posted July 28, 2012 03:13 AM            

I've met my therapist about 1,5 years ago, despite the fact that we worked at the same hospital (she's also a nurse, but at a diff department than me) for about 2,5 years without even noticing each other. I initially disliked her profusely. Ha, guess maybe that's my Saturn opp her Saturn and my Mars rebelling against her Saturn as well. I actually thought she's some sort of a quack and it completely annoyed me how happy and at peace with herself she seemed. I even thought that she is ugly, lol. I was polite with her but kept my distance. Time passed and we met again. During this meeting she said smth that made me ponder.. lol.. I found out she is also a therapist and became a bit more interested in our interaction. Then a week or so later I went to her and asked for a session. Things have been pretty tense for me in the beginning, I didn't want this stranger to go through all my emotional crap so I resisted the process. She used to give me hugs after each session and I remember staying very stiff and even holding my breath until she let me go (she sensed that of course so she prolonged the hugs hahaha, yeah.. I had no idea how much I really needed them). I think that it took a lot of Taureean patience lol to keep up with me and my attitude. She is really a wise woman and knew where all that came from. I eventually warmed up to her and now can't wait for the hug at the end of the session ^_^. I was really shocked to see that Sun-Venus conjunction, and a double-whammy no less. She was telling me she thought I was an amazing person and I thought it was just blah blah and she tells that to all her clients. Of course could not believe she actually meant it! But you see, the Sun-Venus dw was EXACTLY what I needed. I have self-worth and self-love issues and an unaspected Venus (otherwise conj Chiron which is not helping!!!!!) natally so this was precisely what I needed. And idk how, but she knew exactly how to handle me. Gave me space when I needed, which is smth I appreciate very much, didn't insist when it became uncomfortable for me and so on. Ofc that could just as well mean she is a very good therapist (which I believe she is) BUT I have seen other therapists and we didn't click like this. They didn't have what I needed (her Moon conj my Ceres, does it get any better than that? in my 1st house no less - and I need the Aqua detachment coz if it gets too mushy I just go into critical/sarcastic mode).

Composite however was a bit of a shock. Ofc, Sun-Venus-Chiron in the 12th make a lot of sense. But T-crossed with Saturn, Jup and Uranus?? What's that about??

Well, actually, we had a bit of a rough patch. I am not talking just about the beginning before I warmed up to her. About 4-5 months after we started therapy, I had a suicide attempt episode and though I went to see her for a few sessions afterwards, I soon stopped seeing her, for a few months actually. Kept making excuses, didn't respond her calls etc. During that time I was on medication and I guess they needed time to work. I think that episode made both of us doubt her therapy skills. So I think it took both of us by surprise when I returned and wanted to continue the sessions with increased motivation and strength. Now she thinks by the end of the year I'm not going to be needing therapy anymore, which scared the sh!t outta me because I didn't think I was ready so I pulled another tantrum on her for that lol. Lucky she has lots of patience haha.

Anyway, we do have some pretty negative stuff in our charts. We interrupt each other a lot and we even argued. I wanted to quit therapy more than once and God knows I probably have tested her Taurean patience a lot lol. I think that episode with my suicide attempt was really hard for her, as well, especially since I interrupted the sessions and went incommunicado. We have a lot of Uranus, so there you go. Lots of interruptions and pretty erratic behavior on both of us. But we eventually worked it out! I mean, just look at that composite T-cross! Saturn is making awful aspects there. And Cap Moon?? Grrrr! Mercury sq Mars? 6H/12H oppositions? The composite is mostly bad than good! But it is also very fitting for what was going down. Yes, it challenged both of us. Yeah, I disliked her in the beginning and thought about quitting more than once, hell, even did for a while. But I guess I needed those precise challenges to work through my stuff.

