posted April 15, 2013 06:16 AM            

So hello stranger, this is my Pluto square Pluto story.

When you read up on this transit, the range of interpretations varies from severe depression or nervous breakdown to manifestation of catastrophes tearing your life apart, giving you room to rise from the ashes like a phoenix. This isn't what I experienced. Mind you, the transit isn't quite over yet, so maybe it's to early to resume. But it's been with me for one and a half years now and my life is far from lying in ashes. Quite the opposite actually – in my opinion it's much too static and it forces me to let all sorts of things cook up from deep within me.

So basically.... I think this transit forces you to question whether you've made the right choices and taken the right paths in life. It comes down at an age when most of us are quite settled – we've done all our academics, are usually a few years into our professional life, many (not me) are married with kids. But we're not too old yet to set the course for something else, should circumstances lead to the conclusion that we're not quite going where we're supposed to go. Sort of like an early not-quite-midlife-crisis. So at the end of the day, this is a fairly spritiual and soul development aspect – whether it manifests in external catastrophes has to do with how well you're connected to your source and how well you adapt to change.

My sun's in Aquarius, so change is a vital element of my basic life force. I've never been afraid to change, sometimes I even dreaded it and tore myself out of life situations that had become too comfortable. All through my 20ies, I was experiencing either a change of career or moving town roughly every two years.

In 2006, my father was diagnosed with cancer. I decided to end my wandering years, I moved back to my hometown, settled on the career path that had opened for me at the same time and took care of my family. After he died in 2008, I decided to stay regardless. I bought a flat, founded another company.... it seemed like things just fell into place in terms of long-term-commitment. Looking back on the events of the past few years, I feel like I was nesting – but only for myself. Like I was trying provide for myself the emotional security I needed after my father was taken from me.

Since last year or so, I felt an ever growing restlessness taking over my whole life. The feeling of „how the hell did I get here?“ increased up to the point where every choice I made in the past few years seemed misleading, shaping me into a person that isn't really me. Problem is – as oppose to earlier in my life, I couldn't just pack two bags of stuff and leave to seek out happiness somewhere else. There's way too much to lose. I have responsibilities, people who rely on me. Like my mother, the people that let me run a company for them or employees. I have been quite spoilt in the past - whenever I felt it was time for a change, the universe would always open some corridor that would make the next step seem very clear. This time.... I'm still waiting for that. So in a way, the none-change of this time period is how Pluto works for me - I'm just not used to that.

So for now, I'm lingering on to a life situation that doesn't seem appropriate anymore. But in this state of restlessness, something curious is happening – with the help of astrology, I'm in the process of really clearing out my emotional closet. I'm seeking out traumas from childhood or even past lives, all the conflicts that have been with me for 30odd years, all the stuff I'm living out for my mother and father and the insecurities inflicted upon me by my older siblings. And all I can say: It's a great journey! Every time something comes up, I feel like I've dug up a treasure. Of course not every thought is a happy thought, not every find is easy to deal with. There's a lot of crying, late nights with red wine. Some things are quite difficult. But for some reason, I find it quite easy to forgive and let go. All that matters to me is the Now and the future. I'm finally recognising old patterns, which is giving me the chance to act upon situations differently than I did all my life. I'm working on my Saturn conjunct Moon in Cancer, my Chiron in 12th house square Moon.... All in all – even though nothing's really happening on the outside, this phase is having more impact on me than any catastrophe, any move or career change has ever done.

I've grown a habit of writing down a lot of the thoughts and feelings that are cooking up from inside. Even in the middle of the night, after a meaningful dream, I'll grab my laptop from next to the bed and write down furiously all the toughts and flashes of insights racing through my head. I also try and reflect a lot with people around me – especially the people who play a part in a particular trauma I'm digging up at the time. This has been going on for about two months now and I hope it will continue to do so until I feel free from all the old rubbish.

posted April 15, 2013 07:53 AM            

I agree with you that this transit is almost like a pre midlife crisis as it does force you to dredge up past decisions and question whether your on the right path. I can definitely connect with the severe depression, nervous breakdowns etc.

I cannot find much on this transit but I did find something very interesting about the transit interpretation that I feel is true: transit pluto square pluto can cause depression etc. because it is forcing you to make significant changes in your life and do a self-cleansing.

The area that ultimately needs changing in one's life is the house in which your natal pluto falls. The means of changing is found in the house transit pluto falls.

For example, transit pluto is retrograde in capricorn right now and is transiting my 7h house. My natal pluto is in the 4th house libra. So I am needing to ultimately change my home/family life and security through making changes to my marriage or partnership. Ironically I also have transit saturn conjunct uranus right now in my 5th which brings about significant endings and new beginnings. The last three years have been life changing for me and after 9 years of marriage, I've been forced to re-evaluate and determine what's best for me and my family going forward. I have also read that if you fight the changes you will continue to experience the depression/ nervousness because your soul is forcing you to make the change or cleanse ..once that happens, the depression/ nervous breakdowns etc. go away.

posted April 15, 2013 10:53 AM            

I think I had Saturn (which rules my 10th) conjunct natal Uranus in the 6th house last year. I think it was around that time that I lost my passion for the industry I'm working in - I'm involved in PR and media but within the rather static German health industry. I always thought that was a very fitting combination of my Capricorn/Aquarius energies, but at some point last year I felt it was a way too tight corsett. I'm now considering a career change towards something a bit more creative (Pluto is in 5 natally) and getting into online or mobile health project management. I'm even considering moving to the UK for that (transit Pluto is in 9 :-)).

