posted August 07, 2012 08:29 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
i have afflicted venus and its almost always the case that i'm attracted to women who dont like me back (but this happens to everyone to some extent). also you said maybe the guys get mad because your so mean about it, lol of course guys arent happy when the girls go the extra mile and insist on being harsh about it. -_-

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Well, to be fair, some guys make girls uncomfortable when they ask them out, and do things that are off-putting: not every time, but sometimes.

On top of that, if a guy is asking a girl out, ONLY the girl being asked out has the right to decide what does and does not make her uncomfortable. ONLY the girl gets to decide her answer. ONLY the girl gets to decide how she feels about him. And the guy has to accept it, whether he likes it or not. Period. If she is not interested, he needs to leave her alone and not bother her, and go on with his life. Not debatable.

Plus, it can be scary for a girl to be asked out, especially if it is by a stranger or someone that she barely knows--if there is no trust built up. You also never know if someone has been stalked, harassed, raped, or assaulted. You have no idea what someone has been through. Don't be rude to someone who rejects you, and don't go telling everyone about it and badmouthing that person. Just accept it and move on. No one has a right to another person and no one has the right to force, pressure, intimidate, bully, or otherwise try to get a person to go out with him. If she wants to go out with you, she will, and great. If not, she is not a bad person, and again, move on. There are other fish in the sea.

I personally get freaked out and scared when strangers hit on me. It makes me VERY uncomfortable and I take it as a threat. I act accordingly (not with violence--I'd only defend myself that way if someone was touching me or trying to harm me, but I am not "nice". As Gavin de Becker points out, women are conditioned to be "nice" and it gets them raped and killed. At the same time, I'm not too mean, as I don't want to set someone off. I am cold and aloof, but very firm in my 'no'). I'm not going to argue, either.

I also absolutely despise persistence. If I say no, I MEAN IT. I hate it when guys think that "no means yes". That attitude disgusts me. Someone like that will definitely be shunned by me. I do not like that one bit. If a girl says no, leave her alone, move on, don't ask again, and don't argue with her. "Persistence" is just a euphemism for stalking and harassment.
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I would give anyone who keeps getting rejected the following advice:

--Consider your behaviors that may be off-putting and work on changing those behaviors.
--If someone says no, they mean it. Do not persist: it is creepy and disrespectful. And don't argue with someone who says no. Move on. And don't tell yourself that you deserve someone/are entitled to that person, or that said person should give you a chance. Their feelings matter as much as yours.
--Consider if you are the other person's type: yes, you might like them, but do you have the traits/personality/etc. that they are looking for? If you don't, you may have to change your type.
--Attraction is never enough; compatibility is much more important
--Consider why you go after the types that you go after. If it's only looks or something physical, and you have nothing in common with them, or have nothing that they want, they are not right for you. If you have psychological reasons, address those.
--Sometimes it's personal when someone says no, sometimes it is not. Just accept the no and move on. If someone isn't interested, they aren't right for you. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who is into you than someone who is not?

posted August 07, 2012 09:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Well, to be fair, some guys make girls uncomfortable when they ask them out, and do things that are off-putting: not every time, but sometimes.

On top of that, if a guy is asking a girl out, ONLY the girl being asked out has the right to decide what does and does not make her uncomfortable. ONLY the girl gets to decide her answer. ONLY the girl gets to decide how she feels about him. And the guy has to accept it, whether he likes it or not. Period. If she is not interested, he needs to leave her alone and not bother her, and go on with his life. Not debatable.

Plus, it can be scary for a girl to be asked out, especially if it is by a stranger or someone that she barely knows--if there is no trust built up. You also never know if someone has been stalked, harassed, raped, or assaulted. You have no idea what someone has been through. Don't be rude to someone who rejects you, and don't go telling everyone about it and badmouthing that person. Just accept it and move on. No one has a right to another person and no one has the right to force, pressure, intimidate, bully, or otherwise try to get a person to go out with him. If she wants to go out with you, she will, and great. If not, she is not a bad person, and again, move on. There are other fish in the sea.

