posted October 18, 2013 07:20 AM            

I am new here. I really would like to hear what you can see in my chart. I feel my life is pressuring me to end it by suicide, eventhough I actually do not want to die. I really would like to live. But as good as everything and everyone is blocking my way. And I mean that as a fact throughout my life. And now it just seems like an end since I have really lost everything.

I can't find a way out, and everywhere I turn for help is instead turning my difficulties against me. And the worst part of it all is that I am not suicidal - I am terrified of hurting my body in any way.

Please tell me what you see in my chart. Do you see my pain? My blockings? My difficulties? My life story? Do you see the end, or an indication of how to make my life into something at all?

I have made an album on photobucket. 6 different pix with Natal/Transits/Progressions/Solar Arc. I hope I have done it right.
Here is a link: http://s955.photobucket.com/user/AstridAstro/library/

Thank you for helping!

posted October 18, 2013 09:39 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by filleaspirant:
[b]Remember, we are not giving any obstacles we can't overcome. [/B]

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posted October 18, 2013 09:50 AM            

Now I have transit Neptune conjunct Mercury. Making misunderstandings bigger, and Mercury is also the ruler of my 12th house - the "house of suicide".

Saturn conjunct Moon in my 12th house - making misunderstandings bigger again and makes me innocently accused alot as well as isolated. My Saturn conjunct moon is connected to almost every planet and angle in my chart.

My progressed chart now has Mercury square Saturn (Mercury ruling the 12th and Saturn in it). Also progressed ascendant is sextile my Saturn. And progressed Moon opposite Saturn.

Mercury is debilitated in Pisces, as well as in the 9th/10th house, near by the MC (and square saturn and Neptune). Meaning I have disabilities in language/words. Unfortunately that does not show at all. I am a masterpiece in both speaking and writing if you only look to it objectively, but so my disability shows instead as me being rude because people constantly change the meaning of what I say into something I would never even think. It also makes my comprehension a bit slower, but because of pressure I have to think/answer people faster than my brain can think. Its either that, leading to saying things not entirely socially appropriate - even though the basics in the understanding should show me as a good person, but it comes out in a way that is not "socially correct", and instead for some reason makes me appear as rude or evil. Or I will have to let myself think long enough to give a socially correct reply - leaving me to instead have taken too much time and then being classified as stupid or they have left a long time ago...

Natally I have North Node square Chiron - makeing most of my efforts on my life path blocked by people or other mostly unnatural circumstances. Chiron is also placed directly on my 11th house cusp, meaning I have problems with friends, hopes and wishes. As well as Chiron square Ascendant - meaning everyone in my age group is constantly complaining and wanting to change something about me. The way I dress or the way I behave, or the way I function. Synastry Chiron square Ascendant stands for them complaining on something you do not want to change or on something you can not change. The last mentioned is normally them complaining on my disability - which they think they are sure does not exist (they think I am actually choosing to not reply, ignore or be rude to people).

Anyway, there is so much going on between the "house of suicide" and its ruler now. In real life everything is lost now. There are only closed doors, and I see no doors opening up. Everytime I knock on one, they slightly open and then close instantly with a big bang.

Saturn is also the ruler of my 7th house. I have tried to hope that it means I am about to find the love of my life. Progressed planets/angles aspecting the ruler of 7th indicates that mostly. But the love planets seem to have taken a break. My love life and friendships got lost 3 years ago. I have no idea what in my chart indicates that, except for maybe Jupiter entering my 11th, making Chiron on cusp bigger, and directly afterwords in to my 12th house of suicide, making all that worse. And now in my 1st making it apperant to everyone that I am a failure.

And I am just about to have survived a full year with Saturn square Venus...

posted October 18, 2013 10:47 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by filleaspirant:
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you, Astrid?

