posted June 18, 2012 03:47 PM            

To fellow 12H Plutonains: do you ever experience episodes of unexpected, scary power tripping, then feel crippled with anxiety or shame, wondering where it all came from?

posted June 18, 2012 05:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lalalinda:
Hi sweetie, you need to take into consideration what house Pluto rules in the Natal
and then apply aspects and the house in which it is posited.
What house has Scorpio on the cusp?

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Thank you for the feedback linda. <3

My Pluto is in Scorpio. I have Scorpio on the 12th house cusp according to my ASC being in Sagittarius... So Pluto rules the 12th for me I think. So I think this makes things even worse.

posted June 18, 2012 05:25 PM            

It takes a long time for me to lose my temper but when I finally do, I explode on everyone and everything. I used to be physically and verbally aggressive towards others during these episodes sadly, but that was many years ago and I've since grown out of that.

I feel guilty after I get extremely angry. And now, when my anger does reach a boiling point(it's rare), I explode on myself rather than others. Not much better than releasing it on others, but I'd rather hurt myself than someone else. Narcissism plays out in my self pity, when I'm like why does this have to happen to me...blah blah blah...I am not sure about the power trip. Maybe it manifested when I was alot younger.

posted June 18, 2012 06:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lazyscarecrow:
Let's see. I also have Pluto 12th and a Mars-Pluto contact that is an opposition. I have some other pretty nasty Pluto contacts.

It takes a long time for me to lose my temper but when I finally do, I explode on everyone and everything. I used to be physically and verbally aggressive towards others during these episodes sadly, but that was many years ago and I've since grown out of that.

I feel guilty after I get extremely angry. And now, when my anger does reach a boiling point(it's rare), I explode on myself rather than others. Not much better than releasing it on others, but I'd rather hurt myself than someone else. Narcissism plays out in my self pity, when I'm like why does this have to happen to me...blah blah blah...I am not sure about the power trip. Maybe it manifested when I was alot younger.

I hope this helped.

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You sound a LOT like me... your words do help a lot. Knowing someone with this can relate to what I am going through does help! Thank you.

I also get extremely guilty inside when I feel I have blown up too much. Mars in Cancer makes me sometimes unable to be angry at the 'right' moments. IE, I will wait too long after the fact to get angry at people and express rage healthily and not so horribly as I do now...

I explode on everyone and everything too. And I really do get formable when I am ****** . I give tough guys a run for their money! Haha... it isn't funny though. I almost seem sociopathic that's how ruthless I can be. Except it's only when I feel fenced in (Mars-Uranus opposition) and in some intimate relationships I have (8H Mars). I think the Mars-Pluto connection despite being positive can actually hinder me a lot. It triggers me into abusing my power when I am set off in those ways. I have a LOT of stored power deep, deep down... as I said it shocks me sometimes how much is in there, how fearsome and fearless I can act. Once I punched someone hard enough to knock them down, and I stopped and just stared and stared at my own hands and couldn't even believe what I had just done. It's like I can alternate between being a victim and a bully....

posted June 18, 2012 10:56 PM            

I know that at the time. In my mind the righteousness and "putting them in their place" and "giving them a taste of their own meds" runs through my mind. I feel like I'm really justified by it all. I am justified for feeling wronged and hurt, but after maybe a couple hours, I feel horrible for the outburst. I wish I would have let things bounce off me or just take the pain instead of react. I feel weak for bursting. It is scary for those that have to deal with it. I feel so ashamed after. I hate it. I feel so tormented because I know that I am in the right but then if someone judges me based on that outburst the sympathy and acknowledgement for that right is dissolved. I effectively shoot myself in the foot.

Also, I end up going to a private place and crying. I feel so extremely vulnerable after. And that sucks up all my energies.

I haven't been the most outspoken person growing up. I was shy and pushed around a lot. I had to deal with horrible situations and simply move on. However, I think as I started getting older--maybe around the age of 18-- I gradually started voicing my opinions nad frustrations. I used to reflect on old hurts and feel helpless, but then I started putting my foot down. I began with extended family, who hurt or abused my family. It felt good. I felt like I was defending my own family against horrible people. Trust me some were horrible. That is for another story.

But then I blamed my father for allowing certain things to take place and continuously allowing those family members the benefit of a doubt. Then I rememebr all the old things I was upset at my parents for having put me through. I would remember what they said to me. I felt like the warrior protecting the kingdom only the kingdom neglected, didn't appreciate, and even hated the warrior for being strong.

Eventually I think I've been learning to grow out of htat phase. I feel like going back to the docile girl. The one that just lets go. I put my mind on other issues. Sometimes letting go makes me feel empowered but then also weak because I know I couldn't fix that nagging issue.

I have pluto trine mars.

And to clarify, I have never been physically abused.

"I also have the self-pitying and depression part a lot. I curse people for what they've done to me, wallow and cry, etc. etc... it's very serious though. I just want to stop being that way but I can't. "

^^ I feel that way too. I just think of all the people who have it worse. It honestly makes me gain perspective. Think about people with borderline or major depression.
I still curse people who betray me or hurt my family. I never wish them happiness. I want them to go through pain and felel what they have caused us. I don't htink that it's unjustified. I'm quite loving and caring to those that are good to my family and I. I am like the hindu goddess Kali. hehe. I know that I am never against an innocent person. I will be genuinely happy for a person, who succeeds in life, but I will genuinely be hating the person that succeeds and has ever harmed my family or I.

I have moon in scorpio.

posted June 18, 2012 11:36 PM            

Sounds SO much like me. I will also feel like I am justifying myself and making a situation better, putting people in their place by getting angry at them. But then later I will just feel depressed about it and wanting to disappear.... and wondering why I even have to go through that at all.

I've always felt since childhood like you, that I've had to defend myself and my actions from the bad things other people did to me. I've not felt so much the need to defend my family, since my family ruined a good part of my life.

Combined with an un-aspected Sun in Libra in the 10th and some other things I have slight sociopathic traits so, Pluto in the 12th doesn't help. This doesn't mean I'm 'evil' or 'psycho' but I've become this way due to terrible abuse at the hands of close relatives and family members who I thought I could trust. IE, I've had to be charming when I'm really hateful inside as a means to survive... from a young age I showed signs of being rebellious and lacking authority and I blame my Sun. No aspects to the Sun = basically no dad or strong hand around, the Sun's nature runs wild and crazy and in the 10th this gives me a natural authority which I admit, I sometimes misuse. I was never scared of getting into trouble except school, where I was always forcing myself to get good grades because I felt like a useless person and that was the only place I could prove my self-worth (3rd house Saturn). But even then I openly defied teachers and did not respect many of them... or really I acted more like the boss than anyone around me. I was bullied for trying to dominate social scenes and when I grew up into a woman it became even worse because I DID then dominate many social scenes, and Pluto's rage inside me did not help. I know sometimes what I do is wrong but I use my anger as a facade or a shield to protect myself from being suicidal or just hating life... it makes me stronger somehow. Yet due to Pluto deep down, it also hurts me to be angry like this....

Hades' Moon must make it more difficult for you. Does that worsen the situation? I can see how this moon placement makes you more protective of your family than mine does. I have Virgo moon and its conjunct Chiron, showing my roots cause me intense pain.

I don't think all Pluto-Mars contacts indicate physical or sexual abuse, I didn't have that either. I had intense emotional and sometimes verbal abuse, situational abuse... like being forced to do horrible things and have terrible circumstances around me all the time from my upbringing. I think other aspects in the chart have to point towards either sexual or physical abuse for Pluto-Mars to show this.