posted June 29, 2012 12:33 PM            

I also focus on distancing my self when I feel that anger arise. I am a very fire oriented person, but my emotions are very Scorpio, it is difficult for me to restrain being hurtful or confrontational when she is on a good one. That Gemini mars will do everything in its power to argue she has never done anything negative or insensitive in her life (even as she is poking you with sharp sticks). One thing you may face which I do not, is a mother with Pluto in Virgo 6th House. My mother has Pluto in Leo, so her essential obsession is doing what she wants on her terms. Your mother may want to be more involved with you, hoping to fix any problems or be of service. Either way,

My saving grace is the understanding that she is only conscious of about 2% of her actions, the rest of the time she is just emotionally reactionary and on autopilot. Mine is just not in control of her self, she is a ping pong ball being slapped around by her desires. It's no excuse for many of the things she has done, but at some point I just had to settle for what she was willing to give, not what I expected of her.

It's not the most pleasant struggle to endure with one's mother, especially considering the deep bond these mothers create and later break with their children (only to attempt to revisit it when it is convenient for them). Once you allow her freedom and acceptance while exploring your emotional independence, she should at least step out of your way a bit and treat you with more respect.

posted June 29, 2012 10:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by cappy1277:
I had an overbearing mother too but they don't do it because they are criticizing you but because they see in you what they could've been. She is living vicariously through you.

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In my mother's case that is not her drive. She criticizes because she wants to hobble her children. It is an odd form of emotional Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome. The whole idea is to make her children so weak with depression or self doubt, that they will never leave. She emotionally poisons her host and then feeds off her host's need to recuperate (telling her self she is being a nurturing Cancer). slowly but surely, as her host gets better, she introduces more poison until they are infirm again.

posted July 14, 2012 10:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ann7:
Umm.... What about moms with daughters that have no respect and an abnormal sense of entitlement?! I love my 22 year old very much, she is my first -real- love BUT over the years her lack of respect and selfishness have wore me down to the point where I'm ready to keep my distance... A very far distance at that.

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Hi Ann. I'm sorry to hear things have been tough with your daughter, Sydney. I wanted to reach out to you because for the past 8-9 years I have had very intense, tough on-and-off dealings with my own mother and I can see where you are coming from. It's apparent both of you are most likely loving but very frustrated and deep down, hurt with each other sometimes. I can see key things between you and Sydney.

Sydney has the Moon in conjunction with Chiron. I personally have this aspect and it is very difficult. It means you feel that it is sometimes, intensely shaming or difficult to reveal your true emotions. You can feel sadness for showing your true heart in fear of resurfacing your wounds, which Chiron represents, in fear of being rejected. Not only does Sydney have this conjunction, she also has it in the ultra sensitive sign of Cancer. It is highly likely she feels she needs more love, and this deep, endless desire can scare her or shame her. Does she sometimes outpour her feelings in insults or cries for attention, and then clam up afterwards? This is a sign of this aspect.

This aspect painful as it may be, often represents the distance or assumed rejection of the mother. Something could feel estranged about the relationship. Yet the person with it is often bound to the mother in unconventional and life-long ways even at a distance. It is most likely that Sydney is sometimes angry or callous, lacking respect towards you because her Chironic wound against her Moon is causing her to act out aggressively and erratically (Uranus) to avoid getting hurt and realizing that all she wants is to be close to you and you to love her even more than you do now. I don't doubt you love her at all - especially because Venus is conjunct Venus in your synastry. But for whatever reason, people with Chiron-Moon conjunctions especially seem to need a LOT more than average emotional care, yet they can't bring themselves to show it most of the time. I feel if you two recognize this about her, it will lead to big strides possibly. In truth Ann, you are only feeding into Sydney's Chironic wound by keeping that distance from her. I am telling the truth when I say, by doing that you are actually probably making her even more sad and hateful than ever. Because even if she pushes you away, in her heart this aspect of hers speaks louder than her words. She wants you there in her life, being a mother to her.

