posted June 06, 2013 12:56 PM            

Example: A very close Virgo friend has self appointed as a fashion critique. This friend prides herself on always being simply but professionally dressed at work. This friend likes to appear androgynous as well.. Dislikes bringing any feminine mystique to herself at work, w the perception that women at work are best to shine for their productivity vs femininity and attractiveness.

Ok, so nothing wrong with my friend's standpoint, to each their own right? Well, my friend has unfortunately alienated a lot of women in our professional/friendship circles, due to her criticism of their attire/hairstyle/appearance. She will often state down anyone she feels to be dressed inappropriately and will often make the person feel very uncomfortable. She will also often make comments too.

I've brought this up to her, as she has stirred up hurt feelings amongst several of these women. Her response is that she's trying to be helpful by pointing out her friends aren't dressed appropriately (by her standards). I've replied that yea maybe some of the outfits lean towards a sensual edge, but none are in Dress code violation?

Anyhow, I've noticed my Virgo male relatives and friends tend to similarity make cutting comments/critiques to those around them (this even includes my Virgo preteen!) Them when they are called out on this, after hurting feelings, there is surprise as they were trying to help?

Anyone else notice something similar? Any advice on how to get it across that helping is cool, but unwanted critique may not be well received? To clarify, my intent is not to bash virgos. I'd like to obtain ideas on how to express this up my son, as he frequently hurts people's feelings w unwanted critiques and my friend who has at times even hurt my own feelings for the same thing.

posted June 06, 2013 01:21 PM            

My mom told my uncle that he looked like a mad scientist at the dinner table! (in front of me, my dad, sister and her husband, and grandma on dad's side)
lmfao!

I like shopping for shoes with my cousin who is a Virgo. She will give me an honest opinion, on which ones look best on me. One time she told me. "you're walking like you have a stick up your @$$."

posted June 06, 2013 02:35 PM            

I'm thinking of having a heart to heart conversation w her, and my son as well. I'm pretty thick skinned, and my feelings were hurt the other day after she critiqued my hair in front of other people. Including my boss. The reason being, was she felt appalled that I went from light hair to dark.

She thought I change my hair too often, and told me such (lol I'm highly mutable!). From there, she critiqued me for overly loving my pets as children (very irrational from her perspective) and that I spend too much time studying astrology/esoteric things like tarot (also irrational from her view).

I love her very much, but being called out on my perceived flaws in front of other other people was too much.. When I do ask her critique it is entirely different. I also don't mind if she tells me my shirt has a stain, things like that as it saves embarrassment.

It is the feeling of being negatively critiqued which cuts deeply. A lot of the time, she doesn't even say anything verbally but will stare for an uncomfortably long time which is just as unsettling. I've mentioned to her that a lot of our peers/friends find this to be off putting, and she says its something that happens on autopilot... That she can't seem to help herself from staring/analyzing when something strikes her...

posted June 09, 2013 04:37 AM            

I've been accused of being snobby, a "know it all" and sanctimonious more times than I'd like to admit. Usually, I am genuinely being helpful and my critique is taken negatively. Sometimes I do receive the "who asked you anyway?" attitude in return. Totally understandable.

However, once someone tries to outwit me or argue/battle over something, then I do tend to turn into a sanctimonious BLEEP!! I am getting better/calmer with age, but sometimes I just know I'm right and I'll be damned if I will admit I am wrong (because, I'm usually not).

However, when I am wrong, I will admit it and apologize right away.

posted June 09, 2013 01:29 PM            

I would agree with some of the other commenters here and say that most Virgos are usually trying to be helpful and most do have the wisdom to know when they are going too far or are being ignorant. I do think that most Virgos have a stubborn streak, and I know that I personally have sat in a position that I don't really believe in just because I know that the person who is trying to oppose me is choosing not to look at the opposite side of the argument. I also become super stubborn when someone tries to take advantage of my good nature and is being passive aggressive about it (this is usually where Pisces, air signs and I come into conflict). Just say it already instead of making me read your mind!

quote:

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Usually, I am genuinely being helpful and my critique is taken negatively. Sometimes I do receive the "who asked you anyway?" attitude in return. Totally understandable.

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It irritates me more when someone DID ask me for my opinion and then gets upset when I give my honest opinion. They act like: "Who asked you anyway?" but the answer is that THEY ASKED ME!

quote:

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However, once someone tries to outwit me or argue/battle over something, then I do tend to turn into a sanctimonious BLEEP!! I am getting better/calmer with age, but sometimes I just know I'm right and I'll be damned if I will admit I am wrong (because, I'm usually not).

However, when I am wrong, I will admit it and apologize right away.