Seek help, PLEASE. Talk to a friend, talk to your parents, talk to a stranger... No matter what you might be thinking now, things will change for the better one day. [b]Remember, we are not giving any obstacles we can't overcome. :hug:[/B]

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posted October 18, 2013 11:13 AM            

I have been hanging on to my life all my life. I have never been able to actually live, except for maybe a couple of weeks or a month here and there over the years. My life is filled with pain because of all misunderstandings, because of my communication disability - which do not show! It is pain, isolation, loneliness and being innocently accused. Dreams are always let down and pain is never being healed, but instead increased each time its touched again. And on top of all that I am classified as a beautiful, strong person with no disability, who is appears to be very rich and successful. That is what others see. How can people be so wrong? So jumping into the conclusion of me being rude or evil is easy for people if I say something not entirely correct, since I seem like a person who probably have a great life.

posted October 18, 2013 11:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Astrid:

As a reply to your kind posting that I just found on here, I will say again that its not me that wants to die. There is just nothing left. I am homeless and without money, completely misunderstood. Nothing I say seem to be interpreted the way I have ment it anymore. Leaving no one to want to help or even care. There are obstacles popping up everywhere out of thin air. I am about to freeze or starve to death. Freezing to death means maybe loosing body parts, being disabled first. I think i would have to commit suicide before that happens. im in an impossible situation.

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posted October 18, 2013 11:37 AM            

------------------
Draconic > Inner Sphere

Natal > Outer Sphere

posted October 18, 2013 11:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FruitTreeFresh:
Emotions aside, let's tackle your financial situation first. What is the easiest job you can get base on your past experience? Possible to move out of town?

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Thanx a lot for replying!!!

I can probably get a lot of jobs. I work hard and are great at most things I do, but the problem occures when I have them. Some seem to like me, but there is always atleast one person who turns on me, makes sure I understand how much I am being disliked. And soon there are lies spread about me, and no one seem left to like me anymore. And misunderstanding after misunderstanding is popping out. To cut it short - I lose every job I have or I have to quit because of how badly I am being treated. I am terrified today to get a steady job. I do not want to be bullied, abused, horrassed, isolated or innocently accused ever again. I never had a steady job for more than 6 months in a row. And I am really to old for not having had that.

To get around having to quit or being fired, I started my own company a few years back. Freelancing. I was really good at what I did. One of the best in the country. But same thing happened - rumors or something. It took too many years to actually be able to have a normal income, but when I finally got there - suddenly no one hired me again... I don't know what happened. I never really do. Just something, and I am left to not know so I can't change it. No one tells even if I ask. (Chiron square North Node - being blocked, live in pain, not being healed, not getting anywhere on your life path, being kept to not succeed with anything, people or circumstances blocking all you try to do).

Also I can't have a job working alone either. I need a few really good people around me who knows me well and understand that I actually do have "a badly debilitated Mercury" (I only which the rest of the world knew about astrology so that I could only point at it in my chart to make them understand and accept).

I don't know what to do about this? I guess neither do you? But can the horoscope tell anything?

posted October 18, 2013 11:57 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Astrid:
Hi!

I am new here. I really would like to hear what you can see in my chart. I feel my life is pressuring me to end it by suicide, eventhough I actually do not want to die. I really would like to live. But as good as everything and everyone is blocking my way. And I mean that as a fact throughout my life. And now it just seems like an end since I have really lost everything.

I can't find a way out, and everywhere I turn for help is instead turning my difficulties against me. And the worst part of it all is that I am not suicidal - I am terrified of hurting my body in any way.

Please tell me what you see in my chart. Do you see my pain? My blockings? My difficulties? My life story? Do you see the end, or an indication of how to make my life into something at all?

I have made an album on photobucket. 6 different pix with Natal/Transits/Progressions/Solar Arc. I hope I have done it right.
Here is a link: http://s955.photobucket.com/user/AstridAstro/library/

Thank you for helping!

---

Gemini moon/Saturn in house twelve opposite Neptune. You carry a lot of pain with you. Others do not treat you how you would prefer. This causes you a lot of sorrow in life.

posted October 18, 2013 12:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoFish:
Wheres the positivity ?!

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I have been positive all my life. Always waiting for things to change or trying to make it change myself. But I am starting to think that the changing has to be done by everyone else(?). I have a handicap - I unfortunetly can't change that. I have tried all my life. I have come so far as from beeing seen as retarded or stupid as a little girl, to seem to be a successful normal person today. I see no more to change about myself. Maybe I could if others started telling me what I am doing to make them angry with me directly. But unfortunately they seldom do. Otherwise I see no other solution than for others to change, and start accepting people for who they are and stop judging immediately only because of a badly chosen word in a normal sentence. But they wont... "It's your problem, not ours".

