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Author Topic:   Trying to understand the mind of a double Cancer
Zander916
Knowflake

Posts: 45
From: Iowa City, Iowa, United States
Registered: Aug 2013

posted August 08, 2013 05:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Zander916     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I hope this is the correct place for this.
I'll try to keep it somewhat short.

One year ago, I was talking EVERY night after work to this woman at work. Sometimes only "goodnight".
I really fell for her and I was sure she did also but her not being in a position to go further with me, she may have been reluctant to admit to that. Months went by and all I really wanted to know was what was in her mind. I was wanting her to admit to her feelings, but she would not. Like a crab, she went every other direction.

Eventually, wrongfully of me to do so, I became very frustrated and annoyed at her sideways dodging. I came right out with what I felt she was doing and I said some pretty mean things about her.
This month marks one year. She says to others that she hates me and that I'm a "creeper" which I'm confused where that comes from.
I think perhaps she does hate me on some levels, but I also think she's incredibly hurt. I almost never see her now but if we cross paths, she immediately and swiftly goes for the nearest escape. We have been stuck in a room together with others before, only briefly, but she would nearly cry. One day, she yelled at me and said mean things. I didn't yell back or anything. After she was done, she cried.

There was one time that I wrote her a very very nice apology, not even expecting friendship, but just peace. Two other women thought it was a great apology, but it did no good. To this day, one year later, it occupies my mind daily, just trying to understand her. I still don't.

I am Libra Rising, Leo Sun, Gemini Moon, Venus and Mars Virgo.
She is Cancer Sun and Moon, Gemini Venus and Leo Mars.

I don't understand aspects greatly, but if it helps, here are the aspects of our planets. I am the left, she is the right.


Sun Trine Jupiter 3.59 69
Venus Square Saturn 0.02 -145
Mars Conjunction Pluto 1.58 86
Jupiter Opposition Neptune 3.04 -39
Jupiter Trine Pluto 0.09 59
Saturn Conjunction Mercury 4.45 84
Saturn Conjunction Mars 2.15 103
Neptune Trine Mercury 2.54 51
Neptune Opposition Saturn 3.43 -32
Pluto Conjunction Uranus 4.21 50

ANY helps is just GREATLY appreciated! I've had a year of just feeling crazy about this and I don't know if it's because of that, or feelings lingering, but I can't get her out of my head.

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Doux Rêve
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posted August 08, 2013 05:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Doux Rêve     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sorry to hear about your troubles

I don't understand what went wrong though..

If she didn't want to get involved with you, why is she (or was) angry / upset?

You have Venus square Saturn - could be about karma here, the Saturn person restricts Venus's expression - she doesn't let you express your Venus qualities.

I can't tell you why, it could be insecurity, fear, someone else, a job, moral implications.. anything.

But something's stopping her.

The Mars / Pluto conjunction is what makes it so intense and hard to let go, and the Saturn makes it hard to forget that person and truly move on..

When there are hard aspects to Saturn in synastry, it's really difficult to just stop thinking about the other person, sometimes years later, even if there are no more feelings, they still cross your mind from time to time.

I hope you'll get some closure..

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Zander916
Knowflake

Posts: 45
From: Iowa City, Iowa, United States
Registered: Aug 2013

posted August 08, 2013 06:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Zander916     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
On my phone now but thank you for your insight!
It's so "unreal" I kept thinking there has to be some strong forces at play here. At least now I have some understanding of that at least.

Yeah, your question about her is the same as mine. If she did not have feelings, or possibly was in love, then why such intensity of feelings a year later?

Thanks!

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Doux Rêve
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posted August 08, 2013 06:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Doux Rêve     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're welcome..

I wish I could tell you something to shed some light on your situation but I really don't know what happened.
Maybe she got hurt because of what you said? When you got angry?
Cancers can be very resentful..

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Zander916
Knowflake

Posts: 45
From: Iowa City, Iowa, United States
Registered: Aug 2013

posted August 08, 2013 06:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Zander916     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I said some mean things, which I still believe to be true as do many others. (attention seeker)
So, I think one possibility is I hit a very soft spot with truth perhaps. She has low self-image so she relies on that along with fancy clothes and makeup.
She's kinda chunky which REALLY bothers her but I didn't mind.
The 2nd thing would be friendship betrayal on my part.

I was completely wrong to do that, but even admitting to it I still believe it was truth. Just truth that didnt need to be said and exposed.
I felt I was being used for feel-good attention but on a deeper level than others. That was my issue.

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PiscesCancerTaurus
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Registered: Jun 2013

posted August 08, 2013 07:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PiscesCancerTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Zander916:
I said some mean things, which I still believe to be true as do many others. (attention seeker)
So, I think one possibility is I hit a very soft spot with truth perhaps. She has low self-image so she relies on that along with fancy clothes and makeup.
She's kinda chunky which REALLY bothers her but I didn't mind.
The 2nd thing would be friendship betrayal on my part.