Hm, what else... Pluto rules my 7th house so another area of life that's part of my inner cleansing process is relationships. I've always been quite a loner with little experience in relationships, somehow I always found it very easy to walk away from the potential of love. Like it would never be enough so I might aswell not bother. But one of the issues I'm working on right now is aligning myself to a different idea of what a relationship should be like. With Saturn in Cancer and both Neptune and North Node in 7, I'm expecting a rather intense journey :-)

Another transit I've had for some time now is Neptune trine Uranus which I also hold partly responsible for a large scale feeling of spiritual awakening since about August 2011.

The next transit in the wings is Uranus opposite Pluto. I'm kinda expecting that this will bring on the outside changes that I was longing for when I started my inner journey. How it plays out, we'll see.. Pluto, like I said, is connected to both 5th and 7th house issues. Natal Uranus is in 6, it rules 11 and the transit is also in 11.

Moreover.... the big three - Uranus, Neptune, Pluto - all have natal aspects to my Sun so it's no surprise that these aspects, which would normally be considered generational, have a great impact on me as a person.

How do you feel about all these changes going on in your life?? I'm quite happy to report that I'm very open for all these things cooking up, even though they're painful sometimes. I trust the universe to deliver only the amount of pain necessary to make positive changes. Maybe that's why I'm going through it rather smoothly. I've had moments, or sometimes periods spanning a couple of weeks but no more, when I would feel somehow depressed due to feeling trapped. But at the moment I feel quite relieved, like somehow things are starting to finally flow downstream.

posted April 15, 2013 12:14 PM            

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Originally posted by janoe:
In regards to what those three houses have in common.... the words "spiritual development" spring to mind. Seems to me that those houses have a common goal, but using different methods.

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posted April 15, 2013 01:45 PM            

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Originally posted by curious girl:
I also thought it would be about spiritual development before tr. Pluto reached my 12th house, but it seems that I have digressed from my spiritual path since it has been in the 12th. I started working at the University and my whole life became more practical than it´d been before. But, who knows, it has only just begun, so I´ll have to wait and see.

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Could be just me, but.... I often found that solid manifestation of life circumstances are often a result of some sort of spiritual development.

posted April 15, 2013 03:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by janoe:
Could be just me, but.... I often found that solid manifestation of life circumstances are often a result of some sort of spiritual development.

Plus, university is a totally a 9th house matter, so there you have that connection again...

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posted April 15, 2013 09:01 PM            

I currently have tPluto (5th) sq NPluto (2nd), tPluto conjunct n Moon, tPluto opposite Sun,Venus, Saturn, Mercury, Ceres.

My nPluto is sq Sun, Mercury, Moon.

My life has been insane and at the momen I am facing my biggest change EVER. Preparing to move to new country, reevaluations of social life in general and also economically, meeting a new man.

I feel as if my soul is fighting these changes hard somedays because all of this is also hitting my Lunar Nodes. At times I can feel myself panicking and starting to mentally "fight" the changes I know I will have to go through. I wouldn't say I bouts with depression but this is a time of deep introspection and basically, finding the courage to just jump from unhealthy "security" into something new, unknown and eventually healthy.

posted April 16, 2013 03:48 AM            

I was never spoiled or coddled so it's not that I'm suddenly being forced to face the "Big Bad World" alone, so I can't relate to that aspect of your experience. I absolutely do relate to the parts about how it seems like some things are coming to a head and being wrapped up or finalized, and other things are being realized and accepted, and decisions are being made - a lot of relationships I've had with people that were no good for me or that I've outgrown have crumbled apart; I've finally come to a decision about what exactly it is I want to do with my life in general and I'm trying to take the steps to get there although there's been a lot of red-tape and roadblocks along the way.

In a living arrangement that isn't really beneficial to me on multiple levels so I am in a state where I feel like I'm suffering or lingering until I can get out of it. At this point I do really feel like I'm just limping along idly, barely in one piece - and I look it, I look horrible and feel horrible lol.

But even so I'm not like THAT about it - I have enough perspective and foresight to know it's not the end of the world and that ultimately what I have to do is just hold on and get through the less than stellar parts. That's how life works. Some parts are good, some parts are bad. You should expect both, really. As bad as it can get, it's not so bad that it's totally undealable. I'm not made out of glass LOL. Sometimes I whine and get upset, but I've managed to steer clear of anything close to REAL depression, which I had when I was a teenager, albeit undiagnosed.

posted April 16, 2013 11:43 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by janoe:
That most of the time, spiritual development isn't an isolated thing. Once you've done the work internally, outside events or circumstances usually line up to it. So... there's probably a connection.

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You are right, but I will have to wait and see.

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I thought I'd read that you started university...I see now that you started working for the university, which would rather be a 10th house matter than 9th, I reckon. [/B]

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