Best solution would be to make the rest of the society know about the disability. I know for a fact that there are quite a few people who have problems in the area. I guess you do too. Astrology means we know the basics always comes back to more than just one person. I would really like to find some in my position (or actually not, I wish no one born like this). But my efforts of getting the handicap out to the society has been blocket as usual. I cant reach anyone. I have contacted authorities and scientists... and everyone I could think of, but nothing.

Im sorry. I have really been positive all my life. Otherwise I wouldnt have survived and come as far as I have. I am a problem solver, and I really thought I would solve this one. But my hope is as good as out now. I realised that no matter how far I have come - I have actually come no where. I mean, who else ends up with nothing, not even being able to communicate with a single soul, at about 40 years of age? I mean - after never having anything before either?

posted October 18, 2013 12:15 PM            

there's a little something called free will. you decide whether to kill yourself.

if you are feeling suicidal, try to talk to someone.. its better to let it out than keep it in regardless of what consequences may occur.

posted October 18, 2013 12:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Astrid:

Thanx a lot for replying!!!

I can probably get a lot of jobs. I work hard and are great at most things I do, but the problem occures when I have them. Some seem to like me, but there is always atleast one person who turns on me, makes sure I understand how much I am being disliked. And soon there are lies spread about me, and no one seem left to like me anymore. And misunderstanding after misunderstanding is popping out. To cut it short - I lose every job I have or I have to quit because of how badly I am being treated. I am terrified today to get a steady job. I do not want to be bullied, abused, horrassed, isolated or innocently accused ever again. I never had a steady job for more than 6 months in a row. And I am really to old for not having had that.

To get around having to quit or being fired, I started my own company a few years back. Freelancing. I was really good at what I did. One of the best in the country. But same thing happened - rumors or something. It took too many years to actually be able to have a normal income, but when I finally got there - suddenly no one hired me again... I don't know what happened. I never really do. Just something, and I am left to not know so I can't change it. No one tells even if I ask. (Chiron square North Node - being blocked, live in pain, not being healed, not getting anywhere on your life path, being kept to not succeed with anything, people or circumstances blocking all you try to do).

Also I can't have a job working alone either. I need a few really good people around me who knows me well and understand that I actually do have "a badly debilitated Mercury" (I only which the rest of the world knew about astrology so that I could only point at it in my chart to make them understand and accept).

I don't know what to do about this? I guess neither do you? But can the horoscope tell anything?

I am free as a bird. I have no home. I can move to the other side of the world if only I had a job around nice people...

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posted October 18, 2013 12:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Astrid:
Hi!

I am new here. I really would like to hear what you can see in my chart. I feel my life is pressuring me to end it by suicide, eventhough I actually do not want to die. I really would like to live. But as good as everything and everyone is blocking my way. And I mean that as a fact throughout my life. And now it just seems like an end since I have really lost everything.

I can't find a way out, and everywhere I turn for help is instead turning my difficulties against me. And the worst part of it all is that I am not suicidal - I am terrified of hurting my body in any way.

Please tell me what you see in my chart. Do you see my pain? My blockings? My difficulties? My life story? Do you see the end, or an indication of how to make my life into something at all?

I have made an album on photobucket. 6 different pix with Natal/Transits/Progressions/Solar Arc. I hope I have done it right.
Here is a link: http://s955.photobucket.com/user/AstridAstro/library/

Thank you for helping!

---

Don't let your communication disability get you down. My mercury 9th house conjunct 0 degrees aries sun is debilitated in pisces squaring 6th house neptune in sag and squaring 12th house moon in gemini and believe me it's tough but I don't look at it as having a disability even though I took speech as a child but I think I'm fine today. I love to write and sing and being of help to people oh and I love higher education. I love school. Focus on your strengths and things you love doing. Maybe you're more of a creative artist type. Alot of singers and artists I believe have mercury in pisces. Btw you are an excellent writer.

posted October 18, 2013 12:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
Gemini moon/Saturn in house twelve opposite Neptune. You carry a lot of pain with you. Others do not treat you how you would prefer. This causes you a lot of sorrow in life.

