Posts: 65
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Registered: Jan 2013

posted October 16, 2013 02:09 PM            

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Last night, we stayed over in NYC at his daughters college apartment. I went to bed early as we had a very long day. His daughters roommate came home and they stayed up awhile longer. As I was falling asleep, I noticed he sounded kinda flirtatious with her, but just smiled and thought, there goes the charm. Twenty minutes later, woke up, it was still going, blew it off again, went back to sleep. Hour later woke up, it seemed to be there established form of communication. At this point, I started listening. His daughter was there but it was these two talking, laughing, and he had the whole voice and laugh thing. I listened for a bit more and thought, really???? He's having a flirt fest that keeps waking me up. At this point, I had to pee, I had no intention of talking to them but I missed the bathroom and apparently my disdain for their conversation showed on my face, as I silenced the room. I went to bed and ignored him when he came in. The next day, I confronted him and he did have the decency to admit it was going on and admitted that he felt it harmless but a bad precedent for setting how they would interact and not respectful to me. Don't get me wrong, we both flirt, my friends lightly flirt with him, he's a charming sexy guy. I guess it felt different for two reasons. One, I wasn't there and assumed asleep and it was a whole tone for how they interacted, not just a few comment. And, she is like twenty five!!! He's in his early 50s though looks younger. I do trust him not to cheat, I know he loves me, but this incident really threw me. The next morning the roommate wouldn't look me in the or say good morning but she did have a big chirpy good morning for him. This sucks. He will be visiting and staying there in the future, and I don't want this to be a source of friction. I didn't get mad at him, we had a good talk, but I feel so sad today. I am a Cancer. I give him tons of love and affection and appreciation. How do I work past this? Right now, I'm in my shell and though I know it will soon pass, I feel like I never want to speak to him again.

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Posts: 186
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Registered: Aug 2009

posted October 17, 2013 04:09 AM            

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I have cancer AC and lots of scorpio in my chart. Im very loyal and non-flirty woman, but have all my life been attracted to pisces/aqua/aries/gemini influenced men who tend to be flirty haha. So Ive given it a thought.
At the beginning any kind of flirting (othersī flirting in front of me and even any kind of flirting directed to me, to which I never responded) made me feel very insecure, but Ive become more secure and I feel more attractive now and... surprise suprise.. more prone to flirt. It is human to please and to want to please, and if you feel attractive, it is a way to confirm to others "you are attractive" and "I am attractive". A smile or a word "you look handsome today" is pretty harmless. But there are limits of course.

I would not flirt openly and insistently in front of a boyfriend, but if my boyfriend (dont have one now) was not there and someone I liked as well gave me attention and wanted to talk, I see no reason to refuse. But keeping it light and funny of course, nothing else. Doing the same thing in front of my partner... mmmm... maybe yes, but more toned down.
I think that your scorpio was just flattered (at 50 they may start having doubts about their attractiveness deep down....) by this young girlīs attention and it is human, nothing serious. He maybe crossed the limit, chatting there some hours with her, you being there as well. Her behaviour the next day is a teenage thing. I sometimes visit my grown up son in his flat and if he has friends, we can also talk for hours.
Cancers take things too seriously, I know... Are things ok now?
Sometimes we unconsiously attract partners who teach us the most vulnerable things about ourself. So I think that it shows more than anything how secure you are about yourself.

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Posts: 6167
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posted October 17, 2013 08:54 AM            

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rosedl,

It's a silly mid-life crisis that he displays. He ought to be given a cold shower. It will all pass. He ought to be ashamed of himself. I think his daughter should step in and put an end to this. I'm a tad younger but in the same age group as him (yes, a family man). I work in NYC.

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Posts: 65
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Registered: Jan 2013

posted October 17, 2013 03:12 PM            

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Thanks for the replies

I think I am feeling badly about myself lately, so the flirting triggered me more then usual. This has been a challenging relationship in regards to his unfinished connections with other women (resolving) and a lack of clarity around future goals and life dreams together. We openly are working on our issues, but at times, I feel the issues are too much given my trauma and abuse history and struggles with low self worth. I think I do pretty well owning it, but I feel so vulnerable in some of these areas, it feels at times all I do is manage my emotional reactions. He still maintains connections with his ex on a farm that they built over 30 years around the land and practicalities. Normally, mild flirting is not a big deal, but it was weird listening of how he was when I am not around. I was asleep in next room. And, I am sleeping in his daughters room surrounded by photos of him, his ex, and their old life. They are divorcing and separated and living apart for a decade with no type of conjugal relationship for longer then that but he broke up with me six months ago because finalizing the divorce became an issue with us.
Beyond these Obviously loaded issues, I just am struggling with deep rooted insecurities and getting in touch with core beliefs I am surprised I hold. Shame and inadequacy are a theme.
Right now, I feel there is nothing I can do to live up to not only this relationship, but my whole life. These are emotional beliefs, not logical and though I can logically see that my view of self can be skewed, emotionally these low oPinions feel utterly true. Emotion mind. I don't always feel this way, btw. The extent of negative thoughts is making me think this is tied into my reoccurring depression. In fact, I am sure of it because it is so total and deep. Lots of times I may struggle with these feelings here or there, but right now it is blanket, across the board self recrimination. I am not that angry with him, I am slightly hurt and discouraged. I am taking space because I am so vulnerable currently, I don't want a emotional reaction yo make things worse.

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Posts: 186
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Registered: Aug 2009

posted October 18, 2013 02:17 AM            

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Can you list your and his placements, including north node?

Do you have any natal placements that can be related to low self-esteem (Saturn-Venus for example)?

I had similar issues and always broke it off, but then came another man who did the same to me... the one I like now is also very flirty, but I like him so much that instead of walking away I have been forced to look into myself and deal with all this baggage... it s not easy.

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posted October 18, 2013 03:45 AM            

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He sounds like a lot of work and personally I'd sit him down to talk about these issues. I personally wouldn't stand for somebody like that (playful banter is ok, but hours of flirting? Hell no).

I think you deserve more. This has nothing to do with your need to loosen up or be less insecure...Any person who cares about another wouldn't like that being done. It'd rub me the wrong way too and I probably would seriously consider my future with the guy (take note he has unresolved issues with past women and no direction in life...That's two huge things that would cause me to run the other way).

One thing I've learnt from the past is the need to set firm boundaries-if the guy sees you overlook this stuff he's going to push at your boundaries more and more. It's about respect at the end of the day.

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