posted July 30, 2012 01:18 AM            

An Aquarius female who I thought was a friend just got done telling me I don't know my worth because I choose to deal with certain things as they are....she doesn't put into perspective how much I have on my plate so this matter really has been put on the back burner. I don't have time to think about it right now.

posted July 30, 2012 05:23 AM            

First, be assured that it's not a "problem" that other people analyze you. I'm an air sign sun and Mercury. To quote Leonard Hofstadter from The Big Bang Theory, "This is how we roll in the Shire". This is how we approach the world. It's how we make sense of it and understand it. She is really just trying to understand you. Now, taken too far, some people just get nosy, or make up things that aren't there, or manipulate, but in most cases with air signs, comprehension is the main goal. Sometimes, people who see that someone is avoiding something feel a need to make them confront it and face it.

To be fair, a lot of Caps/Cap-influenced people really don't know their own worth. By saying that you "don't have time to think about this right now", it sounds to me that you may push a lot of emotional stuff away (there I go, being a typical air sign and analyzing) because you may not see it as important or else might see it as something that isn't as important as other things. They get shoved off to the side.

I don't believe that she wants to recruit you to the "dark side" (I can't help but be amused that you describe it that way). I believe that, again, she is trying to understand. Now, too, your post was short, so maybe there's more to it, though I don't wish to pry. But, based on the information that I have, I don't think that she's bitter and trying to drag you down.

As for "not thinking about how much you have on your plate", two things: 1) people who aren't as work-focused/who have less-demanding jobs are not going to automatically realize all of the stuff that others have to do, and neither would people who mind their own business and who don't know every detail of your life--it just might not occur to them; 2) other people don't put emotional things/personal things on the back burner, and consider them very important and something that they have to deal with, so they may see you as repressive.

So, that's how I see it.

posted July 30, 2012 07:46 AM            

I will not take advice from angry women...our judgement can be clouded and biased. She feels that she is empowering me with the truth of how men really are....I disagree with her, to each their own. I'm not one for sticking my nose in other people's business. Let things be, don't judge a person's worth by their actions.

posted July 30, 2012 08:26 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by cappy1277:
There's a lot of validity to what you are seeing and I am completely understanding. I am my own worst critic at times but some things take precedence in certain situations...this one being that she thinks I can do better with the man I am with. She is going through something herself concerning a man & she feels that he disrespected her so every man is a low life.

I will not take advice from angry women...our judgement can be clouded and biased. She feels that she is empowering me with the truth of how men really are....I disagree with her, to each their own. I'm not one for sticking my nose in other people's business. Let things be, don't judge a person's worth by their actions.

Maybe I do seem repressed but I have so many things on my plate that require more attention than others. As a capricorn , I am methodically trying to work through each situation and my Gemini moon is trying to stay rational & even.

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Ah, having that information makes things a little different.

I still stand by what I said earlier, but I can see too that, while she may have some valid points, she also may be exaggerating things because of her own relationship and bringing her own experiences into her vision. I've been guilty of that too sometimes.

However, that said, she may really need some validation, listening, and also gentle (but firm) honesty. If she has concerns about your relationship, you can simply say that you appreciate her bringing them to your attention, but also tell her that you do not see it in the same way that she does, and that your relationship is something that you have to navigate with your partner. You may also have to indicate that you feel that she may be hurting and may be bringing her own hurt into your situation. Listening to her concerns and allowing her to feel heard is important, though. After all, if she did see a real red flag, you wouldn't want her to just be silent, right? At the same time, though, you have to be in control of your relationship and make your own choices. It's a delicate balancing act, but you can listen and hear her out without changing your mind or being unduly influenced by her. If you feel pressured, it's OK to say so and to set boundaries while still letting her know that you care and appreciate her. You can't control her feelings, and she's responsible for them, but you can show sympathy, empathy, and choose how to engage her. What she does after that is up to her.

If you're comfortable: what are her moon, Mercury, and Venus signs?