I want to say that I am no longer terrified of horrible synastries/composites. I believe they can be worked out if both people want to work them out. I think it requires a lot of maturity and self-awareness to do so - GRANTED! - and ofc it is hard as hell, but it is doable lol. What doesn't challenge you, doesn't change you. And if it doesn't change you, then you're stagnant and you make no progress. We should not fear challenges, we should embrace them! Yeahhh! lol

posted July 28, 2012 05:34 AM            

I want to say that my best relationship ever was my exhusband number two. I think everyone here know that. I always said that he was my therapist. Our composite was really hardaspected and I think everyone here will judge that relationship to a bad one. But it wasnt. It was real love.

posted July 29, 2012 07:36 AM            

uranus squaring my Moon - sure,y our Uranus can square my Moon any day. I love it. All the excitement, noone`s trying to pressure me into more commitment, my Aqarius-Moon likes that. It`s electrifying, stimulating and yet familiar.

If I had a Taurus-Moon conjunct Saturn on the other hand - now THAT might be completely different.

posted July 29, 2012 07:49 AM            

I think you summed it up perfectly with your last sentences.
A relationships that doesn`t challenge you, can`t bring any change into your life (which is why relationships only based on sextiles and trines often are so harmonious and smooth,t hat to some people they seem pointless at a certain point).

You needed to change in certain areas, and therefore she probably was a very good choice as therapeut, as she seemingly challenged you, without judging you.
Probably exactly what you needed.

Now even though humans need change, we also tend to resist it and too often stay stuck in the mudd, because it is just familiar territory, and who knows what to expect if we extend our boundaries?
So someone who we sense could challenge us in these ways, especially in those areas, that are core issues for us, might not be received well by us. Our defense mechanism kick in, cause we donīt want to change. It`s frightening, because it is unfamiliar.
And because we sense the potential of the otherperson confront us with necessary challenges and changes, we might react with rejecting them passionately.

Now, of course there is an inner voice that also tells us when someone will not be good for us.

It is not always easy to tell these two apart, but I feel, that whenever we react with disproportionately strong and vehement rejection/ repulsion/ contempt/ hate, probably this other person presesents us (unconsciously) with some of our core issues, and we don`t want to SEE them, cause that means we probably would have to CHANGE them.

In most cases if someone really riles you up for no other reason than being in your presence (I am not talking about people who act or talk nasty), it probably has more to do with yourself than with them personally.

posted July 29, 2012 08:17 AM            

This Venus is not only loosely connected with Chiron, but is the end dispositor of Pluto and Saturn.
(Because Venus rules Pluto in Libra and Pluto rules Saturn in Scorpio, well at least if we use the new rulers; if we donīt then it is only Pluto reporting to Venus, but even then it is conjunct Saturn, so you canīt escape the connection to Saturn I think)

I think it shows that you occasionally need cathartic experiences to experience the intensity you need. But this intensity at the same time seems to threaten your safety as it plunges into the deepest part of your chart, opening up the door to whatever shadows there may be (and with Pluto being sort of associated with Venus, the shadows might be quite a bit frightening). It also means that you might fear that someone could hurt you and practically destroy you emotionally, if you let them into that part of yours, as you yourself do not feel completely stable there, and perceive some kind of wound. Though the irony is that the fact that Venus is in Taurus shows that you indeed ARE stable, just for some reason it seems to be hard for you to see it, to accept your own value; maybe it is also that case because Venus is not well integrated in the rest of your chart.

Venus of course rules your 4th house, and that would bring also family-issues or childhood-experiences into it. most American astrologers associate the 4th house with the father and I think the classic astrology does, too. Well, I always rejected this thought, but I must admit that mars as ruler of my 4th house in Sag in my 12th house conjunct neptune and ASC very much depicts my own father, or how I experienced him, while the ruler of my 10th house, Venus in Capricorn in 1st house square Pluto on the MC totally reflects my Mom, as I always experienced her as the more authoritative one (actually she has Sun and Mercury in Scorpio with a lot of Earth emphasis and Saturn in 4th house square ASC).
While my Dad has Sag-IC, Sun and Venus conjunct Jupiter, Mars-Neptune-conjunction).
So for me it seems to fit.

Anyway if that Saturn is still associated with your Venus, you probably have a script, an inner voice, that needs some modification,a s it censors you more and blocks you than it does you any good in being a reasonable guide.

Anyway, if there is an issue surrounding this, I think someone who will always agree with you will not get through to you. It just wonīt work. You probably really need someone who pushes your buttons and makes you look there where it hurts, but who at the same time can show you the apprectiation you can`t show yourself.