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Author Topic:   violence in relationships
Astro keen
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posted November 15, 2012 01:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This is the day I want to get through all the baddies - it reflects my mood at present!

Please could you say which aspects in synastry or composite might indicate violence in a relationship. I had it in my marriage and would like to be forewarned, as it were, incase the potential exists in a new relationship.

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Aquacheeka
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posted November 15, 2012 02:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aquacheeka     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Look for Mars sq. Pluto in the natal.

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Astro keen
Knowflake

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posted November 15, 2012 02:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks. I assume that's his natal?

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quinnlycanastro
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posted November 15, 2012 02:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for quinnlycanastro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's most likely to be present in your natal chart [whatever it is]. Being on the receiving end of violence is often a sign that you've given away too much power earlier on in the relationship.

You might be better posting your natal chart, so that you can see where you're strong and maybe what you can do to sharpen your senses.

I can understand not wanting to attract the same thing again, but many of the aspects that are said to "harm" can also be major healers.

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Astro keen
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posted November 15, 2012 03:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you.

I'd love to paste my natal chart, if only I knew how! Would this help - posted in two different ways below.

Sun - 1 deg 35 min SCO
Moon - 22 deg 16 min AQU
Merc - 13 deg 57 min LIB
Venus -15 deg 55 min SCO
Mars 7 deg 54 min LIB
Jup - 27 deg 18 min LEO
Sat - 21 deg 12 min SCO
Uran - 2 deg 15 min LEO
Nept - 28 deg 07 min LIB
Pluto - 28 deg 17 min LEO
Asc. - 12 deg 45 min LEO
MC - 7 deg 58 min TAU
2nd - 7 deg 10 min VIR
3rd - 5 deg 40 min LIB
5th - 11 deg 26 min SAG
6th - 13 deg 18 min CAP

Aquarius in 7th house cusp
Moon in 7th
Uranus in 12th
(the following have orbs less than 1 degree)
Sun square Uranus
Moon square Saturn
Mercury semi-square Pluto
Moon sesquiquadrate Mars
Mercury quintlie Uranus

Sun Conj. Neptune (3 to 5 deg)
Venus square Asc. (3 to 5 deg)
Sun sextile, Jupiter (1 to 5)
Sun sextile Pluto (1 to 5)
Mercury Sextile Asc.(1 to 5)
Mars sextile Asc.(1 to 5)
Mercury semi square Jupiter ( 1to 2)
Mars semi square Saturn (1 to 2)
Mercury conj. Mars (5 to 8)
Venus conj. Saturn (5 to 8)
Moon opp. Jupiter (5 to 8)
Moon opp. Pluto (5 to 8)
Moon square Venus (5 to 8)
Venus opp MC (5 to 8)
Uranus square Mc (5 to 8)
Moon trine Neptune (5 to 8)

I would be so grateful for some insights so I can resolve or at least become more aware of past issues.

Thanks again

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Lily
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posted November 15, 2012 03:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lily     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mars in hard aspect to Saturn in composite ( or Synastry) shows up a lot in abusive relationships.

Mars/Uranus also and of course mars/Pluto.

Pluto in hard aspect to sun or moon in composite can be emotional or physical abuse.

These are just general guidelines. Sometimes they're there and okay, because the people are above that sort of thing.

You have a few fixed stars that can I dictate this sort of thing too.

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Astro keen
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posted November 15, 2012 04:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by quinnlycanastro:
It's most likely to be present in your natal chart [whatever it is]. Being on the receiving end of violence is often a sign that you've given away too much power earlier on in the relationship.

You might be better posting your natal chart, so that you can see where you're strong and maybe what you can do to sharpen your senses.

I can understand not wanting to attract the same thing again, but many of the aspects that are said to "harm" can also be major healers.


I am intrigued by what could be revealed in my natal chart in this respect. Am I someone who may activate violent tendencies in another by being weak, for example. Also, how could these aspects become 'healers'?

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quinnlycanastro
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posted November 15, 2012 06:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for quinnlycanastro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I can't answer as fully as I'd like and will pick this up again tomorrow because I don't want to be misunderstood.

I don't think we ever "make" anyone do anything, but I do think we can inadvertently nurture bad behaviour.