I'd also say that the "requiring more attention than others" thing can cause friction with people, depending on what their other placements are and on how other people prioritize. I can say that when people shove me away, it does feel hurtful. She may feel like you don't care, which may not be the case, but you might unintentionally be coming off that way to her. Personally, I have this problem with Capricorn moons, though not as often with the suns. My mom is a Gemini moon and gets overwhelmed by my emotions sometimes, which can cause tension, so we have to work on that a lot and work through it together.

Have you tried talking to her? Maybe saying something like, "[Aquarius friend], I am sorry that you are going through this right now. I am overwhelmed with a lot of responsibility right now, but let's get together and talk about it [insert date and time]. What works for you?"

While there's a certain value to practicality and coldness/detachment in some situations (like if there's an emergency and you handle it calmly), when it comes to emotions, this approach can be off-putting to some people, and may come off also as disrespectful, uncaring, and disconnecting. It's not that it's bad to be practical or detached or methodical, just that, as with any kind of attitude/way of approaching things, there's a time and place where it is the best route and other times when it is not (just like being emotional is not always the best way, either--if you get over-emotional in an emergency, you can make it a lot worse, for example). To quote the Byrds (who modified it from Ecclesiastes): "to everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn".

Maybe scheduling a time for emotion/to discuss emotionally-loaded things might help her to feel like you're still her friend and like you care, and it might help you by giving you time to get things done, having a set schedule/knowing when you will deal with this, and by respecting both her situation and yours. By choosing a time that does work for you, you'll still get things done, and she'll still get support that she might need right now. It's just an idea, though.

posted July 30, 2012 08:34 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by cappy1277:
I told her that her delivery sucks...it didn't seem tocome out of empathy or care. She seemed very bitter & scorned. It was because she knows better, she's older and giving me directions on how to live my life- that's what she was saying. Smh

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how did you respond to her?

if you said the exact words "your delivery sucks", that might have made things worse

if you guys really are good friends and going through a rough patch right now, I think that at least trying to talk about things calmly might genuinely help--there are no guarantees, but approaching things from a calmer, less angry/aggravated state (on both sides, not just you) might really help you guys get to the bottom of things and come up with solutions

posted July 30, 2012 09:33 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by cappy1277:
I am a single mother broke, going to college and trying to work. Need I say more? Lol...my kids are my priority right now....one with special needs & another going to college in a few weeks. Why concern myself right now with emotional things when it is just going to deter me...I will schedule my nervous breakdown in a couple of weeks. Lol

She is an Aquarius with a Libra moon, Aquarius mercury and Capricorn Venus.

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Well, it is important to at least take time to address emotional things. Speaking from personal experience, they'll haunt you if you don't. They won't go away until they are properly put to rest and addressed.

Also, I think that approaching emotions respectfully is key here. They aren't "stupid things". They're important cues and are meant to be guides. Fear, for example, is intended to help warn you of danger and let you know how to act in a threatening situation (though it can and does go into overdrive at times, such as anxiety disorders). If you weren't afraid of someone who was threatening and harming you, and didn't get that signal or chose to ignore it, you'd be in a lot of trouble. By responding to and fully experience emotions, you get the most out of them and use them most efficiently and effectively. One way to think of it is to think of emotions as part of your inner company. At your company, you need CEOs. You need workers. You need managers. You need PR and HR people. You need advertising/marketing people. All of the components make your company what it is. Emotions are a part of your team and, when managed well, are an asset to you. Even though they drive you crazy sometimes, that's not their intention. They are there to help, but just needed to be guided and directed. They are like employees that will do their best for you once they're trained.

Acknowledging and addressing emotions won't deter you, but avoiding them will. They will not only keep coming back if they aren't listened to, but they will keep coming back stronger and stronger and more intense and draining. Dealing with them in the short-term will help immensely in the long-term.

