the way, is a poker term. I know this, because he's a professional poker player by trade. Exciting, right? Nooo. That glamour wears off in about 3 years. But when you're dating, oh, WOW is it sexy. This man who's left corporate America to strike out on his own doing what he loves, which is, above all things, being a cardplayer. Hot!

Until you realise he needs a lot more than just you (and I don't mean other women; hell, I'd be fine with that!) to get into it and have the sort of sex life you actually want, which makes you feel connected to a person, and - surprise-surprise you, Ms Eros-Lilith on your chart-ruler Mercury -AREN'T a cold fish, HE just doesn't frickin' underSTAND --

... you ... get the picture.

The even more complicating factor is, I love my husband. I do. I really do. But I HATE our incompatibility. It's not even progressions which brought us together - it's my stepdaughter, whose Moon is EXACTLY on my Venus, and ASC EXACTLY conjoins my DSC, and so on. And, I swear, my God, there are days this child feels like my own. My husband and I have this unique karmic signature, too, (I forget which harmonic) where his Moon and my Sun are 14* Aquarius - which, of course, is his ex-wife's, who was, yes, my maid of honour.

Yes, we all plop down in the living room at my mother-in-law's and watch 'Modern Family' during the holidays because THAT'S SO NOT US ... /end denial.

See? Family karma.

I don't have that with my TF, actually. My TF and I would be better having nothing to do with his family at all, ever. Which, frankly, he's not opposed to. Not in that serious grudge-match kind of way, but more that there's little in common with anyone outside of his mother, in terms of living relatives, his sisters are married or otherwise busy and out-of-state, and he's just looking for a trajectory - which will likely be LA, given his career aspirations.

I would never leave my husband, though, and my TF would be rather terrified if I did. We're not the type to go all-in and take down the pot. We're weekends away, writing in a flurry, breaking to work on his routine, with plenty of breaks because the topic has turned sexual, and now it's an overture. But I'm good with that, honestly. If his 'destiny' brought him here to LA, I would actually ... feel rather complete.

Oh, another bit about that, but first, here's the thing to consider with your boyfriend. It DOES sound to me like you have REAL problems. My husband would both mention marriage, and I'd freak the eff out, and THEN, JUST AS SOON AS I WAS ON BOARD for it - whoosh! A litany of reasons as to WHY we shouldn't, ALL of them being MY fault. Jesus H! If it weren't for the reason we married, we wouldn't even be! Married, I mean. And, if we weren't, now that I REALLY think on it ... I wonder if we'd even be together? That's a sobering thought, eh?

My TF is a double-Sag, by the way, Cap rising. My husband's a Gemini-Sag, (I know, I'm a masochist) with Leo rising.

Sag, Sag, SAG, bloody Sag. WTF is it with me and Sag men? They're my exes, my currents, my best friends ... Sag, Sag, Sag. Women, too! My two bestest friends in the whole wide world are Sag Sun. (But it's the lunar Libran with whom I've really kept up. Our charts are kinda obvious why. We're likethis.)

/end Sag 'rant'.

So. I can't say why your Sag man is playing Mr Hypocrite, outside of his being very, very ambivalent. This means you're facing REAL problems that are going to need REAL solutions. I.E., it's not all you. If everything was rosy, and you were getting 'cold feet' here, you yourself wouldn't have an, 'And he does this, and then that, and ALL I WANT IS ...' which YOU can clearly identify on your own.

I wonder, sometimes, if Venus RX is really all about returning to what we really want. My husband's flabbergasted. You promised me X (completely neglecting HE'd promised me Y, which would LEAD to X, but, hey) and now, I don't want to do that, even in compromise. I WANT THIS. I want this NOW. I feel I DESERVE this. Damn, I'm one sexy b*tch. I'd just like my own husband to say what a bajillion other men do every other day. Is that ... REALLY so much to ask? Is it really?

Sometimes it is. It's not just verbal versus physical expression, either. Those things lead to decision-based conflicts. He needs an entirely different kind of sex life than I do. He doesn't SAY, 'wow, you're really looking great,' because THAT's not his ideal. If I had this in my hand, and wearing that, and saying this, well, NOW I'm his ideal. Again.

And maybe ... Venus RX scrapes away all of the BS, until you're left with the natural, unrefined, raw, basics. THAT's what I crave.

It hit me harder than ever when, during a random discussion that evolved from comedy-routine work to actual sexual practises and behaviours, my TF interrupted my, 'And what's up with this? And what about that?' explanation or 'evaluation' of sex, to tell me this:

'Anyone ever tell you that you make sex into a homework assignment?'

Ouch! Gah! Okay, so, I was a sex therapist for three years - I can be really specific, but, ouch! I told him the truth. No! What did he mean? He said:

'You've just taken something natural and beautiful and dissected it. That's not healthy, Aub. Have some mindless sex.'

OH, EVERY OUNCE of STRENGTH it took in my BODY to NOT respond, 'Sounds great! Let's get on that.' But all I could honestly respond was how hard it hit me, and how emotional I'd become because of my realisation that THAT was EXACTLY what I wanted. But he even admitted that HE hasn't had the sort of wonderful, merging, breathless experience where you lose all sense of time and space.

And since then, I've been alternately fed up with everything around me, and WANTING WHAT I WANT, ********* .

Is this Venus RX? Because it muther 'effing sucks, if it is.

Okay. Because this song has been haunting me for the past 3 months ... I have to share it with everyone, as it seems oddly apropos.

'Destiny' by Zero 7.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idtRhja2rAM

Good luck, AquaC. I mean that.

-A.

posted May 28, 2012 01:20 PM            

And ... in the composite ... Karma-Destinn exactly conjunct the ASC.

We also have this weird Eros-Moon double-whammy parallel thing going on that kinda floors me. It's exact, too, also involving Valentine and Psyche.

Yeah. Needless to say, that song frickin' gets to me. Every. Damned. Time. Especially the mantra. 'I'm nearly with you.' It reminds me that I've got work to do here, and it's important work, and I'm obligated to it. But, thankfully, I don't have to be away from him forever. In the meantime, we can still find ways to make everything work. Hard, though, and impossible without honesty.