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heliumfiasco
Newflake

Posts: 6
From:
Registered: Jul 2012

posted November 15, 2012 10:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for heliumfiasco     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi, I have been dating a Libra Sun man with Venus, Moon and Mercury in Scorpio. His Moon and Venus are both in 12th house. When I say that this is an emotional roller coaster, it is. He doesn't seem to ever want me to leave but it also feels stagnant to me, or shall I say STILL. He is not very emotional (openly), very distant, says mean things. Yet, if I ask him about it he says "What do you mean, I'm joking. I really like you." Just the other day I told him I couldn't deal with it anymore, I feel like he is completely trying to control me by being with holding. Ive been super honest and direct about my feelings towards him. He also doesn't seem very sexual, he is very attracted to me, but almost always seems nervous around me. He brings me around his friends all the time. we live an hour apart and he drives to see me twice a week... So no one would do that if they weren't interested...what is this? It's been going on since MAY!!!! I just have never experienced anything like this before. When we are together I feel this crazy bubbling energy between us. He has very sweet moments. He has been dating me now for months... Will this ever change? I have gotten frustrated with him twice. Once he drove all the way down here, and then wanted to just go to sleep...we had been drinking. He is a very selfish lover. I confronted him about it...he got very, very hurt by it. But it was the truth...you can't go 6 months with a man never giving you an orgasm or caring either! I know that set me back MONTHS... I told him two days ago "I don't want to do this anymore, you are too distant, it hurts me." I thought for sure he was going to say "see ya later" instead he replied simply "Don't go I will try I promise" WTF is going on? We have great conversation, great chemistry. Is this evasive behavior normal? Am I under a HUGE year long test?! Someone help!!!! hahaha Here is his chart. I am getting no sleep! Any advice will be soooo helpful and very much appreciated!


His chart.

Sun Libra 9° 21' in house 10
Moon Scorpio 29° 30' in house 12
Mercury Scorpio 3° 6' in house 11
Venus Scorpio 22° 48' in house 12
Mars Leo 19° 1' in house 9
Jupiter Libra 18° 15' in house 11
Saturn Libra 12° 24' in house 10
Uranus Scorpio 27° 29' in house 12
Neptune Sagittarius 22° 19' in house 1
Pluto Libra 23° 40' in house 11
Ascendant Sagittarius 1° 6' in house 1
Midheaven Virgo 15° 15' in house 10
Node True Cancer 28° 41' in house 8
2 Capricorn 2° 32' in house 2
3 Aquarius 8° 55' in house 3
4 Pisces 15° 15' in house 4
5 Aries 15° 59' in house 5
6 Taurus 10° 31' in house 6

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sweet-scorpion
Knowflake

Posts: 1065
From: PA, USA
Registered: Apr 2012

posted November 15, 2012 10:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sounds rough... and a LOT like the Scorpio Moon guy I was recently seeing who was similar to him in the way that they both seemed unnaturally nervous sexually and emotionally distant at the worst of times.

Seems like you, like I felt, need OUT but don't know how because maybe the idea that he's devoted two days a week to drive out is making you feel guilty like you should stay among other things? IDK what the overall situation is inside but it seems like the idea that you think you have good chemistry might be making it harder for you since you might worry you're giving up a good thing, if you're anything like me.

To put it into perspective since our situations sound a lot similar: NO the evasive behaviors and actions are NOT normal and he might be trying to justify it with him covering the physical distance for you, but that's meaningless to me. Because in my case the guy was always distant emotionally, secretive about stuff and didn't even want to know the nicer members of my family, and tried to justify it by taking me out on dates and showing up more in person but it did not to any good. If he's selfish, then he will probably remain that way if he doesn't mature which depending on his age, could be hard. And another warning - my guy, who seems immature/distant like yours, promised he'd 'try' to and ended up agreeing with me that we needed to break up since he was basically using a busy schedule as an excuse that he couldn't be with me any more. Obviously he had it set in his head that his life was gonna be over socially and full of work and woe and he couldn't make time for even friends... who knows, maybe this is true but still. He promise he'd try to improve for me, take me on more dates, be more available to me. And what did I get - distant and nervous sexually even though we'd been going out for 3 months, and still canceling on me randomly and rudely with stupid excuses until I had to reprimand him into keeping the date with me, etc.