I personally get freaked out and scared when strangers hit on me. It makes me VERY uncomfortable and I take it as a threat. I act accordingly (not with violence--I'd only defend myself that way if someone was touching me or trying to harm me, but I am not "nice". As Gavin de Becker points out, women are conditioned to be "nice" and it gets them raped and killed. At the same time, I'm not too mean, as I don't want to set someone off. I am cold and aloof, but very firm in my 'no'). I'm not going to argue, either.

I also absolutely despise persistence. If I say no, I MEAN IT. I hate it when guys think that "no means yes". That attitude disgusts me. Someone like that will definitely be shunned by me. I do not like that one bit. If a girl says no, leave her alone, move on, don't ask again, and don't argue with her. "Persistence" is just a euphemism for stalking and harassment.
***

I would give anyone who keeps getting rejected the following advice:

--Consider your behaviors that may be off-putting and work on changing those behaviors.
--If someone says no, they mean it. Do not persist: it is creepy and disrespectful. And don't argue with someone who says no. Move on. And don't tell yourself that you deserve someone/are entitled to that person, or that said person should give you a chance. Their feelings matter as much as yours.
--Consider if you are the other person's type: yes, you might like them, but do you have the traits/personality/etc. that they are looking for? If you don't, you may have to change your type.
--Attraction is never enough; compatibility is much more important
--Consider why you go after the types that you go after. If it's only looks or something physical, and you have nothing in common with them, or have nothing that they want, they are not right for you. If you have psychological reasons, address those.
--Sometimes it's personal when someone says no, sometimes it is not. Just accept the no and move on. If someone isn't interested, they aren't right for you. Wouldn't you rather be with someone who is into you than someone who is not?

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posted August 07, 2012 10:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lovehate122:
I agree with you 100% im always feel so uncomfortable and dirty when i get hit on . Some guys just don't know when to stop , persistence is not attractive its just gross its really disgusting .

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-AGREED!

Also, too, timing and location are important.

If a woman is alone, is just going about her business (like grocery shopping, church, things like that), etc., she really shouldn't be approached. That is super-creepy.

It's one thing to approach someone at a bar or club, as that's basically why those places exist (though you should never be inappropriate about it/violate anyone). It's very different to hit on someone in a place that should be safe.

posted March 05, 2013 07:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:

I personally get freaked out and scared when strangers hit on me. It makes me VERY uncomfortable and I take it as a threat. I act accordingly (not with violence--I'd only defend myself that way if someone was touching me or trying to harm me, but I am not "nice". As Gavin de Becker points out, women are conditioned to be "nice" and it gets them raped and killed. At the same time, I'm not too mean, as I don't want to set someone off. I am cold and aloof, but very firm in my 'no'). I'm not going to argue, either.

I also absolutely despise persistence. If I say no, I MEAN IT. I hate it when guys think that "no means yes". That attitude disgusts me. Someone like that will definitely be shunned by me. I do not like that one bit. If a girl says no, leave her alone, move on, don't ask again, and don't argue with her. "Persistence" is just a euphemism for stalking and harassment.
***

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This here could've been written by my very own hand. It is EXACTLY the way I feel too. I HATE persistance when it comes to dating. Some guys are told that by movies and such that they have to be persistant to get the girl... well this is real life and when I say I'm not interested- that's the end of it.

posted March 05, 2013 08:16 PM            

quote:

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Maybe its because im so mean about it

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posted March 05, 2013 09:07 PM            

I have Sun and Venus square both Saturn and Neptune. I fall in love super easily especially if I'm physically attracted to them (note: not just if someone is 'hot,') I attract guys who are confusing, unavailable somehow (there's usually an obstacle like a third person, however I've never been the cheatee or anything) and who lead me to believe one thing only to have me realize something else entirely down the line. I think Venus square Saturn (or Neptune?) is attracted to angst (a conclusion I made just now. Let's discuss.) I WANT MY LOVE STORY. I just want it done equally for once. I've never been in an equal or even near equal relationship.

posted March 05, 2013 11:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lovehate122:
Have you ever like someone that didn't like you back? If so what aspects were at play ? do you have a pattern in your love life ?