You two have somewhat wide Mars-Mercury conjunction which is what is leading me to suspect she can sometimes throw out some serious verbal insults and disrespect due to the fires of Mars fueling her ability to communicating - making some words biting and sharp. But it's important to try to see past her words and look deep into her heart.

Why I feel that Sydney's desire for protection and emotional care yet the horribly frustrating inability to show it to you, her mother, is causing these issues is because her Moon causes some definite issues in the synastry. For emotional issues between people you see if the Moon has any hard aspects. It seems your Moon makes no hard aspects to her planets which is why you are probably the one reaching out and saying, Yes I love her but she can hurt me so much. Well the reason why is because Sydney's Moon is the one with all the squares and hard aspects against your planets in the chart.

There's Saturn square Moon to start with, meaning that the relationship could make both or one of you feel emotionally stifled and cold. Saturn at its worst can be a restrictive planet so one or both people in this relationship are going to be feeling restricted in emotional expression and sad in their heart at times from the way that the other person reacts. The other person could be unexpectedly tight-lipped, overtly logical, or too intense for the other to handle. This serious aspect is what most likely lead you to feel stifled by her and as you said, just wanting to keep your distance from her. The goal for you both is to understand how to emotionally express yourselves freely around one another. It's apparent that Sydney is fueling into Saturn, the other side of Chiron (it's situated between Uranus and Saturn). She might be the one doing the censoring, right? She might be doing this to avoid giving into her deepest pains about you and your relationship. To be cold and snippy might be easier for her than to break down and face the pain of her heart.

Why you most likely feel so loving of her but just so frustrated and confused about the whole thing is your Venus quincunx her Jupiter. This is basically saying that the love you feel for her is definitely there; but it is quincunx her planet of luck and expansion, making you feel like something about the relationship makes it often subject to bad luck. In other words, everything could be going OK and then suddenly, as if bad luck strikes, the other person does something to ruin it all.

Another reason Sydney could seem disrespectful to you is because the things you could say in arguing with her or being annoyed with her could hurt her so much deep down, she might feel the need to strike out and get revenge against you. I'm saying this because of the Mars-Mercury conjunction, but also because her Moon squares your Mercury, making her sensitive Cancer Moon (heart) painfully aware of each negative or angry thing you've ever said to her. She could possibly harbor old insults you've said, like from even years back, and throw them back into your face for whatever reason; Cancer is rooted in the memory, it is a sign that is hurt easily and does NOT easily forget. Both need to become aware of one another's feelings in reaction to words. A key issue that seems to be cropping up is a miscommunication error - neither know how to be sensitive to the other's feelings. One reacts to the other's seemingly cruel or sharp words by lashing out emotionally and/or verbally and then, by being so closed-off and rude that the second person just thinks that they can't be around them anymore.... It is a tough situation. But you know, Ann, looking it this it is NOT a hopeless one. The key to it all seems rooted in Syndney's Moon-Chiron conjunction. She desperately seems to need love. And if you actually forcibly break through those barriers and 'force' love onto her, she might just learn how to start accepting more your deep loving feelings towards her. Pride could be holding or back, or other things. But deep down she does want it, it might just take her time to allow herself to accept it, which is the key challenge to Moon-Chiron.

posted July 14, 2012 11:19 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted July 14, 2012 11:21 PM            

Chiron conj Uranus. How do I explain that. All her pain comes to the part of you that wants to be unique and out of the box about who you are.
Does that fit?

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted July 15, 2012 12:17 AM            

She doesnt understand my love of animals either.

She talks about everyone's faults without looking at herself first.

She swears shes perfect and always say rude things in public for no reason. Something is always wrong.

She always complains to me and my sister about getting check ups and to take advantage because we have insurance. Mind you she's had a huge bunion on her toe for 3 years she's done nothing about :/

This is her chart:

posted July 15, 2012 02:28 AM            

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Originally posted by awakemer:
beautiful disaster.. she has moon in virgo just like my mother.. who also loved to gossip.I don't like to generalize and say all virgos are gossipy but I feel some tend to be.. and they can be very critical of others and the leo planets would make her not do much introspection.

