posted December 04, 2013 11:28 AM            

I was very close to my mum for many years but she is very manipulative and mentally ill.We have fallen out many times,now i have nothing to do with her so it saves me the hurt and mental agony.

i feel for anyone else with this conjunction.it's tough.

so i guess i had to grow up fast..

posted December 04, 2013 04:59 PM            

The 'rents were hardcore & dysfunctional alcoholics. Even as a small child I sometimes had to figure out ways to get fed elsewhere...heck I've shared about how I made my own breakfast when I was 5 (figuring it out step by step) as I was too scared to wake my 'rents to feed me. By 11 (and I think 10) I was even walking a long way to a mall just to snatch free samples (and whatever food that was abandoned) from the food court. I also had to make their excuses at times. As a young child I was careful about making sure Dad didn't burn the place down as he passed out drunk with a lit cigarette in his hand (but was too scared to take it from him so I'd watch until it dropped or I was sure he wouldn't mind).

After the divorce (less said about that the better) she retreated to her room with a lot of morbid music, alcohol, and sad memories of her glory days that she'd pull me in on sometimes, and she'd get sick and other things from lack of food and drinking too much and of course I had to clean up after her and take care of her. Since she bought her brandy with the child support I felt justified in stealing her brandy to trade with friends for food (when she was lucky I even shared some of the food with her), and with that trade I also made my own school lunches which is why I had anything to eat at lunch at all. Mom called me in for emotional support (while being mean to me) a lot but when I ran away from home for 6 months and then came back I found she never reported me gone for fear of losing her child support. And then I found out as an adult that after the second time I ran away she continued to collect child support until I was 18 (over a year after). Dad's actually mad at me because I wasn't considerate enough to let him know I ran away from home so he could stop paying.

posted December 07, 2013 02:09 AM            

Mom is pretty narcissistic. As I got older, I realized I can never go to her with any of my problems because she makes it about her, i.e. how it reflects on her, how disappointed/upset she is, how much better she would've handled things, etc. How I felt was completely left by the wayside. I don't recall any sort of real comfort from her as I was growing up.

posted December 07, 2013 02:35 AM            

Sun square Saturn gave me an effed up dad too.

posted December 08, 2013 04:37 PM            

Now that she is 62, she is doing less house cleaning ( but still everyday )...

All the other moon aspects I have are challenging.. Mom had a cronic depression, since my early childhood till to the recent times she would cry everyday, constantly having nervous break downs but refusing medication... I remember myself being so scared that she would kill herself. I can't count how many times I walked around the house with terror in my heart, thinking she killed herself. This lasted over 30 years. Till I threatened her to kill myself. It worked.

Nothing is black and white..

She is truly a loving mom ( although when I was a child, she used to beat me a lot for the things I have not done. But the beating part was only for a couple of years. She stopped when she realised whenever she called my name and came closer to me to show affection, I was raising my arms and guarding my body automaticaly - a defense reflex I had developed.. ) Phew, as I am writing these down, I am having flash backs, and tear drops are falling..

Yes, believe me she is a loving mom. she is naive and very weak and had tragedies and a hard life.. Yeap, I wish she was stronger but well she is not.. I wish she would stop living in the past and spoil "now" for past sorrows dates back to previous century But well she hurt herself more than she hurt me..

Knock the wood she is doing alright now

Maybe having moon trine pluto has given me the strength to hold on and never leave her no matter how she made me feel...

posted December 08, 2013 04:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
Yup. When I was a kid, I was expected to take care of my mom, cook her food, bring her drinks, clean the house, bring the groceries into the house, put them away, do the laundry, mow the yard even though the neighbor did that some, too. She would have had me driving the car if I were taller and it were legal. I have moon trine Pluto, pretty close orb, too.

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