I don't think it's weakness that activates violence but if we don't own our own power, we can add fuel to someone else's desire to dominate. If we own the power, it's channelled in a positive way [healing] because it shows others how to be empowered, strong, confident, or whatever else it is that we have power in.

I think it's more problematic for women to be genuinely strong because we're supposed to be passive, submissive, quieter than the males.

You have an awful lot of energy in your chart, it's the Leo and Scorpio combinations [as well as some of the aspects] both signs are known to be dominant in their own way. I don't imagine that you would be weak in the slightest.

Your Sun conjunct Neptune will make it easier for you to blend in, and it will take the sharp edges off the Leo/Scorp stuff but if you were a physical weapon...it would be an invisible tank or something similar. It definitely packs a punch.

It would be irresponsible of me to make any more assumptions than I already have. To get an accurate picture of you, your previous relationship, etc would take a good few hours. But; from your chart, the Venus con Saturn can indicate someone who doesn't always value themselves as much as they ought to, Mercury conjunct Mars is traditionally argumentative, or at least likes a good amount of verbal banter, [negatively this could draw harsh words from others if you're not expressing it enough yourself] Leo and Scorpio both have a love of intensity [though we'd rather it was passionately dramatic than traumatic ]

Your chart is loaded with energy, fixed energy, I'm surprised anyone would dare pick a fight with you

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quinnlycanastro
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posted November 15, 2012 06:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for quinnlycanastro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The eclipse was very close to your Saturn ~ this would trigger issues around old structures/ways of securing yourself. Saturn also represents one of our primal defence mechanisms and how we protect ourselves.... eclipses will usually be in operation for about 3 months either side of the exact date. It was close enough to your Venus too ~ it might ultimately be about self worth...whatever it is that you're going through right now.

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Astro keen
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posted November 15, 2012 06:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by quinnlycanastro:
The eclipse was very close to your Saturn ~ this would trigger issues around old structures/ways of securing yourself. Saturn also represents one of our primal defence mechanisms and how we protect ourselves.... eclipses will usually be in operation for about 3 months either side of the exact date. It was close enough to your Venus too ~ it might ultimately be about self worth...whatever it is that you're going through right now.

Thank you quinnlycanastro both for this and the earlier post. So wise. It is also reassuring to know there may be a cause for my current low. Turbulent, aimless, low self esteem and wondering how long it will take for my boyfriend to see how worthless I am. Your post has cheered me up, nonetheless.

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quinnlycanastro
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posted November 15, 2012 07:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for quinnlycanastro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Astro keen:
Thank you quinnlycanastro both for this and the earlier post. So wise. It is also reassuring to know there may be a cause for my current low. Turbulent, aimless, low self esteem and wondering how long it will take for my boyfriend to see how worthless I am. Your post has cheered me up, nonetheless.

I'm just on my way to bed but had to respond to

"wondering how long it will take for my boyfriend to see how worthless I am"

You've got some absolute gems in your chart, priceless maybe, but not worthless

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Astro keen
Knowflake

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posted November 15, 2012 10:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you again. That made me cry.

Please come back to this if you can.

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quinnlycanastro
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posted November 16, 2012 05:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for quinnlycanastro     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If your birth time is right; the ruler of you IC[home] is Venus, which is in thee 4th conjunct Saturn, you've also got that Sun/Neptune conjunction on the IC.

Basically, you're at your most sensitive in the home, and this is the place that the Venus/Saturn makes its presence known. You really are at your most vulnerable when you're at home, because it's where your boundaries are at their weakest [Nept con IC]. BUT, Saturn in Scorpio will counteract this because it will demand that you strengthen any weak spots. You've got 2 very different energies in play. Other people will see the Neptune first, but I'd say that if/when they abuse you/your home/ the Saturn will kick in and start to defend itself.


Venus has a hard time in this chart because she's also square to the aqua Moon in the 7th.

Emotional needs, and the kind of love you want are working at cross purposes, one wants something deeply rooted in friendship and companionship, and the Moon in this chart says feelings should be kept at a distance.

the other [venus] wants intense passion with strong emotions, and she wants feelings expressed, and so does the Leo ascendant.