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Yeah... That's part of the Virgo stubbornness I think. I've gotten better over the years in simply KNOWING when someone is wrong and not always feeling the need to point it out... Or pointing it out once and then sitting back and watching as they fall on their faces because they ignored me.

I will say that I've definitely gotten better at letting people 'own their karma' so to speak. I know that I am a huge 'helper' type (and lots of Virgos are), so my reaction is to want to 'help' by supporting people. So, for instance, if there is a Sagittarius/Aquarius I know that has problems keeping his appointments with me, I will automatically text him/call him to ensure that he shows up even though IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY to keep track of his schedule for him. This has become a great source of resentment for me over time, and I've recently learned that it's better to let others fail in order for them to learn their lesson. If they actually value me as a person in their life, they will correct the issue. It's better for them to fail and correct it than for me to constantly assist and sound like I'm nagging/criticizing.

posted June 09, 2013 01:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by enchantress299:
I would guess this is a big challenge for all Virgos. Because we tend to see things so crystal clear and because we can often see ten steps in advance, we want to help others, when really we should just let them be and let them fail so they are able to take responsibility for it.

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^ Yes. This is what I am trying to achieve. Today, I probably failed. LOL!

My partner has chronic stomach issues. He has acid reflux and a lot of vomiting/regurgitation issues. I formerly had all of these issues, used to be on all kinds of prescription GERD medicine, etc. until I figured out my cause.

1) I had a food intolerance and...
2) People often have GERD because the stomach PH is wrong & you need more acid, not less (so in my case, antacid was bad!).

Well he swears up & down "I've never been allergic to anything in my life" so I cannot win that battle. He's a Cap & quite stubborn so I can't get him to try an elimination diet. But after listening to him vomit up his breakfast (AGAIN), I handed him a glass of water with apple cider vinegar mixed in. I've been telling him FOR MONTHS just to try it instead of taking antacids since they don't help him anyway.

He left for work with it in a portable coffee mug and promised he would try it. I reminded him that the worst that would happen is that it won't work. I know he will either:

a) Not try it and he'll say he did and it didn't help or...

b) He'll try it, he'll feel better, but he'll tell me he took an antacid.

Why? Because he's so stubborn I cannot possibly be right... about anything. :/

*sigh*

posted June 09, 2013 08:20 PM            

Anyway, I just realized I didn't actually answer the OP's original question in this thread, though I do think I intended to.

quote:

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Any advice on how to get it across that helping is cool, but unwanted critique may not be well received? To clarify, my intent is not to bash virgos. I'd like to obtain ideas on how to express this up my son, as he frequently hurts people's feelings w unwanted critiques and my friend who has at times even hurt my own feelings for the same thing.

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My intention was to say this... Virgos frequently can see ten steps in advance in many situations (note I did not say ALL situations), and usually we are very good at it. As a result, there is frequently a block in seeing when there just might be other options, other possibilities, or other motivations when it comes to a situation, a person, or an idea. Virgos are generally very precise and can recite to you exactly where they were at at on 5/14/2005 at 10 pm, along with being able to tell you the capitals of all 50 states, reciting the periodic table, and being incredibly talented at their personal hobbies (ok that might be an exaggeration). What comes along with this mentality is a tendency to take for granted our own somewhat linear, precise thinking. In being able to tell you all that, we also think that we can extrapolate to situations that are possibly too complicated or in too 'gray' of an area to be clear cut and defined. Virgos like rules and categories, and if there isn't a rule or a category, we'll make one. We always think we 'know' when sometimes we don't.

SO... What that means is, many Virgo's pride themselves on their intelligence and their ability to 'know.' You need to present your argument in a logical, but directly honest way that points out the fact that your son may NOT know another person's entire situation and he may NOT be able to label or categorize an entire situation based on what he knows... AND THAT'S OK. Virgos, being natural helpers, want to assist. Sometimes it is ok for him not to assist, and in fact, sometimes those directly honest opinions that he has are just that- OPINIONS. Please make sure that you emphasize that it's ok for him to want to be honest with others and to have his own opinions, but help him to realize that there is a time and a place to help others (ideally when they ask for it) and also help him to realize that he may not always agree with others and vice versa. Also emphasize that the way he communicates his opinions is very very important and that not everyone is going to respond positively. Being sensitive to others, I think, is actually a natural Virgoan skill, when applied correctly.

Honestly, being a Virgo myself, I've experienced enough push back from people in 'polite company' to know when to express myself and when to keep my mouth shut, and that's just a function of age and learning. Chances are, your son has already experienced the same thing to a greater or lesser degree in his peer group and he'll learn to cope over time. The best thing you can do is be supportive and again, emphasize that it's ok to have opinions, but that doesn't always mean that he KNOWS, and to be sensitive to the reactions of others.