posted January 05, 2014 01:27 PM            

I wrote my Lilith experience in this topic (daydreamsheep): http://forum.astro.com/cgi/forum.cgi?pa=mobile&num=1325289211/360#360

quote:

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Ever since I was little, somehow I have always identified myself the most with strong female characters that are cool rather than the traditional feminine ones. I was also more tomboyish than feminine, and never really got too along naturally with other females like they could.
Also, I was very independent, introverted, kind of isolated from the rest even thought as a kid I did play with others. I was just different from others, but it didn't really bother me at all.

Then as I grew up, I began to discover and dig deeper into the darker places of inner. I have always been intuitive and had a fairly good understanding about myself and my own emotions. There has always been some hidden, darker sides of myself that I've hid from others, feeling that they'd probably wouldn't accept it, probably just judge it or feel uncomfortable/"scared" by it.
During my teenager phase, probably had transit #Plu trinning my 8th house #Ari stellium all the way from my 4th house (and transit #Sat was around my 12th/1st house I guess), was when I went through deepest discoveries, inspiration, as well as intense emotionally painful phase. My relationship with my mother back then was at its worst, it was very rocky as she was emotionally dependent, controlling and even abusive, while I had to be there for her even thought I needed support myself.

But I did begin to feel more belonging to others. As I grew up, I have found things I could identify myself with, with some friends, and so I've learned to belong with others and it made me feel less alone. I also feel that we all belong to this world, and this brought me some peace, even thought I can still feel that ultimately I'm still different.

But I feel that my own darkness is not necessarily negative - Lilith, being in the dark, is more accepting of other people's dark sides than others, since she can be understanding of it, due to her capacity to understand these dynamics. She is not the gentle nurturing kind of understanding, but she is understanding of it. The only thing she would not tolerate thought, is when people simply don't try to improve and even justify their own selfishness due to their weakness. In other words, it's ok to be weak but not ok to use it as a justification of selfish or destructive actions.
Also, Lilith gives this power of understanding, yet it's up to us to decide what to do with it - to destroy others, or to help others overcome their issues.

Also, I feel that I have to be honest to myself, and the moment I'm not true to myself, I get haunted by Lilith lol. Also, I feel that Lilith is the kind that would rather be alone than not being acknowledged by others.

All in all, I will quote my astrology teacher, as that resonates a lot with what I came to learn - "there's no knowledge in the darkness itself, but beyond darkness".
Darkness is part of our lesson, and it's not meant for us to dwell in it but to rise above it.

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