posted November 15, 2012 08:17 PM            

He started to work more and go to class. Ever since entering uni, hes been changing his majors about three times. First he took engineering, then webdesign, and switched to IT. (this is what hes currently taking) I also noticed we grew a bit distant because his crazy work schedule. He literally works every single day including weekends and does a full time job (and works overtime a lot) plus he takes care of his family because his father is sick (hes a family guy; his father doesnt work), and on top of that he has to take class and study his butt off. I know for a fact he has been incredibly busy at the start of 2011 because we didn't even get to talk as much...i felt we were getting a bit distant.

Anyways, I remember he started to act a bit detached from everything around him. He just always looked tired and he didn't have any energy. When I tried to make him laugh , he would just show a weak smile. I remember before the break up, he kept questioning his feelings for me and how "strong" they were. This never ever happened...he told me his feelings over the years just continued to grow and get stronger, but he never questioned how he felt about me, so i was hurt when he told me this for the first time. I remember he kept telling me his feelings would be strong one day, and then another week he would feel it's not as strong and it's going down, and then up again. I was very confused. I remember when he almost broke up with me i begged him to stay beside me and I would do whatever I could to make things work, he said he would try again...so things were okay for awhile. He said his feelings were getting back to normal, but eventually he started to doubt things again and he finally broke it off. I did everything for him, i did my best. I was facing depression in 2011 with health issues, so i thought that was the reason he broke up with me, but I really doubt it's that reason. I self blamed myself for a long time, but I honestly don't think it had anything to do with me. He was always there as a comforting friend when I was going through a tough moment in my life, so it doesn't make sense for him to suddenly break up with me just because I was going through a rough patch. We've always been there for each other through tough times, so I know he's not that heartless.
We decided to be friends...and I told him "please...i really hope you're saying all this because you mean this from your heart...not just because you're saying it to make me feel better." He kept trying to convince me that he truly cared about me still and he still loved me (even though it wasnt as strong as before) He said he wasnt saying it just to make me feel better or to feel less guilty about his actions...he said he wanted to always be there for me no matter what and i will always be special to him. I agreed with the break up calmly, and handled it maturely. I told him we should have space to ourselves to figure things out,and he said he could see us getting back together in the future if everything is okay. Around this time, he had finals and i remember we still maintained minimal contact through 2 months we didnt talk as much. I sent him a very long heartfelt apology--

letter, and we finally talked after his finals were over. He said he had to tell me something, and he was very nervous. I asked what was wrong and he said he doesnt think we can get back together in the future because he felt his feelings weren't the same as before. He just kept telling me he was unhappy for a long time, and he wanted to be alone because it made him happier. (this was his reason for breaking up with me as well) He said he didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone, not just me. Because he kept telling me even if other people made him happy in the future he would def still turn them down. NOTE: He isn't dating anyone else for sure, and he didn't break up with me because he found someone else. I know for sure 100% because he was very honest with everything else and he would have told me if there was a third person. (plus he's not the type of guy to do this) I know he is going through a rough patch in his life right now, and I just want to be there for him, but he keeps pushing me away. He said he didn't want to lose me from his life forever as a friend and he still cared for me very much...I told him I'm scared that he's gonna eventually disappear from my life because since we're friends now anything is possible. I didn't wanna be one of those couples who just eventually drift from each other as friends...I gave him the ultimatum;

I said "im sorry i cant be friends if you're not gonna put in the effort to be friends...I really don't wanna lose you twice. I lost you once,I cant bear to lose you again as a best friend" he kept convincing me to trust him. He said "trust me, I know I hurt you a lot and I'm very sorry for what I've done to you, but that won't happen between us. I know you can't trust me right now, but I really do truly mean it when I still care about you and I want to still be there...I don't want to drift from you, I know I'll be very busy this year, but I will do my best to find the time to talk to you when I can."

He sounded genuine so I believed him. Its been 4 months since I last heard from him, and I'm kinda worried what happened. It just sounds like he's depressed or stressed about something but he won't tell me what's wrong in his life; he never tells anyone his problems. The last email he sent was july and he said he hopes everything is okay with me and he was sorry he couldnt talk to me that night because he had overtime again and he didn't know he had to work...he told me not to wait for him and sleep because he will email me when he is free again.