posted July 31, 2012 08:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by blugrey:
So I've been friends with a Gemini guy for a while but I fell for him a couple months back.

I was pretty up front with him about my feelings - which is a huge struggle for a Cancer Mars. It's pretty much the first time I've ever put myself out there in my life.

He completely rejected me, flat out. But! He's always still hung out with me after those times. A mutual friend told me that in the past he usually just cut a girl off completely and would never talk to her again if she tried to hit on him and wouldn't stop. >< But he said told our friend that couldn't do it with me.

And I never really stopped expressing my feelings. He usually (playfully) rebuffed me and would keep me completely at an arms length.

So yeah, I pretty much have been chasing him(?)

But slowly over time, he's started to open up to me a lot more and more, not moving toward a relationship I would say, but he has started telling me about his past and feelings. He pushed me away less and less - or at least, I guess, started to accept it when I was sweet toward him instead of just distancing himself.

But I got really worn out because of his constantly rejecting me. I figured I might as well stop now before I'd get more hurt. I like literally didn't know how to give up on him. But I was going to try. Yet I had already promised him to help him with an essay a long time ago. So I told myself "help him with the essay and then don't ever try to meet him again". So I waited to see if he was going to text me about meeting up and he did, but I was so depressed about it I didn't text back. I wasn't sure if I should go. Suddenly one of our mutual friends called and told me he was complaining to her about how I hadn't answered his texts. He was there and got on the phone, embarrassed that my friend had called me. He asked me to help him. So we went to the library. But it closed. So we went to his place.

This guy who has been flirting with me (also someone he knows) started chatting me on FB and was asking me to hang out. And I told him about it, figuring he didn't care. He said I should go for it, but I told him I didn't like that other guy.

So thing is I hadn't had sex in FOREVER. like FOREVER as in years. Plenty of opportunity but I'm not into casual sex or hook ups. And I went over to his place to study and I helped him with his essay and stuff as usual, but then we kind of started cuddling for an hour or so. It was crazy though, because he used to not even want me to touch him. I made fun of him because his heart was racing and I could feel it and he teased me back because mine was racing too. I really wanted to have sex with him. But I am the type to only have sex with my boyfriend. I asked him why he wouldn't date me and he said that it wasn't me just that he didn't want a serious relationship because he was too scared.

One thing led to another and I asked him if he wanted to sleep with me like in a friends with benefits kind of way. To be honest, this is crazy, I don't even know what I'm doing because I've never done FWB before, but we wouldn't tell any of our friends and I told him that since he didn't want to date me exclusively that meant if I liked someone else and stopped liking him I would stop. And he was like "So you will throw me away?". I responded "You already rejected me?" Like what's your point? Anyway... we ended up doing it. It was kind of awkward tbh because we have been friends and I was so awkward because it was the first time I did it in this situation. But it was good - we were both nervous and the first time is never "perfect" but gosh he knows my buttons. It was really loving though.

Anyway, after we cuddled and just were kind of playfully "arguing" (in the Gemini sense) and he started actually being really sweet to me and affectionate. But we started talking seriously and he was like "You will find a really great guy soon". and I was like "I don't need a great guy.... I just want you". And he's like, no, "You should find someone".

I had to go home in the morning so I kissed him goodbye and left and he texted me early that afternoon about taking me to dinner tomorrow. This is like the first time he's ever initiated anything with just us two so I am kind of nervous. I know how he feels/I know he doesn't like me and I know my own feelings for him are not changing. I don't have any expectations out of him. Honestly, I'm still in a bit of shock that I even was able to get this close.

I am not the most "steady" of people and I keep expecting to get rejected by him. But there is this mutual vulnerability I guess, in our relationship that just doesn't go away. I feel compelled toward being with him and being faithful to my feelings and just letting things go their course at this point. I just have this urge to protect him and I understand completely the pain he's had (his ex-fiance cheated on him with his friend) and I too have been betrayed my ex. We come from similar family backgrounds and have similar pain there. We are both Moon-Jupiter, Moon-Venus, Venus-Saturn, Venus-Neptune, Venus-Pluto people.

I want to help him in some way. I just want to love him, and I don't expect anything back. I don't know if I've gone crazy or if I'm being incredibly stupid. He's very hard to reach.

I know for sure he's not a player because we have the same friends.

I am a Saggittarius moon Gemini and he has a Capricorn Moon. I'm kind of like a bull in a china shop. My Cancer Mars softens it a bit but I feel like it's so hard for me to express to him what I feel compelled to express. It's terrifying to me, I keeping pushing forward and then pulling back and I'm super confused about the whole situation. I do know that I love him. The way I feel around him. The way we can talk about anything. I honestly, really, have no idea what he feels toward me because he never says anything about that.

I don't know if I should keep sleeping with him in this way or cut him off completely or if I should just pretend it never happened?

Sorry about tl;dr post! Hehe

Me:
Taurus Rising
Gemini Sun
Saggittarius Moon
Gemini Venus
Cancer Mars

Him:
Aquarius Rising
Gemini Sun
Capricorn Moon
Cancer Venus
Capricorn Mars

Any comments are welcome. I'm just totally lost.

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Don't chase him anymore. let him chase you. trust me. This is coming from a fellow Gem