posted March 28, 2013 06:46 PM            

Anyone here who has had similar experiences? How do you find a middle ground here. I know there has to be a way to get these planets to work together.

posted March 28, 2013 11:59 PM            

People do try to control me. All the time. They try to police me, they accuse me of crap I didn't do, ostracize me. Ugh. My whole family are a bunch narcissistic control freaks, and I grew up with virtually no self-esteem because they needed me to be their bleeping-pole. Since I'm currently financially reliant on them because I can't get full-time work, I have to put up with their abuse. Standing up to them just results in mega-drama, vicious words and threats. My brother once punched me in the face. I didn't realize how bad my relationship with my family was when I fell on hard times and asked for their help, and now I'm stuck in a bad place. At least I'm confronting the reality of my family, even if I presently am powerless to do anything about it. I just try to endure, and hope an opportunity to get free comes my way...soon.

I don't know what to say about how to handle other people trying to control you. I don't think I've ever handled it well--thanks to my dysfunctional family, I never learned those skills. The backlash I'm gotten when I won't submit to another's control has been seriously bad many times, so bad I even have PTSD from the abuse I recieved in one such situation when I was a teen. I've also been chased out jobs, degree programs, organizations. I'd had malicious gossip spread about me. Sometimes, people simply have tried to put obstacles in my way, becuase they thought I didn't have the right to pursue whatever I wanted to pursue. So many times it has seemed that my will, and maybe my mere existence, makes other people angry, hostile and vicious.

I tend to be pretty good about controling my own urges to control others. I think the aspects in my chart help a lot with that--I really respect other people's autonomy. I'm very compassionate like that. It's what I wish others would respect with me.

I did have an experience as a teen where I realized that I could get my freinds to do a lot of things they wouldn't have done on their own. I ended up getting one of my friends into serious trouble. It made me very aware of how bad that power could be, and I stepped forward and took responsibilty for what got my friend in trouble. I took a lot crap for it, got publicly humilitated, but my friend was spared any penalty--and all my other friends told me I did the right thing and were very relieved I stepped forward. It was a valuable lesson. To this day, I would sooner take responsiblity than let another person take the fall for something I did or was a part of.

posted March 31, 2013 03:59 PM            

Oh, I know. It's all about self esteem and having enough courage to stand up for yourself. You're all right there. But the backlash makes it so hard to do, those people certainly aren't going to just sit there. I've often felt that they'll try to take away your moment. I don't want to sound like such a victim, but it does feel like it.

@GemNymph. Oh wow. I'm so sorry those people go that far. Your own family no less. That makes it even harder to stand up for yourself. Some of your post sounds scarily like me with people I trusted going off on me when I try to say no to something. But that's also why I started this thread, hoping it'd give people a safe place to vent if they wanted to. I know we all need it sometimes. :|

I relate to the "choose which person you want to be" thing a lot. You did a great thing for your friend and I hope it gave you a bit of pride just for that. We have to resist the urge to do what people did to us, right?

posted March 31, 2013 04:15 PM            

tbh i like this aspect, alot.
the thing is with this aspect, if you dont stand your ground people will try to dominate you. so what you need to do is simply act.

i was never really bullied, i was one of those who stood out at school etc, taking on leadership. but... however, i did face dangerous situations.. it is as if you are often being tested and if you dont fire back,
people will take advantage of you.

I believe once developed, this is a very powerful aspect but its important to stay collected and maintain composure at ease. Just never back down and dont be afraid to assert yourself.

posted March 31, 2013 07:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by meissieri:
Hi everyone. All my life I've had trouble with either taking control over my life and getting a ton of trouble for it or others making me jump through hoops just to earn their respect. It's like every relationship, romantic or otherwise, ends up me having to do everything for them or not getting any affection at all. Lots of arguments the second I attempt at sticking up for myself just because I can't take being used/manipulated any longer.

Anyone here who has had similar experiences? How do you find a middle ground here. I know there has to be a way to get these planets to work together.

So yeah. Any help on how to solve this, experiences, this aspect in a relationship or just talks are very much appreciated!

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Yeah it's definitely Sun square Pluto doing it especially if one of them falls in the 7th house (others; open enemies; what's projected onto you).

posted April 01, 2013 05:22 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Plutonic Capricorn:
i have this aspect though pretty wide, -5 degree orb.

tbh i like this aspect, alot.
the thing is with this aspect, if you dont stand your ground people will try to dominate you. so what you need to do is simply act.

i was never really bullied, i was one of those who stood out at school etc, taking on leadership. but... however, i did face dangerous situations.. it is as if you are often being tested and if you dont fire back,
people will take advantage of you.

I believe once developed, this is a very powerful aspect but its important to stay collected and maintain composure at ease. Just never back down and dont be afraid to assert yourself.

---

Oh, I do like this placement, I'm trying to really grow into it. It's just the power struggles that are killing me. It can give you such power, though, I agree, one you really need when going through a rough time. Then it's like you just... know what to do, like a gut instinct.

I really admire people who can stick up for themselves like that. Haven't figured out how to hold my own. But I want to be able to.

quote:

---

Yeah it's definitely Sun square Pluto doing it especially if one of them falls in the 7th house (others; open enemies; what's projected onto you).

I think that typically happens with people who have Pluto really active in their charts anyways though. It'll either make you try to dominate and control everything around you or everyone around you will try to control YOU. Pluto does a lot in my chart also and everybody tries to tell me what to do.

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posted April 01, 2013 05:41 PM            

My first line of defence is defiance under the radar. Probably not good advice.. but anyway it works quite well! Good luck.

posted April 04, 2013 04:11 PM            

My father has this aspect too, so we have it in our synastry as well. Yeah, it only took us like 21 years to start getting along. He was extremely controlling growing up. Now it has shifted to other controlling, manipulative types. I feel like people always have a gun to my head, bullying me into giving them what they want.

I've had so many ultimatums and especially people with strong Aquarius in their chart, because their planets make it a T-square. Taurus too, but I have a lot of earth and water to smooth things over with them. And I think it's also the planet that becomes the apex: if it's my Sun (like with Taurus), I know what I have to do, which is letting go of my ego. But when it's Pluto, the relationship is based on control and power struggles. Not healthy at all. Grand crosses... lol. Most people my age add their own Pluto to the mix, so this gets rough. With them I always feel that even when I give in and do everything to put myself into their shoes, they don't give me anything in return. That's the fixed signs, probably.

How does it work for you all? Do you identify more with your sun or Pluto?