posted August 01, 2012 09:10 AM            

I understand that Capricorn cares about work, is all about the practical, isn't comfortable openly expressing or hearing about emotions, is goal-oriented, etc., but when this goes too far, it can really cause a of tension and disconnection with others. In moderation and in certain areas of life, those traits are highly desirable, but they tend to cause friction in social areas.

One way to help in that area would be to make an attempt to still respect your needs and your wish to get things done, but to also show people that you still care.

A few ideas:

--set up an away message that lets people know you're busy and will get back to them

--schedule time to talk, which respects both your own needs and the needs of others

--do not avoid people or choose not to respond (unless someone is threatening you or something harmful, of course you should avoid those people, but I mean like don't avoid friends, family, people who aren't threatening)

--if you can't get back right away, let a person know that things are still good and you will get back to them by [insert date that works for you]--and keep your word on that

--don't discount people and emotions as unimportant or as something "that can wait"/don't put it at the bottom of your priority list, or at least not all of the time: this is very off-putting to others, makes them feel like you don't care and like they don't matter, and damages relationships

sometimes, yes, you have to take care of business, but being balanced between work and play is important; focusing too much on work and seeing play as useless causes problems in relationships and also doesn't give you a chance to let loose and relax and de-stress

meet people halfway: get your work done, but also make time for the people in your life, and find a balance between work and play

posted August 01, 2012 11:06 AM            

*Edited to add the word "of."

posted August 01, 2012 04:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
I think that with relationships, their tendency to avoid people, be unresponsive, and to put other things before people is what causes a lot of delays there. Not having time for people and not seeing conversation, communicating, and socializing as important are very off-putting to other people.

I understand that Capricorn cares about work, is all about the practical, isn't comfortable openly expressing or hearing about emotions, is goal-oriented, etc., but when this goes too far, it can really cause a of tension and disconnection with others. In moderation and in certain areas of life, those traits are highly desirable, but they tend to cause friction in social areas.

One way to help in that area would be to make an attempt to still respect your needs and your wish to get things done, but to also show people that you still care.

A few ideas:

--set up an away message that lets people know you're busy and will get back to them

--schedule time to talk, which respects both your own needs and the needs of others

--do not avoid people or choose not to respond (unless someone is threatening you or something harmful, of course you should avoid those people, but I mean like don't avoid friends, family, people who aren't threatening)

--if you can't get back right away, let a person know that things are still good and you will get back to them by [insert date that works for you]--and keep your word on that

--don't discount people and emotions as unimportant or as something "that can wait"/don't put it at the bottom of your priority list, or at least not all of the time: this is very off-putting to others, makes them feel like you don't care and like they don't matter, and damages relationships

sometimes, yes, you have to take care of business, but being balanced between work and play is important; focusing too much on work and seeing play as useless causes problems in relationships and also doesn't give you a chance to let loose and relax and de-stress

meet people halfway: get your work done, but also make time for the people in your life, and find a balance between work and play

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posted August 01, 2012 05:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
its not that we dont care about people, its just that life gets hectic and demanding and we just need time to ourselves , atleast thats how it is for me.

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I'm starting to really understand and internalize that, but I was just trying to point out how it might seem to other people and why it may be off-putting, especially if they don't know that this is how the Cap person is acting/the motivation behind Cap silences.

posted August 01, 2012 05:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
I'm starting to really understand and internalize that, but I was just trying to point out how it might seem to other people and why it may be off-putting, especially if they don't know that this is how the Cap person is acting/the motivation behind Cap silences.

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posted August 01, 2012 05:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
its not that we dont care about people, its just that life gets hectic and demanding and we just need time to ourselves , atleast thats how it is for me.

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I can relate to this feeling.
It took me quite a long time to realize that it was both rude and extremely bad for me to simply disconnect from people whenever I felt life was too much for me.
It's kind of a big dilemma where I need alone time to deal with my own issues yet still need personal relationships to feel complete. If not being in touch with people can allow me to focus on a specific task, in the end it just makes me even more depressed! I think it has to do with my moon/mercury and venus in the 7th house and my capricorn stellium in the 6th house.

quote:

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Originally posted by curiouswoman:
I don't know about you but as a cap I woke up this morning feeling unhappy about my job which is just a paycheck. Single no love life. Constant rejection and I was wondering about the same thing.

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Yes today was one of those days where I woke up and start to question the overall direction of my life, assessing where I am at and realizing how little I've done so far (how I've done nothing). It might have just been because the moon was transiting in capricorn.