Communication is highlighted, do you use it a lot in the kind of work you do? The chart says you could be a real champion for those who need someone to fight their corner.

The Leo asc/Jup & Pl in the 1st would say that you have an incredibly strong presence, people know when you've entered a room. There's a huge amount of force behind your personality, I wonder if it's maybe just you that doesn't see it? I'd be surprised if others haven't pointed out your inner strength.....


The problem is, if your partner [moon in 7th] starts being mean to you in the home [4th] the Venus/Saturn [self worth] will seriously plummet .

There's a Venus/Saturn conjunct in Scorpio coming up in the heavens in the next couple of weeks, I think you'll get more answers about your own Venus/Saturn, and how it affects your life. The thing about Scorpio ~ it's relentless, and if you start beating yourself up, you're going to do a really good job. I know it's easier said than done, but try to block yourself from attacking yourself, you'll know when you're doing it because you'll get seriously irritated.

People often say that Scorpio stings itself to death, which is just not true, a Scorpion is immune to it's own venom. So you won't "kill" a part of yourself off if you attack yourself, but neither will you shine in the glory of that Leo asc...and Pluto [ruler of Scorp] is trine to your Scorpio Sun, this strengthens your character, but it does mean you're supposed to exude power and strength.

Your chart is not that of a shrinking violet.

I don't know how much you know about astrology, or yourself, or psychology, so it's difficult to know what else to say...

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RunAroundScreaming
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posted November 16, 2012 06:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Look for Mars sq. Pluto in the natal.

composite mars sq pluto, and/or any other outer planet. esp troublesome if mars is afflicted by ALL outer planets in composite.

Comp sun or moon afflicted by mars in combination with mars being afflicted by outer planets....no bueno.

Lots of mars afflictions in synastry obv wouldnt help the situation but in my opinion doesnt cause violence. there would have to be mars afflictions in composite.

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RunAroundScreaming
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posted November 16, 2012 06:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Lily:
Mars in hard aspect to Saturn in composite ( or Synastry) shows up a lot in abusive relationships.

Mars/Uranus also and of course mars/Pluto.

Pluto in hard aspect to sun or moon in composite can be emotional or physical abuse.

These are just general guidelines. Sometimes they're there and okay, because the people are above that sort of thing.

You have a few fixed stars that can I dictate this sort of thing too.



yup to all of these

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Astro keen
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posted November 16, 2012 10:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by quinnlycanastro:

I don't know how much you know about astrology, or yourself, or psychology, so it's difficult to know what else to say...

There are a few things that you've mentioned that I don't understand about astrology, but this provides the impetus to read up more. It is remarkable that planet aspects can be interpreted in this way.

Yes, I do fight for those who need someone to fight their corner. It's part of my job. I am not afraid to challenge authority and push for change in the work place. I train others in my specialist area. However, where personal relationships are concerned, it's all very different.

Thank you.

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Aries23Degrees
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posted February 27, 2013 10:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aries23Degrees     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm only seeing this now but felt I had to respond.


According to me, I'd look at Moon and Mars for the personal outlay and Venus for the partner.


First , let's look at the type of partner you attract or are attracted to.

Your Venus forms a conjunction to Saturn , in the Scorpio sign.

Scorpi is an emotionally vibrant energy that often looks for soulful connections that have a "merging" quality.

Venus there makes you idealistic, romantic,sexual and amorous about such connections whilst Saturn there, can make these emotional needs deeply hidden/buried or not discussed.

Since Venus is more about the partner and what we are attracted, it could be that you are drawn to such people who have this integrated in their personality(Venus Scorpio loves emotional intensity),but somehow very slow and reserved in expressing it (Saturn in Scorpio).

But this does not necessarily constitute abuse or violence imo.


Venus and Saturn sit on the IC; The upbringing may have been loving, but there was an inability by the parents to openly convey such.

It could also mean that they expected you to "tow the line" and behave in a way that was pleasing to them(Saturn) for you to get any affection(Venus).

The Sun,which shows our long-term goals and what we'd like to achieve, makes aspects with Jupiter/Uranus/Neptune and Pluto.