Neptune squares Mercury. They aren't saying what you long to hear.

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Thank you for saying something new, that touches deeply and right on spot. You are right. I am treated as if I am a bad person - when all I have done in my life is trying to make sure everyone around me is feeling good and appreciated. When I give, I mostly end up being used instead, not getting anything back (not even appreciation). I think it's because I spend my life mixing with bad people (MC square Saturn is supposed to stand for that).

But mostly I suffer because no one sees what I am capable of. There is so much I can do, that I am really good at. But for some reason, the once who care are never around - just those who don't, or get envious and destroy it for me.

posted October 18, 2013 12:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lunatic:
I ask for the same thing, good people around me. I believe it's very hard for sensitive, "nnocent" people to survive in this world. I hope you are going to find the strength to fight more and live a better life. I wsh icould help more

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posted October 18, 2013 12:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Astrid:

Thank you for saying something new, that touches deeply and right on spot. You are right. I am treated as if I am a bad person - when all I have done in my life is trying to make sure everyone around me is feeling good and appreciated. When I give, I mostly end up being used instead, not getting anything back (not even appreciation). I think it's because I spend my life mixing with bad people (MC square Saturn is supposed to stand for that).

But mostly I suffer because no one sees what I am capable of. There is so much I can do, that I am really good at. But for some reason, the once who care are never around - just those who don't, or get envious and destroy it for me.

Also I wish people who see my pain wouldn't petty me. There is nothing that makes me feel worse than when others look at me and only sees a failure. I wish to mix around those who can focus on my good sides and strengthens me. Those who only recognize my weakness and give me a helping hand when needed, but does not make that part the only central part of me.

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posted October 18, 2013 01:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gracha:

Don't let your communication disability get you down. My mercury 9th house conjunct 0 degrees aries sun is debilitated in pisces squaring 6th house neptune in sag and squaring 12th house moon in gemini and believe me it's tough but I don't look at it as having a disability even though I took speech as a child but I think I'm fine today. I love to write and sing and being of help to people oh and I love higher education. I love school. Focus on your strengths and things you love doing. Maybe you're more of a creative artist type. Alot of singers and artists I believe have mercury in pisces. Btw you are an excellent writer.

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Thank you for your reply! You seem to be more like me than anyone I met before(?). Sorry you were born under the constallation, but you seem to have done good with your life after all. Scratching on the surface of your text actually gives me hope. "If you can, then so can I". But then again - how can I?

I wanted to become a scientist since I am very analytical and logical, a problem solver who can focus on one thing for ages without getting tired. But I had too much trouble in school. They actually raised the damands for me 'because' of my handicap. I cant listen to a lecture. Every word that is new - I cant understand it. I need to make myself a picture in my head, otherwise it might as well be chineese you are speaking and the word is lost completely. And that is really how a lecture is for me - like in chineese. And reading is just as hopeless in new subjects. It can take me several hours to get through a single page. Those who help with learning disabilities at school couldn't understand my way of learning, or they didn't want to? (They treated me quite badly for a fact). Anyway, I am not stupid. I learn quite fast. But they blocked me... every effort. After quite a few years at the university i had to admit that I had failed. And that really sucks. I feel like I am a genious, but am forced to learn in a way that is impossible, giving no time left to study my own way... You didnt have those problems in school did you? Do you know what the difference can be in our charts?

You are right about it being good to focus on the strengths. I used to do that. Hoping that one day my strengths would be recognized and of good help in the world. That was what have kept me alive and smiling all theese years. But today, when I think of my strengths, I feel sad that they have never been of any use to anyone (but those who only used me for their own progress and then left me in the dirt). I dont know if its good for me to focus on my strengths anymore?

Thank you for saying that I am a good writer. I have wanted to do something with that quite a lot. What is holding me back has mostly been that I am not comfortable in my world. If I am not writing for the good of someone else, then I am blocked. I cant do anything for my own happiness. I need to make myself happy only if my happiness makes someone else happy. Writing that makes me realise how stupid that sounds. I really need to find the love of my life. For him I would make myself happy every day I have no imagination, so writing would be about my life, or psychology or maybe science.