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Author Topic:   Karmic Love Triangles: What's REALLY going on here? (8H/12H/Nodes)
IndigoDirae
Knowflake

Posts: 935
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted October 19, 2013 06:34 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So, I've been pondering this for the last week. I don't want to be presumptive, and I fear I'm biased, given my proximity to it. I'd really appreciate some assistance.

Without getting into the eerie art-mimics-life-mimics-art loop in which I've now found myself twice, I'll lay out the aspect / configurations and basics.

(He's also 13 years my senior, so I count outer aspects.)

To say we took each other by storm is both cliché and an understatement. There were deep undercurrents from the beginning. But what, and why, remains a bizarre mystery.

For the past 3 years, we've been involved, off and on, romantically and relatively intimately. We were costars first and friends soon after. It'd take a good half-year before we'd go beyond that. Then, another six months later, I got married, as I'd been engaged since before we met. He ended it, very suddenly, at that point. A relationship wouldn't resume (officially) until yet another six months after that. But it still hasn't, really, in my opinion, since - again - six months later. (Weird with the 6-month segmentation, I'm realising.)

That time was my fault; I'd become frustrated with delays on my current project (which had been an independent audio drama demo) and shelved it for the time being, which brought me unexpectedly in contact with my twin flame, after a period of detachment for about the last year. (Longest we'd ever gone without regular contact.)

Unsurprisingly, I fell madly back in love, as if no time had passed at all. Just wouldn't accept it until almost two years later. Things were said and done (but not resolved) that were long overdue, we both realised our time had not yet come, and, filled with even more bitterness, despair and confusion than before, proved to each other we couldn't go any further now. I broke contact for - yep, half a year - and returned to my previous project. But this time, giving it the status it deserved, having now learnt the ropes of TV drama series production.

While he and I are back in touch, just nowhere near the intimacy we had, the real shift didn't occur until this past March.

Let me explain as best I can.

My costar (and my twin flame as well, actually) is a schizoid personality, like myself. The fact that he (unlike my twin) suddenly decided to work diligently towards reconnecting his emotions - and with me - took me tremendously by surprise, as I'd shoved everything away after our breakup in 2010, despite our still seeing each other periodically in 2011, up until I reconnected with my twin. That was a bizarre, intense, confusing period.

I'd realised, since I was burying the intense sadness regarding feeling as if I'd lost my twin - again - that I may have done the same with my costar. Sure enough, taking the next few months to figure things out, I discovered I had. I've STILL not REALLY faced the depth of that pain or fear. He was one of the only men since my youth that actually incited a response borne purely of emotion. I'd literally pleaded with him not to end our relationship. I just don't DO that sort of thing.

Very long story short, it's been a complicated, frustrating - yet again, six months - but we're finally both reconnecting and to each other. Slowly. Glacially, heh.

I think I know why. I agree with my husband's assessment that he's just terrified by nature, and has no concept of how to approach or initiate physical intimacy. I think that's true to a point; he certainly had in the past. I had been the one daunted and unable to keep the pace! Well, THAT's changed. I'm actually ready now.

But for WHAT - is my question.

For starters, I KNOW this is largely as karmic as it is creative, but the themes are only now truly unfolding.

His chart, from study, appears to have a focus upon values, principles, and a moral code practically hardwired. And to know him, ALL that's quickly confirmed.

So, think of that for a second.

A dyed-in-the-wool gentleman, devout in his principles, squeaky clean in the morality department, falls in passionate, even obsessive love with a woman in an open relationship, which becomes an open marriage.

He absolutely could not handle it, at first. He'd finally admitted that he did so at all on the off-chance he was able to change my mind and 'win me' instead.

So, now let's think about THAT one.

Compare the above then to the sort who is actually secretly hoping, and mildly scheming, under the banner 'all's fair in love and war'.

Doesn't REALLY jive, does it?

Of course, he'd made it clear, then, as my husband and I were deciding (for practical reasons) to marry, that it would end our relationship, by design.

I didn't quite get that. Logically, it seemed ludicrous. But for him, it's all in the principle of the matter. By that alone, he found it fit to break both our hearts and drive everyone around us insane for a few months.

I did the only thing I could: I admitted that if it was to continue like that, I would certainly maintain our professional rapport, but I would end our personal relationship.

He was morally in checkmate, he declared, and from that point on, he stated that he'd only renegotiate our terms should he be confronted with becoming married. (But we all know how very unlikely that is.)

That's the status quo. What followed is everything I've aforementioned. And now we're to the 'glacially progressing' period.

Given our synastric dynamics, I suspect there's something deeper going on here - directly linked to his values and principles, his perception of them, and what happens, or is likely to, if he should 'bend The Rules' as he put it.

I suspect, personally, that he's waiting for something from ME. But I can't quite shake the feeling it's something karmic. That he's waiting for me - delaying the intimacy we had - until he feels this whatever is satisfied.

Hopefully you guys can dig in with me and shed some light. I know it's VERY much appreciated, as I'm nearing my wit's end. This is all - unbelievably - that makes sense.

Astro to follow.

(Also, if you've already seen the charts elsewhere, please dive right in at any time.)

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