Yes, I do fight for those who need someone to fight their corner. It's part of my job. I am not afraid to challenge authority and push for change in the work place.

Uranus sqaure aspect is typicaly rebellious to any type of rules and regulations and challenges the status quo.

Also, the Sun-Neptune conjunction does want to "save the world" by fighting for the underdog and ensuring that the "unseen" are seen and the "unheard" are heard etc. I have this aspect too and so, I share the sentiment.

The Moon, however , does present some interesting features; as the moon is really our relationship with ourselves.

Moon opposes Pluto, Moon trine Neptune,Moon square Saturn, moon opposition Jupiter.

The many afflictions to the moon suggest defensiveness in your personal relatiosnhips. There is a feeling that you are always under attack and this can either make you hostile or passive aggressive in your inter-perosnal associations.

It could also signify repressed aggression(especially the opposition to Pluto) and feeling like your voice is not being heard(opposition to Saturn and the accompanying trine to Neptune)

Your Moon in 7th means that you are emotionally very invested in your relationships; they are extremely important to you.

The Venus and Saturn square to it, does suggest some domestic instability. Pluto opposition also adds power struggles and an "all or nothing" approach that can have you either being violent or inviting aggression into your personal life.

Be more aware of your own needs in the relationships and be aware of the inner conflict that you already have with regards to unresolved feelings towards dominance.

In your insistance for order and appropriate conduct in the relationship, you must also be willing to give the same.

If you have pent up aggression or underlying issues, it may be wise to dicuss them openly and not resort to silent treatments or emotional games.

Also, when choosing a mate, be more alert of someone who is not openly affectionate or comfortabel with shoing you tenderness. This aspect may touch a raw nerve in you and assert all sorts of beliefs taht you've imagined(anbout being unlovable etc)

It gets better though. Saturn conjunct Venus means that love takes time, but it will be profound(Scorpio).

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Astro keen
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posted February 27, 2013 10:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you very much for the sound advice. Such a good surprise! Actually, I feel I'm going through a transformative phase with useful advice being provided where it is needed. At last!

What you've said - "Be more aware of your own needs in the relationships and be aware of the inner conflict that you already have with regards to unresolved feelings'' is very useful advice. I try to be well-behaved, adaptable, understanding to my own detriment. The lack of personal value and self-belief causes a downward spiral in attracting poor attitudes which in turn cause me to be angry at the injustice.

Thank you again.

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Lonake
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posted February 28, 2013 05:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lonake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sounds like Libra Mars + Sun conj Neptune right there (that conjunction can make you very vulnerable in relationships and in need of defining boundaries) plus you have had Neptune transiting your 7th.

But right now Uranus is set to oppose your natal Mars so hopefully you can use that energy for good
Here's something to remember for Libra Mars: don't give people the benefit of the doubt to your detriment. Because to have a unit both elements must be functioning well, and you're included in there! Let the other person take responsibility for their fair share, since this Mars needs someone who values compromise. Best to you.

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Astro keen
Knowflake

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posted February 28, 2013 06:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Astro keen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you Lonake. Such good advice!

I'm trying hard to be equally fair to myself. That is not easy if it's a new thing. So many fears - am I being too demanding, too difficult, not loving enough, etc

I feel blessed to have had advice and support from people here. Such a great expression of a kind and loving universe.

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12thhouser
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posted February 28, 2013 08:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 12thhouser     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have Mars (Capricorn) square Pluto Rx (Libra) in my natal chart, and it hasn't made me violent per se, but others can recognize when they should stop pushing my buttons, when it's in the best interest of everyone involved. My temper tends to percolate rather than lash out the moment I feel I've been wronged. All of this, I feel, counters my Pisces ascendant and Aqua Sun, Moon, and Mercury in the 12th. To top it off, my Mars square Pluto is part of a T-Square with my Saturn Rx (Cancer). Since my Mars is in Capricorn, it's actually kept in control pretty well, so you could say that my Mars square Pluto, and even T-square with Saturn, gives me backbone.

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Doux Rêve
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posted February 28, 2013 08:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Doux Rêve     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
((( Astro keen )))


I hope you won't ever be abused again.

Own that power of yours !

Best of luck ~

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