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Author Topic:   MAJOR CODEPENDENCY
swampys
Knowflake

Posts: 553
From: St. Louis, Missouri, USA
Registered: Feb 2013

posted June 24, 2013 01:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for swampys     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What aspects lead to severe codependency?

I am completely codependent with this man who does not love me. He would boost my confidence but sometimes he'll completely ignore me and when that happens my WHOLE LIFE feels empty and pointless. He is NOT a good match for me; and at the same time I keep trying to convince myself I love him I know I hate him, too. I want him OUT OF MY LIFE AND I WANT TO MOVE ON AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE CODEPENDENT ON ANYONE EVER AGAIN BECAUSE IT HURTS LIKE NOTHING ELSE. Like, I "fall in love" really easily, too, and I just think that every boy I'll ever like will never commit to me and I'll just end up being codependent again. I want out!

I just can't convince myself to stop trying to talk to him, and to stop checking up on him.

If basically every problem in my life is linked to my afflicted 12th house Cancer 29th degree moon, I just wanna give up and kill myself because I'm tired of ultimately feeling trapped and like I have no control over how my relationships affect me.

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siralop
Newflake

Posts: 8
From:
Registered: May 2013

posted June 24, 2013 02:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for siralop     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Be easier on yourself swampys, dependency is awful and it's a hard habit to break but it's so satisfying when you do overcome it.

I don't think you need to look into your synastry to find what makes you dependent on this man (though I guess pluto/venus could be involved, especially if there's some degree of obsession), you need to look within yourself.
Most likely you always needed to be dependent on somebody and he seemed like a good candidate to fill that role. I'm speaking from personal experience here, I'm not trying to lecture you or anything, I'm dealing with this problem too (it's hard).

Start therapy if you think it could help you, first and foremost you need to build your self esteem, then you'll be able to love and be loved without your whole world shaking with every turn the relationship takes.

Hugs.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 43116
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted June 24, 2013 03:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
7th House stellium

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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sweet-scorpion
Knowflake

Posts: 1513
From: PA, USA
Registered: Apr 2012

posted June 26, 2013 01:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It worries me that you feel suicidal about this. I think you need to see a therapist, or a psychiatrist if you feel suicidal... this person isn't worth ending your life for!!!

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Co-dependency is complicated. But there IS a way out. And it has to come from within yourself. So you can't give up. Likely something in childhood or adolescence created the need to find a partner leading to a co-dependent relationship and going to therapy can help you find the root of this, and avoid it from ever happening again.

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swampys
Knowflake

Posts: 553
From: St. Louis, Missouri, USA
Registered: Feb 2013

posted June 26, 2013 07:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for swampys     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sweet-scorpion:
It worries me that you feel suicidal about this. I think you need to see a therapist, or a psychiatrist if you feel suicidal... this person isn't worth ending your life for!!!

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Co-dependency is complicated. But there IS a way out. And it has to come from within yourself. So you can't give up. Likely something in childhood or adolescence created the need to find a partner leading to a co-dependent relationship and going to therapy can help you find the root of this, and avoid it from ever happening again.


I already have a therapist but I'm too afraid to talk about this with her.

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Doux Rêve
Moderator

Posts: 3862
From:
Registered: Dec 2010

posted June 26, 2013 07:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Doux Rêve     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What's the point of having a therapist if you can't talk about things openly?
You know?

Just relax and tell them your troubles.
They're there to help you.

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tgem
Knowflake

Posts: 315
From:
Registered: Jan 2013

posted June 26, 2013 10:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for tgem     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've been through this. Yes, working on your self confidence is key. It's about commanding your own life and realizing how strong you really are. It is scary to overcome, but it will be extremely liberating when you do..good luck!

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starmoon
Knowflake

Posts: 632
From:
Registered: Sep 2011

posted June 26, 2013 11:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for starmoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by swampys:
What aspects lead to severe codependency?

I am completely codependent with this man who does not love me. He would boost my confidence but sometimes he'll completely ignore me and when that happens my WHOLE LIFE feels empty and pointless. He is NOT a good match for me; and at the same time I keep trying to convince myself I love him I know I hate him, too. I want him OUT OF MY LIFE AND I WANT TO MOVE ON AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE CODEPENDENT ON ANYONE EVER AGAIN BECAUSE IT HURTS LIKE NOTHING ELSE. Like, I "fall in love" really easily, too, and I just think that every boy I'll ever like will never commit to me and I'll just end up being codependent again. I want out!

I just can't convince myself to stop trying to talk to him, and to stop checking up on him.

If basically every problem in my life is linked to my afflicted 12th house Cancer 29th degree moon, I just wanna give up and kill myself because I'm tired of ultimately feeling trapped and like I have no control over how my relationships affect me.


hi there. I suffer from this too, and it's terrible, I know. You see that the guy isn't a great match and yet you stay, or keep going back. I cannot figure why I do it either, or why every little flirtation means I'm in love. I see a therapist to help me (sometimes). I'm very confident in other areas of my life and not in romantic stuff. I have a ton of Pluto in my own chart, and that makes me very obsessed with people/things. I was just thinking yesterday that perhaps an ABSENCE of planets in anything typically romantic (like 5th/7th/8th) might make you more prone to this. The way I figure... if you have personal planets in those houses you can deal with issues of romance and flirting much better than others who have those houses empty. You will come to a point where you won't tolerate it anymore... that is what eventually happens. We all have a breaking point and sooner or later you will reach it and know you've had enough. Don't be too hard on yourself; I see it as loving, or wanting to love too deeply.

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mir
Knowflake

Posts: 1120
From:
Registered: May 2009

posted June 26, 2013 11:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mir     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
You will come to a point where you won't tolerate it anymore... that is what eventually happens. We all have a breaking point and sooner or later you will reach it and know you've had enough.

Got Goosebumps when reading this... but yess so true!

I was like this once, UBER codependent.. but rreally this finally *will* reach an acceptable/livable level.

And well.. just talk about it, just *do* it! (nothing to be ashamed about)

(also an afflicted moon here)

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swampys
Knowflake

Posts: 553
From: St. Louis, Missouri, USA
Registered: Feb 2013

posted June 26, 2013 04:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for swampys     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by tgem:
I've been through this. Yes, working on your self confidence is key. It's about commanding your own life and realizing how strong you really are. It is scary to overcome, but it will be extremely liberating when you do..good luck!

!!! When he's not a part of my life I feel better about myself if I just do something else, but I'm just worried if he'll talk to me again later, I'll not be able to not talk to him. :/ And everything will repeat itself.

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