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posted July 15, 2012 05:28 AM            

No matter how hard she pushes, I've never walked away. On the other hand, her father has walked out on us several times so maybe that's where you're reading the abandonment issue (chiron/moon). They now seem to have a decent relationship but in her heart she knows his nature. I feel that most of the issues I have with my daughter stem from her 8th house mars - she wants what she wants and tends to railroad the other person until she gets it. Also, she has extremely selfish tendencies.

The saturn/moon thing- I think we are both cold and snippy as a result of frustration. And she is definitely not doing the censoring. She is prone to saying some unbelievably horrible things when she is angry, not just with me but with anyone that crosses her path. I find that most of the times Syd is disrespectful is when she isn't getting her own way. It seems, or at least, I feel that unless I am constantly doing for her she gets bitter and mean. An example of our issues - I have been helping her for 3 years now by offering her my time and money (the first year paying for the bulk of her bills while she was pregnant, the last two years babysitting my grandson while she works). I am at a point where I have to switch jobs (if I don't I will have no money) and can no longer help her like I once did. She is extremely resentful of this, assuming that things should be a certain way. There is no regard for my life and no gratitude for all that I have done. Just bitterness because I can't keep doing it.

Along with all of the negative, I know my daughter has a lot of wonderful positives and I love her --very-- much... If I didn't I wouldn't lie awake at night worrying about how to fix this.

posted July 15, 2012 08:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster:
Oh my god my mom is the same way too. (...) This is her chart:

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quote:

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She talks about everyone's faults without looking at herself first.
She swears shes perfect and always say rude things in public for no reason. Something is always wrong.

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posted July 16, 2012 10:46 PM            

I have one question, Whats your mothers relationship like with your father?.

If they experience an insecure relationship or some problems, they will act non motherly.

My mom started becoming a b*tch after she started having problems with my dad.

I know how you feel, I've had it with my Cancer mother.

They cut back on all the bare necessities needed to raise there children, they provide no encouragement and did I mention they cut back anywhere they can.

They think its cute to have children, but neglect how to raise them.

A good comparison of a Cancer mother is the narrow minded gardener that assumes all that is needed for a plant to bloom is water.

The d*mb gardener doesn't understand the importance of sunlight and soil, then the plant struggles to grow.

posted July 16, 2012 11:21 PM            

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Originally posted by ceecee*:
mothers are tough they're ours until we die. My mom is like this, she wants what is best for me so she controls me. whatever is going on with your mom she might just need to exert herself on you because she loves you.

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I'm not condoning trying to control another person, but speaking as a mom and a grandmom, it's hard not to worry..Which is usually followed by trying to correct. Personally, it is very hard for me to sit back when I see my kids about to do something that I know will hurt them in the long run. It can be a no win situation at times. If you do say something, you're a "know it all". If you don't say anything, you're a horrible parent that didn't, at least try to, protect your kid.

posted July 17, 2012 03:03 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lonake:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster:
[b]Oh my god my mom is the same way too. (...) This is her chart:

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Oh my god I am seriously laughing. You described her perfectly.

She thinks nagging is love for some reason. She will literally lecture and keep saying the same thing over and over again in different ways.

I have had some nasty shoutings matches with her where I literally had to yell shut the ***** up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know its not right but she really makes my blood boil. There were times I wanted to seriously hit her. Never did though.

She's very negative always thinking bad. Swears everyones out to get her. Talks bad about everyone. Most of the time she has a grumpy mean face. People always ask whats up with your mom?

My father committed suicide when i was very young and honestly til this day I don't think she helped much. he was depressed since he was younger and her coldness and nagging probably made it worse. She's not understanding in that way.

Don't get me wrong we can get along and joke and crack up.....maybe our Gemini Suns bonding?

Another example is. Me, my mom, and capricorn sister will be at a restaurant eating and my mom will make a loud comments about the food not tasting good when she knows it does. People hear it and we literally have to tell her to shut up and stop being rude. Then she smirks.