As for your lifestyle: I myself am childfree and single. I personally would not have things about kids occur to me when I was dealing with another person. I know that they're overwhelming and time-consuming, but I don't think about that a whole lot, and I don't know the particulars. Kid stuff doesn't really interest me with parent friends that I have. I don't think about those issues because they don't apply to my life or me, so I would honestly not really have a lot of naturally occurring empathy or insight into the life of a person with kids. Those things wouldn't be on my radar. So, if your Aqua friend has a different lifestyle, you may sometimes need to tell her these things and explain them, because she honestly might not think about them--not because she's heartless or uncaring, but because it just might not occur to her. Telling her some specifics might help her out, and you may need to keep doing it until it registers/until she thinks of it on her own.

As for an air Mercury, we like to TALK (usually). Words are important to us. Our mental processes are more intellectual than empathetic (water Mercury). Are you Capricorn Mercury, by chance? I've noticed that earth Mercuries that I've known seem to not feel like talking as much and are less inclined to share information, especially Virgo and Cap.

Personally, I'm much more inclined to be sympathetic and compassionate when I feel like people are listening to me and not avoiding me. If you avoid your friend, you may also run the risk of causing her to 'scream louder', so to speak. I tend to do that at first when I feel like people are avoiding me and are not listening, and eventually I just stop talking to them if they keep avoiding me and write them off, sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently.

I think, too, that she needs to know how you feel and that you feel disrespected, but in a way that's connecting. She may feel like she's trying to be helpful, and maybe she is, but you may need to set a boundary with her about how she expresses concerns and about what. You may have to point out that she is projecting her situations onto you, and may need to show that you honestly care about her, but need for her to not do that anymore. You may have to be direct on that one. It will probably cause a negative reaction from her, but she may need to have this limit set in order for you guys to have a good friendship.

Whatever happens, I hope that it's for the best and that you'll have a successful resolution, whether you two remain friends or not.

posted July 30, 2012 11:00 AM            

Her delivery was just way off and I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but to me was coming at me from a place where she was angry. She posted a video on my wall...it could be offensive to some but I choose to ignore that and find & understand the underlying message, which I get but it doesn't mean it applies to me. I think she was completely out of line and the more Itried to diffuse the situation, the more angry she became. Like I was blowing her off...it was 1 in the morning and I had to be up at 6 this morning. Just wasn't a good time and told her that I can discuss it with her later.

posted July 31, 2012 05:45 AM            

If the friendship really matters, maybe trying one more time--very clearly and directly--might help. Otherwise, you may have to let go of this friendship.

The only thing that I will say, though, is that sometimes people need to hear that you're really busy and that this is helpful. Those of us who are less busy honestly don't always make the assumption that people are busy. She may also need to be given a chance to express her anger more appropriately, so when you do have time, even though it will be painful, unpleasant, and hard to do, listening to her and giving her a chance to be heard may help cool her down. However, I only recommend this if it is a valuable friendship that you would be sad to lose/would feel the loss and miss her, and if she starts to make some changes and meet you halfway. It really isn't reasonable to expect someone to talk at 1am when a lot of people are sleeping or tired or else out on the weekends. Plus, when you're tired or it's late, you can easily get either into a crabby mood and be irritable or get into a passive mood from being tired. Better to talk things out when you're well-rested, have eaten, and are feeling calm.

You say that you told her that you could discuss it later, which is fair and respectful of your needs. If you're the type who keeps her word, and as a Cap you probably are, as you seem like a good Cap, then I hope that she'll back down and trust you. Me, I have a hard time backing down if I feel like I can't trust a person or like they won't get back to me, but when I feel secure, I don't worry and will let things go unless it gets to be really too long. So, I will nag and persist sometimes, though I do eventually give up on people if I see them as unreliable. Whatever her case is, I hope that she will respect your boundaries and see that you do care about her. If she can't, though, you may need to give it all a lot of thought and decide what would be best for you.

Again, I really hope that all will work out.

posted July 31, 2012 09:31 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by cappy1277:
Is there something transiting that is giving people with Aquarius planets a hard time? myself included with my Venus Aquarius in the 10th house.

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Aquarius is heavily aspected right now, with Sun & Mercury in Leo, Venus & Jupiter in Gemini, Mars & Saturn Libra, Uranus in Aries.