All in all sadly It usually doesn't work out when a guy like this who seems like a jerk says he'll try. He's just stringing you along... I'm sorry you feel like the sweet moments are hard to let go of because I felt the same way, it's like all the good and positive moments are tempting to eclipse the rest. But it's important not to be overshadowed by that and forgive/forget his bad behaviors which will exist beneath the sweetness, just like I encountered. I'm curious also if you guys had Neptune hard aspects in synastry and/or composite now which could make it harder for either of you to progress, not be stagnant and see the truth/not be disillusioned.

It shouldn't be a test. He shouldn't be saying and doing distant, mean things to you. He is a LOSER and you have every right to dump him. Because All these things you said here totally cancel out 'good chemistry'. I, as a matter of fact, had good communication and chemistry sometimes with my guy too, but guess what... it didn't save us or take us anywhere, he couldn't commit or live up to his word, and flaked out as usual. So glad that I ended it before he drug it out even longer. And YOU should do the same because you are too good for it!!!

Notes on his astro chart:

A. His Moon is in the 29th degree which shows a lot of emotional difficulty and potential hardship emotionally, not to mention his Moon's in the 12th which shows distant and deep but often withheld emotions/emotional abuse in childhood.

B. His Venus is there too which can DEF make someone seem cold or unloving to themselves and others sometimes depending on the rest. Both A and B are probably why he seems like an emotionally distant and weirdly up and down person because Scorp Moon in general has a tendency to be emotionally intense and wishy washy like this, but throw the 12th into the mix and it gets way worse.

C. Uranus conjunct Moon in the 12th is killer because it shows a really unconventional and probably hard childhood on top of Moon being in H12 alone... also this is definitely the aspect of emotional erratic-ness and distance from other people, feeling easily emotionally caged and needing freedom. I'm curious if your composite has this as well.

Do you have your synastry chart, his natal chart aspects and your composite? I need visuals for further analysis.

Hope you're OK

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heliumfiasco
Newflake

Posts: 6
From:
Registered: Jul 2012

posted November 15, 2012 11:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for heliumfiasco     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I guess I keep wondering if this is going to open up into something. I keep thinking maybe he is just really slow to open up? I guess I'm looking for answers in his chart. He is a very private person with everyone, a recluse at times. I just wanted verification i'm not sure what. I feel really close yet so not. I guess I just feel very unimportant to him, and he cant understand why. It's been a really painful process.
Composite?

Sun Libra 10° 17' in house 11
Moon Virgo 5° 19' in house 10
Mercury Libra 26° 31' in house 12
Venus Libra 18° 58' in house 11
Mars Virgo 2° 14' in house 10
Jupiter Sagittarius 12° 41' in house 2
Saturn Scorpio 3° 47' in house 12
Uranus Sagittarius 6° 6' in house 1
Neptune Sagittarius 26° 39' in house 2
Pluto Libra 28° 42' in house 12
Ascendant Scorpio 12° 12' in house 1
Midheaven Leo 20° 37' in house 10
Node. Gemini 19° 3' in house 8
2 Sagittarius 12° 3' in house 2
3 Capricorn 15° 51' in house 3
4 Aquarius 20° 37' in house 4
5 Pisces 22° 20' in house 5
6 Aries 19° 21' in house 6


My chart.
Sun Libra 11° 12' in house 12
Moon Gemini 11° 9' in house 8
Mercury Libra 19° 56' in house 12
Venus Virgo 15° 9' in house 11
Mars Virgo 15° 27' in house 11
Jupiter Aquarius 7° 7' in house 4
Saturn Scorpio 25° 11' in house 2
Uranus Sagittarius 14° 43' in house 2
Neptune Capricorn 0° 58' in house 3
Pluto Scorpio 3° 44' in house 1
Ascendant Libra 23° 18' in house 1
Midheaven Cancer 26° 0' in house 10
Node True Taurus 9° 24' in house 7
2 Scorpio 21° 33' in house 2
3 Sagittarius 22° 47' in house 3
4 Capricorn 26° 0' in house 4
5 Aquarius 28° 41' in house 5
6 Pisces 28° 11' in house 6

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heliumfiasco
Newflake

Posts: 6
From:
Registered: Jul 2012

posted November 15, 2012 11:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for heliumfiasco     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You were so right about emotional hardships. He had a horrible childhood. Abusive and his dad was in and out of jail. He is a really nice guy, I think he is oblivious to how he comes across though. I don't understand why he'd still be coming around, if he doesn't care. Makes no sense.