I was completely wrong to do that, but even admitting to it I still believe it was truth. Just truth that didnt need to be said and exposed.
I felt I was being used for feel-good attention but on a deeper level than others. That was my issue.


As a Cancer, I have to say we are very feeling type of people. She might be even more so because of her double Cancer. Although you said that some of the things you said were true, that is not the point, if you care about someone you don't point out their flaws or at least not in a harsh way. Obviously you get that as you apologized to her but to Cancers when someone says something mean or hurtful to them, it will stick with them most likely for the rest of their lives. So to her what you said is still with her and my best guess is she thinks you don't care about her or that if she gives you a second chance that whatever happened between you two will happen again. She is probably avoiding you because she thinks you are going to hurt her again. Like I said before Cancer people are very feeling people. Emotions and feelings describe us well so remember that if you two ever talk again. Just some thoughts from a fellow Cancer.

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Zander916
Knowflake

Posts: 45
From: Iowa City, Iowa, United States
Registered: Aug 2013

posted August 08, 2013 07:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Zander916     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
PiscesCancerTaurus

Thanks for your input! I do appreciate it!

I've had many close relations with Cancer women (not always intimate). Somehow I draw them in without even trying to.

Actually, I was married to a Cancer for 4 years! However, she had Leo moon so she wasn't QUITE as sensitive.
Sometimes I'm confused by myself, wondering what in the world makes me do things like that. Maybe I'll have to post in the Personal Reading section to see if someone knows.
This woman is very VERY sensitive. Two months before this all went down another guy called her dumb. (another thing she has low self-image about). It took me 2 weeks to cheer her up. She would cry and tell me how she doesn't want to come to work and that if not for me she probably wouldn't come.

Man, what a mistake on my part but I did feel used and I did feel pinched into a situation I wasn't sure how to handle. Loosing control of myself. I've learned, but I can't let go. She put a hex on me I swear!

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PiscesCancerTaurus
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Registered: Jun 2013

posted August 08, 2013 07:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PiscesCancerTaurus     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@Zander916

I am kind of in the same boat as you are. I screwed it up with someone who pretty much meant the world to me and now it is also going on a year without any communication. However, my person isn't quite as emotional as your person. I agree though, it is hard to let it go when you hurt someone you care about. I guess all you can do if you really want her back in your life is to just try talking to her and let her know that you are sorry and that you are there for her. Wait for a little bit, if she comes to you then work on it from there, if not well then I guess take it as a lesson learned.

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Faith
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posted August 08, 2013 07:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Faith     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by PiscesCancerTaurus:
Obviously you get that as you apologized to her but to Cancers when someone says something mean or hurtful to them, it will stick with them most likely for the rest of their lives. So to her what you said is still with her and my best guess is she thinks you don't care about her or that if she gives you a second chance that whatever happened between you two will happen again. She is probably avoiding you because she thinks you are going to hurt her again.

^ This

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Zander916
Knowflake

Posts: 45
From: Iowa City, Iowa, United States
Registered: Aug 2013

posted August 09, 2013 02:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Zander916     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh, to give you an idea of the power of this situation.

We used to work in the same department. Then I took a promotion and switched to another area. It still wasn't good enough for her. She actually changed shifts!! 8 months after it happened!

But yeah... that Saturn thing must be crazy strong. I don't feel like I want her and even though this sucks I think it's best because I didn't see a solution had we remained friends. I love her, regardless of whether I actually want her or not.
I always think about her, try to see her, or even better smell her, but without her seeing me. Not to be creepy, but because if she sees me she gets this... negative look on her face and charges away from me. It just kills me to see her do that!

However... I don't know if it's the Leo Sun, or Gemini moon... but on the very few occasions that we cross paths for a moment. I stay stone cold. I look her in the eyes and keep this steady, cool... kind of... I couldn't be bothered to care less. I just don't want her, or anyone there to know my vulnerability. Just because it's difficult enough to deal with in my own head and heart without anyone else thinking they have power.

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Odette
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posted August 09, 2013 02:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I really think you should move on - because as a fire sign .. there is nothing like a double Cancer to completely dampen your enthusiasm, drain your energy levels and make you feel guilty for things you've never even done... one drop of water at a time (and completely unintentionally).
So think about number one (which is -you- .. not her) and just let it go.

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Odette
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posted August 09, 2013 02:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Odette     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
DP.

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Zander916
Knowflake

Posts: 45
From: Iowa City, Iowa, United States
Registered: Aug 2013

posted August 09, 2013 03:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Zander916     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks Odette.

Since you put it that way... it does make sense. Some of my fire is gone. Everywhere I go it just doesn't burn with the same intensity.

I'll keep that in mind for sure. I'm a Leo darn it! I will own... and I will burn.

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