posted July 03, 2012 02:33 AM            

Taking another look at the synastry, I've scouted two possible culprits as to why the DIL might be uncharacteristically phased by the MIL: D's Venus square's M's Neptune, and D's Sun conjuncts M's Pluto. The former is a classic indicator of unrequited love (if you type it into google you should get tons of articles on it). Basically, Venus has an idealised image of Neptune in her head, which gets disappointed when reality hits and the illusion is shattered. This pattern tends to repeat itself until Venus walks away heart-broken. It's not easy on Neptune either - they might feel as 'though Venus' expectations are unreasonably high, as well as feeling somewhat aggrieved, since it is often unclear where said expectations originated in the first place (The classic line from Neptune is: "I don't understand where all of these feelings are coming from", and/or "I never gave out these signs"). Projection is a hallmark of Sun conjunct Pluto too (as it is when any personal planet gets involved with Pluto). It's a very intense aspect, marked by mutual fascination, but also power plays, and unfortunately Pluto always wins because it's less invested (well, that's my take on it anyway). The Sun wants to be special to Pluto, but Pluto doesn't love people just the way they are, it demands transformation. Sometimes, especially if it's badly aspected natally, it can be cruel and controlling.

Ultimately, it has been my experience that the relationship is more important to the Sun than Pluto, and likewise with Venus and Neptune. I can see why it would be important to the DIL to get along with her MIL (it's always been a big fear of mine to be disliked by someone so important to my SO), less so the other way around as the MIL has less to lose (blood is thicker than water). This dynamic is reflected in the above synastry, I think. However, given the Neptune/Pluto stuff, I'd say it's also possible that DIL has some unresolved issues which she is projecting onto MIL (What's her relationship with her own mother like? Why is it sooooo important that this woman like her? Do you see where I'm going with this?). If I'm reading too much into that one, I do apologise. Not talking at all certainly won't help smooth things over. Would it be possible for the DIL to resign any hopes or expectations that the MIL will change, and focus instead on what they agree on? I don't get along especially well with my mother, for instance, so I just do things she likes doing to keep the peace (she likes eating out, so I take her out once a fortnight and keep it to small talk, nothing personal).

P.s. The verbal cruelty could be Mercury/Pluto, but Moon/Saturn conjunctions can be quite harsh too (Not always! Sometimes it's akin to a Capricorn moon, which I have myself, and is mostly just reserved and not keen on overly emotional displays, but they're quite hard on themselves and others, and if offended, cold).