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7thGuardian
Knowflake

Posts: 390
From: Transylvania
Registered: May 2012

posted November 16, 2012 05:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for 7thGuardian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I get bits and pieces when working with details such as above, but could be more helpful if you link both charts from here:
http://www.astro.com/cgi/ade.cgi?ract=xx687474703a2f2f7777772e617374726f2e636f6d2f6367692f63686172742e6367693f&lang=e&btyp=w2gw

- above site is also more accurate than others and that's also useful in terms of interpretation...

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RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake

Posts: 5935
From:
Registered: Oct 2010

posted November 16, 2012 06:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for RunAroundScreaming     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Post composite from extended chart selection in astro.com

and also copy n paste the compatibility for lovers report. Please do BOTH so i can give u the reading

------------------
$3.50 ebay compatibility readings | testimonials | Past readings | Ideal compatibility (3rd post) | Q&A | What's a Love stellium? | Most important aspects descriptions | Aspects to avoid

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heliumfiasco
Newflake

Posts: 6
From:
Registered: Jul 2012

posted November 16, 2012 09:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for heliumfiasco     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

Mine http://www.astro.com/cgi/atxgen.cgi?btyp=apx&&cid=155fileiu5vhV-u1353074921

His http://www.astro.com/cgi/atxgen.cgi?btyp=apx&cid=155fileiu5vhV-u1353074921&nhor=2&go.x=16&go.y=10

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sweet-scorpion
Knowflake

Posts: 1065
From: PA, USA
Registered: Apr 2012

posted November 16, 2012 10:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by heliumfiasco:
I guess I keep wondering if this is going to open up into something. I keep thinking maybe he is just really slow to open up? I guess I'm looking for answers in his chart. He is a very private person with everyone, a recluse at times. I just wanted verification i'm not sure what. I feel really close yet so not. I guess I just feel very unimportant to him, and he cant understand why. It's been a really painful process.
Composite?

Sorry I forgot to explain about the composite. It's like your two natal charts and their mid-points put into one whole chart. Shows the foundations of the relationship and its basis, not how you two personally interact. It's important to see how things can work out for you though. A messy composite can lead to hurt and hardship.

I wouldn't count on someone like this opening up to you. Also, do you truly want to put yourself through that emotional pain and try, and find out it won't work, and have wasted even more time trying? I feel for you so much because you sound so similar to what I was doing months ago, trying and trying to put so much effort and work into my relationship and it ended up crumbling anyway. I thought my guy was slow to open up too, also he was extremely closed-off and limited in viewpoint and never even wanted to go out, and I thought - maybe he just needed a little coaxing to be more affectionate and loving... but I was wrong. It just didn't work out that way at all, because as I say, a leopard can't change its spots if it won't get counseling or some kind of help.

My guy also had a rocky childhood, emotionally he was abused and left with a nanny for years into his childhood and hit when he got older by his dad. It seems like both of these men really need some help beyond a loving or caring woman to have a better life. Sometimes it's good to understand that maybe you aren't the one who should be trying to get them to open up or be social etc. etc... it sounds more like they need professional help, and the burden of being someone's therapist/therapeutic source will get heavier over time. That's why I'm suggesting you pull away before he gets more attached to you if you're trying to soothe any of his pains. It isn't fair of him to rely on you for that.

I don't think he is uncaring. But he is obviously a very troubled person and probably unsure of how to go about conducting a serious romantic relationship. He isn't necessarily cold but doesn't seem willing to be a boyfriend to you in the end. By this point in the relationship he should be willing to talk and share problems and thoughts with you, not be saying verbally abusive stuff - EVER - and trying to cover it up as a joke. He just seems to be in a bad place in general and you're being dragged down into it as well, which is worrisome to me. It's also a huge red flag that he's nervous sexually after all this time. Because the SAME exact thing was happening to me and this destroyed my relationship in the end, because it was clear the guy just didn't want to be my BF.

