posted February 06, 2013 10:45 AM            

I then went to a friend's birthday party and he was there again, like one month after. It was awkward but still I got butterflies around him. The chemistry both mentally and physically is always there. We talked on and off throughout the night, we played beer pong together as partners, he sang a song in my ear, he asked for my number, etc. But there was this girl who he was close with and I just thought they were too close. I asked him if she was his girlfriend, he said no. I told my friend I thought he was interesting, but that was all it turned out to be.

We started to hang out more and more just through mutual friends and I got to know him better, but I still just always tried to write him off as a player because of how we met. Funny thing is I always said that he was a player and seemed really superficial. But everyone was like what are you talking about? Turns out he is a freaking VIRGIN. And at that time had only had one serious relationship before. I was floored, because he was really different around me, always flirty and kind of forward. But everyone else disagreed.

We talked a lot and he invited me over to his place and we talked for hours and hours. He kept touching me and stuff, but never tried for anything. I was so confused and just thought he was playing with me. I was incredibly confused. I asked him to open up to me, because he is not good at opening up but I felt like something was going on.

So time went by and I just hit it up with a Capricorn who I met who is in the same circles as this guy. He seemed very reliable and genuine and that's what I usually look for in a guy. So one night all three of us were up talking late at night talking about our dreams and things in general and me and me and him have so much in common. And the Aqua and I went to sit on the futon cuz all of us were sleeping over. Me and the Aqua are really playful together so we were just messing around and being like little kids. Then we started to go to sleep and out of nowhere he started stroking my hair really softly even though the other guy was there.

So I ended up dating the Capricorn and he told me he didn't want a relationship so I was like "okay" and we just hung out and stuff. We and a group of friends had a bbq and Aqua was there too. I was once again doing flirty little touches with the guy and we were talking to each other. Finally Capricorn asked me to be in a relationship with him. I tried to say no over and over but he kept trying to convince me and stupidly I finally accepted and then we walked back and he told everyone we had been together for a month, even though it wasn't quite right, we had only been meeting up not in a relationship. I looked at the guy and he seemed disappointed. And he told me later that night that he liked another girl and they started dating the VERY NEXT DAY! wtf.

To be honest, as soon as I saw them dating I felt sick to my stomach and could barely stand to be near them. I tried to shake it off and just ignore it and I continued my relationship but it was not pretty at all. I was miserable and even though I thought I had feelings for this guy, everything just was too hard. We couldn't ever be happy together for more than a couple of days before something else would come up. Obviously it was not a happy relationship after all. I tried to break it off many times but we always got back together. I finally realized I had to end it. So we after 5 months I broke up with him like a month ago. Funny thing is, I didn't know but right before that the guy broke up with his girlfriend as well.

We are both single again now. It was his birthday and I finally saw him again. I bought him a cake and remember the flavor he likes and there was a party. After the party I went to his apartment again and took care of him, but he was pretty much sober anyway, so I thought he was pretending. We sat down on his couch and talked for hours. We talked about a lot of things. He told me I should be more careful and that I am too naive about guys and don't understand them. But we didn't really talk about our exes that much. We talked until 8am and he started getting sleepy so I asked him "Should I leave?" and he told me to stay with him and he grabbed my hand and I stayed with him until he fell asleep and then left.

I feel like that it wouldn't be right considering his ex used to be someone I would hang out with from time to time even though not for almost a year even though she liked a different guy than him. And the Capricorn also is (not close) friends with the Aqua. I am torn and frustrated and confused about why I can't seem to stop thinking about him. I don't really have answers to anything. He is attractive - not just physically, but it's more like this aura around him and the way we are giddy and talk. He got upset when I told him I was interested in the other guy and stuff like that. Some times he was just plain cold to me after that, but he always kept in touch with me through the whole time. Sometimes he texted me wanting to tell me something but would always chicken out or sometimes he would just say hello.

He's so damn hard to read and also I feel like he is too "dangerous". So I try to kept boundaries up between us, but it's so hard. I don't know what to think about anything since from the beginning I've tried my hardest to not get too close and to make sure that nothing happens between us. It's like I have to force myself to pull back and to be collected and do nothing. He isn't like trying to seduce me or kiss me or anything, but he holds my hands and he touches my hair and then he sits back and acts completely normal. UGH! So I feel like I'm being played. I told him that straight up and he said no.... when I first met you I thought you were really great.

What do you think? I'm just playing cool and acting like his friend, but I can't really deny the attraction there. Anyone know anything about Aquas?