posted July 31, 2012 04:14 PM            

I use equal house system, because it's fitting me where my planets reside, best of all. And it shows that my IC/MC axis is in different houses than 4th/10th. What would MC in 9th say in respect to my career? That i would best express myself by working abroad or that i should deal with philosophical/law/politics, perhaps?

If the latter is true, then it could really be TRUE, since that what i've been studying and that's what i'd normally do. But that's not really what is my "heart call", if you know what i mean. I'd better sit somewhere next to the lake and draw/paint somebodie's portrait.. It's just so annoying that i have to do things that i don't enjoy when I would rather express myself somewhere else instead. I'm no service to others, lol. I've tried, but no job leaves me satisfied, and i do resign myself. It's like i love creativity and self-expression, arts, philosophy, yes, esoterics... that i can't imagine myself sitting in the office and reviewing papers, lol. I wonder if i could just leave it all at my back and start doing what i really want. I know, i'd succede. But the first step is sooo hard, me being Libra Sun with heavy Libra influence, indecisive is my second name, and i hate it, being honest.

And, once i started, i'll finish, it doesn't matter if noone reads, i have to tell it somewhere, off my shoulders, as to say.

It's like i've been teared apart. One side of me knows what *should* be, what others do expect from me. The other side is like "damned, who cares what they think, it's your life, it's your decision"... It's like somebody sits in my head and says - you don't have to live up anyone's expectations... it's always there. I wanna be free of it.

As for astrological reference, i'm pretty sure it's the case of 3 my personal planets being in Libra (Sun, Venus, chart ruler Mercury), and from the other side - Leo Moon, Leo Jupiter, Leo South Node, Leo Pallas, Hekate, Eros, Lucifer, conjuncting all of these, and a bunch of other asteroids, so Leo in me is very prominent too. By pride, mostly. And not wanting to obey anyone, lol.

And the worst part of all that i think, is my ASC being in Virgo, inbetween these two freedom loving sides of me. I feel as if my Libra side wants that self-expression with beauty, arts, and stuff. And Leo wants to be proud of it, make my own way, as to say. And Virgo just says - you can't, you have to do what you've been doing, you have to calm down and take things seriously... it's your duty, etc, etc. This moralizing side of me is the one i hate, lol. And there i am, stuck in the middle. I don't know, where to go, what to do... it's never too late, right?

BTW, i'm completely not with Virgo qualities like hard work, detailed perfection in what you do, nah. You haven't seen my desk, lol. It's what i call creative mess. Everything could be everywhere, and i like it.