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sweet-scorpion
Knowflake

Posts: 1065
From: PA, USA
Registered: Apr 2012

posted November 16, 2012 10:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Some things I noticed with the provided links:

Your guy has Sun-Saturn conjunct which definitely shows a troubled male spirit and probable oppression by the father. I just wrote an article about the paternal pains of this aspect over in Brown owl school's thread if you want to read up on it. But it can make one, in short, be controlling, a workaholic, depressive and obsessive-compulsive, and VERY SHY which is what you were describing to me in the above. How distant he is socially. Usually I find people with Sun-Saturn harsh aspects cannot open up socially, also some people with 4th house Moons in conflict with 12th house Suns can be this way too.

His Mercury is basically un-aspected meaning it makes 0 aspects to other planets. Scorpio is the sign of darkness, obsessions and revenge at its worst. This makes me wonder if his un-aspected planet can suck up a lot of the energy in his chart and make him prone to deeper, obsessive, intense thinking. Since a planet unanchored by the rest of the chart will surely act out in erratic and unpredictable ways.

His Sun only makes that conjunction to Saturn as well, which shows that his view of his true, core self is very burdened by the oppressions in his life from authority figures, and he doesn't have any other positive 'life lines' from benefic planets like Jupiter or Venus making an aspect to it.

Mars and Uranus are in a square, so is Moon and Mars. The latter shows potentially explosive emotions. Because Moon is conjunct Uranus, this could mean that he really unexpectedly blows up or says/does mean things concerning his family, domestic life, people close to him. His higher thinking can be troubled and consumed by the past damages from his childhood from the Moon in the 12th squaring his 9th house Mars. [The 9th is the house of higher thinking.] This is probably why he seems to become emotionally in a roller coaster and combative to you out of the blue. The upsetment is deeply rooted in the mind and he seems OBLIVIOUS to it right? This is the 12th house at work. Having planets here that should not be, like Pluto or the Moon for example, can make one oblivious to how they act. A Moon-Mars square won't be as clearly integrated into the conscious mind of the person being emotionally combative, yet other people will probably see it quite well.

Neptune in the 1st can make one feel unclear about their true identity and like people can't see the true self.

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heliumfiasco
Newflake

Posts: 6
From:
Registered: Jul 2012

posted November 19, 2012 10:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for heliumfiasco     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I just wanted to thank you for taking the time out of your day to write such a detailed post to help me. That is very kind and I appreciate it. He is so sensitive and I'm pretty sure over me. I am pretty upset but everything you said makes total sense. I wish I had more insight but I feel I don't at all.

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sweet-scorpion
Knowflake

Posts: 1065
From: PA, USA
Registered: Apr 2012

posted November 19, 2012 11:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by heliumfiasco:
I just wanted to thank you for taking the time out of your day to write such a detailed post to help me. That is very kind and I appreciate it. He is so sensitive and I'm pretty sure over me. I am pretty upset but everything you said makes total sense. I wish I had more insight but I feel I don't at all.

You're welcome. No problem at all. I'm sorry you're going through this... it sounds like a terrible time and I empathize with you.

Just know, there is always someone else waiting for you out there. Ask yourself for basic clarity and insight: based on your original post, with all the sadness and tumult there, was he REALLY worth your emotional pain and all the trouble? Because beyond the sensitive exterior, he seemed to mistreat you to add serious insult to the injury.

The thing is, relationships are rarely finite. We in this day and age do not easily find permanence in another person... true love becomes rarer than ever now. It isn't just you, it's happened to me, to almost every person I know. It isn't like I'm trying to deter you or make you feel bad. I'm trying to say, it takes a lot more searching and having the resilience and bravery of an open mind and soul to find true love. And it seems you were really trying to open yourself up... but it wasn't working out. This means, you shouldn't limit yourself to one person, this person, who is not worth your time. The world has someone else in store for you to do this with! The universe was blocking this love from happening for some reason... I almost see the physical distance as a barrier of fate, from the universe, to block you two from having an even more destructive union. I like to think of things uniquely to make things make more sense.

Take care.

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