I always attract guys i don't like back , Ive never been approached by someone i was really keen on. They get pretty upset with me . I ve always seen the same reaction . Maybe its because im so mean about it . what could be causing this ?

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Hard Neptune aspects can make one seem “alluring” and “perfect”. Some of my friends have these aspects and they attract many men.

Do you have mars-pluto aspect natally ? That's one aspect I know that can really cause a woman to attract unwanted attention. I have the opposition =( I often try not to come off as mean, because I’m afraid that they might get angry.

I have heavy saturn aspects too, and often attract creepy old men.

posted March 06, 2013 04:10 AM            

Every guy that i liked liked me, or at least flirted with me if they didnt wanna date me seriously. And every guy that has liked me i sensed a connection with as well. A lot of times i will see a guy i think is cute and will turn my back to the guy and walk in front of them. They dont even know im into them at all at that point, since they havent even seem me look at them, but its happened a few times where they will like me without knowing i was eyeing them the whole time. I consider it something to do with fate. Also, every guy ive liked ive had an instant mutual connection with. Unless the guy was horrendously unattractive, which only happened once, and ironically it was that guy who i have fallen the hardest for.

I have venus conjunct mars in leo square pluto and quincunx saturn and neptune.

posted March 06, 2013 09:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
I have Venus-Chiron, an unaspected duet in Taurus on my IC. Something is always off. The dudes that I liked who didn't like me back are fewer than the ones who fell for me and I didn't reciprocate. But still it hurts like hell.

In synastry/composite, it's almost always Saturn-Venus.

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But I must say - I´ve been lucky, only had one man that truly didn´t like me whom I was so in lov with. The rest kinda liked me, and I have broken alot of hearts too. :/

posted March 06, 2013 01:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by 12muddy:
Hard Neptune aspects can make one seem “alluring” and “perfect”. Some of my friends have these aspects and they attract many men.

Do you have mars-pluto aspect natally ? That's one aspect I know that can really cause a woman to attract unwanted attention. I have the opposition =( I often try not to come off as mean, because I’m afraid that they might get angry.

I have heavy saturn aspects too, and often attract creepy old men.

Like most of the replies to this thread, I dislike men who are too persistent n who don't know how to handle rejection.

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Wait, so the people who have hard neptune aspects natally seem perfect to other people?

posted March 06, 2013 01:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Wait, so the people who have hard neptune aspects natally seem perfect to other people?

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Yep. Not that it lasts that long, though, you can catch up to the illusion eventually, and they usually have to make Neptunian contacts to your chart as well, otherwise it won't hold.

posted March 06, 2013 01:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Yep. Not that it lasts that long, though, you can catch up to the illusion eventually, and they usually have to make Neptunian contacts to your chart as well, otherwise it won't hold.

I have Moon-Neptune conj exact, which usually conjuncts their Neptunes, if they are close in age. I have been told by a few that I am their ideal woman, but I screw up eventually and disappoint them. It's what I do.

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Would you say that sun conjunction neptune (very wide orb, 8 degrees) would create this problem?

Or neptune conjunction jupiter?

I have these, plus neptune sextile ascendant..

posted March 06, 2013 02:04 PM            

Anyway, I was going to say the Neptune squares, but they were already mentioned. Maybe some Venus-Pluto as well, because you were creeped out. Venus in the 12th is really hard, too. This definitely feels like some 12th house action... do you know where do your planets fall into those guys' charts? The effect is more subtle. I think the Venus-Neptune is the confusion/only finding out someone's true colours later on.