I don't how all capricorn, or saturn people experience it but, lately, to me, it's been quite frustrating to just have to strive and strive to get even the tiniest significant things in life. Nothing comes easy. And even with all the patience I have sometimes it does get tiring.
I'm still young though and I do sometimes get a bit exhausted (maybe my sun conjunct uranus makes me a bit more restless than I think) I'm trying to really integrate the fact that patience and mostly keeping the spirit up along the way is a virtue. Certainly, uranus in aries, pluto in capricorn and saturn in libra didn't make things any easier.

EDIT: I realize upon reading myself that I may sound like I'm complaining which wasn't my intent.
I've wondered if somehow things being difficult was just in my head (an overall inner feeling) or if things truly were like this. I wonder how Saturn influence plays a part in acknowledging the overall difficulty of a situation.
I know saturn can be quite a mood dampener by simply setting very high expectations and creating frustration when those aren't met.

posted August 01, 2012 06:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
i think i'm extra bad about disconnecting from people, being a twelfth house sun conjunct saturn, i need alone time for my sanity, and most people just dont understand it, if you try to explain it they get offended and assume you are upset at them, its annoying. -_-

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I'm actually good about it if people explain it to me--AND try to meet me halfway.

If someone says, "I don't have time for you", no, that's not connecting.

If, on the other hand, someone says, "I would love to get together. However, I am so overloaded right now with [insert responsibilities], and they are taking up a lot of my free time. I think that maybe a better time would be [insert better time]. (Alternative: "I don't know when I will be free, but I will let you know when I am available"). I really hope that we can get together soon!", and the person actually follows up on that and does get back to me, that is a lot more connecting. I let go and back off when I feel secure and I know that the person will come back--when I can trust them to do that and know that they are being honest with me. When I know that I'm still liked and someone just needs a breather, I am more than happy to be accommodating, will even offer to help them out if I can, and know that I can look forward to them coming back at some point.

The worst is when someone just avoids me and won't talk to me. That is honestly hurtful. A lot of Cap-influenced people do that. Frankly, that is probably the worst option of any available, because avoiding someone
makes me feel like they think that I'm creepy, they think that I'm worthless and not valuable enough to talk to, like I am disliked, like I don't deserve a response, like I've bothered them by talking to them, and like I've made them uncomfortable. In talking more on these boards with Cap-influenced people, I'm realizing that not all Caps may feel that way, but I'm pointing it out because that's how it can be perceived.

Personally, if I am avoided, I'll try to be nice and gracious at first, or else "scream louder", but if it keeps happening, I stop talking to the person and avoid them back. That person stops mattering, I no longer care about them, and all that's left is the anger and aggravation. I withhold positive things from them in return for being avoided, partly because I feel hurt, and partly because I feel like any warmth or kindness would be unwanted if it came from me, and like they'd prefer that I leave them alone.

Not everyone is going to assume that someone is busy but still likes them and cares about them when they do not respond and when they act avoidant. Almost everyone that I know who gets the cold shoulder hates it, wonders if they've offended or have been creepy, and finds it rude. I myself have two planets in Cap (one personal--Mars--and one outer), and I can tell you that someone being busy but still liking me/wanting to see me is that LAST thing that I'd ever assume if I felt like I was being avoided.

A little communication goes a long way. No, you might not feel like you owe someone an explanation. However, providing a little bit of one and reaching out to the person is a MUCH better option than avoiding them completely and ignoring them (assuming obviously that the person isn't being avoided for reasons such as violence/abuse/things like that).

posted August 01, 2012 06:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ueharaa:
I can relate to this feeling.
It took me quite a long time to realize that it was both rude and extremely bad for me to simply disconnect from people whenever I felt life was too much for me.
It's kind of a big dilemma where I need alone time to deal with my own issues yet still need personal relationships to feel complete. If not being in touch with people can allow me to focus on a specific task, in the end it just makes me even more depressed! I think it has to do with my moon/mercury and venus in the 7th house and my capricorn stellium in the 6th house.

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--agreed

I've learned that you have to deal with your emotions. You have to let yourself feel things. While shutting down may seem good at the time, if you keep avoiding things, they will keep finding you and keep pushing harder and harder until they are heard, processed, and dealt with.

I think, too, that Cappies could benefit from approaching emotions differently, and realizing their potential usefulness and purpose, as opposed to seeing them as simply messy, uncomfortable, and unimportant. By reframing emotions, they can be seen as useful assets--as precious commodities, if you will.